Top Pic credit: hat_1616_

Touya POV: - seven and a half years ago -

Song for the moment: Harry Styles - As It Was.

Twenty seven....thirty-two....fifteen....how many sit-ups have I done again? Agh. I lost count a long time ago. I can't focus...

My lungs were burning. My breath heavy. Heart pounding.

And, why wouldn't it be? That's what happens when you exercise, after all. Yeah...

The snow melted from the ground weeks ago, bringing about the smell of flowers and weird bugs in the air. Nothing great about that, right? Just another season of more allergies and stupid smiles-oh, and Natsuo thinking the Easter Bunny's gonna bring him something. I should do what I did at Christmas and tell him it's all fake. He's getting too old for that stuff anyways. Loser...

Whatever. The point is, I've never cared for spring, or any season for that matter. The only reason I go outside is because my quirk can't be trained inside-and, even then, I prefer my usual hill instead of the crummy, confused stares of judgement I receive whenever I train here.

At home.

No. They don't get it. They pity me. I haven't actually trained in front of anyone else for a long time now.

So, of course, it's no surprise...how everyone looked at me as if I'd just confessed to murder when I said I'd be working out in the front yard this morning.

'I'm not training my quirk. Just exercising today, so there's no need to go there-it's just cause I don't feel like walking so far! Don't make a big deal out of it,' I'd grumbled an hour ago.

It was something I told myself, too. Still wanting to live in denial and preserve the last threads of my sanity however I could.

Whatever. Fuck them. All of them.

Anyways, right now, there's no room to feel anything else except the burn of my abs as I force myself up for another crunch-knowing my back was probably covered in disgusting hives from having rolled around in the allergy ridden grass for the last sixty minutes.

Yeah. Sixty whole minutes of wasting time. Ugh.

It's uncomfortable as hell, being out here. God, I've had to have been stung by at least three bees, the sun-while not meant to be so hot this early in the spring, was beating down on my face relentlessly, making me feel lightheaded and more tired than usual. The hard ground hurt my ass...

But, the view...

That's the reason I chose to come out here.

It was the perfect way to get my crunches in, you see. Each time my sweaty back hit the dirty ground, the motivation to pull myself up again was instantaneous.

....and literally...right in front of me.

Because once I did, I'd be able to catch another glimpse of that purple hair, swaying softly in the breeze just a few feet away.

She was here in the yard before I was-but, hey, I still didn't come out here for that reason! Like I said, I just didn't wanna walk so far today. I told you that!

And, yeah, the yard is huge. Why wouldn't it be when dad's got enough cash to last him two lifetimes? But, you see, I needed to work out close to her.

Only because.....well, there just wasn't anywhere else to go...

Having her directly in front of my line of sight...watching her do her stupid gardening....it was really the only spot available-cause there's a small puddle in the corner from the sprinklers, so can't work out there. And, that perfect looking space under the tree that's definitely twenty degrees cooler than my current one? Well, I swear I saw a hive of bees in the branches. It's probably there.

And, over there near the patio? Well, it just didn't look interesting enough...

Besides, it's not like I'm bothering her-I mean-she's not bothering me! Yeah, she would be the only bother around here, not me. No, she's so engrossed in planting her flowers, she hasn't looked to her left side even once in the entire hour I've been working out here.

...not even once...

She's too busy kneeling on the muddy ground, getting her cute-stupid sundress all dirty, muttering to herself as she digs more holes in the garden soil and drops her seeds in.

From how hard I've been staring, you'd think I'd be an expert on what it means to plant some crummy flowers by now. Except, I still know absolutely nothing about that. I couldn't even look to her hands right now and tell you if she was holding anything.

No. I can't look at anything else...

...but her.

It's been almost two and a half years since Grape crash landed into my life, and while her spirit hasn't changed much, her appearance has become almost unrecognizable due to-well-living through puberty and becoming two and a half years older.

For one, she's fifteen years old now, instead of that snotty noses twelve-and-a-half year old I met the first time. And, while my birthday would be coming sorta soon, for now, we were only a single year apart instead of two.

I felt my jaw drop with a heavy breath as I came up from my next crunch, keeping my hands behind my sweaty head as blue eyes looked at her in a daze.

She's smiling as she looks to her flowers. It was a smile that glimmered off the reflection of the sun, shining down right on my chest and warming it with giddy blooms I'd never admit out loud.

She's wearing a gardening hat my old bat of a grandma definitely owned, and while it would look fucking disgusting on anyone else, I can't help the small curl of my lips, unable to even deny how adorable she really looked.

Everytime I look at her, I think it will be enough to satisfy me. I think it will be the time I say to myself 'okay, I'm bored with this now,' and pack up to go inside.

But, everytime my eyes find her again, I only noticed something new about her that I didn't notice last time, imprinting each memory and feature into my brain.

The distraction of her actually proved to give me a decent workout. Not only was my resting heart rate and breath elevated wayyy more than usual, but I was so distracted in watching her, the burn of my muscles ebbed off into the background of my thoughts the moment I got started.

Instead of the sweat dripping fluidly from my shirtless skin, I can only think of her soft gaze, watching her squint up towards the sky with amusement when a hummingbird hovered near her space. The butterflies in my stomach fully masked the exhausted nausea I feel.

