~Chris' POV~

I paced the floor, still worried about Jonny, especially after my talk with Gwyneth. Things weren't completely fucked up after all, but nothing had been heard from any of the guys in hours. What if he was dead? What if he had run away? Where was he?

My mobile rang, startling me, and I quickly picked it up. "Hello?" I answered frantically.

"Chris? It's Guy."

I nodded, and I took deep breath, trying to avoid having a panic attack. "Did you find Jonny?" I asked, and he sighed.

"Yeah. We went to Chloe's and she told me everything."

Nervously, I sat on the bed. "He's still alive, right?"

"Yeah, don't worry."

I took a sigh of relief, and tried to compose myself. He was alive. "Okay, so what did Chloe say?"

Guy took a deep breath, as if he was preparing himself for a long, emotional story. "Well, she said that she showed up at your flat and was surprised when he was there and you weren't."

"Surprised?"

"Getting there," he snapped. "She then continued to explain that he was meeting the kids for the first time, and he felt a bit overwhelmed, especially since Violet seemed angry about on him for not remembering her. Anyway, so he had one of his anger fits, and he ran away to Heathrow, where Chloe took him home, and she had a talk with the kids about why their dad wasn't quite himself."

"How did Jonny take it?" I asked, and Guy sighed again.

"Well shut your trap and I'll tell you, wanker," he scolded, and I shut up. "Anyway, so he didn't take it well. I guess he just hid out in his room for the rest of the day, not saying a word to anybody."

I sighed. For God's sake, I needed him. I didn't think that after I left, I would ever have a chance with him again, and maybe I didn't, but it seemed that I needed to try, for Jonny's sake. "Do you think he'd talk to me?" I asked, practically begging Guy to put him on the phone.

"I don't know. I left his place an hour ago."

"I think I need to talk to him."

"I think you do, too."

I sighed. "Talk to you later, Guy," I said, before hanging up on him.

I ran my fingers through my curly hair and sighed. "Fuck," I said aloud, and I thought about how hurt Jonny probably was. I left him. He told me that he loved me and I left him.

Gwyneth appeared at my door, and I looked at her with panicked eyes. "Hey, are you alright?" She asked.

I shook my head. "He's not talking to anybody," I answered. "He's not doing well. I feel so horrible. I can't be there for him and I don't know what the fuck to do."

She put her soft hands on my shoulders, giving them a squeeze. Immediately, they relaxed, and I dropped my head into my knees.

"Have you tried ringing him?" She asked.

"Well, I was about to, but I'm trying to calm myself down first so that I don't scare him." Inhale... exhale. Slowly. There you go.

"Do you want me to do it for you?"

"No, no. I need to do it."

She nodded. "Okay. Why don't you go ahead and ring him, and I'll be standing by the door if you need me. Alright?"

Taking a deep breath, I nodded. My hands were shaking as I picked my mobile back up. I dialed his number, and took a deep breath as I waited for him to pick up.

"H-hello?" He answered, as if it'd been years since he'd spoken a word to anybody.

I sighed in relief, then burst into tears. Gwyneth watched with concern from the door, as I bawled my eyes out. "Jonny! I was so worried about you!" I said in between gasps for air.

Gwyn smiled, seeming just as grateful that Jonny was okay as I was. "I'm... sorry. I wasn't... feeling myself," he explained.

"Lord, Jonny. I was so worried. Guy said you weren't talking to anybody!"

"I'm not. You're an exception."

Again, I took a deep breath. "Jonny, are you okay?" I asked.

He cleared his throat. "Not really, but I'll manage."

"Do you need me to go back?"

He hesitated. "No. Take care of your daughter. I'll be fine."

I wished he'd sounded more sure, because I had no idea what to do at that point.

"Are you sure?"

I regretted ever lying to him. I regretted telling him that I loved him. I regretted even being there when he'd had the accident. All I'd done was cause problems since I'd shown up.

"I... yeah. Yes, I'm sure, I mean."

I sighed. Why did I have to be such an idiot? Why couldn't I have just told him the truth? Maybe he would have still loved me. Maybe we still would have had a chance. Now, he was gone, probably for good. "I love you, Jonny," I whispered, Gwyneth still standing by the door. Of course, I had loved her, too, but in my heart, I needed Jonny. I needed his touch, his scent, his voice... everything.

Jonny hung up then, and I didn't know if it was because of what I said or if he even heard it. I began to cry again, and Gwyn came over and put her hands on my shoulder, comfortingly. "I know that he loves you," she whispered. "He always has."

I looked at her, and saw the truth in her eyes. "What do you mean?" I asked.

"Jonny. He's loved you for probably as long as you've loved him. I've seen it in the way he looks at you, in the way he talks to you. I've seen it in his body language, his song writing, and the way that he seems to glow when he's in your presence. Jonny is in love with you. He always has been."

