*

There are literal bright sparkles and shining beams on the dining table where the dinner is beautifully served. Proudly grinning and giving himself a nice pat on the back, Sehun wipes the sweat off his forehead after untying the ribbon of his apron. He smiles and claps his hands, feeling delighted by his creation.

"Bon Appétit!"

Looking at the full course meal as if it was ordered in a five-star restaurant, Sehun has realized just now that he might have overdone it a little bit. Why is the steak perfectly cooked medium rare anyway? Are the dumplings too delicious? And what is a bottle of red wine doing here? Where did those red roses come from?! Is this a homecooked romantic dinner for two?!

"Haha, was this too much...?"

Recap to the previous happenings, everybody in the Park household is away to attend their own business. Kyungsoo, Luhan, and Baekhyun are at the beach with Vivi for the dog lovers' gathering. Meanwhile, Jongin went back to his hometown to visit his sister's family. So that leaves Chanyeol and Sehun at home, just the two of them alone. It was kind of agreed that Sehun would prepare their dinner which he might have gone a bit overboard. He'll just take out those flowers and wine and they're good to go. Now it's time to pick Chanyeol up from his room like the VIP that he is. This might actually be the first time they're sharing a meal. Hope it won't get too much awkward.

"So... How was it?"

After Chanyeol takes his second bite, Sehun is expectantly waiting for the review as if Chanyeol was a critique. His eyes are probably wide and shimmering as he watches Chanyeol munch his food. No, he's not sweating buckets here. Of course, he's confident about his cooking skills. He's sure Chanyeol would love the dinner he prepared from the bottom of his heart--top of his heart--or whatever.

"It's good."

Sehun's expression lights up.

"Really?"

"Yeah. I almost thought this was cooked by Kyungsoo," Chanyeol answers honestly, looking at Sehun at the other side of the table across from him, "This is delicious. You could be a chef."

That was a compliment, right? Sehun asks himself, feeling honestly happy and flattered he might be blushing right now. It is indeed, that the fastest way to the man's heart is through his stomach.

"Enjoy your meal."

"You, too."

They eat dinner in peace; Chanyeol once in a while glancing at Sehun as they partake in the food, meanwhile Sehun meeting Chanyeol's eyes halfway. When they'd catch each other peeking, one would either look away or drink water.

What kind of atmosphere is this? It's still awkward. The silence is too heavy. The only noise that can be heard between them are faint chewing noises and clanking of silverware against the plates, accompanied by the ticking of the wall clock and the buzzing of the vacuum robot on the floor.

Sehun isn't easily disturbed by things, but this damn situation is making him lose his mind. It's too quiet that it's almost unbearable. What is Chanyeol thinking right now? Why isn't he striking a conversation? Is he bored? Is the food not actually delicious?

Or... is this all just a hallucination? That Chanyeol is not here all along?

Sehun breathes, clenching his fists, looking directly at the man feasting in front of him.

Come on, Park Chanyeol. Say something! Anything!

"FUCK! I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!"

...is what Sehun wanted to say, but he ends up blurting this instead:

"What's your favorite color?"

Chanyeol looks at the younger dude, blinking, feeling confused but intrigued.

"Huh?"

"Iㅡ" Sehun opens his mouth, gaping, realizing what he has just said out of context. Fuck, idiot! Get your shit together, man. You're better than this! "I didn't know why that came out of my mouth so-"

Chanyeol hums.

"Black, I guess...?"

"Just like my soul, then," Sehun replies mindlessly.

A short pause.

Chanyeol stares.

Sehun stares back.

The vacuum robot stops whirring.

Sehun laughs dryly, scratching his nape.

"Forget I said that-"

"That's not true," Chanyeol counters as if he was defending Sehun from all the lies of this world he has made himself believe in, "I think you're too good of a person to describe yourself like that."

"Then what do you think my soul's color is?"

"I'd say you're more like... On the bright side."

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah. If so, I'm the evil one here."

Slowly, Sehun shakes his head and inhales, totally disagreeing with Chanyeol's self-accusation.

"No. I think you're too good of a person to describe yourself like that."

"Then what do you think my soul's color is?"

"I'd say you're more like on the bright side, too."

"Oh, really?"

Damn, this conversation is going deeper. It's getting more philosophical, that they're starting to mirror each other's thoughts and beliefs.

Then again, why are they talking about souls now?

"Just like Baekhyun then," Chanyeol adds, muttering under his breath, letting out a hidden smirk. Perfect, I mentioned our common ground so smoothly. This way, Sehun could talk more about himself and-

"Oh, okay," Sehun replies.

Huh, what's with that reaction? Isn't he gonna say anything anymore?

"Can you pass me the salt?"

Chanyeol grabs the condiment and throws it at the other man who catches it with one hand.

"Thanks."

Another moment of thick silence falls in between them for about a couple of minutes or so. Sehun is almost done with his meal and is about to stand up to go grab some water, when suddenly, he hears Chanyeol slapping the table with his hand, creating a loud thud. The man covers his mouth with his palm and starts coughing aggressively.

"Did you-" Cough! "Did you put jalapeños in the dumplings?" Cough!

Chanyeol spits out on the plate, feeling his throat close up as the heat burns his entire mouth. His eyes are practically tearing up now from all the spiciness he tasted in the food.

Sehun can only nod at the question, totally dumbfounded.

"Yeah, I-I think I did...?"

"I'm not good-" Cough! "with chili peppers..." Cough!

Witnessing Chanyeol struggle from breathing, Sehun is alarmed, not knowing what to do. Chanyeol is now sweating hard, reaching for the glass of water beside him and gulping it bottoms up. It's still not enough to cool the burn. His face is beet red while his tongue's still on fire.

"S-sorry, I didn't know! Uh, what do you need?" Sehun asks, panicking hysterically, "Should I get you ice water? Medicine?!"

"Just get me something to cool down my mouth... Like milk."

