~Jonny's POV~

I looked at Chris with a smile. His curls were even blonder and curlier than usual, and his entire face was lit up in a smile. We were sitting together on the couch, an electric guitar in my hands and an acoustic guitar in his. "Play those chords again," I told him, and he blushed.

"Why? You didn't really think they were good, did you?"

I scoffed. "Of course I did! You can be so humble at times."

"Hey, would you rather me be an arrogant bastard?" Chris asked with a giggle.

"Sometimes! I mean, come on! You've got to accept sometimes that your music is beautiful."

Chris just rolled his eyes. "What makes you think it's beautiful?"

I smiled at him. "Sometimes, just the lyrics you write are beautiful. When you put them to those soft, acoustic melodies, it makes everything come together perfectly."

Chris stifled a grin and shook his head. "Don't be so sweet, J. I can't handle your compliments."

I laughed. "Would you rather me bully you?"

"I mean..."

I laughed. "Fine. Your songs are trash and you should give up your dreams."

"Whoa. Harsh, J."

I giggled. "I'm sorry, baby. Will you ever forgive me?"

Chris bit his lip and smiled. "I don't know, I'll think about it."

I suddenly felt embarrassed for calling him "baby". After all, it wasn't like we were gay. Sometimes we acted a bit loving to each other, but it had always been part of our friendship. Well, it was true that he had told me that he was still questioning his sexuality, but I doubted that it had anything to do with me.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to call you 'baby'."

Chris smiled sadly. "It's ok. I know that I'm hot," he teased.

"Oh, so now you're an arrogant bastard?"

He giggled. "Yep. As soon as you bring my looks into it, I become a bitch."

"You change genders, too?"

Chris laughed. "Yep, that too."

I looked down at my guitar and strummed a bit. Chris watched me carefully, and started strumming on his acoustic. When I stopped, he kept going.

"Oh, all that I know,
There's nothing here to run from.
Cuz yeah, everybody here's got somebody to lean on."

He stopped, and I grinned at him. "How'd you come up with that?"

He shrugged. "I don't really know. It just came out. Here, let's create a verse for it. I'll tell you when to come up with that riff."

I nodded, and Chris started strumming some chords.

"Bones,
Sinking like stones,
All that we fall for.
Homes,
Places we've grown,
All of us are done for."

I smiled as I watched him, his eyes sparkling with inspiration.

"And we live in a beautiful world.
Yeah we do,
Yeah we do.
We live in a beautiful world."

He repeated the verse, and I swayed my head to the simplicity of the song. It was simple, but catchy, and I liked it a lot. "Go, J!" He said, and I did my best to refine my riff as I played it.

He finished the song and we smiled at each other. "I think we've got our first song for the EP," he said, and he hugged the top half of my body. I grinned, and the only thing I could think was how I never wanted him to stop hugging me...

I woke up suddenly. My brain was fuzzy, and I couldn't tell if my dream was a memory or simply that- a dream. I looked over at the clock and groaned to see that it was only 3 AM.

Not wanting to even bother trying to go back to sleep, I got out of bed and walked into the living room, where Chris was laying on the couch with his guitar. "Oh, hey, Jonny!" He called when he noticed me.

I smiled. "Hi, Chris."

"I didn't wake you up, did I?"

I shook my head. "No, I had a strange dream that woke me up."

He motioned for me to sit down beside him, setting his guitar down gently on the floor. "What kind of dream?"

I shrugged. "Well, we were sitting together on a couch, much like we are now, and we both had our guitars, just messing around." He nodded, intaking everything that I was telling him. "Except, your hair was nearly a blonde afro and you looked a lot younger."

"Hmm. Ok. Go on."

"So we were talking, and I called you 'baby', then apologized, and I think that you were sad that I apologized instead of just going with it. Then I created a riff on my guitar and you started singing while playing on your own guitar..."

"Do you remember what the words were?"

I paused. "'Bones, sinking like stones...' something else."

His face lit up in recognition. "That's Don't Panic! You know, now that you mention it, I think that I actually remember that."

"So it's a memory then?" I asked.

"I think so. Was that all of it?"

I nodded. "Well, we did hug at the end, and you said something about the EP. Is that important?"

Chris smiled. "I don't know, is it?"

I shrugged. "Well, it must have been important enough for me to keep in my memory."

Chris hummed. "I wonder where those memories come from?"

I looked at him, then grabbed his hand. "What do you mean? They obviously come from my mind."

"Yes, but from what level of your mind?" He asked. "There are different levels within your mind. There are things you think about often, and there are things so far back in your mind that they're nearly forgotten. Is that memory of writing Don't Panic something that you think about often, or is it a forgotten memory that your brain is reminding you of?"

I considered his question and shook my head. "I wish I could give you an answer."

Chris sighed and pulled me in for a hug. "It's ok, J. I know."

