~Jonny's POV~

I think it's a bit funny how I don't bother to write the dates anymore. Of course, I should. After all, if you ever come back, you may be a bit confused as to what's been happening and when. I think I'll just write the date on the first each month, though. Or important dates. Like when anything significant happens. Well, something significant happened today, but I'm still too lazy to write the date. So fuck it, I guess you'll never know what day this happened.

Chris left today. He couldn't stay anymore. His ex-wife called him the other day and told him to come home. She said his daughter missed him. Of course, this would have been fine, if he hadn't lied to me and told me that oh, by the way, he lives in LA. Plus, he lied about you and Chloe having a fallout. It wasn't what he lied about that got me, because personally, I'm not much of a fan of Chloe, but it was the fact that he lied straight to my face, when he knew how much I trusted him. He completely broke my heart. I don't know how to trust anyone anymore. Maybe you'll come back and put me out of my misery. God, please come back soon.

Before he left, he told me to call him every night at hour 20, UK time. He said he wanted to check in on me, but I don't really understand why. I'll be living with Chloe and my kids (shit, what were their names?), and they'll take plenty good care of me.

To be honest, I don't know what to feel. I don't know what I feel. Depression? Anger? Love? I miss Chris, but I also never want to see him again. I don't want to go back to Chloe. I want to cuddle with the man I fell in love with. I wish you were here. I bet you would know what to do.

-Jonny

I closed the notebook and sighed. It was true, I loved Chris. However, I could no longer trust him. He had lied to me and broken my heart. I felt betrayed and confused. Maybe... trying to make up with Chloe was my best option.

I stared blankly out of the window in my bedroom, thinking about Chloe and how she would react. I had told Chris that I was going to move back in with her, but I had never suggested the idea of ever getting back together with her. However, maybe if I just met her and got to know her, I'd like her more, maybe even fall in love with her. Actually, I doubt that it would go that far. But still.

I grabbed my mobile from the end table next to the bed, and checked the time. It was only 13:43, and I shook my head, realizing that Chris had only left a few hours ago. Why was I still thinking about him? I slapped myself, trying to knock his name out of my head.

But you love him, a voice told me.

Well, he hurt me, I argued. I don't think he loves me as much as he says so.

He only did it because he loves you.

I shook my head again. Was I going insane? Or had I already been insane? Was this the other Jonny talking to me?

I grabbed my bags and stood up. I never told Chloe what happened; actually, I hadn't told anybody. Chris had told Gwyneth, I knew (or at least, he had told her that he was coming home), but for some reason, I couldn't bring myself to tell Chloe that I was coming home. I couldn't let her win.

However, I needed to-

Knock knock.

"Jonny? Are you there?"

I groaned. It was Chloe, and it sounded like she had company.

I looked in the mirror and smoothed down my hair, then raised an eyebrow at myself. What are you doing? I asked myself. It's Chloe! She doesn't deserve your best looks!

I messed it up with my hands, even though there wasn't much to mess up, and found a hat to wear over it. I opened the door, and the first thing I noticed were the two children standing next to her. They looked back at me with wide eyes, as children do, and I found myself tugging at a memory that I could tell was there, but that I couldn't quite see. It was like when you were taking a test and remembered studying the concept, but you couldn't, for the life of you, remember the answer.

"Hi Daddy!" The boy exclaimed, and the girl, whom I assumed to be his older sister, punched his arm.

"He doesn't remember you, you pillock!" She told him, and I immediately felt bad.

Chloe gave me a hard look, as if the losing my memory had been my fault. "Of course he remembers me!" The boy cried, his tongue sticking out at his sister. "Daddy, you remember me don't you? Jonah Buckland! Your favorite kid! Of course you remember me! See? I told you he remembered me!"

"That's because you told him your name! Hey Dad, what's my name?"

I didn't say anything, and instead just stood there like a lump of coal. I bit my lip and felt my breathing quicken in anxiety. Chloe saw this, and quickly eased her children. "Come on now, you two. You know that Daddy hasn't been feeling very well."

"Daddy had an accident," the boy named Jonah said.

Chloe nodded. "That's right, so he doesn't need you two arguing to add to it, understood?"

The children nodded, and I invited them inside Chris' flat. "So how are you, Jonny?" Chloe asked me.

I sighed and shook my head. "We'll talk later, alright? I want to meet the kids," I whispered.

She eyed me suspiciously and sighed. "I can tell there's something on your mind. What's up?"

"Don't worry about it," I replied, waving her question away.

Her children- my children- looked up at me, curiously. The boy, Jonah, had very curly blonde locks- even more blonde than Chris'. He had dark green eyes like mine and a small, squished nose that matched very well with his soft, pale face and chubby cheeks. His mouth seemed to be turned up in a permanent grin, the whites of his teeth constantly on display.