And, while I'm not using my quirk today, the constant burn that has etched its way onto my skin, regardless of whether there's fire or not, was completely numbed with something I couldn't fully understand. Something soft and giddy sitting right in the center of my chest.

Who knows what that is. Gross.

Deciding to finish up the last of my crunches-I've probably done about five-hundred with how hard I just zoned out, I didn't even tear my gaze away from her as I took a short breather, resting my elbows on my knees.

Still, she didn't look my way.

A rapsy groan of discontent sounded from my throat at her cluelessness, with my eyes subtly looking around the yard for a way to get her attention.

Finding nothing casual enough, I let out a small-kinda loud cough, yet she was still too engrossed in her plants.

With my stupid, starry eyes focused on her frame, I lethargically stumbled to my feet, barely taking a chance to blink as I grabbed one of the dumbbells laying on the grass.

I already completed everything I wanted to do in my workout today...

And, yet, I'm sure I was a damn chump as I pointlessly began lifting and lowering the weight up and down in my hand, placing my other hand on my waist for balance.

My heart began to beat faster as she wiped a drop of sweat from her forehead, using her wrist to do so as her hands were clad in muddy gloves.

Instinctively, I mirrored her action, taking my free hand before wiping the sweat from my face with my wrist, feeling the giddiness in my chest starting to become too much for the pounding in my heart to handle.

She looked up to the bright sky with fatigue of her own, with her hair falling back and eyes closed in a way that would surely be etched into my head forever.

Time is lost to me. The world has a dreamy filter in my vision.

Until-

"Touya? Hellooo? Touya?" An annoying voice called out from next to me, scratching the record of my daydream.

In an instant, I tore my gaze away from Violet, blinking the starry eyes out of myself as I turned to the culprit in question with a sour glare.

Ugh. Always ruining the moment.

"What the hell do you want?" I snapped at Natsuo lowly, immediately stopping whatever exercise I'd just been doing.

I don't need him seeing me workout. Like I said before, they don't understand. All they do is look at me like a pitied failure.

I'm only reminded of that every time I look in their eyes.

My own insecure thoughts fueled the instinctive anger I'd harbored towards my brother, watching his bright smile slowly dial down into something sad at my obvious resentment.

Whatever. I don't care. He brought it on himself.

I watched him look at me before looking over to Grape, seeming as if he'd been smart enough to sort of put the pieces together.

Except, there's nothing to put together, alright? Relax.

"Wait-why are you working out right here?" He gestured obviously, pointing to Violet's frame a few feet away. "Isn't the spot under the tree better?"

Embarrassment instantly rose in my veins at his insinuation, the one that obviously said I came out here only to spy Violet.

I quickly looked over to Grape after hearing his loud voice, actually thankful she was too engrossed in her plants this time to notice me.

Still, her hearing is usually better than that though...

My embarrassment instantly lashed out in more anger for Natsuo, causing me to instantly drop the dumbbell back on the grass to show my workout was finished.

"It's not better. This is fine-anyways, it's not your business." I said through grit teeth, preparing to brush past him before he stopped me.

"But, your legs are shaking! You look like you're about to be sick." He gasped, unknowingly triggering me with his words of concern.

Is it so obvious I'm tired? So obvious my weak body can't survive a simple hour of exercise?

Tensing my jaw, I held my tongue as best I could, attempting to walk past him again with a simple dismiss.

"I'm fine. I don't need your pity."

Seeing me try to leave again, I felt my eyes widen when Natsuo grabbed my wrist. Fury welled up in my veins for the obvious worry the touch carried.

"Touya, maybe you should slow down a little-" He tried to warn softly, before I choked on a breath and tore my sweaty arm from his grasp.

He backed up with a little fear as I looked to him wildly, barely resisting the urge to shove him as I simply got in his face instead.

"I said I'm fine!!" I practically yelled, balling my fists emotionally.

Natsuo said nothing as he looked to me with wide eyes, simply retreating his gaze from my hateful one and to the floor.

"O..Okayyy. Jeez..." He muttered with hurt feelings, deciding to give up on speaking with me. "Look, I only came out here to tell you it's time to get ready. You know, for the family picture? Fuyumi said you only have a few minutes to change before we take it."

Without waiting for my response this time, Natsuo quickly turned on his heel, giving a simple side glance towards the garden before fully retreating back inside.

I watched him go with the heavy breaths of my workout still huffing from my mouth. Admittedly, I was a bit weighted from his obviously hurt feelings.

Part of me wanted to apologize. The other part couldn't find a reason to, because what's the point? They won't think any different of me. I'm known as the failure. The emotional nobody still trying to chase a dream everyone else gave up on.

They all gave up on me.

Apologizing would be surely pointless.

Right...?

I let out a small sigh of regret for my impulsive lash out, feeling my exhausted shoulders slump as I trudged a few feet towards the front door.

But, my body physically couldn't fight the pull towards the garden, my head falling back towards the sky a bit as I knew I wouldn't be able to stop myself from giving in.

Next thing I knew, my legs moved for me, with the slight guilt from the encounter with my brother instantly being swept away by the small smile of anticipation that curled on my lips.

The closer I got to her, the more my veins buzzed with excitement, my mushy brain running through a million different responses in my head that would sound as cool and non-caring as possible.