I shrugged into his embrace. "Chris?"

"Yes?"

"Do you love me for me, or do you love me for Jonny?" I asked, though I didn't really want to know the real answer.

He thought for a moment before answering. "Think about it like this, J," he began, not letting go of me. "I fell in love with a man whom I've known for over twenty years. Him and I experienced everything together, and both of us went through a lot to get to where we are now. However, that man was taken away from me. I was left with an imposter, his voice and looks the same, but whose personality wae completely different. Not to mention that he initially hated my guts." I chuckled at that. "However, as I got to know this imposter, it was as if I was meeting a completely new person. He wasn't an imposter, just someone with the same name, look, and voice as the man I fell in love with. Maybe that had something to do with it, but fuck, I'm in love with you. I'm in love with the old Jonny, too, but right now, he's gone, and I've been left with you, someone who actually loves me back."

I smiled at him, but the thoughts inside of me turned sad. "I bet the other Jonny loves you, too."

He shook his head. "He's too busy... er... trying to take care of things with his wife to care about me."

"I'm sure he's got plenty of time to love you," I argued. "Maybe you just can't tell. I know you've said that he's very reserved. I'm sure he's made an effort to hide his feelings from you."

It was weird talking about myself in third person, however the Jonny that had all of my memories felt like a totally different person than me. Did I feel reserved? Absolutely not. Did I want to be with Chloe? Absolutely not. Did I love Chris? Absolutely. I felt like I was completely different from the man I once was. Maybe Chris saw that as an improvement. All I knew was that I definitely didn't want to go back to the way things were before. Honestly, I didn't think they ever would, whether I got my memories back or not.

"You'd know him better than I would, I think."

I laughed. "I hardly know you, Chris, and I'm hopelessly in love with you."

Chris scoffed. "Come on, there's nothing to love here."

I narrowed my eyes. "I can go on and on about reasons I love you."

Chris blushed. "I don't know why."

"I do." I leaned into kiss him again, but his phone rang, interrupting us before I could get a taste of his lips. "It's ok," I said, smiling at his sad face.

He sighed. "It's my ex, sorry."

I nodded. "I'll give you some space."

I walked back into my bedroom, and took out my notebook and a pencil. I reread the entry from the day before and smiled to myself. I hoped that if I get my memory back, I'll read these and understand why I love Chris so much.

Jonny-

I addressed this to myself because I'll probably be the only one reading these. Well, hopefully. I think I'd be too embarrassed if Chris read this. I'm not ashamed of him, but I do think that I get a bit personal in here. I don't know.

So uh, hi. I'm currently waiting for Chris to get off the phone with Gwyneth. From what I've heard, their relationship is still really tight. I'm glad for it. Right now my relationship with Chloe is not so hot. I don't know if you still love her, but I don't. I love Chris. But you already know that.

I had a really weird dream last night. I told Chris about it, and he asked me an interesting question. The dream was definitely a memory, but from what level was the memory? Was it something that you thought about a lot? Or was it something you forgot completely? Do you remember writing "Don't Panic" with Chris? You guys apparently hugged and you called him "baby" and then apologized for it. Do you remember that?

I was a bit scared of it, honestly. I've never had a dream of a memory before. I expect it will happen again, and each time I'll write it down. I still don't really have memory it. Just a dream. That's what it felt like. A dream.

In a way, I hope that you don't come back. I love Chris so much, and I don't want you to ruin our time with him. If you love him, let him know.

Well, I've got nothing more to say, really, so I'll go ahead and close the book for now. I'll write more tomorrow.

-Jonny

I closed the book and walked back into the living room, where Chris appeared to be having an intense conversation with his ex-wife. He caught my eye and gave me a quick nod of acknowledgment. I could tell that he was stressed, as the sparkle that was usually in his eyes was missing.

"No, he's not," he said. I sat on the couch, waiting for him to be finished, though I did feel slightly invasive. Still, I had nothing better to do and I didn't want to look stupid.

"Please, Gwyn. Another week at least," he begged. I could only wonder what he was begging for.

"I know that, but Jonny needs me more." I blushed at the sound of my name, and he gave me a small smile before sitting beside me.

"I swear. One week." Sadness casted a gray mist over the ocean in his eyes. I took his hand and squeezed, trying to feed him some of my positive energy.

"Ok. You too. Bye, Gwyn."

He hung up and sighed, leaning on me. "What's wrong, babe?" I asked, using that nickname for the first time.

He smiled slightly at the name, then sighed, the dull in his eyes returning. "I... one of my kids is sick," he said. "Gwyn wants me to go and take care of her."

"Oh... so that's why she called in the middle of the night?" He bit his lip, then reluctantly nodded. "Why can't she just bring her over here?" I asked, feeling like I was missing something.