The girl looked strikingly similar to her brother, though her hair was more curly, as if her mother had curled it for her. Upon further inspection, I noticed she was wearing a twinge of makeup, her pink lips curved into a pout and her green eyes popping from the dark, eye shadow around them.

"She's wearing makeup?" I asked, and everyone turned to look at me.

"You always let me wear makeup," the girl answered, looking at me as if I had insulted her.

I shot Chloe a look, who raised an eyebrow. "What? Is that a problem?" She asked.

I stuttered. "Er... no, it's just... she's young! Shouldn't she, I don't know, embrace her natural beauty, or something? Isn't that what parents are supposed to teach their kids?"

"It was your idea, Jon," Chloe replied, obviously annoyed with me.

I sighed. "Okay, okay. I'm sorry. I just thought that maybe she's a bit young to be wearing makeup is all."

"Do you even know how old I am?" Violet asked, not raising her voice, but emphasizing the hurt in her question.

I looked to Chloe, whose arms were crossed. I guess she had decided that she couldn't save my arse every time I fucked up. I turned back to face my daughter, tears filling my eyes and anger filling my stomach. "No, I don't. I'm sorry, ok? I can't change the fact that the other Jonny, the one who has all your memories and loves you all is gone. I can't help the fact that I'm here and he's not. I didn't have fucking choice, alright?"

I stood up, and threw a dining room chair across the floor, causing everyone to flinch, and Jonah to start crying. I ignored it and walked out of the flat, leaving everything, including my mobile. I didn't give a fuck that my family, my real family was back there, waiting for me, and I didn't give a fuck that it was so cold that I could see my breath. I just needed away. Away from Chloe's menacing stare, away from the children that I had never met before, away from the flat with a hundred memories. I wanted away from all of it. Of course, I'd never tell anyone.

I stopped at Heathrow Park, sitting on a bench, secluded behind a large oak tree. I put one hand on the tree as I sat in front of it, and closed my eyes. A quick scenario ran across my thoughts, like the blink of an eye. I could see myself sitting on that bench with Chris, and feeling a rush of emotions wash over me. Before my brain could elaborate anymore, the vision was out of sight, the memory no longer there. I tried to reach for it again, to bring it back, but it had turned into just another blur in within my worthless brain.

I put my head in my hands, the tears falling hard. Luckily, I was secluded from the main area of the park, so people would actually have to walk over to me to see me. I felt like I was hiding, though exactly from what, I wasn't sure. Maybe I was hiding from Chloe. Maybe I wanted to avoid admitting to her that she was right. I didn't know, but I hated feeling worthless. I hated feeling like nobody loved me. Even Chris couldn't handle me. That realization was a stab in my heart that wouldn't go away.

"Jonny?" I heard. I peeked out from behind the mighty oak tree, and held my breath at the sight of Chloe, searching for me. Why did she care so much? Surely she didn't love me. After all, I was not the Jonny that loved her.

She looked in my direction, and I quickly whipped my head back around the tree. Not, unfortunately, before she noticed me.

She came behind the tree and stopped when she saw my tears. "Jonny..." She kneeled down so that I had to look down at her, and took my hand in hers.

"I understand what you're going through. I understand that this is hard for you. It's hard for me, too." She wiped away a tear that was about to fall down her face and sighed. "We're in this together, J. We always have been, even if you can't remember it. And I'll always be there for you, no matter what."

Somehow, her words soothe me, and I take a deep breath. "Chloe, I'm moving back in with you," I admitted finally.

She looked back at me, confused. "What about Chris?" She asked.

"He..." I shook my head, barely able to believe that I was about to admit to the woman that I had been avoiding that she had been right. "He lied to me."

Chloe gasped as if she was shocked, but her eyes smirked. "Why would he do that?"

I crossed my arms. "Look, I don't want to talk about it, okay? I just want to go back to your place and try to get back into whatever my normal routine was, before all of this."

She rested a hand on my shoulder and nodded. "I'll do anything to make you happy."

I didn't believe her, but I allowed her to drag me along anyway. "Have you been having those anger fits often?" She asked me as we walked.

I shrugged. "Kind of. It's just when I get frustrated at myself for not remembering something, or when I feel like someone is getting mad at me for something that I couldn't prevent."

She nodded in understanding, but before she could say anything, we were approached by paparazzi, with large cameras and microphones and pads of paper ready to write down everything that I say. "Just smile and act natural," Chloe whispered in my ear, and I did as she told me to.

"Jonny! Do you have your memory back yet?" A bloke asked.

I frowned. Honestly, I had no idea how they knew about my accident, as I remember Dave saying that they wouldn't post anything about it unless they absolutely had to. It hadn't become a real problem yet, so I was stumped on that regard. "I have no idea what you're talking about," I answered honestly.