Because, even if I've found myself growing a little fond of Grape lately, I won't ever admit it. Admitting it means becoming vulnerable. Admitting it....

Means dad was right. It means my life was meant to be ordinary. It means I failed on the only life purpose I ever had.

It became easy to push away the intrusive thoughts when I reached her space. I stood over her and cleared my throat a few moments later-definitely not trying to flex the pathetic excuse for muscles I'd barely grown.

Just be cool.

"What, did you follow me out here, Grape?" I smirked triumphantly, knowing full well the roles were reversed.

But, to my surprise, the airhead didn't even turn around to look at me, continuing to plant her flowers as she hummed happily to herself.

I quirked a brow, tilting my head at her busy work before debating if I should repeat the question.

No. Don't do that. You'd sound so desperate, repeating the same line!

Say something else, stupid.

"O..Oi. I'm talking to you." I nagged less suave, feeling my brows furrowing deeper with annoyance when she still didn't turn around.

I don't remember her being so deaf. How can I forget when she bragged about acing the hearing test at the doctor for a solid two months?

Feeling vulnerability arise from being unable to get her attention, I began to fidget awkwardly on my feet, rubbing the back of my neck as anxiety spoke for me.

Acting without thinking, I leaned down and placed a heavy hand on her shoulder, quickly turning her around to face me with impatience.

"Hey-" I started out, hearing Grape peep in surprise at the unexpected contact before she spun around fully and looked up at me with wide eyes.

Judging from her face, she didn't even hear me...

That's when I noticed the headphones in her ears, falling into her lap with all the movement.

Well, now it makes sense. She wasn't ignoring me. She was just listening to music.

It's weird though. How sweaty my skin had become in the last few seconds I thought she was ignoring me. How the speed of my heart picked up faster than I realized until it pounded in my eardrums.

It just makes me think...

Do I really depend on her attention that much? Since when? The feeling snuck up without me realizing, I guess...

"Oh? Touya? Hi!" She exclaimed joyfully, quickly gathering up the strings of her headphones and placing them on the ground next to her.

The encounter didn't go how I originally planned, and now with her looking at me and paying full attention, I suddenly found myself freezing-being embarrassing as hell for practically begging for her eyes and repeating the line I rehearsed earlier out of panic.

"Wh-I-and-you-W-What, did you follow me out here, Grape?" I repeated with less smugness, lucky she was too clueless to understand how forced the suave tone sounded.

I was expecting her to at least blush at the words-but, that's just...not how she is...

"Huh? I didn't even notice you were here!" She said honestly, making me internally face palm at my own failed plans. "Oh-do you want me to go?"

She began trying to stand up, causing my eyes to widen with her leave as that was the last thing I wanted.

What!? This girl!-gahh, why is she always so clueless!? It's so annoying!

"Huh?-no!-just-stay!" I demanded awkwardly, gently pushing her back down by her shoulders.

Completely unfazed by my loud outburst, Violet looked up at me and smiled patiently, folding her hands in her lap to show she'd stay right where she was.

Anyone else would have looked at me funny and felt insulted by such a grumpy attitude. But, she understands me to know I meant well.

She's the only one who understands me when it comes to anything.

"Anyways, what brings you out here?" She asked casually, needing to squint her vision from the bright rays of the sun.

Her question instantly caused me to blush as I knew exactly what brought me out here.

I wanted to stare at you for an hour like a damn creep. Duh...

But, of course, I'd rather die than tell her that, rubbing the back of my sweaty neck as I fought for an excuse.

A half truth was all I could think of.

"Well-You didn't see me working out, just now?" I asked much too casually, gesturing instantly to the pile of dumbbells for hard evidence.

Evidence I was practically stalking you. Sheesh...embarrassing.

Violet looked past me and to the weights, pursing her lips in surprise as she answered a perky....

"No!"

I felt relief that she bought the excuse. But, the relief was short lived as I realize that means she didn't get to see me trying to show off...

Annoying...

"Really? Not even a little?" I muttered, feeling the trembling muscle effects of trying to 'show off' for her for sixty whole minutes.

And, then she crushed my pride again. Ugh-

"Not even a little! I saw absolutely nothing. Don't worry!" She said with reassurance, not understanding that I wanted her to see me workout-

Hey. No you didn't, idiot. Quit thinking ridiculous things...

"I'm not worried, Grape." I grumbled sourly, looking to the side in irritation.

But, I couldn't look away for long, already feeling my gaze pulled back to hers within seconds. Whatever annoyance I'd been feeling instantly trailed off when I caught sight of her eyes.

They were warm. Extra bright from the reflection of the sun and full of life. It was like looking at a new world, one I desperately wanted to be apart of.

I blinked a few times at a loss for words, feeling my mouth open and close dazedly as I studied her sweet face. She only smiled brighter, lazily shielding her eyes from the bright sky as she waited for me to speak.

Wow. Look at her.

She's so...

So...

Feeling myself falling into another daydream, I inhaled sharply and blinked the bliss away, clearing my throat choppily.

"Uh-What are you doing with these stupid flowers, anyways?" I murmured quietly, subtly moving my standing position to protect her eyes from the beating sun.

She let out a sigh of relief at being able to stop squinting now, face lighting up with excitement at my question.

