You're so beautiful

it makes me sick. I wanna run
up and bite your face off,
chewing on the life I've never
known. God, I can hear
your false modesty

even without the electrons separating. You
know you're a fucking gorgeous work of art
given form and I can see it in every carefully
constructed portrait you casually drop, but
you're still gonna play the part in a 1D
song, with your one dimensional
avoidance and your glib toothy shine.

I'm so fucking
jealous
of you that I'm
even jealous of your pain. It's all so new
and fresh
and vibrant
and hemorrhaging vital nutrients
and still you can blaze in the dark

like a fucking bonfire turning blood
to oil. I would rip out my insides
if it let me swap with your life
but I have a hollow interior.

I have become want.

I cry for all the glory I've never
touched, the splendor that
clings to you like failure
coalesces around my eyes. It
paints the world a shit blue
and still and still and still

I long for a beauty like yours.

Not even to own you,
not even to kiss,
not even to stand beside
and be photographed,
but to simply be you

for a year. God, a year is so big to you.
It still means something. You
don't even know how much little it'll mean when your

bones ache from sunrise to rest. I
am doing my
best to live healthy and I
can't, because of the mistakes I
made when I
first thought my
life was worthless. Now my

problems aren't choices but modalities
deep coded and you and your beauty
can be thoughtless in your moments.

Own it.

Own it all.
Be the belle
of every fucking ball because you do deserve it.
I can tell you that. I have seen so much crap
in this sanitation disposal we deem life.

I have gleamed the finest things,
the rapture, the divide. People
will kill for you. They will die
to suffer your rejection
and you hide your glory
to be a line in their fucking song.

I'm not proud of this wickedness inside, but
at least I never touched myself when you were in my mind.
At least the thought of lust is distant.
At least I am not the monster that you have to live around.
At least I am less than the salt on your ground.

I can be civil.
I will behave.
Live on as perfect.
Avoid my grave.