This update will appear on every fanfic that I'm about to take down 48 hours from now.

Though this isn't a certain goodbye to the most of these fanfics, since I might end up wanting to finish them, there is a chance that that feeling may never come.

So all I have is a thank you and a goodbye for now. And I'm sorry for that. Currently I have been... I don't know how to explain it. Under the bridge, I guess? I don't know. All I know is that I'm broken. Drowned in a color that represents feeling. And the weird thing is, it seems as if I'm still trapped in that cage, but I'm now underground. Even if I did get away from all the troubles around me, it wouldn't make a difference. Because then all that I got would be easily swiped from me. Already is. All I know is that I can always have music. And with the time I got and the time I have to spend, I hope no note fails. Maybe prayers are answered while others are not for reasons to prove some things. And maybe you have to do those things yourself.

But with that, like I've said, I'm already broken. Nothing can ever be kept. Nothing. And this question of faith can always knock on anyone's front door while even the angels mock you alongside the Devil. So you allow them to laugh and cackle because, truth be told, we can't do anything about it. That aside, there are others who you can stop at times. Some have horns and the others have wings. They're called humans. But can I tell you something? These humans are quite unique. Really, they are. They don't just have one trait of horns, the threatening jagged tail, and wings and halos, but no, they have them all. No matter where on the earth, you can always seem to find every person with their own wings, halos, horns, and pointed tail. And some even carry their pitchforks with them to let everyone know.

When time passes by, do we still have those traits? But what even if we did, why is that important? Look up and look around you. Look at your surroundings. Why do we see what we see? What is touch, what is sound? What is a feeling? What is this feeling? What is that feeling? What is it? Someone tell me, because I've given up. Tell me because maybe I don't want to find out myself. Tell me because maybe, just maybe, I want to hear a lie and a truth. Because to me the only thing we have is a story, whether it's real or not. And yet if it is true or not, let each story be told. Let them seep into the minds of millions, and then soon into their beating, pounding hearts. Into the wounds and scratches; into each soul so it'll sting or it'll heal.

Thank you. For showing me what I can't. Thank you for healing some wounds and maybe even creating some in the greatest ways.

But I guess this is the pause in this story. I wonder if I'll ever press the play button again... But maybe, just maybe, that isn't up to me...

Thank you. So much. For being there when no one else could. For voting, for commenting. For just reading. For laughing, smiling and crying. For yelling at each other when we all thought someone was in the wrong. For leading me to people I thought never could be real. And maybe they aren't. And maybe I'm not. But either way, I don't exactly care anymore. All that matters to me is the feelings they gave to me and how I somehow received them. But whenever it's my time to go and find out if there's an afterlife, I'll be ready. I feel like I'm already ready, but I would still hate to leave. I'd hate it, but if it was my time to go, then it's my time to go. Though, I bet when it is my time to go, I won't want to. And maybe apart of me wants it to be over with. Wants me to leave. And maybe I ask myself why. Why I even stay. Why I chose to laugh and smile with others miles away. Why I chose to just stay.

To tell the truth, I want to break myself from everything. I don't want to live the life I'm living. Maybe I just don't want someone else to take if from me, and instead I want to be first and only one to ruin my life so it can be less painful than allowing someone else to do it. Maybe because I want to start over. And maybe, just maybe, it's because I want to feel mental pain. I want to cry. I want to feel to see. I want to maybe see why we can feel. Why we have to feel. Why we need to feel. And maybe just to feel alive.

But sometimes I wish I couldn't feel. Sometimes, just sometimes, I wish I could be something simple, like a fish or something and allow myself to die young and be eaten. So I would actually do something and have some kind of purpose.

And maybe I want to stay human. Stay the way I am. But less lucky in what I found on this stupid app. I wish I couldn't feel like I do and be less sensitive. Because god, I'm done. Done with this life. But at the same time, I want to live it. I want to just sit here and feel. Not explore, but feel. Feel every feeling there is out there and allow myself to smile and cry. And where I am, I can't, or else I'll have to be sent to some therapy and speak of the life I've been living, the one that I've been hiding. The one I lied about. The one I have and sometimes don't want to have.

