sixteen | our first

─────── • ❥ • ───────

it was still so hot, but not as bad as it had been. what i tended to hate most about summer was that by the time my whiney ass got used to the temperature, it would cool again. these days i take some cold showers, but i'm not entirely sure if it's for my shocking mental health, or to kill off the heat. i blame both, and it was that summer's fault.

anyway, ever since hyuck and i had cleared the air that day in the halls and established that we were in fact a couple, things got way easier. it wasn't as difficult to create scenarios to be together anymore, or worry about what came next when we kissed and touched. my anxiety had mostly subsided as well, and now i was just an internal bitch with a snide smile most of the time while watching girls fling themselves at him and fail miserably.

i was the window in their way. and i loved flicking that switch to swipe them off like insects stuck to glass. they just couldn't tell it was me yet.

i had also started accumulating the embarrassing videos he'd been taking of us, and i found a nice little cardboard box to put them in. they stayed under my bed since nobody went into my room unnecessarily, while donghyuck insisted his parents used snoop a little to make sure he wasn't up to something. i wanted to know what they were worried about, but he wouldn't answer that. i thought it was probably boy treasures like magazines or something...now i know differently.

but the day i found that box was a funny one. i might've mentioned this before, but i'll tell the full tale now.

i was humming some sort of song from the eighties (since that was literally all i knew) and pushing all the tapes into neat piles to stack inside. i had stuck sheets of paper on the inside with glue and intended to decorate them at a later time. the same for the outside, but i hadn't started that yet.

hyuck wandered into my room with a glass of water my mother had probably poured for him. "what're you doing?" he had asked so causally, sitting down on the bed and watching intently.

i continued to place all fourteen of them to date inside, making sure none of them were damaged yet. "these are those recordings, you know? i'm keeping them safe."

"what if someone finds them?"

"they won't. and we don't really have a video player anyway; not one that works. xiuying doesn't come in here because apparently it smells like shit."

"not really."

"i know. and my parents despair of the heat since my window reflects a lot of light. they knock and ask me to emerge if anything, but that's about it."

"nice." he drank most of the contents of the glass before carefully placing it on my bedside locker and leaning over his spread legs to watch again.

"would..." i started a question, but i wasn't sure if i should've finished it. he didn't really answer what i asked him unless it was general or irrelevant. he seemed intrigued though, and urged me to continue. i wish he had shown more enthusiasm for the other things i wanted to ask. "well, how would your parents react to finding out you're...y'know...g-gay?"

he chuckled lightly and checked to see if the door was closed, which it wasn't. we weren't allowed to 'because of the heat' they said, but really they meant a different kind of heat. i could tell. "they already suspect it. in fact, i'm almost certain they already know."

"what?!"

"shhh, renjun. do you want your family to kick me out?"

"no..."

"so keep it down," he playfully kicked my arm. "anyway, they don't care. we're city people at heart, and out there the prejudice is way smaller. i didn't know i was gay then, obviously. or bisexual or whatever. i only discovered that when i envisioned you on your desk."

"yeah, no need to continue that part," i grimaced and kept stacking the last of the tapes. "so they really wouldn't mind?"

"nope. i don't think so. but i want to keep this secret as badly as you do to avoid bullying here, and to avoid losing you over a family dispute. let's keep things the way they are, yeah?"

"of course. i wouldn't risk anything." i then relaxed and pulled out a roll of labels left over from the stationary stash. i peeled one off and smoothed it onto the box, satisfied with my work. "look, i'm so talented."

"what's the label for?"

"here," i grinned like an idiot and used a permanent black marker to scrawl 'our first' onto it. "all done."

"what the fuck is that supposed to mean?" donghyuck burst out into laughter, clutching his small stomach and wheezing through tears. "renjun, our first what? we haven't even had sex yet."

"shhhh! it means our first summer, asshole. our first boyfriend, our first adventure. why would it refer to our first time?!"

"babe, that's a title of a sex tape if i ever did see one. jesus."

i smacked his leg when he kept laughing, and i was hurt because i thought i had been really clever about it. it took energy and thought to come up with it, and now i really could see what he meant. "ugh...should i change it?"

"no, keep it. i fucking love it."

"you're laughing!"

"because you're so precious," he giggled and flopped backwards onto the mattress to let his lungs ride out their course. i was glad at least one of us found it amusing, and i still have that box right under this bed. in my new apartment. it has that worn label on it as well, but i sort of had to tape it after a year because it was peeling from age.

mum came up and knocked on the wall beside my door at the same time as xiuying's arrival. they stared at us like we were aliens...probably because this was first time they'd seen such a genuine smile on my face in years. i was never as happy as when i was with him. with hyuck. he was still dying of laughter, but the girls seemed to find it endearing after a while.

"everything okay?" mum enquired and tilted her head curiously.

"mhm, he's being dramatic," i scoffed while subtly hugging the box a bit closer to hide the label. "what's up?"

"heard the commotion," xiuying narrowed her eyes. "you're both so weird."

"ying!" mum tapped her over the head.

"what?! it's true!"

"leave them alone," she sighed and returned her sights to me. hyuck finally sat up and wasn't cackling quite so much. "dinner's soon. you staying, donghyuck?"

"sure, if you don't mind it."

"not at all. you're always welcome." and with that, they both disappeared again to leave us alone. a part of me was weirded out that they never even questioned the random box i was holding, but i supposed they were done wondering what i was up to. i was a bit like my boyfriend in that regard...i told them very little.

we waited it out for a brief couple of minutes to make sure they were well and truly out of earshot before i slid the box under my bed and hopped up to sit on the duvet beside him. he ruffled my hair a little and pulled me under his arm, resting his chin on my head.

"you're so cute, y'know that?"

"and you're annoying."

"i'll take that. it's true."

i melted into his hold and nuzzled my nose into his chest before whispering against it. "even when you're a pain in my ass, i still love you."

he tensed up against my body, and i wondered if i had said it too early. were the 'i love yous' supposed to come way later in the relationship? had i fucked up? but seconds later he swung his other arm around me and completed the hug, moving his chin from my crown to kiss it instead and burying his nose in my hair. "i love you too."

"really?"

"really."

─────── • ❥ • ───────