There I was, standing in front of the mirror. The more I looked at myself, I felt disgusted with who I was.

The door was knocked on several times. "(Y/N)? It's me Jon!"

Why are millions of people waiting for the day I reveal.. this? Nothing special about it. In fact, it might just be another disappointment.

"(Y/N) open up! I know you're in there!"

I'd be doing Jon a favor just leaving this place. No more stressful days, a weight would be lifted off his shoulder. I'm just tired of it all. I wouldn't doubt everyone else is too. Jokes on me for thinking my life was going to get better by moving to this place.

"(Y/N)?" The knocks got louder. "Are you alright..?"

And the solution was right in front of me. A bottle, filled with blue chalky tablets.

A different voice yelled this time, a british one. "(Y/N)!"

I swallowed my blues. After all, that's what these were for right?

I heard my door being broken down. "(Y/N)! (Y/N) Where are you?!"

My hands started to shake. I dropped to my marbled tiled floor and heard the heavy footsteps echo and vibrate throughout my house. Good thing I locked the bathroom.

The door knob jiggled and loud bangs on the door were heard on the other side. "(Y/N)? Are you in there?!"

But it was too late.

---

Jon's POV

"Get out of the way!" I pushed Craig and tried to slamming the door open again with my body.

"Who the fuck are you?!" Craig shouted.

"Does that really matter right now?! Help me open this door!" Just as I said that, the door gave in. There, I saw my best friend on the floor with pills scattered around her.

"(Y/N)!" Craig and Tyler rush past me and to her. Tears threaten my blue eyes looking at the horrible sight that I wanted so badly to become another repressed memory. What pushed her to this? Why did she have these in the first place..?

A hand lightly placed on my shoulder "Delirious..-" Luke began, but his voice was the last thing I wanted hear right now.

"Why don't you just leave?" I bitterly said, pushing his hand off me. "I think you've done enough." Luke didn't reply. My blue eyes that blazed with hatred shot daggers at his brown ones.

I hear Tyler in the background calling 911. But would it really help right now?

"She still has a pulse!" Craig exclaimed as he held her. A wave of relief flowed through my body. I just hope the paramedics make it in time.

I closed the door quietly to the chaos behind me, giving Luke a confused face. I erased that look on him rather quickly after pushing him against the wall behind him. "If she doesn't make it out alive, I'm going to make sure our fans know what Cartoonz-.. Luke, really is."

Luke had nothing to say, he just gulped his fear down his throat with his hands up in defeat. I hear the door behind us open back up slowly. Tyler looked up sadly then confused as to why I held Luke threateningly. "Umm, the paramedics are on their way."

I just nodded, letting go of Luke who exhaled as soon as his feet touched the ground again. Bastard..

Curious, I walked into the bathroom to see how (Y/N) was. I can tell Craig wasn't letting go of her anytime soon. I just wished it was me instead of Craig.

The pill bottle was on the ground. On it had her real name, the name of the pills, the name of a clinic I used to go to in North Carolina, and the instructions. It said she was supposed to take it daily, even after she started feeling better. The date on the bottom said she got this about several months ago. The same time she stopped talking to us..

Louder footsteps entered the house. They were guys in navy blue uniforms with a patch on their sleeves. Behind them was a stretcher and more guys in the same uniform. They ordered us to leave. I complied quietly, unlike Craig who was having the hardest time accepting this. I just didn't want to add to the chaos.

---

It was the second time seeing her in a stretcher, in a hospital bed, tubes in her arms. It was all too hard to look at. After several hours of seeing doctors come in and out to take blood samples from her and her vital signs, they came back with some good news. "So thankfully, the pills she took are not fatal. However, we do not know how long she'll be in a coma."

Everyone's head hung low, including mine. "Do you at least have some kind of prediction?" Tyler asked.

The nurse took a few seconds before responding "In these cases, it usually takes two to four weeks."

Two to four weeks?! PAX will have already happened by the time she wakes up!