And before anyone tells me anything different, please don't. And maybe I always make a mistake asking for something and pushing something away, but maybe, because I ask those things, maybe it was supposed to be asked and supposed to be put into action. Or maybe it was something to break my walls. Yet, of course, no one did. No one will. No one tried or still tries. So the things I ask are supposed to be considered, I guess. And since that's what I'm used to, I hope it'll continue. Because that's the treatment I'm supposed to be given in this world. And the one I asked for.

And in this world, for me, there are so many maybes. So many questions and guesses. In this world, all there is the hopeful and the hopeless. I can't tell where I am to be honest.

But from where I started and to where I am now seems no different in means of just myself. I'm always the same. Always different. Always me. And I guess that's the way I like it and hate it. But in means of life style... I want it to end. I want it to be on pause like I can do to a clock and pretend it stops time. How I put a bookmark in a book I'm reading. How I press the pause button itself in a song and allow the song to stop so quietness sings into to my world and allow other sounds such as yelling and maybe some tears to creep into my world.

Just one day.

If I could look back and live my life.

When I didn't have a phone.

When I was still young and innocent.

When there wasn't this weird feeling and stress strangling each and every vein in my body.

When all I knew was walking and eating.

When I watched my dad drive away to work everyday on the weekdays and I thought it was the best event of the day because the rest was just wondering around the house with my mindset as small as a young, young child's brain so my mindset couldn't travel farther than when my dad left to work and how to sit on the couch to watch tv along with getting a small bottle of milk.

But now everyday I wake up to the Devil waiting on me and asking me if I want to go through with the day again.

And I just walk away and answer it in my head.

But at times I wake up and talk to him as if we were friends. Have conversations as if I knew him all my life. And maybe I have known him all my life. Maybe I just didn't notice him talking to me when I was young because I was an oblivious child.

I wish I could go back and cry like the selfish bratty girl I still am, but live it with the mindset I had so the reason I cried was only because of a stupid toy I didn't get at the store. So it was all I ever knew. So I could cry with the absence of this hurting feeling. Not to cry because of a passing of a loved one. Not because I'm stuck here talking to the Devil and Lie disguised as Truth. Not because I'm stuck thinking everyday in bed. Not because of my negative thoughts that's permanent in my mindset. Not because of every failing moment when I made a mistake that was so simple and stupid. Not because my hatred gets to the best of me. Not to cry because of an argument I get into with my friends and family everyday. Not because of a loss in faith... Not because I'm afraid of the years ahead and so forth. Not because I'm afraid of death. Not because I'm stuck in a household where there are rules that keep me chained. Not to cry just so I can feel tears run down my cheeks so I can feel this thing called pain... Not because of the failing of someone's heart. Not because of the failing of the teaching that I was taught and lived... But because of a stupid toy that was twenty-five dollars that I didn't even need and just wanted because I saw it on tv once while I was watching my favorite kids show that was trying to teach me a lesson that at the age I was at, I would never remember, even though it could of helped me later on in life.

I wish... I wish I could go back to that time. And I wish that maybe that time could pass by quicker for just as long as I want it to go. And how I want fear to be diminished right about now.

But for now, I'll leave this story unfinished, as painful it is to hear that... Unfinished. Discretely heard in that sentence. I used to fear that... That I would die without finishing my stories. But now... I feel like it would be an honor to leave something behind like that. Unfinished... It's not a sense that someone never got to finish what they wanted to... Not that it tells the story of a terrible, screeching halt, but, instead, it just means that the story of ones mind is still running wildly. And you may never get to hear the end of the story, but that way it can stay a mystery only to the readers and that way the author has a way to keep a secret that they can treasure... And that way they can continue the story themselves...

But with the way I'm leaving, it's not so honorable, now is it? If I don't finish a certain story, then I must give you all a certain sorry. And I'm sorry that I'm still leaving this humongous pause in this story like many others. Really, I am...

If you read all of that, well, sorry for taking your time. That was kind of me just ranting for no reason. But thank you...

I thank you. For everything.