A/N: i didn't even read through this so let me know if there's anything glaring. 

***

You were curled up on your bed with your head in your dad's lap while the two of you talked. Your time with him was coming to an end and you were spending every moment you could with him. He kept playing with your hair reminding you of when you were much younger and he'd done it to calm you when you'd had a bad day.

Bucky was off training with Steve and making the arrangements needed for him to take an indefinite amount of time off. You'd both be available if needed but you needed to recuperate and build yourself back up and you needed your soulmate with you to do it properly.

A soft knock on the door interrupted your conversation. Clint stepped into the room with a soft smile. "How you doing, sweetheart? You look better."

"Feeling better." You bit your lip in thought before clearing your throat. "Can I..." Your voice faltered though you didn't know why. Clint was unlikely to refuse you. "The farm. Can Bucky and I go for awhile?"

He sat on the edge of the bed and rested a hand on your arm. His nod encompassed his whole being as a smile lit his face. "You don't have to ask," he said. "It's your home. You're always welcome there."

Once you'd gone over some of the details with him, he left you alone with Phil once more. It didn't take long for him to clear his throat to break the silence. "I'm glad you're heading to the farm. It's time for me to return to my team. I was worried about leaving you."

You reached up to take his hand in yours, squeezing it in acknowledgment. "I'll be okay. They had months to get into my head. It's gonna take a bit for me to get them out, that's all."

"I know, sweetheart. You'll get there." He ran his thumb over your fingers. "I put my number in your phone under 'Senior' if you need me."

You snorted at the nod to Tony's nickname for you. "I'll always need you."

"Good," he said. "Don't save all the calls for when you're in trouble."

He stayed with you until Bucky returned. You stood with your dad and gave him a lingering hug. Finally, he kissed your head and pulled away. "I love you, baby. Be good. Be happy."

You watched him leave, your eyes burning with threatening tears. Having him leave so soon after getting him back hurt more than you'd anticipated.

Bucky wrapped his arms around you and pulled you into his chest. "You okay?"

You hummed with a nod. "I'll be fine. He's just heading back to his team. I'll miss him. That's all."

He didn't say anything to try to make you feel better. Instead, he just held you, lending you his silent comfort.

***

You took another week to say your goodbyes to everyone. You didn't know how long you were going to be gone and you weren't about to invite any of them to the farm. For one, it wasn't your place. For another, it wouldn't be much of a refuge if everyone knew where it was.

Clint had offered to fly the two of you out, but you and Bucky decided to drive. You played tourist along the way and let yourself unwind. Sometimes you'd drive for hours without stopping and others you'd hole up in a hotel room for a couple of days with your soulmate. For the first time in your life, you had no agenda. No need to keep busy, to keep to a schedule.

Almost two weeks after you left the city, you arrived at the farm. The gravel crunched beneath the tires of the car as it rolled to a halt, pebbles spitting in its wake. Stepping out of the car, you closed your eyes and took a deep breath. Tension flowed from you as you inhaled the familiar odors of home. It had been too long.

"Wow," Bucky said as he came to stand beside you. "This is exactly what I picture when I think farmhouse."

You snorted a laugh and turned to him with a smile. "Isn't it though? I'm surprised we haven't been swarmed by Bartons yet." Laura and the kids must be out. You kept your gaze on the house in front of you while you gestured off to the left. "That's my place over there." Clint had built a little cabin on his land just for you, though you had been known to share with Natasha on occasion.

"Looks like you've got company, baby." Amusement colored his words.

You turned toward your little piece of heaven and grinned at the sight that greeted you. Clint was there, leaning against your porch rail with his arms crossed over his chest, a soft smile curling his lips.

"Thought you might like some backup," he said as you approached, his voice low and sure.

You paused before you reached him. This man, your family, he'd stepped away from his world of chaos to help stabilize yours. He wasn't here out of some sense of obligation but because he'd never failed to love and support you when you needed it most.

You closed the distance and pulled him into a hug. "Thank you," you murmured, meaning it for everything. For coming, for staying, for simply being there.

He kissed your temple. "Always."

"Can we come out now?" A young voice called and you pulled back with a laugh.

A glance at the door showed the two oldest Barton children pressed against the screen. Laura stood behind them with a smile on her face and little Nathaniel in her arms. You opened your arms in invitation and your favorite kids burst through the door.

Cooper reached your first, slamming into you and wrapping his arms around your waist. "Aunt Nikki, we missed you."

Lila hugged your legs on your other side. "I'm so glad you're here."

You wrapped your arms around them and just enjoyed their selfless love for a moment. Laura made her way to you at a much slower pace and leaned over her children to give you a one-handed hug. "I'm so glad you're home," she said in a low voice, making you hug her tightly, being careful not to crush your youngest nephew.