After Sehun hastily fetches a carton of milk from the fridge and pours it in a cup, he runs towards Chanyeol in panic mode. He fails to see the robot vacuum on the floor, so his foot accidentally trips over it, eventually spilling the milk all over Chanyeol's clothes.

Splash!

Chanyeol quickly rises from the chair in reflex, avoiding the milk spill but it's too late.

Sehun's eyes widen, his hands trembling in shock. What the fuck did he just do!?

"OH GOD, I'M SORRY!" he yells, horrified and embarrassed. He tries to find something nearby to help wipe Chanyeol's lap yet he doesn't find any.

"No, it's fine. I'm okay," Chanyeol mumbles, brushing past Sehun's shoulder, and going straight to the fridge. He grabs the leftover milk and drinks it bottoms-up, before yanking some paper towels to dry off his shirt and arms.

Sehun can only watch on the side with slumped shoulders like he was about to cry. Ashamed and guilty, he can't even lift his face nor look at Chanyeol in the eyes.

"I... I apologize. I didn't mean to do that."

"Yeah, I know."

"I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have stuffed the dumplings with jalapeños. I even spilled the milk all over you. I was being clumsy..."

"It's all right. I'll just change my clothes and wash up," Chanyeol mutters, turning his back away as he walks off with soiled clothes and a burning mouth, "Thanks for the meal."

As Sehun is left in the dining room clearing up the table and tidying the mess, he curses himself nonstop for committing such an embarrassing mistake. If only he had remembered that Chanyeol couldn't eat anything spicy, this could be avoided. If only he had asked Chanyeol beforehand, this wouldn't happen.

It's entirely his fault. Why is he so careless and narrow-minded? He knows this is just a small thing but...

"Fuck, I screwed up..."

But why is this making him cry?

"You're so stupid, Oh Sehun... What a fucking idiot."

Why does he feel like his efforts went to waste? All he wanted was to impress Chanyeol and maybe...

Maybe felt appreciated by Chanyeol and liked by him or something.

"Damn it, why am I like this? I hate myself."

He's not a child anymore, for pete's sake. He's already an adult, a twenty-five-year-old grown-ass man, and yet here he is, bent down on his knees, wiping the floor, taking the literal meaning of crying over spilled milk. If Luhan or the other guys saw him like this, he's gonna get picked on for sure.

Stop sobbing and sniffing your snot. You're not a baby.

"Shit, that surprised me."

Sehun flinches, turning to glare at his ringing phone on top of the table which dares to disturb his dramatic monologue. Can't he just have a moment here, please?

"What the hell do you need?" He blurts out, annoyed, after answering the call from Kim Jongin, who also, dares to leave him in a situation when he needs him the most. He puts Jongin in speaker mode so that he can wash the dishes while talking to him. He's not in the mood to talk to anyone so Jongin should make it quick. "It's already late so just say it right away."

[Wait, did you cry?]

Sehun pauses scrubbing the plates.

[Hey, I'm just calling to check up on you! Then I'm suddenly hearing your voice like this? You cried, didn't you!]

This son of a bitch, Sehun rolls his eyes, squeezing the sponge extra hard. Thank god they're not face-timing or else Jongin's gonna see how pathetic he looks.

"Listen... It's seven-something in the evening, okay? I'm busy washing the dishes right now. What is it that you need?"

[I just wanna talk to you, is all.]

Sehun turns off the faucet and pours a few drops of dishwashing soap on the sponge. He lathers it on the plate and continues rubbing it in a circular motion.

[Can't I call you when I miss you?]

Crouching down the floor, Sehun flicks on the switch of the robot vacuum so it'll run again. He goes back to soaping the bowls as Jongin stays on the line.

"If you really miss me, then come home this instant."

[If I could, I really would.]

"Then do it."

[Kyungsoo and Luhan said you should finish your assignment first. Besides, I'm still having fun here with my nephew and niece. I can't leave yet.]

"But, but this is too hard... I need you here."

[I can't always be with you. Sometimes, you need to do things by yourself, too.]

"Yeah, I know... But I suddenly lose confidence when I'm faced by him."

[Why, though? Did something happen?]

"I messed up. I put jalapeños on Chanyeol's food then spilled milk all over him... The dinner turned into a complete disaster."

[Wait, what? Hahahaha! You were such a mess. Pfft! I wish I was there!]

"I shouldn't have told you, idiot."

[Anyway, that was just an accident, Sehun. Don't worry. Chanyeol won't fret over something like that.]

Sehun sighs deeply, shaking his head hopelessly.

"No, you don't understand... He must be thinking that I hate him, still. Considering what I just did... Yeah, I didn't do it on purpose but it's still... Ugh, damn it... I was so rude to him."

[Well, do you really hate him?]

"No... Why would I hate him? I think I even hate you more than him."

[Hey!]

"Just kidding."

[You see. Chanyeol's a good guy! Both of you are. You'd make great friends, really. So don't sweat over what happened anymore, okay?]

"I don't know, Jongin. Why can't I just be like you anyway? Why can't he be just like you? I can do and say anything to you. I'm comfortable when I'm with you."

[Haha... Right. You're way too comfortable around me.]

Sehun thinks for a while.

When he recalls a too comfortable moment, his cheeks suddenly heat up.

"S-shut up."

[As I was saying, it's not your fault. Just chill and approach things casually! Tell Chanyeol you're sorry and maybe give him a warm hug or something.]

"I already apologized to him, and no, I won't hug him. That's cringe."

[You're more cringe.]

"Stop."

[Or... You could ask him to play in the arcade with you then go eat at someplace nice. But don't get too close with him or else...]

"Or else?"

[I'll get jealous.]

That brings a little smile to Sehun's lips.

Pfft, what a sentimental guy.

Sehun abandons the dishes and leans on the sink, crossing his arms over his chest. That reminds him about Jongin asking for advice about Kyungsoo last time and now it's the other way around. Since when have been Jongin become dependable?