I blinked. "He was," I corrected. "All of that is gone now, with his memories. He doesn't remember any of it- just from when we met at the hospital."

She sighed. "His memories may be gone, but he is not. He's still Jonny, Chris."

"It's Jonny, but it's not," I argued. "He's... not the same. He's different. It's like he's a completely different person with the same face and ass. He's like an imposter."

I shook my head, and Gwyneth pulled me close. "I know, it's hard. Believe me, I know what it's like to lose someone you love."

I looked at her, and I wished that I could wipe the sadness away from her eyes. "Oh Gwyn," I said, trying to find the source of her sadness within her deep blue eyes. "I never meant to leave you heartbroken like that."

"I know," she replied, sporting a melancholy smile. "I've accepted that you and I just... weren't meant to be. I love you, even if just as a friend now, and I want you to be happy. Still, sometimes it hurts me to be reminded of what we used to be. I was really hurting for a long time, and I still haven't fully recovered."

I wrapped her in a hug and nodded. "I know, Gwyn. I'm so sorry for hurting you. It was hurting me to see you like that. Thanks God for Brad."

She chuckled and nodded. "Yeah, thanks God for Brad."

We sat there for awhile, just thinking about the past. We thought about all the good times that we had together. Of course, we can't discuss the good times without discussing the bad, so the thoughts fall back to nothing.

"I love you," I told her, kissing the top of her head.

She smiled and released a small laugh from her nose. "I know, Chris. I love you, too."

Our hug lasted another few minutes before I finally let her go. I was very grateful to have her in my life, as both the mother of my children and my best friend.

We dropped the subject, and I asked her about Apple. "She's getting better, I think," she said. "She's not coughing as much, and her fever broke again. Though, it could be the medicine that the doctor prescribed."

"That's good. I felt so bad that I hadn't gotten home sooner. My poor baby was sick and I wasn't here to help her."

"Chris, she understands. Her godfather fucking lost his memory. That's sort of a big deal."

"So is pneumonia," I argued.

"Look, I'm on your side, here. What do you want me to do?" She teased. "She was well taken care of. You know I wouldn't just let her die. I phoned rhe doctor as soon as I knew something was wrong."

I shrugged. "I know, but I still feel awful about the whole thing."

Gwyn sighed. "It's alright, Chris. You're a great dad to the kids."

Suddenly, Moses walked in, interrupting us. We turned to face him, and worry crossed my face as I saw the panic in his eyes. "Moses? What's wrong?"

"It's Apple," he replied, and both Gwyn and I stood up. He ran out then, and Gwyn and I shared a look before chasing after him.

He ran into his sister's room, before pointing at her. I ran over to her and tried to shake her awake. "Apps? Come on baby, you need to wake up."

She wasn't waking up, and I couldn't understand why. I checked her pulse, and despite being weak, it was still there. Her breathing was slow, as if she was still sleeping, but if she was just asleep, then she should have woken up, right?

"Gwyn, please call the ambulance."

Moses began to cry, and Gwyneth took him out of the room with her, and I continued trying to shake Apple awake. "Shit, not you, too," I whispered. "Please wake up, baby. Please."

I felt the tears prick the corner of my eyes, and I attempted to blink them back as I continued to shake my daughter. A sob escaped from my throat and I fell to my knees in despair. "Apple, please!" I shouted, tears flowing freely down my face.

Gwyn pulled me out of the room, and I couldn't hear anything over the ringing in my ears. I continued to sob, so worried about my daughter. Why wasn't she waking up?

I felt the leather of the couch beneath my hands, and the ringing in my ears grew louder. Moses is watching you, my mind reminded me, and I took a deep breath. The ringing faded and I opened my eyes, exposing myself to the room around me.

Moses is snuggled with Gwyneth, who's petting his head gently. "Are you okay?" She mouthed, and I nodded.

Paramedics flooded our house, telling us to remain where we were while they dealt with the situation. Sobs still escaped from me, but I was able to see, and the ringing had stopped in my ears.

I watched as they brought in a stretcher for Apple, and I took another deep breath. Gwyneth had closed her eyes, and rested her chin on Moses' head. I could see the tears coming from her eyes, as well, and that's how I knew that she was scared. Usually she was the one that always kept her composure, the calm one of the two of us. When she was scared, I was really scared.

They came back out a couple monutes later, with my daughter on the stretcher and a breathing mask on her face. I stood up and faced the lead paramedic. "What's wrong with her?" I asked. Gwyneth looked up, and Moses snuggled closer to her.

The paramedic sighed. "She's slipped into a coma," he explained, and Gwyn hung her head. I held my breath as I waited for him to continue. "It's not a deep coma yet, but she needs to be put on life support."