When you released her, you quickly wiped away the tears under your eyes as you turned to Bucky as best you could with the kids still clinging to you. "Bartons, this is Bucky. My soulmate."

"Really?" Lila gasped before instantly letting go and hurrying over to Buck. She held out a hand. "I'm Lila. It's a pleasure to meet you." All the adults smiled but bit back a laugh at her formal greeting.

Bucky bent over and took her hand in his. "The pleasure is mine."

It took only about ten seconds for Lila to abandon the handshake and hug his legs instead.

Cooper wandered over but kept his distance. "I'm Cooper and that's Nathaniel," he said with a lazy wave toward his brother that was currently being passed over to you. You balanced the toddler on your hip. Bucky's gaze softened as it moved between you and the child in your arms.

"I'm Laura," the woman beside you introduced herself with a nod and a smile. Clint stepped up behind her and looped his arms around her waist. Once Buck returned her greeting, she looked back to you. "We aired it out and stocked you up on food. There's a pot of stew on the stove."

Warmth filled you at the display of love from your family. "You didn't need to do all that, but thank you."

"Sure we did. Well, we'll get out of your hair and let you get settled." She put her hands out for Nathaniel and you turned so she couldn't reach him.

"Knowing you there's enough stew for a week. You can get out of our hair after dinner." You didn't wait for a response as you walked into the house knowing the others would follow along soon enough.

***

A chill hung in the early morning air as you stood in living room of the farmhouse. A bleary Clint stepped into the room and said your name in confusion. With cold, lethal precision you ended his life in a blink. You barely twitched as you stared at the body at your feet. Moving swiftly through the house, you eliminated Laura next before moving onto the children. They didn't even wake as you drove a blade into the back of their skulls.

Little Nathaniel was the last. You found him awake and playing in his crib. Arms reached for you as he garbled a version of your name. You stood in the doorway, fighting against the programming Hydra embedded in your brain. You were merely a passenger in your body as you picked up the little body and broke his neck before dropping him back into his bed.

A jolt of terror ripped you from the clutches of the nightmare, your breathing ragged and body covered in a sheen of cold sweat. The room was dark, quiet and far more peaceful than the scene that tortured you in your brain. Pulse racing, you tossed the covers aside and scrambled from the bed.

You grabbed one of the suitcases you'd just unpacked and started throwing clothes into it. Steady hands landed on your arms, stopping your frantic movements. "Easy," came Bucky's sleep worn voice. He kissed the side of your neck. "What's wrong, baby? What are you doing?"

"We have to leave," you announced pulling away from him. "We shouldn't have come here."

Your chest heaved as you struggled against the chains that seemed to have tightened around your heart. Warm arms wrapped around you before you were lifted and carried backward to the bed. A moment later you found yourself sitting on the edge of the bed with Bucky knelt in front of you.

He laid his hand along the side of your face and traced his thumb along your cheek. "Focus on me, baby. Inhale. Exhale. I've got you."

You matched your breathing to his. As the frantic beating of your heart slowed, so did your scrambled thoughts. You wrapped your arms around him, clinging to him as if he was the only thing that could save you. He held you back, whispering calming words and pressing soft kisses to your head.

When you finally sat back and wiped the remnants of tears from your eyes with trembling hands, he stayed on his knees looking you over with a furrowed brow and worried eyes. "You ready to talk?"

You swallowed the lump in your throat. "I killed all of them. Even the baby. I couldn't stop."

His hands squeezed your knees gently. "Who are you talking about, baby?"

You closed your eyes and dropped your head. "Clint, Laura, the kids. It was a dream. I know it was but...What if it was more than that? What if I can't fight what they did to me, what they put in my brain?"

Bucky hooked a finger under your chin and lifted your head. "Look at me," he said when you didn't open your eyes. Once you'd done as instructed, he placed his hand back on your cheek. "You're not theirs. You're here with me. You're safe. You're stronger than them."

Your breath hitched. "Am I?"

He gave you a lopsided smile. "Strongest person I know."

"Sure that's not Banner?"

"Smartass," he murmured before he hooked a hand around the back of your neck and pulled you to him for a quick but firm kiss to the lips. He rested his forehead against yours. "I know better than anyone what Hydra does to you. How they get inside and eat away at everything that makes you you. You'd never hurt your family. If I thought there was any chance I'd take you away from here in a minute."

"Promise?"

"Promise." He kissed your forehead then stood. He took your hand and pulled you to your feet before looping his arms around your waist. "You and me together can defeat anything. Even our own demons. Let's go back to sleep, baby. Everything will look better in the morning."

You let him get you settled under the covers and relaxed against him when he pulled you into his arms. Maybe he was right and in the light of day your life wouldn't look fucked up. If it was, at least you and Buck could be fucked up together. With the thought you'd never be alone again with him by your side, you drifted back to sleep and didn't wake until the late morning rays of sunlight fell across the bed.