"Hey. How did we get close anyway? You still remember?"

[You forgot? We played a similar game back in high school. We'd talk about it all the time and then we started playing it together. Oh, and you liked Luhan too, and the rest was history.]

"So it was a common ground."

[Uh-huh. It was destiny.]

"Destiny, my ass. Pfft."

[But we didn't like each other before, right? You hated my guts for some reason.]

"You were such an asshole back then who always looked down on me."

[And you were an arrogant virgin that always got on my nerves.]

Sehun laughs. That's true.

"I love hating people back in high school, except for Baekhyun."

[But now you love everyone.]

"I... I only love Luhan and not you guys."

[Oh, really? You may not show it that often but I know you care about us a lot. You just express your love in ways you're comfortable with, and for sure, Chanyeol realizes that.]

"You... think so?"

[Of course. Now that I think about it, I'm one of the luckiest people to receive love from you. I feel so honored.]

"As I've said, I don't love you."

[I love you, too.]

"Jongin."

[What?]

"I really needed someone to talk to so thanks for giving me a call. I appreciate it."

[That's better. You sound happier now! So don't cry over some petty stuff anymore. It doesn't suit you.]

"I'm fine already. I'm hearing your voice now, after all."

The silence that follows lasts for over ten seconds. Sehun even checks if he's still in the call with Jongin or if they suddenly got disconnected.

"Hey? Still there?"

[Mm-hm.]

"Dude, don't go blushing or getting hard over what I just said."

[Anyone would blush if Oh Sehun would say that to them~]

"Goodbye now. I still have to finish the dishes."

[Okay, byeee. Remember to hug Chanyeol!]

Sehun may have ended the call, but the grin on his face has no plans on leaving just yet.

"Tch, he's so annoying..."

*

Fresh out from the bath, Chanyeol randomly grabs a change of clothes from the drawer right in the middle part. He slips the clean shirt over his head and straightens the crumples with his palm. Some of Baekhyun's folded clothes get disarranged, so Chanyeol takes them out and folds them again neatly, before putting them back inside the dresser once done.

It's five minutes past eight in the evening which is too early for bed. After the small incident in the dinner with Sehun, Chanyeol recalls his invitation to drink beer with him, that's why he's coming downstairs again to ask the other dude if he's still okay with it. There are some Cass in the fridge left and a few bottles of soju Kyungsoo and Jongin bought from the other day.

"Were you waiting for me?"

When Chanyeol spots him waiting innocently like a child, standing at the end of the staircase with his neck craned high, Sehun thinks about lying and making up a lame excuse, but he ends up just nodding instead, rubbing his nape, and tearing his gaze away, as he mutters timidly:

"Yeah..."

That makes Chanyeol smirk a little.

"Cheers."

"Cheers."

Two cans of cold beer collide against each other; Chanyeol drinks his liquor first while Sehun admires how the pool in front of them is exceptionally pretty at night. He then takes a sip on his alcohol quietly, sitting beside Chanyeol three feet apart, relishing this more comfortable atmosphere between them. The breeze in the garden is quite chilly but it's fine. The moon is shining beautifully above them and it's peaceful. The silence is a lot tolerable now compared to what they had during dinner.

"What do you think- / I think by now-"

They both pause after speaking exactly at the same time. Staring at each other, it's Chanyeol who smiles first. Sehun just clears his throat and drinks his beer, albeit a little flustered.

"I was just about to ask you what you think those guys are doing by now," Sehun says after he calms down.

"And I was just about to tell you I think those guys are probably finished having dinner," Chanyeol replies, and then he's taking out his phone, fumbling with it, "Look. Baekhyun sent me this picture. They're now heading to watch the fireworks festival."

A very short moment of hesitation overcomes Sehun, wondering if it's okay for him to casually snoop and peek at Chanyeol's screen. But when the other man is already tilting his phone for him to take a closer look, Sehun then initiates scooting nearer, peering over Chanyeol's shoulder.

There he sees on Chanyeol's dm's, a familiar photo of Baekhyun between Luhan and Kyungsoo. The trio has glittery face paints, and they're also wearing dog-ears headbands (Baekhyun and Luhan looking fierce and acting like they have claws, while Kyungsoo has a resting bitch face.)

"Wait. Luhan also sent me that picture."

"He did?"

"Yeah. Look, it's the same."

Sehun instinctively reveals his phone too, scrolling through his private convo with Luhan, and putting the device beside Chanyeol's phone like he was comparing the photos and proving his point. No doubt, it's just a similar picture. But the caption sent to both of them is different, though.

Not that Sehun is staring for too long at Chanyeol's private conversation with Baekhyun, but he happens to read something like, "Woof woof! I'm a puppy. Please take me home. ><"

"A puppy, huh...?"

On the other hand, Chanyeol instinctively reads out loud the text Luhan sent on Sehun's messages:

"Rawr, I'm a sexy beast...?"

Sehun hides his phone like a flash of lightning. He sits back on his chair, feeling slightly embarrassed. What the hell. Luhan should stop sending him weird messages from now on.

"Sorry, my eyes just went over the text then my mouth automatically read it," Chanyeol mutters, suppressing his laugh behind the can of Cass he's swigging.

Wait, is he teasing me? Sehun thinks, side-eyeing Chanyeol beside him. This guy doesn't look like he's sorry at all, though.

"Well, I did the same, too. But fortunately, I read an innocent one."

"Oh. If only you knew."

"I don't wanna hear it."

Chanyeol bursts out a soft chuckle.

Sehun stares, completely "mesmerized."

Did he just laugh?

"Wait, I'll just go grab more chips in the kitchen," Chanyeol says as he stands up, taking the bowl of snacks with him for a refill. Before he leaves, he also snatches the two empty cans with him to throw into the garbage.

Sehun attempts to help him.

"Oh, I can help with this-"

"No, it's fine. Just stay here."