When the room fell silent, the nurse asked if there were any other questions. When everyone shook their head 'no,' she left the room. I didn't know what to do with this information, what to do with (Y/N), what do to with my channel. And it looked like I wasn't the only one. "We can't go to PAX." Craig said.

"But we already bought our tickets!" Tyler replied.

"Do you really wanna go while the person you love is in a coma?!" Craig fought back.

Love... I guess I'm not the only on that either.

Evan added on. "He's right you know."

Tyler rolled his eyes and huffed. "Fine. But I'm not gonna be the one tell the rest of those fuckers we can't go."

"We can tell Delirious to tell them. Not like he goes to those things anyways." Craig suggested. "Or (YT/N). I haven't heard from her in a while."

I didn't hesitate to turn off my phone right away. I nudged Luke to do the same. At first, he didn't, until I gave him a threatening looking and whispered "Turn it off, now." And so he did.

The room went silent again. We watched Evan make the first call and hear the voicemail message instantly. "Figures she wouldn't answer." Evan said while the other two tried themselves. And again, their calls went straight to voicemail. "Let's try Delirious. I know that loser is always on his phone."

I bit my lip nervously, I don't know why. I knew my phone was off. "No answer?" Craig said while Evan looked at his phone angrily.

"Yea, what the fuck?! His phone is never off!" Evan said.

"Fine, I'll tell them. Fucking assholes.." Craig gave in and started dialing away to another friend of ours. Evan and Tyler giggled to themselves watching him. "Brock? Hey... Thing's aren't going so smoothly. I'm back at the hospital again for (Y/N)... No, don't worry I'll be fine but can you tell everyone else that Evan, Tyler, and I can't make it to PAX this year?... Oh no that's fine you don't-... Oh, ok then.. see you soon."

"What did he say?" Evan asked.

"Well Brock's coming down here. Who knows who else he's gonna bring though.."

"But PAX is this weekend!"

"I know," Craig raised his voice. "Whatever. Anything to get my mind off of this whole thing."

The room fell silent again. (Y/N)'s heart monitor was the only thing that was heard. It made a mix of emotions stir in my stomach. I felt happy because it was the only thing that showed if she was still here with us. But at the same time, I wanted nothing more than to hear her voice instead of that damn monitor. Hear her laugh, smile, yell at me, anything but that monitor. But I guess it was better than hearing a flat line. I know, that's what the rest of us must have wanted also.

---

Evan's POV

It was about one in the morning right now. Everyone fell asleep around midnight, including me. I was dreaming. I saw that same person Craig, Tyler, and I still don't know.. and (Y/N), all alone in this same room. He was talking to her, crying. But for what reason? They don't know each other! I wanted to yell, tell him to go away, but he didn't hear me.

When I finally got close enough to hear him, he changed.. he was in a sky blue hoodie and hockey mask. Just like Delirious. He even sounded exactly like him.

"Don't leave me anymore.. please (Y/N)." He cried. "I wish you could see how much everyone loves you, how much I love you." God I thought I'd never hate Delirous this much... "I guess I don't know much about my best friend after all these years.." Best friend? "But I do know that she's beyond beautiful, that millions of people adore her, miss her, and just wished she'd come back."

My rage started to wake me up. I opened my heavy brown eyes slightly to exactly what I was dreaming about. Except he wasn't dressed as Delirous anymore. "What am I suppose to tell the others if you go? '(YT/N) died?' '(YT/N) is quitting YouTube?" (YT/N)? Why is he calling her that? "I swear, the next person you fall for is going to be the luckiest guy on Earth. Your fans and our friends would kill for that spot knowing how you'd look." I tried to speak up, but I felt like I was in a sleep paralysis. "I love everything you told me you hated about yourself. I've told you so many times after all the recording sessions and late night calls. How can I make it any more clear that I love you?"

Please tell me this is just my nightmare continuing...

What am I listening to?.. WHO am I listening to?

---
If you're having thoughts about killing yourself, please come talk to me or someone you trust. It doesn't have to be like this. Just thought I'd remind you since I completely understand your troubles. Peace out everybody! Goodbye~