Thanks, for ignoring me when I need you the most. The memories, scars, temptation of something unforgivable and losing my sanity slowly is nothing but reality

The lust, sweet nothings, those filthy lies filled with words drilled into my head, engraved like the letters on a stainless steel necklace. It's a gift or a curse, to hold markings along your body, inside and out.

Who am I to care? I allow it from multiple people. To be melted down to the last property of existence then molded into something some else can use again. A cycle. I gain nothing but memories of a mold that once existed

I ask for you support, for your love, your pride and happiness. I plead for some comfort and warmth, some warm arms to fall into when I stumble in reverse. But those things I need...those things I want cease to actually exist

This hell of a race, to prove what is mine; is nothing more for me than running on a long hot coaled floor, leaving cuts till I bleed and falling over once in while. But for what exactly?

What do I slay myself for when I know nothing more lies ahead. Everything holds a happy ending? Fuck that. My mom cries herself to sleep, my brother fights the world with bare fists, my father tried his best, my grandmother is still holding on even if she knows she doesn't have that long

But for what? At the end of the day, we all lose. Lose the will to fight, the hope that everything will get better, the idea that society will change, that everyone will have someone to love. Especially Me.

I've lost since the day I started and I still know I'm losing. Losing the care, the emotions, the will to go forward, giving up on myself seems to be more of an accomplishment. I give up. I surrender to the realistic, replaying horrid memories over and over

I don't have a trophy, or a medal. I just hold scars of a battle. That I lost...and I'm fine with that.

-Angie.A