Chanyeol returns a minute later, carrying two bags of chips, two shot glasses, and several bottles of soju. Chanyeol has this challenging look on his face as if he was enticing a drinking battle.

Now it dawns on Sehun that the night has just begun. He was a lightweight before, but that is all in the past now. If it was alcohol tolerance they're talking about, he's the champion and the king. The only thing that can make him drunk is Luhan's kisses, and not this "water" put in green bottles.

"Cheers?"

"Cheers."

Their glasses clink as they do a second toast, chugging the soju bottoms-up which is stronger than the beer. The heavy liquor aids in creating the vibe between them more comfortable and light, as if a layer of awkwardness they endured for the whole day has been finally stripped.

Chanyeol doesn't seem to have plans on starting a new conversation since the last one, so Sehun deems it's now his turn to do his part. After all, Chanyeol went an extra mile to have both of them sitting together, intimately sharing a drink which they don't and won't normally do on a regular basis.

"So, uh..."

Sehun is fumbling with his half-empty glass. He's far from being tipsy so he'll just say whatever's on his mind while he's still sane and sober.

"I just wanna ask..."

Chanyeol looks at him, waiting, listening.

"What is it?"

"Do you hate me?"

Sehun doesn't engage in eye contact with the other man as he's just smiling faintly. The question may sound a bit pessimistic but at least it's direct and straight to the point.

"We..." Sehun gestures at himself, then at Chanyeol, "don't usually do stuff like this... I know you know the two of us don't share that certain bond yet, unlike what we have towards the others."

Chanyeol just nods, crossing his legs as he grabs a handful of chips to munch.

"So I'm just saying. If there's something about me that you don't like, I'd appreciate it if you tell me now," Sehun mutters, trying to sound more assertive. "I mean, I sometimes tend to hate myself too, so I'd understand if you have negative feelings towards me."

The response Sehun is anticipating doesn't come out soon, as Chanyeol is only drinking and eating the snacks. When Sehun is about to talk again, Chanyeol then speaks.

"What makes you think that I have negative feelings towards you?"

"I don't know, I just feel like it. We don't frequently hang out so it's hard to tell."

"Yeah... I can't blame you for thinking like that."

Sehun lets out a deep sigh, shrugging his shoulders dismissively.

"I mean. You're everybody's friend, you own this house after all. When the guys need help, they can just go to you anytime, and somehow, I feel left out. Probably it's because I'm not really that close with you yet. Yeah, you treat me like a family too, but it's still different. And I can't also blame you because I do the same. While everyone's comfortable around you, me, I'm just... Here."

As he allows Sehun to freely talk, Chanyeol pours soju for him, refilling his shot glass.

"Luhan, Jongin, and Kyungsoo have known you longer than me. Baekhyun, too. You guys were already together back in high school so naturally, you already shared a bond when I wasn't still in the picture."

"Yeah, that's true."

"With that in mind, I think I need to make up for it now that I'm living with you. I admit I feel pressured, but I still can't help feeling uneasy around you. It's not like you did me wrong. In fact, you were kind to me, and I'm thankful for that."

Sehun subtly peeks at Chanyeol who's still listening to him talk.

"But since I'm acting indifferent with you, there must be something that annoys you about my attitude, right? I'll get rid of my bad trait and be a better friend to you. Because although it doesn't look like it, I just want us to get closer, that's all... So just tell me... What should I do for you to like me...?"

After all these years they've been interacting and dilly-dallying with each other, for the first time, Sehun becomes honest about how he feels towards Chanyeol. He's surprised knowing he can utter these thoughts as if he was confessing. Hearing it in actual words isn't that embarrassing as he expected it to be. His soul seems lighter than usual, so if Chanyeol tells him that he indeed hates him, perhaps he can accept it wholeheartedly.

"I don't hate you," Chanyeol replies after Sehun completes his heartfelt confession. "Why would I hate you? I have no reason to feel that way about you."

What? Sehun blinks, opens his mouth, totally speechless as if he was in a state of disbelief. He's not expecting Chanyeol to say it like this.

"You're dear to Baekhyun's heart. You were by his side before I even met him, and I can't possibly hate you for that," Chanyeol lets out a sullen smile, "Instead, I'm grateful for everything you did for him. I don't deserve to hate you, nor bear any negative feelings towards you."

Somehow, the misunderstandings and conflicted emotions Sehun had been feeling are right away replaced by regret, hearing these few words of affirmation from Chanyeol. It's too early to be feeling this way, but he feels like a tear is already gonna fall from his eyes.

"I like you, Sehun. I care about you and you're important to me, just like everyone else in this house."

Ah.

What is this?

What is this fleeting pain building up inside his chest? Is this guilt? Or is this sadness? All this time he made Chanyeol the bad guy by letting himself believe that the man didn't like him in the first place. Because of his biased assumptions, he's been blinded by his own, self-centered opinion.

Has he been oblivious about Chanyeol's true feelings all along?

"If I came on scary or intimidating, I'm sorry. I just didn't know how to act around you when it's just the two of us alone... And I honestly don't like it when I make you nor anybody feel uncomfortable. So I'm trying my best to be good to everyone by treating you guys nicely. If ever my efforts have bothered you, hurt you, and made you feel distant, forgive me. It's never my intention."

Because it is no doubt that Park Chanyeol, the man Baekhyun married, is just a pure and soft-hearted person.

"No. Don't apologize. It's me who's just dumb and awkward," Sehun says, and he's smiling for the first time tonight, "I guess my social skills just go into the trash when I'm talking to you."

"I think I'm probably just the same."

Looking at each other, they share a genuine laugh. Sehun does the job to open a new bottle, filling his and Chanyeol's glasses up to the brim.

"If so, it should be you who must be hating me," Chanyeol continues, "You have a reason to do that anyway."

Sehun does a double-take, studying the change in Chanyeol's facial expression.

"Huh? Why would I?"

