twenty one | romeo and juliet

─────── • ❥ • ───────

i felt like a whole new man after that night. sure, i definitely woke up crippled the next day and with absolutely no explanation for my family as to why...but i had grown over the course of a few hours. my eyes had been opened and i was suddenly happy with myself for once.

xiuying called me a 'weirdo' as per usual when we went to school, but was i really that weird? it wasn't her that got laid...at least, that was my stupid mindset back then. in fact, being in a romantic relationship put way too much power in my head. i needed to tone it down, but it's too late for thoughts like that now. it's all in the past.

classes were as brutal as they had always been, but the sneaky looks i'd share with hyuck or the giggles i'd get out of listening to failing flirting from girls i didn't even need to slap made the time pass faster. not only that, but we did tend to sneak off a bit frequently and do things we really shouldn't have been doing in school.

by now i'd say it was late october, and halloween was definitely coming up fast. i can still see the decorations lining the halls for the dance our school insisted on hosting in my memory, and the ambiance was different near festivals. like christmas, for instance.

i remember one day in particular our teacher was called out suddenly for some sort of message, and our class had been left alone for a solid twenty minutes. we went wild — even the weirdos beside me. i had instinctively wanted to turn and mess around with donghyuck, but i knew i couldn't. and that's when it dawned on me again that we'd never get to be normal. we'd never be that couple dancing by the fountain.

i wound up standing from my seat and intending to head to the bathrooms to avoid the pandemonium breaking out. the weird part of this memory was when someone lightly held onto my shoulder — or, more specifically — a girl did.

she was one of the quiet few like myself. her uneven braids literally fell over her shoulders and made her look younger than she'd have wanted, and she had these big, thick-rimmed glasses to add to that. she wasn't unattractive really, just ordinary. plain.

"yeah?" i think i started, because she certainly wasn't ready to have the conversation she wanted. i wasn't all that masculine or in any way popular, and she was still practically shitting herself in my presence.

"i wanted to ask you something..."

"go ahead."

"not here," she'd gushed and motioned towards the classroom door. i wasn't sure where the hell this was going at the time, but i didn't think i'd like it. subconsciously i ended up glancing at donghyuck, and he was distracted with other people. or so i thought. every now and then he'd shoot his brief attention to me, and i'd know i wasn't out of the picture.

"maybe not." i didn't want to worry him, to be honest. i hated watching my man walk off with ladies as much as the next jealous partner, so i wasn't cruel enough to do it to him.

"please? haven't you heard the game that's going around?"

i most definitely had not at that time. not before she'd brought it up. i'm pretty sure i shook my head, because then she sighed dramatically like i needed educating and dragged me out of that classroom.

when we parted once alone in the corridor, she pushed her glasses up her nose in that iconic way and flicked one of those plaits behind her shoulder. "the halloween dance is coming up, right?"

"right."

"well, e-everyone's running around and looking for dates. there are going to be couple-led games and stuff, and anyone who doesn't have a partner gets a punishment. this is a secret in our year, obviously. but..."

"okay? what's the punishment? a flick to the forehead?"

"we don't know..." she mumbled and fixed her glasses again (clearly a nervous habit), "it's that group that decided on this sick idea, so none of us really have a choice. y'know, those guys out the back...smoking and taking drugs and whatever else they get up to."

"i don't buy it. just don't go, or better yet," i'd tried to be clever and clapped my hands once together, "gang up on them. there's like five or six of them."

"but it's social suicide not to go!" she insisted and whined like a child while grabbing at my arm. i did not need clingy girls in my bubble, and this was already suffocating me. "i want to talk to people there."

"do that now. in the classroom."

"what's it to you, anyway?" she'd pulled away and folded her arms with this challenging look i couldn't fight. "you should be glad you're being asked. and the games require kisses and stuff like that. what do you lose from this?"

uh, literally my pride as a closet gay, i think. she wasn't giving me escape routes, and i felt cornered like a little lamb. "would you honestly feel like you've achieved anything by kissing me? i mean, really?"