"Is she going to be okay?" Gwyn asked, and Moses visibly tensed up.

"I can't give you an exact answer to that right now," he said sadly. I looked to Gwyn and more tears slid down my cheeks.

I nodded, and he continued out to the ambulance. I walked over to Gwyn and Moses, still in shock and disbelief. "One of us should ride with her," I told her.

She nodded. "You go on with her. I'll bring Mo later."

Taking a deep breath, I nodded and walked out to the ambulance. The lead paramedic told me where to sit on the vehicle, and I grabbed Apple's hand as soon as I was situated.

Looking at her, I felt even worse. I had left Jonny to come take care of her, and she got worse. She was in a coma, and it felt like all my fault.

Jonny. Apple. Why couldn't I help anybody that I loved? Why was I such a failure? Because that's what I was: a failure.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

"I'm sorry."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~Jonny's POV~

Jonny-

I don't know why you haven't come back yet. Everybody misses you. Chloe, your kids, the band, and even Chris. Maybe especially Chris. Either way, they're all dying without you.

I just got off the phone with Chris. I had refused to talk to anybody, and told myself that even if he called, I wouldn't speak to him. I was angry at him. He didn't deserve any explanations.

However, when Chloe told me that Chris was worried, my heart hurt a bit. When he called me, I couldn't help but answer. I love him. I love him so much. Leaving him in the dark would make me feel horrible. So, I answered him. I even spoke first. I just couldn't help myself.

At the end of the call, he said that he loved me. Or maybe it was intended for you, like an incentive to help you to return. Please take the incentive. I can't take this pain anymore. The pain of feeling empty, of having no one to trust, of always feeling lost. I don't understand any of this. I want you to come help sort everything out. Work things out with your kids, with your wife, with your friends. Tell Chris that you don't love him. Tell him that it was me who loved him, not you. Don't hurt him, just make things right with him. Please.

Help me.

Last night, I had another dream, which was probably a memory. I was in the ocean with Chris and these four kids, two of whom I recognized as my own. The other two were older, and I assumed that they were Chris'. Chloe was back on the beach, watching us, talking with whom I assume to be Chris' ex-wife. Some big waves were coming in, and I was worried that my kids were going to be swept up in them, so I sent them back to the beach. Not being such a good swimmer myself, I tried to follow them, but I was swept up in the waves and went under very quickly. I wasn't that far away from shore, but far enough to where it was very difficult to get back while being caught in the waves. I cried out, water pouring into my mouth, but I sunk like a rock. Then, of course, the one to save me, was none other than Chris. He pulled me out of the water, and dragged me to shore. I looked into his blue eyes and saw myself, as you. A man with memories and a family and a secret crush on his best friend.

Maybe it was just a dream. Maybe I'm completely wrong and you'll never love Chris. If that's the case, then I'm sorry. I feel like I've ruined everything for you, if you ever do come back.

I'm assuming that you won't, at this point. I've done everything that I can to bring you back, and nothing's working. If that's true then... there's no point for me to be here anymore. I don't know why I'm even still writing. Maybe to just give you a glimpse of what it was like for me on the off chance that you do come back. Maybe it's my suicide note. Maybe I'm just stalling, because I'm scared. I don't know.

Chloe is home. She's brought me all sorts of anxiety pills and anger management pills and whatever other shit. I'm not going to take any of it...

Unless I take it all at once.

I'm sorry to whoever is reading this. I'm sorry that I was in your life. I'm sorry that I'll never be the Jonny that you all know and love. I'm sorry.

And Chris?

I love you.

-Jonny

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~Chris' POV~

I sat in the waiting room of the hospital, waiting for an update on Apple. She had been in the room for nearly three hours, and I could hardly stand the suspense. Would she be okay? I couldn't afford to lose her, especially not now with Jonny being gone, too. I needed her to be strong for me. I needed her to give me her big smiles and smartass remarks.

"Mr. Martin?" A nurse called out for me, and I followed her down a hall. She stopped me in front of Apple's room, and sighed. "Her condition is stable for now, but we're still not sure how she's going to react to the medicine."

I nodded. "What caused this?" I asked.

She sighed again. "She wasn't reacting well to the original medicine that we gave her. It was treating her symptoms, but not the actual pneumonia. It eventually moved to her brain and caused her to fall into a coma while she was sleeping. She's actually pretty lucky that it didn't move to her heart, instead. That would have been more likely to kill her."

I gulped. "So what are her chances of living then?"

"Pretty good, I'd say. I'd give her an 80 percent chance or so."

I bit my lip. "Only 80?"

"That's pretty good when you consider the circumstances," she argued.

80 percent. That meant a 20 percent of dying.

"Do you want to see her?" She asked.

I nodded, and she opened the door. "Can she hear me?" I asked, looking at my daughter, unconscious, and supported by multiple machines.