Chanyeol leans back more relaxed on his chair, stretching his long legs. He glances at the moon and stares, yet his mind is somewhere else as though he has traveled back in time.

"In the past, you were there. You witnessed how I was. Towards Baekhyun. You saw everything."

Sehun doesn't need Chanyeol to elaborate more; he understands what Chanyeol means. There's a slight crack in the man's voice, showing a hint of his vulnerability.

"Can I be honest with you?" Chanyeol asks.

"Sure."

"Sometimes when I get to talk to you on random days, it reminds me of our past situation. I'd suddenly become aware of how different I was before. How you, a person who truly cared for Baekhyun, were there to protect him while I only hurt and trampled him. Physically. Emotionally. It was unforgivable. Then I'd come to realize that you must still hate me for that."

Sehun rubs his cold hands against the fabric of his sweatpants. He shakes his head to show he's no longer bothered by their rivalry years ago.

"No. It's all in the past now so we shouldn't dwell on it anymore. I already settled everything with you a long time ago. You already changed for the better. Baekhyun's happily married to you. I already found someone I love. And we... We're friends now. Everything's perfectly fine now."

"You think so?"

"That's what I wanted to believe."

"Me too, but we haven't really talked about our past conflicts as if it didn't happen."

"I guess, you're right."

Chanyeol swigs the shot of soju in front of him and sighs.

It's true. He and Sehun, they're not the same as they were eighteen. They're not teenagers anymore who have unstable feelings and petty insecurities. As they grow into fine adults, maturity also comes along the way. Time heals all wounds. Forgive and forget they say, but they can't just pretend they didn't care and they weren't affected at some point.

"You see. Just because I'm already a changed man doesn't mean everything had been good and okay."

Sehun nods to agree.

"And just because I've already fallen for someone else doesn't mean I wasn't hurt about what happened back then."

Chanyeol also nods.

"I think the reason why we have these unresolved feelings is that you and I didn't have the chance to"

"-have a proper closure," they both say.

Another silence envelopes the air as they offer this opportunity to drink their alcohol and reflect on their thoughts.

It's the inevitable truth. No matter how things are better now, they can never change the fact that they had caused each other pain, hatred, jealousy, and heartbreak in the past. Both of them are no strangers to one another. They're not just friends within a group. They're not just acquaintances who happen to live under one roof.

Because more than anybody else in this house, it was the two of them who had shared a deeper connection.

"I'm sorry for hurting you back then," Chanyeol says.

"And I'm sorry for everything," Sehun answers.

"Everything?"

"I wasn't totally a good person. I also said and did painful things to you. To you and Baekhyun."

"And I did the same. To you and Luhan."

Now that he thinks about it, Sehun didn't just harbor romantic feelings towards someone. Baekhyun was his first love whom he had been loving for almost half of his life before. Baekhyun is now married to Chanyeol, the only man Baekhyun had set his eyes upon. It was Chanyeol who made him suffer in the past, but eventually, it was also Chanyeol who had changed for Baekhyun through the power of love.

And right even before that, Chanyeol had a toxic sexual relationship with Luhan, who now Sehun treats as his lover, his everything, and the person he's planning to spend the rest of his life with.

It was all complicated, looking back at it now.

Sehun shoves his palms on his face, releasing a deep agonizing sigh.

Does Chanyeol think of these memories whenever they get to interact?

"Even if I'm already making up for my mistakes by letting you stay here and by being a good friend..." Chanyeol says as he touches his chest. He strokes it, trying to soothe the pain but it still hurts whenever he remembers. "I'm still being haunted by those memories I can't seem to forget... I'm still being punished."

Chanyeol laughs humorlessly and to Sehun, it sounds painful. He has no idea Chanyeol has been thinking about something so deep and depressing. It must have been difficult for him. It's not fair. He doesn't deserve to feel this way.

"No... Don't say it like that! You didn't do anything wrong."

"But I should still acknowledge that probably, this is why there's a strain to our friendship. You and I can't develop a new bond because I was the one who's holding back."

Sehun shakes his head aggressively, totally disagreeing with him.

"No, it's because I didn't do my part."

Chanyeol pauses.

"If I had only approached you earlier and simply hung out with you, you wouldn't have had these bad thoughts. If only I had acted like a man and told you that I wanted to get close to you regardless of what happened to us in the past, we would be joined at the hip already. If only I had hugged you like what Jongin said I should do, we wouldn't be having this conversation right now. So please don't just blame yourself. It was also my fault why we turned out like this. I was a coward. I was immature. But first of all, I was just embarrassed. So, if ever you get reminded of the bitter memories in the past, just think of what we have now. You and I, we're no longer those egoistic guys who only knew how to curse, get jealous, and hate each other because of our stupid pride. You and I, we're now mature adults who are responsible for our own feelings and actions. We now drink alcohol, open up our hearts, and share deep talks. Only real men do that. Although we're gay but that's not the point. We're still men. Just not straight."

After Sehun finishes his long-ass inspirational message, Chanyeol recovers with a gentle, fond smile, staring at Sehun with a gaze so loving and forgiving. He's looking at him as if he was the most precious thing in the world. He's smiling at him as if what he said was the most beautiful speech he has ever heard in his entire life.

So to you, it's like that.

"Thanks for telling me all of this."

Sehun quickly backs away, blocking Chanyeol's face with his hand.

"S-stop. Don't stare at me. My heart is fluttering right now and it feels weird."

"Yeah? How weird?"

"I... I don't know. But it's not a feeling of bad-weird. It's a feeling of nice-weird, I guess..."

Chanyeol laughs.

"Hm. That's interesting."

Damn it, this must be how Baekhyun is feeling everyday, Sehun recites in his mind, turning his back away to hide his blushing self and narrate an internal monologue.