"a-any boy is good," she suddenly blushed and tucked literally no hair away. i wasn't entirely sure if she had some sort of thing for me, or if this persistence was just a feminine attribute...but i wanted to kill it. "besides, you're as big a virgin as i am. stop being a coward!"

please, i know you're cackling as much as i am right now. remembering it, that is. but in that moment, i wasn't at all amused. i wanted to tell her how much of a slut for a certain boy i was and how well i took it at least twice a week. but again, i couldn't. social norms and all that shit. "whatever, don't come at me if i'm a shit date!"

"you won't be!" she hissed as if that was some sort of insult and stormed back inside. maybe she really did like me, but i was too oblivious. still am, really.

the rest of the class — once the teacher had returned — went reasonably well. i had a couple of paper balls thrown at my head like the rest of us in the front row, maybe a sticky note passed to me that i didn't pass on...but otherwise fine.

hyuck seemed pretty frustrated when he secretly grabbed me and shoved me into the unused toilets we'd adopted since our first encounter with oral sex that went horribly wrong. it was break time again, and his face was pretty as he sized me up. "what'd she want?"

"who?" i feigned ignorance, wandering over to the mirrors and sitting up on the sinks.

"that girl from earlier. i dunno her name."

when i thought about it, neither did i. but that didn't actually bother me. "halloween dance," i hummed and swished my feet backwards and forwards. "we're dates now apparently. hey, do you know what she means by the criminals in our year suggesting a game?"

he lost me at 'dates' though, it appeared. his brain started to whir and he gritted his teeth. "turn her down. you'll have to kiss her at the end of the night."

"and you? aren't you going?"

"well...yeah."

"with?"

"nobody important."

"the bitch with the crush on you, right? the whole class has been wedging you two together this whole time. even those girls who flirt with you and pretend they're not. don't patronise me over one lady who's shown an interest."

"you're different though!" he'd fought me. and i was so sick of fighting since we did it all the time, but these arguments built our characters, and he made me the somewhat more confident guy i am today.

"how?! how am i different?"

"you're..." he was exasperated, lost for words. i was annoying him, but i loved it. he never got this way for anyone else but me. he only cared enough for me.

"c'mon, explain it to me babe," i pouted condescendingly and slid down to wander over and get up in his face. "what's so different about me that i can't do as you do?"

"you've never been anyone else's."

well, that had definitely not been the answer i'd expected at the time. i was waiting for more jealousy, more flustered hyuck. but he held his own. "what...?"

"i've been with others, and i've seen and felt what they're like. but you've only ever been with me, and i don't want anyone to change that. not even some stupid, nameless chick we don't give a shit about. your mouth, and your skin, your moans...all of it. how could i ever share it with someone else?"

"but i'm sharing you!" i'd retaliated. i know i was tearing up then, the memory gets blurry and my chest feels sore right now just recalling it. "every damn day i'm listening to them talk about you. play with you. i'm that nobody at the front entertaining your friends' dumbass humour, while you're playing along with those whores."

"they're not whores, renjun. chill."

"then let's go with our separate dates, yeah? or are we about to come clean and go together?"

"renjun..."

i honestly didn't expect him to respond any differently. i was quite good at leaving him speechless when i needed to. all he could do was submit as i backed away from his face and fixed his uniform collar. "that's what i thought. we're straight, right? this is the way it needs to be."

"don't kiss her."

"have i a choice?" i whispered, leaning in and catching his lips softly just to taste that faint flavour of apple from his lip balm. "we're as pathetic as romeo and juliet...yet worse. my romeo can't even come to my window."

"i...i love you."

"mhm, i love you too." he looked as though he was on the verge of a breakdown, and forced me up against the sinks again. initially i'd believed he'd mess around a bit and leave it there, but i was sorely mistaken.

i limped out of that bathroom back to my seat after having mirror sex of the rough category. everyone else had already gotten ready for this class, and watched as we separated at the door. his little friends wanted to know what he was up to.

i could only laugh.

─────── • ❥ • ───────