"It's... complicated," he said, giving me no explanation whatsoever. "How about we watch Downtown Abbey? You love that show. I can start from the beginning if you want."

I just shrugged and ignored Chris' attempt to avoid the question. If he wanted to tell me, he would, and I was sure that I'd find out in good time.

He put on the show and about halfway through the episode, I fell asleep on his shoulder.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~Chris' POV~

Ok, so maybe I should've told Jonny that my ex-wife and I live in LA and not London. Still, that meant that I'd have to explain that he lives with Chloe, happily married, and that I only saw him for a week every couple months. How would that sound after everything I've told him?

I knew that I couldn't hide it forever, though. My poor daughter was sick and missed her dad, and there I was, thousands of kilometers away, lying to my best friend about how we lived together and loved each other more than anything else in the world. Honestly, that probably earned me a top ten spot on the "World's Worst Dad" list.

As Jonny slept on my shoulder, I thought about what Gwyneth had told me. She gave me a week to come home. She claimed that by that time, even if Jonny didn't have his memory back, he would at least have his bearings in order and be able to take care of himself. I didn't want to go yet, though. We'd only been together for a week, and we'd only been dating for a day. I knew that as soon as I told him the truth, everything would fall apart, and I wasn't ready for that yet.

I kissed his head and wondered if there was anything that I could do to save our relationship. Chloe would be no help, and Gwyneth would probably be even more angry at me if she found out what I was up to. The only choice I really had was to tell Jonny, even though I didn't like the option myself. Still, I decided to wait until the day before I had to leave to say anything. I loved him too much to leave him so soon.

I hadn't even realized that I'd fallen asleep until I was awoken by the light streaming through the blinds on my window. I noticed that Jonny wasn't beside me anymore, and I rubbed my eyes to find him in the kitchen, making breakfast.

"Oh! Good morning, Chris!" He greeted cheerfully. I cracked a grin.

"Good morning, Jonny Boy." I stood up and walked into the kitchen, before standing over his shoulder in attempt to see what my lovely boyfriend was cooking.

"It's pancakes. I found some chocolate chips in your pantry, so I added them to the mix as well."

"Yay!" I squealed, making Jonny giggle. He turned around and gave me a quick kiss on my cheek, and I wrapped him in a hug. "You're the cutest doughnut in the world," I told him, and he eyed me strangely.

"Doughnut?" He asked.

I giggled. "Sometimes I call you my little doughnut, which doesn't make much sense, since you're slightly taller than me and I don't think you look much like a doughnut at all."

He laughed. "Ok, I see."

I smiled and kissed his head. One thing I loved about New Jonny was that he never wore a hat, exposing his balding head and giving me a chance to kiss it more. Personally, I think he looked much better without his silly hats, and I've always told him this, but being the reserved man that he is, he never listened to me.

"So, Guy, Will, and Phil want us to go down to The Bakery today," I told him, remembering the text that I had received from Phil the night before.

"Oh, those are the band mates right?" He asked.

I nodded. "Well, Phil is our creative director, but we think of him as our secret fifth member, because he's been with us since day one, and he does so much for us."

He flipped a pancake. "Ah, I see. What do they want us to do?"

I chuckled. "Make music, I would think."

"I thought you said they want us to go to a bakery."

I laughed. "The Bakery is what we call our main studio. We also have The Beehive, which is just across the street, but usually it's the crew that works there. We go there when we're ready to record stuff."

He nodded, then sighed, turning back around to face me. "What if I can't play?" He asked.

I smiled sympathetically. "What do you mean, J?"

He shook his head. "I mean, what if I don't remember how to play guitar? I can't name any chords and I have no idea what anything means. I can't tell you anything about the instrument that I'm supposed to know so well."

I sighed. "Honestly, I didn't expect you to remember, anyway. We'll figure things out. Will and Phil are really good at that."

He smiled at me and pulled me in for a hug. "I hope everything works out, Chris. I love you so much."

I kissed his cheek and grinned. "I love you, too. Are the pancakes ready yet?"

Jonny giggled. "Yep! Grab me two plates, please."

I did so, and Jonny carefully slid the pancakes onto the plates. We sat at the table, and he grinned at me. "You know, you never talk about the band."

"I don't?"

He shook his head. "Are you not proud of it?"

I raised my eyebrows. "Are you kidding me? The band is my greatest accomplishment!"

"Then how come you don't talk about it more?"

I chuckled, then shrugged. "I don't know, actually. Maybe it's because I feel like I'm promoting myself, since you've lost all of your memories and have never heard of us. I don't really like to promote our band. I'd rather promote bands like Muse and U2."

He blinked. "Who?"

I sighed, suddenly feeling self-conscious. "Nevermind. Just know that I'm very proud of what you and I have created together."

"You mean you and Jonny," he stated sadly.

I bit my lip and nodded apologetically. "Yes. Jonny and I."