"That's right! Well, for starters, you'll never guess where I went today!" She began in a babble, turning back to her garden now.

My lips curled at her excitement, feeling a bit of pride at how easily the words flowed from her mouth. She's always so awkward and reserved with others-probably wouldn't have been able to get three words of that statement from her mouth.

I know it because I watch how she interacts with other people. Intentionally. I do it for the sole reason to see who else is my 'competition,' per say. To see what other person in her life she can speak to so freely like this...besides me.

So far, in the two-and-a-half years I've known her, Roach Boy's the only one who ever came close. But, even then, she doesn't look at him the way she looks at me.

She doesn't look at anyone else the way she looks at me. To her, I am her number one. Her first choice.

This is what it's like to finally be someone's first choice.

It feels amazing. Addicting, and it makes me feel emotional. Hell, as stubborn as I am, it even makes me feel grateful to her deep down.

But, even then, the act of finally being first in someone's eyes isn't what affects me so strongly.

It's being her first choice specifically.

I kept my gaze on her beaming beauty before slowly kneeling next to her frame on the grass, only following up with another question to get her more excited.

"Oh yeah? And where did you go, Grape?"

"A new shop opened down the street. It's called Plants Emporium and I saw a bea-utiful ficus that was just a bit too much for my weekly allowance!" She chuckled, gathering up the unopened packs of flower seeds.

I furrowed my brows slightly at the idea of Grape getting turned down at the plant store just cause she didn't have a few dimes. Suddenly, I had the urge to head down there myself and give them a piece of my mind.

How dare those assholes don't give her the stupid ficus? If she wants the stupid ficus-give her the stupid ficus. What the hell is a ficus anyways? Jesus.

"Just take my allowance. I don't care about buying things, anyway." I shrugged as non-caring as possible, leaning back on my hands.

Yeah. That's the only reason I'm offering. Buying stuff ain't my concern. Plus, when I become the number one hero, it won't matter.

Then I can give her all the money she wants. All the...ficus-es? her little grape heart desires.

"That's very sweet, but I couldn't, Touya! It's your money!" She flustered with a wave of her hands, continuing to make crazy, energetic gestures as she got us back on track "-t-that's not the point of the story, anyways-you see, the lady who worked there liked me so much, she gave me a whole pile of flower seeds for free!"

I watched as she picked up a few packs of seeds from the ground, spreading them out in her hands for me to see.

Continuing to lounge in the grass, I looked down to the seeds and then back to her, snorting softly at how excited she was. Without care, I took a pack from her, pretending to look at it with interest as I knew she was watching me.

I don't wanna ruin her fun.

"Ah, okay. How many seeds do you have here?" I asked pointlessly, not giving a damn about the seeds.

I just saw how much she liked talking about her flowers. I wanted to stay and talk to her about anything. I wanted her to feel excited because her smile was so cute.

"Three-hundred!" She emphasized, clearly waiting for me to react.

"Three-hundred..." I gasped with as much feigned interest as I could, feeling the smile on my face getting bigger as she began rummaging through her gardening bag.

"Mhm! To make room for the new flowers, I've been picking the old ones from your mother's garden." She informed, instantly freezing with realization as she turned to me. "Oh. I hope she doesn't mind."

I rolled my eyes slightly at the irony, feeling my blood curdle with fury at the mention of that old bat.

She was always telling me to slow down, too. She's dead to me. They all are....until the day they finally recognize my strength.

I'll make them see. I'll show them all how strong I became.

I'll show them I'm not a failure.

"Trust me. The least of her worries right now are flowers..." I muttered dryly, trying to ignore the new heavy weight in my chest that came from my thoughts.

For once, I was thankful for Grape's cluelessness, happy to listen to her ramble about her flowers all day long.

It's a nice escape from reality. Being with her.

She's my escape.

In these last two and a half years, I've come to rely on her quite a bit. More than I'd like to admit it. More than I realize until it's too late to pull back and change.

Because, pulling back means spending less time with her. It means I don't get to see her smile as much, or hear about her day. I can't imagine having to go more than a few hours without talking to her.

"Regardless, I didn't want her flowers to get old, sooo!" She beamed, pausing with anticipation before dropping the dramatic bomb. "I've decided to take on another new hobby."

My bruised heart felt soothed and lifted with her innocence, causing me to play along and gasp as I scooted closer to her.

"Another one, huh?" I faked surprise, smirking as I veered my head closer to hers with a tease. "Careful there, Grape. If you get any more hobbies, you're gonna become a little too interesting."

The smirk on my lips gradually melted into smile when it met my eyes, unable to stop myself from chuckling at the flush that suddenly appeared on her cheeks.

God.

She's too cute for her own good. And she doesn't even know it...

I leaned closer into her sweet space as she babbled and pulled her garden hat lower down her forehead, frantically waving her hands around with a sheepish smile.

"Oh-I-I don't think so." She said bashfully, unprepared for the way I lazily caught one of her flinging hands in my own.

I was unprepared as well, not knowing why I did such a thing. It was out of instinct.

I just needed to touch her. My heart got the overwhelming urge to grab her hand. I couldn't go another second without doing it, or I'd go crazy.

Regardless, I downplayed the moment as something casual-because it was, looking at her through a half lidded, bored gaze as I lazily swung our intertwined fingers back and forth in the spring air.