Fuck, this guy's on a different level of handsome. His mind is beautiful. His smile lights up the evening. His voice is music to the ears. And he's cool too, and so gentle when he talks. Like every word he says is just touching my heart, cleansing my soul from all evil. No wonder Baekhyun fell for him. Why am I just noticing these details about Park Chanyeol now? I already forgot what he was like back then. He's now a different person and I admire this side of him. I think I like him. No, shit. I do really like him. But there's no way I'm gonna tell him that.

"Don't think of anything strange. My heart might be racing but it isn't romantic and sexual," Sehun explains, coughing to hide his embarrassment, "It's purely how you feel towards puppies... It's warm and ticklish."

"And you like it?"

"Kind of. It makes me calm."

"I'll take it as a good thing then," Chanyeol hums, snickering and swaying his foot over his crossed leg. That's a nice and creative way to say it.

He swigs another shot and shivers at the burning effect; he already lost count of how much liquor he drank. The only thing that matters now is this carefree feeling with Sehun, and he's truly happy. Genuinely happy. Is this what he can call reconciliation?

"By the way."

"Yeah?"

"Can you tell me how Baekhyun was like? Back when you were young?"

Sehun matches Chanyeol's drinking pace, downing two consecutive shots straight, and it has that umph. It hits the spot. It feels damn good and exhilarating.

He smirks.

Well, this is a surprise. Chanyeol asking him about some exclusive top-secret information which he, as Baekhyun's best friend, has the only access to? What a golden privilege he has that even Baekhyun's husband doesn't possess.

"So you wanna hear some childhood stories now?"

"Enlighten me."

"Okay, hear me out."

"Been ready since birth."

"So there was this one time in second grade when Baekhyun fell off the bike. He cried not because he scraped his knee. He cried because he also shit his pants."

"Oh... What a poor baby. He must've been so cute when he cried."

"And there was this moment back in sixth grade. We stayed in the classroom for self-study. Everybody was reading so it was quiet. Then Baekhyun accidentally sneezed hard and farted out loud!"

"What? Hahaha! Wait, I feel bad for laughing..."

"And right on the spot, I purposely copied him so he wouldn't feel embarrassed alone."

"I think I'd do the same thing."

Accompanied by alcohol and the moon overwatching them, they're talking and laughing unexpectedly. Why do words come out easier when drunk? And why are they sitting side by side now, the three feet distance between them earlier suddenly becoming zero?

One hour. Two hours. Three hours. Has it been that long since they were having this conversation?

After what seems like five bottles of soju, Chanyeol feels his vision already getting hazy. His surroundings are spinning and his head is pounding. He might throw up any moment and he can no longer drink. Meanwhile, Sehun doesn't even know what the hell he's been blabbering about anymore. He might be talking about how ugly Baekhyun's toenails were and Chanyeol could still be giggling and saying it was the most adorable shit on earth.

"He borrowed my toy truck... And said... That he wanted... A pink one... And that was why... we became best friends... since grade school... The end...!"

Sehun flails his arms one last time before he completely blacks out. His head drops on Chanyeol's shoulder naturally, so Chanyeol just stays still, sitting with his back straight and proper.

"Hey, are you asleep?"

Without bothering to get Sehun away from this quite intimate position, as Sehun is only leaning his head on Chanyeol's shoulder and nodding off, Chanyeol can only continue talking to himself.

"You see. I never had a best friend when I was young... so I'm relieved that Baekhyun spent a happy childhood with you."

He stares at the few drops of liquor in his glass and tilts it, before deciding to drink it for the last time. It tastes bitter-sweet.

"I'm jealous."

Sehun breathes as a reply.

"It must be nice to have that kind of friend who'll pat you on the back when you did great, then punch you on the face when you fucked up..."

Chanyeol looks at the sleeping guy beside him.

"Can I do that with you from now on?" He shakes his shoulder where Sehun's cheek is resting, "Hm, Sehunnie?"

It's already bright and sunny when Sehun hears the lively chirping of the birds outside the window of his room. The first thing he does as soon as he gets his groggy ass out of bed is run straight to the bathroom and throw up.

"BLAAAARGGHH!!!"

Good morning to him. What a nice way to start his Sunday. He feels like shit. His skull is being cracked in half. It hurts so fucking bad. How much did he even drink last night? And how did he even get to bed anyway? Did Chanyeol carry him to his room?

"Ugh, fuck... My hangover is killing me..."

Half-asleep, half-awake, Sehun crawls on the floor. He reaches the doorknob to close the door so he can go straight to take a bath. It at least clears up his disheveled mind, getting rid of his clothes, spraying his head under the cold shower, shampooing his hair, rubbing his soaked body, and probably also peeing at the same time.

"What should I do for you to like me?"

Sehun's eyes crack wide open.

"It was also my fault why we turned out like this. I was a coward..."

"You and I, we're now mature adults who are responsible for our own feelings and actions."

"Huh?"

Sehun stares blankly, reminiscing last night's events like a movie playing in his head.

"It's warm and ticklish."

"Don't stare at me. My heart is fluttering right now and it feels weird."

"D-did I say that!?"

"I like you, Sehun. I care about you and you're important to me..."

"Can I do that with you from now on?"

"Aaaaaaahh! WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!?"

Banging his head against the bathroom wall in pure embarrassment, Sehun cringes himself to death as the memories of his heart-to-heart talk with Chanyeol flashback in his mind. He finishes his bath quickly, just in case he recalls more shameful things he said and did that he'll probably regret sooner or later. He didn't try to kiss Chanyeol, did he? Nope. Thank god. That's not a drunk habit of his.

"Good morning."

"Morning..."

Breakfast is already served on the table plus a hangover soup when Sehun arrives at the dining room. Chanyeol, who greeted him first while drinking coffee, looks so fresh and sparkly as if he didn't drink tons of soju last night. Sehun won't ask the obvious anymore. Of course, it was Chanyeol who cooked the breakfast for them both. It's just kimchi fried rice, spam, soup, bacon and eggs, and coffee, but why do they look hella expensive?