The nurse nodded, and did her routine checks on the machines. "She can hear everything. She probably won't remember it, and she won't really be able to process it at all. She'll hear it, though."

She left, then, and I sat on the bed next to her. "Apple," I began, taking her cold hand. "I need you. I need you to help me through this. Jonny already needs me, and I failed him. I can't let you do the same. I need you to be strong. I need you to be here." I sniffled, and felt myself begin to cry. "I know you won't remember this, but I know you can hear me. I know you can hear me suffering." I shook my head. "I-"

Suddenly, Gwyneth came in, bursting through the door of the room. She tried to keep her voice low, but failed. "Chris!" She called in hushed tone.

My face fell when I saw her face. "What is it?" I asked, worried.

She gulped. "Jonny..." she began, and my eyes widened. "He tried to kill himself."

My breathing hitched, and I ran out of the room. I needed to scream. I needed a release, to help me calm down. Jonny? Trying to kill himself?

"Chris! Wait!" She called after me, chasing me through the hospital.

I just kept running, until I reached a door that lead outside, and I screamed. I screamed as loud as I possibly could. I made sure that it was loud enough so that the whole hospital could hear me. I wanted Jonny to hear me. I wanted him to hear me and feel bad for doing what he did. I made sure that everyone could hear my pain.

"Chris!" Gwyn called, from the door. "Please let me explain!"

I sighed. "It was because of me, wasn't it?"

I could feel her approaching me, and I blinked back more tears. "Chris... of course not."

I shook my head. "It was because of me."

"It wasn't because of you."

"Why then, Gwyn? Why did he try to commit suicide? Why did my best friend try to kill himself?" I snapped.

She gulped. "He's just... going through a lot, Chris. I can't imagine waking up and not remembering a single moment from your past. He doesn't even remember his kids."

"Yes, I know that. I also know that I lied to him, broke his trust, and made him depressed. He would never forgive me. That's why he attempted suicide. It's my fault."

She sighed. "Why do you always blame yourself? This is not your fault. It's no one's fault. It's just the way happened, okay?"

I shrugged.

"Come on, I'll take you home. Moses is already in bed."

I nodded, not really up for conversation. She walked me to her car, and I slumped into the passenger's seat. I wished that she would just get us killed then and there, but I knew that it wasn't good for me. After all, I had a daughter who needed me in the hospital and a best friend who tried to kill himself. Committing suicide wasn't the best option, for sure.

"I don't know what to do," I thought out loud. "Apple is in a coma here, and halfway across the world, my best friend of 20 years is on the verge on suicide."

Gwyn sighed. "Do what you think is best," she advised, and I shook my head.

"Of course I want to do what's best. I just don't know what that is."

"Well, think about this: Jonny is awake and needs your help physically and mentally. Apple is unconscious and you can't do anything for her."

I took a deep breath. "But would she be angry if she wakes up and sees that I'm in London again?"

"She would understand, Chris."

"Would she?"

She nodded. "Suicide is serious. Jonny needs your help now. Apps won't need it until she wakes up, assuming she even does, I mean." I could see her eyes glass up with tears. "If you need to go to London to take care of Jonny, then go. Mo and I will be okay here."

The anxiety of having to make a decision was overwhelming me, and an inhuman noise escaped from my lips. It was a mix between a sob and a hiccup. "I love them both so much. More than anything else in the world."

"I know."

Gwyn was right. Apple didn't need me now. She was in the hospital, unconscious, and Jonny was at home, still thinking those horrible thoughts about himself and everyone around him. He needed me more than Apple did.

"And you won't be mad if I leave you?"

"Of course not!"

I sighed. "In that case, I think Jonny needs more right now."

She smiled at me. "I think you're right. That's what I would have chosen, too."

"Would you have said the same thing if I had chosen to stay here?"

"God, you can't take a single bit of praise, can you?" She asked, teasingly.

I chuckled a bit. "It's the one part about me that I'm proud of."

"You're so humble, you're arrogant. Now get out of my car."

I laughed, and we walked into the house together, a smile on both of our faces, despite the darkness of the times that we were facing. If there was one thing that Apple had taught me, it was how to smile during anything. I saw that same smile on Gwyneth during that moment, and I imagined Jonny sporting that same smile.

"Thank you for being here," Gwyn told me out of nowhere. "Moses really appreciates it. I do, too. I'm really sorry about Jonny."

I nodded. "I know. I'm sorry that I can't stay with you."

"I know you are. You're forgiven." She smiled again, and kissed my cheek. "I know you'll help Jonny. I know you will."

I smiled. "Thanks."

Well.

Time to pack my things, I guess.

Again.

Maybe this time, no one will try to kill themselves once I'm gone.

Here I come, Jonny.

I'll see you soon.