"I do." I murmured, continuing to prop myself up on the grass with my free hand.

My words are a damn lie though. She's too interesting, if anything. It's why I can't keep my distance...

Her cheeks flushed darker and her smile warmer at my words, making shitty butterflies dance in my stomach when I felt her fingers tighten comfortably around my own.

The two of us remained in sweet silence for a small pass of time, letting our intertwined hands rest on the cool grass as we lounged in the sun.

I hate to say how often the hand holding has become an occurrence. Ever since the day we first did it...the day she wrote me that note....it was as if some unspoken barrier between us had been broken.

Personal space was starting to become less of a thing now. Every touch lingers longer than the last. Every laugh lined with a giggle. Every gaze coated in sweetness.

The hand holding started as a weekly thing, but who's counting? I was always the one to initiate it, but who really notices that?

All too quickly, it started becoming something important to me, touching her-ugh, not in that way. I just mean, I needed to feel her. Any part of her, it doesn't matter. Just her warmth. The softness of her skin. The movement of her body to let me know she was existing.

So quickly, my dependence on her touch became something I relied on daily, with my own wants and feelings betraying me right under my nose.

I always noticed the days I never got to hold her hand, feeling my mind no longer focused on plotting my next fire move, but rather thinking up what excuse I'll give her next time.

Things are changing. Too much for my liking. My comfort. But, I can't stop.

I don't know what's happening to me. Instead of wanting to get up before the sun and head to Sekoto Hill-like I've done everyday for the past, I don't know how many years, I find my body and mind feeling less motivated to go. More so by the day.

Because, Violet starts her tutor at seven in the morning. If I go to Sekoto Hill, I'll miss breakfast with her. I wouldn't be able to see her again until the afternoon.

It goes for other things, too. Everything that matters. I've started skipping my training sessions after school, because I'd rather get home faster to hear about her day. I find myself more focused on my appearance-the way I've never been-catching myself trying to style my hair like a doofus, or cover the growing scars on my arm...all with her in mind.

My future always seemed to be the most clear thing in my life, but now I catch myself instinctively including Violet in there, too. When I think of my life as the number one hero, it used to be an image of me alone, above everyone else.

Now, she's there with me, hugging me and kis-ugh-she's there, and she's proud of me.

She's proud of me. And, in that dream, for the first time in years, I don't hear anyone else's words. Not dad's. Not mom's. Or golden child Shouto's....

No. I just hear her, with her praise being the only one that matters. The only one to satiate me and finally make my life feel fulfilled.

My purpose.

What is...

...my true purpose?-

"Give up on your dreams, Touya!! Live an ordinary life!" Dad's voice echoes into my head, shattering whatever thoughts my heart weeps for and making them tangle in hysteria.

It's become a constantly recurring cycle these last few months. Try to train. Daydream of Violet. Question my purpose.

The last part always triggers those words from dad into my mind, almost as if punishing me with the reminder that is reality.

It's the reminder that my existence means nothing.

Living an ordinary life would only prove that. So, I can't do it.

And, yet...

My stubborn dreams are becoming softened. My interests are changing out of my control-away from my goals-my purpose...and to...

Her.

Falling out of interest with your dream. Something that can be heartbreaking for others, sure. But, absolutely devastating for someone like me, who's entire worth is based on its success.

Sure, some people would say it's called maturing to let go of old dreams. Some would say it's called growing up and realizing your place in the world.

But, it is tearing me apart. Each thread of sanity becoming more unraveled by the day.

I only have one place in this world. And, it's getting harder to remind myself that Violet was placed in my life to destroy this purpose. To make sure I fail and prove them all correct.

My heart lurches with devastation when I remember this is exactly what dad wants. He wants me to become distracted by her. He wants me to exchange the dream of a hero and put it towards stupid things-like love and family.

Aghhh. The thoughts alone make my muscles shake. They make my throat tighten and my face drown in pain that can't been seen to others. It hurts. God, it hurts so much...to be cast aside.

It hurts. Down to the last depth of my soul, it causes me so much grief. The pain is like a lesion attached to the very root of my spirit, growing into my veins everyday and over-concentrating my body with disease.

I bet it gives him sick satisfaction to see me falling right into his plan. To know he was right about me.

I need to remember what's most important in my life...

Becoming the number one hero. That's always been most important.

But...

As Violet's fingers curl tighter around mine, with the smell of her floral shampoo filling my nostrils, a silent whimper rattles from my throat. A whimper of failure as I physically can't stop myself from enjoying the moment no matter how much I want to, hearing my demons let out a blood curdling wail of protest into my ears as I give up again, letting my eyes fall closed...

And enjoying it. Enjoying her. This single moment and everything it has to offer. Knowing it will be imprinted into my memory for all of eternity. Even after I take my last breath.

Because my soul is tired of hurting, and it never hurts with her. If anything, this moment healed it, bringing a sick sense of peace to my, usually tightly wound presence. Out of defensive instinct, my stomach wanted to lurch at the comfort and solace creeping into my veins, never having allowed myself the privilege to feel such things. To experience them and get lost in them.

But, her influence has only grown stronger in my system, having had two-and-a-half years to flourish. The voice of self-loathing whispers into one of my ears, with her sweetness whispering into the other one, telling me this is okay. This is good for me. This is right.