"Did you sleep well last night?" Chanyeol asks.

"Yeah. I did," Sehun replies. He sits on the chair across from Chanyeol who only started eating as soon as the younger dude touches his chopsticks, "Thanks for the food."

They eat breakfast in peace, just purely enjoying each other's company within this newfound ambiance. The mood is pleasant and comfy; it's warm and cozy as if they were newlyweds who just had their honeymoon the night before.

"By the way, how did I get into my room last night?" Sehun asks. "Did you carry me to bed?"

"Uh, about that."

Chanyeol chuckles dryly.

Now that he remembers, it has been quite a struggle taking Sehun to his room last night. Because Chanyeol was drunk as well, he couldn't pick Sehun up and carry him on his back. He obviously had a hard time walking straight by his own though, so what he did was...

"Ugh... What is this..."

"What?"

"I think my backbone just cracked."

"Yeah? Must be the way you slept."

What Chanyeol did was get a blanket, lay a passed-out Sehun there, then drag the drunk-ass man against the floor and up to the staircase. Chanyeol might've also accidentally bumped Sehun's head against the door frame a couple of times while he yanked him side-to-side. As Sehun unconsciously slept on the blanket and jiggled along the way, he experienced a roller coaster ride in his dream. Good thing he didn't suffer from any concussion.

"Ah, shit."

"What, what is it?"

"I felt the back of my head just throbbed."

"Damn. Must be adulting."

"And I felt some lumps here and there..."

"Is it serious? Should I go call an ambulance?"

"You know what, I think I'm fine now. My head is hard as a rock."

Chanyeol hums.

"Hey, I was just wondering."

"Yeah?"

"You're free today, right?"

"I guess, I am...? Why?"

"Let's go out on a date."

Sehun has no idea why he ends up in the passenger's seat of Chanyeol's Mercedes as they travel out of the city. What Chanyeol meant by date is the both of them wearing hiking clothes and backpacks like professional hikers ready to meet wildlife. In an attempt to escape, Sehun may have reasoned out he didn't have the appropriate outfit to wear for such outdoor activity but Chanyeol offered to lend him his mountaineering gears and equipment.

So here they are now, hiking at Yomasan Mountain, climbing on rocks and trails, and encountering Seoul's beautiful scenery. The goal is to find a good spot close to the waterfall and set up a tent for camping.

To Chanyeol, the earthy smell of forest trees, damp grass, moist soil, and blooming flowers are the replenishment of his exhaustion. He looks over his shoulder and sees Sehun who's lagging and breathing heavily with his tongue stuck out, panting like a dog.

"Are we there yet!?"

Chanyeol holds in his laugh.

"Yeah, just 300 meters ahead!"

"WHAT!?"

"That's not too far, keep walking!"

That reminds Chanyeol of their trip with Jongin back then and their snake encounter. What a funny memory.

It's not long before they reach their designated camping ground on the mountain. The view from their location is absolutely breathtaking and ethereal; it's like a paradise. The water from the falls is crystal clear and drinkable, and the first thing Sehun did is to jump into the river and swim, giggling like a child and screaming on top of his lungs:

"Hahahaha! This is great! Yoohoo!"

Chanyeol watches him with a fond expression across his face. He takes out his phone and snaps a picture of Sehun playing in the water like it's his natural habitat. Chanyeol sends it to Baekhyun real quick and types a message:

Look, I found a monkey.

Baekhyun replies within thirty seconds.

ㅋㅋㅋㅋ

It's a chimpanzee!

"Where should we put this up?"

Chanyeol jolts, hearing Sehun's voice behind him. After frolicking in the river, Sehun decides to help Chanyeol pitch in their tent and prepare their homemade lunch.

"Just in the middle is perfect."

The sun is up and brightly shining as they laze together under the sturdy tree facing the beautiful waterfall. Sehun is on a hammock, munching a roll of kimbap as he watches Chanyeol cut some branches and twigs with his machete. It's just aesthetically pleasing, the view of Chanyeol swishing that sharp blade in the air and the sound of him splitting wood on the ground. It's a sight to behold.

"Are you having fun," Sehun asks, "with me?"

Chanyeol looks at him and grins.

"Yeah. I am."

Sehun tries his best not to smile back but he's doing a terrible job. He's definitely flattered to hear that.

"What should we do next?"

"You see that? Chanyeol points at the cliff about fifteen meters high above sea level. "Let's climb all the way up there then jump into the water."

Sehun laughs nervously.

"You're... kidding, right."

"Nope."

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Someone save me! Sehun mutters in his mind, knees trembling, heart racing, body shaking, as Chanyeol holds his hand while the two of them stand on the edge of the raging waterfall. The view here is incredibly frightening and nerve-wracking that Sehun might pass out with just the mere thought of jumping from this height. Chanyeol might be supporting him but it's still terrifying.

"Are you ready!?" Chanyeol screams, and he's slowly letting go of Sehun so the man can stand on his own. "Here, I'll help you-"

"No! Wait! I swear to god if you let go of me right now!"

Sehun cries and clutches on Chanyeol's arm tighter. Damn it. He doesn't wanna die yet. Why is hanging out with Chanyeol so extreme and dangerous? Can't they just go home already and play some video games!?

"You wanna go first or last!" Chanyeol yells, laughing at Sehun who's hilariously freaking out. The falls are too loud that his voice can barely be heard.

"No! I don't wanna go anywhere! Oh my god!" Sehun cries hysterically. His toes are literally two inches from falling off this cliff. "I just wanna go home!"

"You must jump into the water or else you won't conquer your fear! Come on, you can do it!"

"Fuck, yeah! I'm gonna do it! I'LL DO IT!"

"There you go! That's the spirit!"

As Sehun bravely faces the enormous body of water, balancing in tippy-toes, Chanyeol then releases his hand, instantly pushing him without any warning. It's too late for Sehun to react or hold onto something, as he's now nosediving like a cannonball. He can only screech like a wild animal, his voice echoing in the mountain before he hits the water surface.

