Gerard never thought he would escape the endless cycle of destruction he found himself trapped in.

Nothing helped the pain, not the alcohol he stole from his father, trying to cope in the same way he did, not the drugs he managed to purchase from people he probably shouldn't have been acquainted with, not the blade he had pressed to his wrist after the endless taunts involving the word 'emo' inspired him to see if that method truly worked - nothing.

So when Pete inquired as to why Gerard's cheek was so swollen for the third time that month, Gerard brushed it off just like he always did, but Pete didn't drop it like everyone else.

He kept pestering Gerard, asking if he was okay, promising that he could open up to him if anyone was hurting him, and finally - Gerard snapped, revealing all of his secrets a week before graduation in a torrent of choked sobs and sputtering gasps for air.

Pete immediately sprang into action, shocking Gerard with his desire to help him, because Gerard didn't understand how anyone could actually care about what happened to him, but apparently Pete did.

He all but forced Gerard to move into the apartment he had recently rented in preparation for college, helping Gerard gather his scant belongings after cursing his father out while Gerard cowered in the background, swearing that he would call the cops on him if he ever tried to contact Gerard again.

His father had actually managed to appear apologetic, his whispered 'I'm sorry's' almost swaying Gerard's decision once they hit his ear, but Pete didn't give him the chance to second-guess himself, motioning to Gerard to follow him out of his house for the very last time, and Gerard did have to admit that his chest felt slightly lighter once the wooden door had slammed closed behind him.

~~~

Gerard assumed that everything would get better after that day, that he would somehow bounce back from the years of abuse without missing a beat, but of course, nothing was ever that easy.

Gerard found himself completely lost now that he was given the freedom to be on his own, his depression worsening as he struggled to cope with being an adult, with having to work, with taxes, with pretending that he was fine around Pete even when he wanted nothing more than to break down and cry.

Pete tried to help in his own way, convincing his boss to hire Gerard so he wouldn't have to worry about seeking employment on his own, forcing Gerard to come out with him and his friends, thinking that other people would inspire Gerard to suddenly become more social, even attempting to set Gerard up with the plethora of cute boys that he somehow seemed to know, but Gerard couldn't handle it.

It was all too much, too soon, and even the thought of getting into a relationship with someone had Gerard quivering in fear, because that would mean giving them power over him. He had seen what his father had done with that, so it was only logical to assume a boyfriend would do the same thing.

Every time anyone attempted to kiss him, which hadn't been often, or even just hold his hand, Gerard found himself flinching away from any form of physical contact, vivid flashbacks of his father's furious face dancing across his brain despite his efforts at pushing them away, which usually ended up with Gerard in tears, confusing the hell out of the sweet guy that Pete had found for him.

Finally, Gerard refused the offers to spend time with Pete and his friends all together, not leaving his room in their shared apartment unless he absolutely had to.

Gerard quickly lost his job after having numerous emotional breakdowns on the premises, the guilt at not being able to pay his half of the rent adding another weight to the already unbearable load pressing down on his shoulders, and although Pete assured him that it was fine, and he had more than enough to cover it for a few months, Gerard still felt like a failure, which was exactly what his father had always told him he was.

~~~

Gerard tried to kill himself not long after that.

He hadn't truly planned it out, although the idea had crossed his mind more than once, but he had forced it away before it could take root.

Something snapped within him after another failed interview though, coupled with being alone and much too drunk for it only being five in the afternoon.

With Pete out with someone or another for the rest of the day, Gerard had no other outlet in which to drown his sorrows in, so he had stopped by a liquor store before returning to their apartment, polishing off half of the bottle of vodka on the way, managing to evade any police officers that would have been inclined to arrest him for his public intoxication.

Gerard had arrived home with a heavy heart and an aching head, his steps immediately turning to the medicine cabinet in the hopes of procuring some Advil to soothe his growing migraine, but once the cap was twisted off, the colorful pills spilling out as Gerard's hands began to shake, he acted on instinct, shoveling as many of the tablets into his mouth as he could manage without a second thought, chasing them down with the remnants of liquor that he hadn't finished off just yet.

Gerard wasn't sure if the amount he had taken would do any significant damage, so he dug out a few other random bottles Pete had stored away, finding nothing hard enough for what he was trying to achieve, but placing faith in the fact that the cocktail of drugs and alcohol would help him on his way to a world in which he didn't exist anymore.