I've become too delusional in the head now to know which voice is the Angel, and which is the Devil.

She forces me to acknowledge my humanity, and while that may seem right in the eyes of others, my toxic thoughts say this couldn't be more wrong.

I've been feeling more messed up in the head with each passing day. More disconnected. More angry and emotional. More confused. The only solace my insanity finds is with her.

Even more so as I heard Violet let out a content sigh, instantly coming back to reality with the sound.

It was only then that my eyes widened in shock when I felt steaming tears running down my cheeks, not even knowing when I'd started to cry.

I'm always so emotional. I can't ever control myself.

Instantly, I looked to Violet with dread, feeling relief when I saw she was too busy lounging in the sun to look over and notice I'd started crying.

As subtly as I could, I quickly wiped the tears from my face, with the shuffling catching Violet's attention now.

Shit.

Quickly, I snagged away the tears and began wiping the rest of my face, giving a show and letting out a breath of dramatic exhaustion.

"I'm just wiping the sweat from my face. You know, cause I worked out." I justified casually, purposely looking away from her so she wouldn't be able to get a good look.

My tone had been convincing enough to make her relax and nod in content, before she perked up slightly in remembrance for something.

"O-Oh-my hobby! That's...that's right. We were talking about my new hobby." She said a bit flusteredly for getting carried away.

Violet kept our hands intertwined as she reached her free one into her gardening bag, smiling and turning towards me a few seconds later.

With the rest of my tears gone, I sniffled one last time and looked down in her hands, seeing a vibrant flower pressed tightly between two sheets of glass.

My brows raised slightly with impress to how good it actually looked, holding out my free hand and letting her place the item in my palm.

"I've been pressing the flowers." She smiled softly, scooting just a bit closer to my frame so she could look at the item with admiration. "Mm. I don't know if it looks any good though."

I looked down at the item warmly, feeling a pull from her presence until I'd veered close enough to brush up against her shoulder.

When did we get so close?

"It does." I mused softly as I looked to her flower for a little while longer, trying to hand it back before she shook her head.

She pressed her lips together and avoided my eyes. Yet, her frame hovered closer into my space, making our knees brush now.

"Oh-well, that one is..actually for you." She smiled shyly, before realization of rejection dawned on her. "But, it's a bit of a stupid idea, I think. Why don't you hand it back and I'll-"

Out of embarrassment, Grape tried to snatch the item, but I quickly held it over my head and out of her reach, looking at her with a challenging smile.

"Taking back gifts now, Grape?" I murmured smugly, holding the item higher when she tried to grab it. "I thought you had better manners than that."

She chuckled bashfully at my words, cheeks going red as she once again lunged up to reach the flower without success.

On her next reach, she leaned in too deep, colliding into my sweaty chest and sending my back full force into the grass.

The joyful squeal from her lips added ten years to my life as she landed atop my torso now. My own laughs mixed with hers as I kept the flower tightly in my hand.

"Give it here, Touya!" She laughed, playfully wrestling on top of me to grab the flower.

I didn't understand the hard pounding of my heart. It was different than how it usually is when I work out. My body heated up warmer than usual from the feeling of her so impossibly close.

"Make me." I quipped lightly, smiling too wide as my free hand instinctively came to rest on her shoulder.

She was quick to give up a few moments later, wheezing and huffing in exhaustion as she looked down at me.

Her purple hair enclosed both sides of us, serving as a sweet smelling curtain of escape from the rest of the world.

The smile on my face began to soften with bliss as I looked up to her eyes, instinctively trailing my gaze down towards her mouth when she spoke.

"So, you like it then?" She whispered gently, hovering a little closer to my face.

I like you.

Her breath lightly puffed onto my face, smelling of spring peaches in a way that had my nervous hand gliding from her shoulder to rest between her shoulder blades.

I've never touched her in this way before. I've never gotten to feel another part of her except her hand. It gives my stomach butterflies, with my fingers trying to memorize everything about such a simple gesture.

"I'm keeping it, aren't I?" I murmured softer, instinctively wetting my lips with my tongue when I saw her eyes travel there.

Why did her eyes travel there? Why did I notice?

The sudden tension was unspoken, yet obvious to both of us. It wasn't awkward-if anything, it wasn't awkward enough, filled with curiosity, wonder, and just a hint of blush as we tried to figure this out together.

'This.' What is this? This feeling-

"Touya!" That nagging voice interrupted again, causing Grape and I to flinch and quickly separate.

She quickly scrambled off me, both of us stumbling to standing and jumping back from each other six whole feet.

It was Natsuo who had interrupted, of course. His voice held hints of accusation and demand, clearly having saw us just now as he stormed over.

Close.

We were...too close.

I scoffed in annoyance as I saw the fury in my little brother's eyes, not giving a damn how upset he was from whatever he saw-whatever he thinks he saw.

She's my fiancée, not his. She's always been mine, and he just needs to grow up and get over it.

"You're such a jerk!!! I-I told you it's time to get ready!" Natsuo exclaimed emotionally, voice clearly lashing out with the hurt he felt.

To be honest, it gave me a sick sense of content to see him so upset like this. So distraught. It means I'm affecting him enough to where he's forced to pay attention to me.

Good. He deserves this. They all do! I'm tired of always being the only one hurting around here.

