The bsd fandom:

Meanwhile in my au:

Elise: Dazai! Akutagawa won't play dress up with me and Gin!!
Dazai: Ryunosuke we talk about this
Akutagawa: b-but...
Dazai: you are not coming to the agency for 1 week, don't even think about leaving the Port Mafia headquarters young man, now go before Elise tea gets cold

Kyoka: Dazai san can we go get ice cream?
Dazai: sure! I got Kunikida wallet, I'm sure he won't mind a few cones of ice cream!

Atsushi: Dazai san how do you make instant ramen again?
Dazai: just put the seasonings in the cut and pour some boiling water in Atsushi, you done it before

Dazai: Q no, takes those razer blades out of your hand, I told you to stop using your ability on random people, and stop using razor blades on yourself in general
Yumeno: ehhh?! But those guys were mean!!

Kenji: Dazai san can you help me plant these?
Dazai: sure thing, let's put them in these pots

Than he's just literally patting every child on the head while Chuuya is in the back ground

Tachihara: uhhh... Is this normal?
Chuuya: you be surprise
Ranpo: I got pictures of him sleeping with all of them like kittens lol

Dazai: Atsushi! Akutagawa! I said no fighting!
Atsushi: wha- he's started it!
Akutagawa: it was your foolishness that led us to this weretiger!!
Dazai: I said no fighting!
Atsushi:....
Akutagawa:....
Dazai: good now you 2 take Kyoka go shopping, I need to go watch over Q before they drive somebody insane again, that's my job

Elise: Dazai! Mori making me wear another dumb dress again
Dazai: did you copy that?
???: Roger a nuclear bomb is headed towards his way as we speak sir
Dazai: make sure he doesn't survive
Atsushi: omg

Chuuya: oi Dazai have you seen- ... Wtf
Dazai: I'm a fairy
Elise: Chuuya! Join my tea party! The fairy just help us bake cookies!
Chuuya: oh heck no-
Dazai: sit yo ass down and have a cookie
Chuuya: ....
Yumeno: I need more tea
Elise: here you go
Akutagawa: can I go now
Elise: no
Atsushi: can I go?
Elise: nope
Gin: this is suffocating...
Kyoka: would you like a cookie?
Mori: can I leave now?
Dazai: perish in the time out corner
Mori: 🥲
Koyo: oh dear... I'm out

Kunikida: Dazai this is starting to get ridiculous! I am putting my foot down! Not every single child you meet can be your kid!
The children: *gasp*
Dazai: Kunikida! Don't say that Infront of the kids! They can't know that I'm not their real parent!
Kunikida: your not! You didn't even legally adopt them!! And- where the hell did he go?
Chuuya: he ran to get adoption papers and the kids went along with him
Ranpo: the insane things this man dose some times