Thirty minutes later, Gerard's stomach was beginning to churn and his eyelids were drooping downward without his consent which Gerard took as a sign of success.

Gerard debated leaving a note for Pete in the form of an apology, but he couldn't think of anything to say besides 'I'm sorry', which Pete would already know, so instead, Gerard curled up in his bed, hiding himself under the covers as his eyes slipped shut, maybe for the last time.

But no - not too much later judging by the sun's position, Pete was shaking him awake gently, his mouth moving constantly as Gerard blinked groggily.

Whatever words he was trying to convey to Gerard weren't reaching his ears, they were washed out in the rush of disappointment that was currently smothering Gerard when he realized his impromptu decision to end his life had been a failure.

"Gee." Gerard perked up at the sound of his name, flinching subtly as he brought his body into a sitting position, his insides burning painfully as he forced himself to decipher what Pete was saying to him. "I'm sorry to wake you up, but I just wanted to warn you that I have a friend over."

"Oh...okay," Gerard replied slowly.

He was grateful that Pete had informed him about the additional company. Pete had learned from experience that Gerard didn't react well when startled, so he always filled him in when someone besides himself would be occupying the small apartment they shared.

"You can join us if you want, we were gonna watch a movie," Pete offered, but Gerard shook his head, gritting his teeth when the action induced the sudden urge to vomit, but he pushed it away.

"I'm fine here."

"Gee...you don't look too good, are you sick?"

"No," Gerard answered hurriedly, once again shaking his head for extra emphasis, which only exacerbated the uncomfortable sensation in his stomach to a nearly unbearable level.

"I'm just gonna grab the thermometer and make sure you don't have a temperature."

Gerard groaned loudly in response, but Pete was already vacating the room, his motherly tendencies on full alert right now much to Gerard's chagrin. He usually appreciated the way Pete always looked out for him, but he couldn't let him know that the real reason he felt so awful was because he had swallowed too many pills.

But as Gerard's insides twisted violently, all thoughts of Pete quickly flew out of his head, being replaced by panic as bile rose in Gerard's throat, the burning evolving into an inferno until Gerard was forced to flip over, throwing up everything he had consumed that day onto the carpet loudly, his eyes watering as he gagged weakly, his head pounding so hard he thought it might crack open at any moment.

"Fuck!" Gerard faintly heard Pete curse from the other room, but he was more concerned with not puking again than with whatever was occurring with Pete.

Gerard found himself smiling softly as the pain in his stomach didn't cease, because he had realized that his hasty plan might have worked after all, and even though he felt awful for doing this while Pete was home to witness it, it was simply another item to add to the list of failures Gerard kept in his head, but maybe his death wouldn't be on it.

Gerard collapsed back onto the mattress with a hysterical giggle, his vision blurring slightly as a sudden case of shivers hit him, but Gerard didn't care enough to cover himself up with the nearby blanket.

It hopefully wouldn't matter either way in a few more minutes, that is - if Gerard hadn't thrown up too many of the pills already, but for once in his life, Gerard found himself thinking positively, because there was no way he could feel this terrible without at least being close to overdosing.

"Gerard," Pete's voice was back, just when Gerard thought he was going to be left in peace to fade away, "please tell me you didn't take all of those pills?" Pete begged, but Gerard didn't answer, he couldn't really. His mouth felt fuzzy, his tongue was thick and swollen, and he was sure that any attempt at speech would only end in him getting sick again.

Gerard could hear Pete shaking the mostly empty bottle of whatever he had brought into Gerard's room with him, but he knew that Pete was already well aware of the answer, the horror in his voice showcased that loud and clear.

"Fuck - fucking hell, holy shit," Pete whimpered, and for one second, Gerard truly wished he could take back what he had done, or at least that he had the decency to do this somewhere where his best friend wouldn't have to be a part of it, but it was too late for that now. "Frank!" Pete screamed, obviously not to Gerard, unless his name had changed in the past five minutes, and maybe it had, but no - Gerard was just delirious by this point. "Come help me!"

Gerard didn't remember much after that, just random flashes, images that didn't make sense without any context surrounding them. He could recall hands lifting him up, Pete crying, a loud rumble, bright lights, and then nothing except the blessed darkness that Gerard had been searching for his entire life.

* * *

This still makes me emotional.

This is the worst of it though, Gerard's life will start turning around from this point on.

Thank you all so much for the 200 reads.

Chapter dedicated to vampirexchild

((((grateful vibes))))

- starr