"Aaaaahh! Fuck, you son of a biiiiiitch!"

SPLASH!!!

Chanyeol then jumps next, back-diving as if he has wings. He does a double flip before dropping into the water and swimming close to Sehun. He approaches the guy who's hugging a boulder and cursing him nonstop.

"Why'd you push me!? I wasn't ready!" Sehun whines, literally looking like a soaked chick. "Come here, you motherfucker. I'm gonna punch you!"

"Heh."

Chanyeol just cackles and dodges him, before escaping and swimming ahead to leave Sehun behind. The guy chases him until they get to the foot of the waterfall, eventually climbing the cliff again, then plunging into the water for the second time. Sehun realizes it's actually exciting if he just stops screaming and panicking. Chanyeol feels like a proud parent.

Time seems to fly faster than usual especially when you're having fun. It's already afternoon when their clothes have finally dried up. Once finished packing their stuff and rolling the tent, they watch the captivating view of the sunset as a completion of their journey today.

Smiling, Chanyeol takes a photo of the sun dipping below the horizon. Yesterday it was Baekhyun who showed him his sunset from the beach, and now it's him who'll share his sunset from the mountain. It's such a pity they're not together in this glorious moment, but Chanyeol is still glad he has someone other than Baekhyun to bask in this wonderful experience. He'll surely remember this as a good memory from now on.

"It's beautiful..." Sehun mutters, his eyes shining, feeling amazed and happy, "It's been a while since I watched the sunset in person... I'm glad you took me with you."

Chanyeol nods and smiles.

"Let's do this with the others next time."

As they venture back to the foot of the mountain without finishing for the sunset and waiting for the skies to get dark, Sehun allows Chanyeol to lead their way while he only follows him behind. The soft sound of their shoes thudding on the soil and the crisp noise of them stepping on dried leaves has Sehun remembering yesterday's events.

Spending time with Chanyeol is like healing, it's refreshing, but he admits there's still something he hasn't told Chanyeol yet. He should say this now or else he'll keep his silence forever. It's not too late. They can start all over again.

"Uhm."

Chanyeol pauses walking, turning his head to glance at Sehun who's just looking at him as if he wanted to say something important.

"I enjoyed hanging out with you today."

Sehun isn't really sleeping that time. He might be a little awake enough to hear Chanyeol say those words last night.

I'm jealous.

I never had a best friend when I was young.

Can I do that with you from now on?

"I like you too," Sehun says, before waving his hands in front of him defensively, "But not in a romantic sense, of course! I just admire you as a person... I want to be the closest to you next to Baekhyun, and be there for you when you need someone to confide in."

Chanyeol stares wordlessly, and the cool wind blows right in time as they stand a meter away from each other. It feels calm, just like what Sehun said last night. It's fluttering, and ticklish, and warm.

"I... can be annoying at times and get extremely clingy so I'm sorry in advance if I start invading your personal space... I'll try my best to be someone you can trust and rely on, so you can also treat me like a real brother if you want."

Sehun steps closer.

"Can I call you hyung from now on?" he asks, and the way his eyes are looking hopefully at Chanyeol makes the man speechless and stunned. "Hm, Chanyeol hyung?"

After a minute of plain silence, of Sehun just anxiously waiting for a response, Chanyeol's lips finally tug up into a tiny smile.

"Sure," he says, before he turns his back away and continues walking like nothing happened.

That was it. Just a word. Just a short reply.

But to Sehun, it was everything.

"Hey, wait for me. Hyung!" Sehun says, running after Chanyeol, skipping excitedly to follow him, "I said, wait up! Don't leave me behind!"

"Why are you chasing me!?"

"Because you're running away from me. Let's walk together!"

Shit. This is bad. Chanyeol tells himself. He can't seem to control his facial expressions. He's smiling too wide because he's so happy, and when he feels glad, he can't help thinking of Baekhyun. Also, he can't help remembering his mother who's already resting in peace. It just makes him emotional at times.

Mom, did you see that? I just made a friend. Are you proud of me?

"Hey, Chanyeol hyung."

"Mm?"

"Can I give you a hug?"

"Okay, but only when we're alone."

Chanyeol probably teared up a little but there's no way he's gonna tell anyone--let alone Baekhyun--that. It's the only one secret he'll keep to himself for the rest of his life.

"But we're alone now..."

"Not yet."

"How about now?"

*

Quotes of the day:

"True friendship is when the silence between two people is comfortable." - David Tyson

"One of the most beautiful qualities of true friendship is to understand and be understood." - Lucius Annaeus Seneca

To be continued.

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Next chapter preview!

"I'm just wondering why you're still here and not running upstairs to unite with your husband?" Sehun asks.

"Yeah, I mean. You can't stop talking about Chanyeol ever since we rode the bus," Luhan adds, clinging to Sehun's right and not letting go as if he's making up for the days they were separated, "You said you were gonna kiss him twenty times as soon as you saw him, right?"

"Oh," Baekhyun chuckles lightly. He grabs a throw pillow and hugs it. "Chanyeol sunbae's still sleeping right now. I don't wanna disturb him if I sneak in to our room so I'll just wait here instead until he wakes up..."

"Nah, that's not romantic at all," Kyungsoo butts into the conversation while he cooks from the kitchen. He waves the spatula in the air as he talks, "You should announce your presence by lying on the bed next to Chanyeol while he's still sleeping. So that when he wakes up, your face is the first thing that he'll see."

"Or? You could say good morning to Chanyeol by crawling under the sheets and placing yourself in between Chanyeol's legs," Luhan suggests, smiling meaningfully, "Then wake your husband up with a morning blowjob! I'm sure he's gonna like it!"

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"Personally, this is one of the most beautiful chapter I've ever written! OMG. I really got emotional while writing this 😭😭😭 Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, everyone! Chanbaek next part!"

- ParkBaekkie