"Do you mean to tell us that it was not you who was in that accident which was all over the news?"

I shook my head. "No, but whoever was in that accident is very unfortunate, and I send them and their families my best wishes."

Chloe scoffed. "If you don't mind, Jonny and I are heading home, and we'd appreciate it if you didn't follow us."

"Chloe! Are you fine with your husband cheating on you with Chris Martin?"

Flash! Great. I bet my reaction gave away the answer to that question, and the paparazzi just caught it on camera.

"I'm not cheating on anybody," I argued.

More cameras flashed in my face, and I had the urge to get out of there as quickly as possible.

"Jonny and I are happily married with two children, and I would appreciate it if you didn't spread rumors about my husband," Chloe said, her teeth gritted. She grabbed my hand and pulled me away from the crowd, much to my appreciation.

They followed us to the house, where Chloe had already taken the children, and we both closed the door tightly. I sighed and noticed the girl peek her head around the corner at us. When she saw me, she whipped her head back around the corner.

"How the hell did they know about your accident?" Chloe asked, putting her hands on her hips accusingly.

"I don't fucking know! The band promised that they wouldn't post anything about it!"

She sighed, putting her hand on her face in exasperation. "Well, anyway, thanks for not fucking up."

I rolled my eyes and walked over to the sofa, which was an ugly cream color. It was comfortable, and I noticed that I could recline it if I wanted to, however it did nothing to ease my own discomfort.

"Jonny, are you ok?" Chloe asked.

I sighed. "I miss Chris," I admitted.

Chloe shook her head. "Jonny, you need to accept that he doesn't love you. He lied to you! How could he love you?"

I wanted to punch her then. How dare she insult Chris? How dare she accuse him of lying? How dare she just assume that the love of my life is a horrible person?

"Because I love him, Chloe," I mumbled.

Her face fell and she sighed. "Jonny, this is only a phase. You don't really love him. It's just gratitude for him being there for you after your accident. You're in love with me, not him."

I just shook my head. "Whatever, Chloe. Can I just meet my kids and enjoy my life? At least until I get back my fucking memory."

The memory that ruined my life.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~Chris' POV~

"Dad!"

Moses jumped on me and into a hug that I had been missing since I left for London. I smiled, even despite my broken heart. I loved my son, and here he was in my arms again.

"Hey there, little man! I missed you!"

I rubbed his thick, blonde hair, which had grown longer in the few weeks that I'd been gone. Curls were beginning to form at the tips of his hair, and I grinned at the uncanny resemblence between us.

"Hi, Chris," Gwyneth greeted with a small smile. I could tell that even despite our odd, separated parenting relationship, she was happy to see me. "The kids have missed you."

I let go of Moses and turned to face her, a small smile on my lips. "Come on, Gwyn, I know that you've missed me, too."

She chuckled, and pulled me in for a small hug. "How's Apple doing?" I asked quietly.

She sighed. "She's in her room."

I pulled away from her and looked down at my son. "You've been good to your sister, right?"

Moses looked down. "I haven't had the chance to, really. I've hardly seen her since she fell ill."

"Oh."

I hung my head in guilt, and thought about Jonny again. I spent my time with Jonny being selfish when my daughter was in the hospital and my son was alone. Jonny would never love me, and I had abandoned my family. I was a horrible dad.

"Can I see her, Gwyn?" I asked, and she nodded. "Moses, you can come, too. I just need to be alone with her for a few minutes, alright?"

He nodded, and I quietly made my way into Apple's room. She was attached to several IVs and had a mask over her mouth, but her eyes were wide open and sparkling when she noticed me. I smiled at her. "Hey, Apps. How are you feeling?"

She shrugged. "Like I've got pneumonia."

I sighed and sat on the foot of her bed. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. I'm sorry that I wasn't here to take care of you."

She shook her head. "I understand. You were taking care of Uncle Jonny."

"Yeah, but you're my daughter and I should have been here for you."

"Dad, I didn't lose all of my memories," she answered with a chuckle. "I understand. Besides, you're here now, aren't you?"

I shrugged and touched her shoulder gently and smiled. "I'm glad you don't hate me then," I said, only half joking.

"Dad, don't be ridiculous. I could never hate you."

"Ah, well, you're not a teenager yet," I teased.

She rolled her eyes and I hugged her gently. I couldn't believe that I let myself be consumed by selfishness, completely neglecting the love of my children. Jonny didn't even remember his children, and I had spent almost a month away from them because I was trying to make Jonny fall in love with me. I was a wanker.

"Can your brother come and see you? He's missed you, you know."

"He's missed picking on me," Apple corrected.