He nodded, and took another bite of his mouth-watering pancakes. "What time do the other guys want us there?" He asked, changing the subject.

"Ten, according to Phil." I looked at the clock. "Think we can make it there in ten minutes?" I asked with a chuckle.

"They won't be mad if they're late, will they?"

I shook my head. "I'm late almost every day, and they haven't kicked me out yet."

Jonny laughed. "Well, if you say so. Are you ready?"

"Not in the slightest. Let's go!"

I shoved the last bit of pancake into my mouth and grabbed Jonny's hand before running out the door.

We sprinted towards The Bakery, and ignored the people staring at us as we held hands. I realized then that our fans still didn't know what happened to Jonny, and we would probably have to take care of that at The Bakery.

"We're here!" I shouted, arriving only five minutes late.

"One of these days, Will is going to kick you out of the band," Guy said, shaking his head with a laugh. He caught Jonny's eyes and smiled.

"Hey, Jon. Get your memory back yet?"

Jonny frowned and shook his head. "Sorry, mate."

"Don't worry about it, Jon. We'll still get done what we need."

He nodded. "Where's Will and Phil?" I asked, and as if on cue, they walked down from upstairs.

"Well, look who decided to show up!" Phil announced, and I groaned, making Jonny giggle.

"Hey, we're only five minutes late this time," I countered.

"Poor Jonny has been exposed to your bad habits," Will teased, shaking his head. "You're going to ruin this poor man."

Jonny giggled. "Nah, it's fine. I'll be punctual next time, I swear."

Phil laughed. "Alright. Well, let's go upstairs. Dave and I want to talk to you guys about some things."

We all nodded, and followed Phil upstairs, where Dave was already waiting at the meeting table. I sat next to Jonny and took his hand beneath the table. He took it gladly and smiled at me.

"So, hello chaps," Phil greeted. "The first thing I would like to bring up is Jonny's accident." I looked over at the love of my life, who bit his lip, looking apologetic and embarrassed. "I know you probably don't want to talk about it, J, but we need to. After all, what are we going to do if you don't get your memory back?"

"Well, I think a better question is what if he's forgotten how to play guitar? If he hasn't I think we can keep going with the band," Will said. "If he has, maybe we can just put the tour on hold for awhile and try to reteach him."

"Well, we'll never know if he doesn't try," Dave said, and everyone turned to Jonny, including myself. I smiled warmly at him and stood up, grabbing a guitar from the bed.

"No pressure, J. If you can't play, no worries."

Still, he looked nervous. "Are you sure?" He asked, and I smiled and nodded.

"It's not the end of the world if you can't, Jonny," Will said. "Besides, we'd all have fun teaching you to play guitar." He smiled, and Jonny gave a small sigh of relief.

We all held our breath as Jonny stared at the guitar. He moved his fingers to the frets, and I knew from the awkward position that they were in that he had no idea what he was doing. He strummed a note, and a horrible, screeching noise came out of the guitar. Discouraged and frustrated, Jonny threw the guitar on the floor and started to cry.

"It's ok, J," I said, comforting him by wrapping him in a hug. "Don't be so upset."

"But I am!" He shouted, making me flinch. Guy also walked over and started patting Jonny's back. "I can't do anything right! I'm fucking worthless!"

"Jon, you are not worthless to us at all," Guy reassured.

"The Jonny with actual memories isn't useless, but what am I good for?"

We all remained silent.

"Exactly! I'm completely worthless."

I hugged him more and kissed his cheek. "You're worth my everything," I whispered to him.

He stopped crying and leaned into my embrace. I ignored the stares coming from the other people in the room, and hugged him tighter. "I love you," I whispered, and could almost hear the jaws hit the floor.

"I love you, too."

I turned around and looked at everyone else, who was staring at us, their mouths wide open in shock. "Uh... sorry, mates," Jonny said, wiping his eyes.

Will crossed his arms. "Chris, is there anything you would like to tell us?" He asked me, already knowing what it was.

I blushed. "Well, I uh..." Jonny looked to me and nodded for me to go on. "Jonny and I are dating."

If we had all been drinking water at the same times, three of us would have done a spit take. "What!?" Guy shouted.

"Are you fucking crazy?" Dave asked.

"How... what?" Phil asked.

I blushed. "It's a long story, ok? I'll explain on Monday."

"Why Monday?" Will asked.

I blushed. "I can't... say right now. Will, I promise I'll explain everything later."

Phil sighed. "I don't know what the fuck you were thinking, but we don't need this right now."

I sighed. "Look, can we just move on? It's a long story, and we need to focus more on Jonny right now."

Dave nodded. "Ok, fine. Look, how about we play for Jonny some of our music, eh? Maybe something will click in his brain."

I frowned and looked back at the man I loved. God, what have I done?