With a wicked smirk forming on my face, I prepared to stir the pot and escalate the argument. Only, my immediate response faltered when I watched him get closer to Violet's garden.

With his angry eyes too focused on me, Natsuo stormed right into the fragile petals of flowers, accidentally stomping one under his foot in a way that pissed me off more than it should.

Because that's Violet's garden. Those are her flowers and they make her happy.

"Hey! You just stepped on her flowers!" I yelled angrily, quickly walking over and shoving him back in the chest. "Watch where you're going!"

The upset on my brother's face instantly morphed into panic for the words, looking down in realization and stumbling back from my harsh push.

"I did?? Oh! Violet, I'm so sorry!" He said, tone turning to apology as regained his balance.

Violet walked over to the two of us quickly, with Natsuo and I watching intensely to the direction she'd veer.

Me. Or him.

My heart exploded with a heavy concoction of emotions as she made her way to me without hesitation, placing a hand on my shoulder

I'm her first choice, see? No matter what, I'm always her first choice. Even when I'm wrong.

"No, no, no. It's okay!" She exclaimed, giving Natsuo a small bow of apology before turning to me. "I appreciate that, Touya. But, he didn't do it on purpose-"

Even with her warm hand resting on me, I could feel the pounding of my heart, and it wasn't from butterflies this time.

It was from my inability to control myself. My emotions. My excessive upset with Natsuo for things I can't understand.

Except, you do understand. You're not really mad at him for ruining the flower. Sure, you're annoyed, but not this furious about it.

No.You're mad at him...

...for ruining the moment. With her.

And that drives you crazy. It tears your mind apart that you feel this way, that you can't help it.

"Oh, please-'he didn't do it on purpose.' That's what you think." I blurted out with resentment, no longer referring to the flowers.

The apology melted off Natsuo's face as anger replaced it again, stupid brows furrowing down in irritation.

He used to be on my side. He used to understand. Now he just ignores me, and when he does speak, he's always looking down on me.

To have your younger brother looking down on you like this. Imagine how pathetic that feels.

"And what does that mean?!" He exclaimed, before I lightly brushed Violet's hand off me.

"It means you're always in the way." I accused, storming over to him now.

I heard Violet's anxious protests for the continuing fight between the two of us, yet Natsuo wasn't so quick to back down like he used to.

He's gotten a little older after all.

"Me?!-" He yelled, unable to finish as the front door swung open.

Oh. Great. We got both of them out here now...

"Can you two please finish getting ready?!" Fuyumi exclaimed from the door, slumping her shoulders in annoyance when she realized her brothers were in the middle of another fight. "Hey! No-come on! Our photographer is going to be here any minute!"

'Photographer.' Yeah, that's rich. Wait until you get a load of this 'photographer.'

"Our 'photographer' is a complete fucking moron!" I snapped at her, before idiot number two had to jump back in.

"Watch the language, Touya!" Natsuo reprimanded, causing me to get in his face with threat.

"Or what!?"

I heard Violet let out a nervous babble from our side, trying and failing to referee the disagreement with awkward hand gestures.

"Don't start this now! I mean it!!" Fuyumi groaned a few moments later, face palming in stress as I snapped at her again.

"Shut the hell up! I didn't ask you!-"

"You haven't even changed your clothes!!" My sister bit back with more impatience, yet I'd already lost my last shred.

Turning away from Natsuo with a growl, I looked to her now, shouting-not because she was at the door and I was at least ten feet away in the yard-but, because I needed the cathartic release of pain.

I needed to be heard.

I'm never heard.

"So what, who cares about the picture!?!?" I exclaimed loudly, balling my shaky fists together as the hard truth came without consent. "It's not even like this is a real family!!-"

"It's not a family because you make things so difficult!!" Natsuo yelled loudly with interruption, looking at me as the blame for all of his problems.

And, as much as this family angers me. As much as they get on my very last nerve, and drive me off the walls of sanity....

I wasn't expecting him to say...that.

Because, deep down, I always knew I was the burden. The failure. The one no one wanted to be around.

But, I'd never heard any of them admit it out loud. Until now.

Suddenly, my anger went blank, along with the thoughts in my head. The passionate look wiped off my face, his words echoing past my ears and down into that toxic lesion on my soul, replenishing its power twice the amount and forcing me to hear it repeatedly.

I told you they gave up on me. I even believed it myself, so...not sure why I feel surprised.

But, I guess part of me didn't want to believe. For a rare time....

...I wanted to be wrong.

The four of us went silent at Natsuo's words, with everyone looking to me in a mixture of pity and apology. That look is all I know. The smiles of admiration and pride from my family have become unknown to me for years.

Well, Natsuo and Fuyumi, anyways. Violet? I didn't know what she looked like, because I refused to look at her, not being able to take whatever look was currently on her face.

Why is everything....so difficult all the time?

Why am I?

Part of me wishes I wasn't like this. It's exhausting and painful to always be this way, even if I can't help it.

But, the bigger part of me-that loathing voice in my ear I was telling you about...it whispers that this pain is the world's problem. That they don't understand. That there's nothing wrong with me.

It still hurts-

Who cares though? No one. No one will ever care about you, Touya, because you're a failure.