"Aw, come on now. I know you've missed your brother as much as he's missed you."

She laughed, her blue eyes sparkling. "Fine, he can come in."

I nodded and left her with a kiss on the head, and motioning for Moses to go in. I picked up my mobile and dialed Will, curious about Jonny's condition. I step outside, with Gwyneth's permission, and was met immediately with Will's voice. "Chris? Where have you been? Phil and I have been searching all over for you!"

I raised an eyebrow. "Didn't Jonny tell you?"

Will sighed, and I could practically hear the exasperation on his face. "Tell us what?"

I sighed. Why hadn't he said anything? "That I left for home yesterday."

"What?" Will asked. I couldn't believe that Jonny hadn't said anything about it.

"Yeah, I ended up telling Jonny the truth, and then he wanted nothing to do with me," I admitted.

Will groaned. "So where is he now?"

I threw my hands up in exasperation. "I don't know! He said he'd be moving back in with Chloe! He was supposed to call me yesterday at hour 20, but I wasn't off the plane yet, thanks to a delay."

"Did you have any voicemails in your inbox?"

I sighed. "No, and I only had one missed call. Not from Jonny."

"Well where the fuck is he?"

I ran my fingers through my hair, worried. "Can you call Chloe and ask if he's ok?"

"Well it's late right now. Maybe I can call her tomorrow?"

"But-"

"If Jonny is dead, nothing is going to change that in a day. If he's in the hospital, nothing is going to change that in a day. If he was dying, we would know by now."

That did nothing to ease my anxiety. "Please find Jonny," I begged.

"Chris, I'm doing everything I can."

"I know, but I need to know that he's ok," I explained.

Will sighed. "I'm sure he's fine, Chris. If it makes you feel better, I'll go over to Chloe's tonight and see if he's there."

I gave a small sigh of relief. "Yes, that does make me feel a bit better."

"Fine. I'll call you after I talk to her, okay?"

My breathing began to slow to normal pace and I nodded to myself. He'll be okay, I told myself. "Thank you, Will."

"You're welcome, Chris. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, mate."

I hung up the phone with a worried sigh. Why wouldn't Jonny call me? Where was he? Was he with Chloe? Had they made up? Did he love her again?

Gwyneth came outside then, and she looked at me with a concerned smile. "What's going on?"

I shook my head. "Apparently Jonny is missing," I explained. "And he didn't call me like he was supposed to."

Gwyn patted my back in support. "I'm sure he'll turn up," she said. "He wasn't with Chloe?"

"I don't know, that's what he's checking on now."

She nodded, then paused. "Wait, why wouldn't they check there first?"

I bit my lip. I had said too much. Shit!

"Well, Jonny... hadn't been living with Chloe after the accident."

Gwyn raised an eyebrow. "Then who had he been living with?"

"...With me."

I waited for her to scold me, or accuse me of being gay and a selfish piece of shit, but she didn't. She just stood there, a sad smile on her face. "You love him, don't you?" She asked softly.

Hesitantly, I nodded, and she sighed. "You've always loved him, right?"

Again, I nodded, and she sat down, motioning for me to sit with her.

"Does that mean that our marriage was just a cover up for your love for Jonny?" She asked. There was no anger in her voice, just curiousity.

"No, no, no! Of course not!" I defended honestly. Though Gwyn had at one point been a second love, as our marriage progressed, I fell more and more in love with her. It was her that had asked for a divorce, not me. I still loved her. "I truly loved you," I whispered.

She nodded. "It's ok, Chris."

"Gwyneth, I'm serious," I said, looking her in the eyes. "I may be in love with Jonny, and I may have always been in love with him, but that does not mean that I was not in love with you."

She nodded. "That's good to know," she said. She shifted a bit so that she was sitting on her hands. "Did you tell Jonny? After the accident?"

I nodded again. I hated that she was so fucking smart, but I loved it, at the same time. "...We dated," I admitted reluctantly. "He told Chloe that he didn't love her anymore, and that he wanted to be with me instead."

"Ah, so that was why you were so reluctant to return," she concluded, and I nodded. "So what happened?"

I sighed. "I... told some lies, and when I came out with the truth, he wanted me out."

"What kind of lies?"

I took a deep breath. "I told him that I live in London with the kids, and that him and Chloe were going through a fallout."

Gwyn sighed. "Why?"

"I saw it as an opportunity to fix everything, and instead I just fucked up."

I put my head in my hands and Gwyneth patted my back. "Ok, I see. That was a dumb way to approach it, though."

I groaned. "Yeah, I see that now, but I was so desperate that I couldn't help myself."

"Look, if Jonny really loves you, do you think that it would matter?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. I think I just fucked up. I really hurt him."

"It'll be ok, Chris."

Will it?

"It will be ok."