"Natsuo..." Fuyumi reprimanded quietly, looking to me as if I wasn't the eldest of this family.

My throat began to close with a mixture of frustration and something else-something too strong for. Too painful. My teeth ground as I felt isolation from my family draping over me like a black curtain. It weighed me down, sinking me to the pits of hell like quicksand.

Why am I such a failure? I hate myself. I hate everyone.

Natsuo slumped his shoulders when he realized he took things too far, turning to me with a face I wanted to punch as he tried to backtrack.

"I mean....w-we all...make it difficult..." He started off, groaning in guilt when I quickly stormed off. "Touya, wait. I-I'm sorr-"

"Just forget it." I muttered lowly, refusing to look at Grape as I stalked towards the door. "One, big, happy family, right?"

****

It only took five minutes for me to wash up and throw on an outfit for this stupid picture. After what happened outside, I didn't give a damn about putting up a fight when I saw Fuyumi had laid out some clothes for me on my bed, cursing and unfolding the nice collared shirt and pants without care.

I hated that my heart felt heavy. That my mind was still plagued with Natsuo's words. I wanted to get over it. I wanted to not care.

Because caring hurts too much. It's the whole reason why I feel so broken right now. Because, as much as I don't want to admit it...

The words of family hit strong.

Yes. Family.

They are my family. The same way I long more than anything to feel their acceptance, their pride for the person I am....is the same way it tears me to shreds when my futile attempts are only met with shunning disappointment.

Never in my life have I heard the words....

'I'm proud of you, Touya.'

And I never will. Because Natsuo said it. He said what everyone was thinking. They all hate me. They hate me for being so weak.

Once again, my emotions overcame me as I got ready in the privacy of my room. I'd been too lost inside my head to sob and breakdown, instead feeling hot tears streaming down my tired, dead face in silence as I threw on the shirt and pants.

God. There you go again. Cry, cry, cry, you pathetic piece of shit. You make me sick.

You cry so much, I wish something would happen where you couldn't ever cry again.

That would drive you nuts, wouldn't it. And you deserve it. Every bit of it.

My lip began to quiver in pain from my own self-bullying thoughts. My nose sniffled instinctively as I ran a hand through my sweaty hair, accidentally catching sight of my face in the mirror near the door.

I stopped my steps and looked at the person staring back at me, feeling nothing but despise and disgust at what I saw.

A tear stained face and passionate blue eyes of pain. Weakness.

Truly....I hate myself.

Slowly and dazedly walking towards the mirror, I didn't even blink as I looked into my own eyes, forcing my sad, beaten facial muscles to melt away into something else.

Something void. Something uncaring. Dead. Angry.

There we go.

I stared at my new reflection, ignoring how foreign it felt to make such an emotionless, eery face.

Honestly, my own look scared me a bit, because despite the great hero I'm trying so desperately to become, my face looked...so evil and villainous. Insane and blood thirsty.

But, most of all...

Strong.

For the first time in my life....appearing so evil....I looked strong. I was someone to be feared. Someone who couldn't be stopped.

Feeling my muscles shaking with all the emotion my face refused to show, I leaned in closer to the mirror without a word, feeling my eyes watering with tortured tears, yet my expression dark and grim.

Fuck them. Fuck them all.

Something began to build up inside me. My heart racing. My head pounding as I glared at myself hatefully, feeling my hands starting to heat up with a rise of grief that was stronger than myself. It would be out of control. Exploding in the form of blue from my skin and tear me from limb to limb if I spent another damn second in my head-

"Touya!!" A voice called from just outside my room, causing my eyes to snap back to reality and a horrid gasp for air to leave my mouth.

I wasn't breathing?

With the usual looks back on my face, I hunched over onto my knees to get some air, not speaking until the light headedness cleared from my brain.

"W..What?" I croaked out to Fuyumi, voice strained and face sweaty as my own sanity tormented me behind closed doors.

I want it to stop. Please. It's all so agonizing.

I just want to stop hurting. It's torturing, being the cause of your own pain. There's no escape that way.

Unaware of my ongoing suffering, my sister spoke joyfully outside the door.

"Our photographer's here! Can you let him inside? I'm trying to fix Natsuo's hair!-hey, get back here, Natsu-I don't care if you don't want your hair slicked back-I'm slicking it back!-"

The knowledge that our 'photographer' had arrived knocked some sense back into me as I let out a knowing groan, taking a shaky breath from my burning lungs before wiping the sweat from my face.

The day's only just begun, and I'm already exhausted.

"I'll be right out."

******************************************************************************************************************

A/N: EXCITING NEWS! Started a new story that combines the worlds of Ordinary and Angel of The Sky. It's called LUCID.

It's an incubus fantasy AU with Dabi as the demon king, and Akio + Keigo as his counterparts. Violet & Ari are the demon hunters they are trying to...possess if you catch my drift. Wink wink.

I created an entire universe for it. ITS ALSO A SMUT BOOK with multi ships (Violet/Dabi, Ari/Keigo, Violet/Keigo, Ari/Dabi, Akio/everyone).

If you want to see the guide and read the first chapter (which still has some smut btw😏), lets get the last few chaps of ordinary back up to 100+ votes! If we do that, I will post the FULL Outtie AU guide and the first, spicy chap❤️

Next five ordinary chaps are on patreon! See you next time!