~Jonny's POV~

When White Coat (whose name was apparently Doctor Hodges) told me that I was going home with Chris, I could hardly believe my ears. I was getting to go home with the man that had become my best friend in the short time that I had known him (well, from what I could remember). I was internally squealing, though I wasn't exactly sure why it was so exciting. Yes, I was going to be with my friend. Why did that matter so much?

The beautiful green-eyed woman came in only a few times, and it somewhat annoyed me that I was married to her. She treated me as if I were an idiot, and she kissed the top of my head too often. She told me about our two kids, and how much I loved them, and she started crying at the mention of them. I felt bad for her, after all, her husband (me! Could you believe it?) was in the hospital and couldn't remember anything about her.

As attractive as she was, I still found Chris to be more attractive. He had the most beautiful ocean eyes, and a smile that could light up an entire room if he showed that real grin of his. I wondered how he felt about dating a bloke.

You've got a wife, my brain reminded me.

I know! I was speaking hypothetically!

I was really starting getting fed up with my brain. It sometimes made random comments about things that I thought it shouldn't have made, like slips of memory trying to seep through the walls of my brain, but the walls refusing to let in the entirety of the memory.

When Hodges came in to release me from the hospital, Chris followed behind him, a big grin on his face. It was probably the largest smile I'd seen on him since we met, and I smiled back in reply.

"Ready to go, Jonny Boy?" He asked me, the doctor signing my release forms. I smiled and nodded.

The doctor gave me a list of rules (such as not riding a bike without a helmet, which would be dumb anyway), and Chris stood to the side impatiently.

When he was finished, the man with the deep blue eyes grabbed my hand and practically pulled me through the hospital to his car. I giggled. "Why are you so eager to get me home?" I asked, calling his house home, though I had no idea where I really lived. I assumed that I lived with my wife, Chloe, but then again, things could happen. Maybe we were going through a divorce? Maybe I was just living with Chris temporarily? I didn't know. There were so many possibilities.

"I want to make you feel at home! You've been in that hospital bed for a week. You deserve a nice, warm bed," he said, and I blushed.

"Do I?" I asked. I didn't know what I deserved and what I didn't. Maybe I was a horrible person. Maybe this was a chance for me to start over. Of course, from what Chris had told me thus far, I didn't sound like a horrible person.

"Yes, you do," he replied, staring at me, a small smile on his face.

I stared back dreamily, then asked him to please continue talking about his life.

"Really? You're really that interested?" He giggled.

"Of course! I love learning about you." I grinned cheekily. "Come on, you were telling me about how you wanted to form a band with me but I kept insisting that I wasn't good enough."

Chris giggled. "Yeah man, you were fucking amazing! I still think that you are... were... one of the best guitarists in the world." He cleared his throat awkwardly and frowned.

I nudged him with my elbow and gave him a small smile. "Keep going," I encouraged.

He smiled back and nodded. He made a sharp turn on accident, and my body bumped into his as we turned. "My bad!" We both shouted at the same time, before we burst out laughing.

I loved listening to him. Sometimes he was so humble when he spoke, as if he didn't think very much of himself. I didn't know how that was even possible. He was by far the most interesting and sweet person that I had met since my accident. I wondered what I had thought of him before the accident.

Chris took a deep breath before opening his car door. "Are you ready, J?"

I smiled and nodded, getting out of the car.

His flat was actually just a house that he was renting, though he called it a flat so as to not draw attention to himself. Yes, he was rich, but he still tried to be a good person. I felt bad for him. Being the lead singer in a big band was probably difficult. Everyone looked to him as rich and famous, creating stereotypes that probably weren't true. You're also in said band, my brain reminded me, and I told it to shut up.

When he opened the door, we walked into the front, and it looked like just a normal house. I don't know what I was expecting, really. Walls made of gold? That was dumb. Chris was just a normal person. My friend. He wasn't just the rich and famous person that everyone saw him as.

"So... where am I staying?" I asked, and he smiled at me.

"I've got a gue- er..." he hesitated. "Your bedroom is down the hall."

I looked at him suspiciously as he showed me the room. "Do I live here with you?" I asked him.

He hesitated. "Right now you do. You uh..." he smiled nervously. "Chloe would never tell you this, especially not right now with you like this, but you and her are not on the best terms at the moment." He looked nervous, making me wonder if he was telling the truth or not, but I trusted him because as far as stories went, he's been truthful, at least, I assumed so.

"So... I'm going through a divorce?" I asked.

Chris blushed. "Not yet. I'm expecting the paperwork to come soon, though."

I thought back to the hospital when Chloe had seemed somewhat distant, but also so loving towards me. Anger built up in my stomach and I felt my breathing grow heavy. "Jonny? Are you ok?"

I blinked, then nodded. "I'm just... so mad at the way she treated me. Back in the hospital, I mean."

"What do you mean?"

"She acted like she loved me, but also like I was a fool. What did I do? Why was I such a fool to her? Why was she sending me such mixed signals?"

Chris bit his lip. "I don't know."

I shook my head. "I'm not an idiot," I said, walking into my room. Chris stood at the door, looking at me.

"I know you're not," he said. "I never thought you were."

I nodded, and gave him a small smile. "I know you don't." He came down and sat next to me, grabbing my hand. I enjoyed the warmth of his hand, the feel of him next to me. He gave me a sense of peace, something that I really needed to have at the time.

We sat there for some time before I laid back on the bed. "I think I should get some rest. My head really hurts," I told him.

He nodded and stood up. "I understand. If you need me, I'll be out for a run, ok?"

I closed my eyes and nodded at him. "See you later, Chris."

"Yeah. See you later."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~Chris' POV~

As I ran, I couldn't help but feel guilty about the lies that I told Jonny. How was I supposed to tell him that him and Chloe were living a happy life with their children and that I was only with him for a couple weeks every few months? I love him, there was no way I was going to ruin my chances with him so quickly.

I hated lying to him, though, and I'd be in serious trouble if Chloe found out. Still, this was my chance to start over. A chance at a new life for Jonny and me. If we had to end the band just so that we could be together, I might take the risk. I love him that much.

Not paying attention, I bumped into someone as I ran. "My bad!" I said, looking up at Will. "Oh, hey Will!"

"Hey, watch where you're going, you knob!" He teased, and I laughed.

"Hey man, you're the one who let me run into you."

"Let you? I think not!" He said, suppressing a grin. "Do you want to fight, mate?"

I couldn't help but grin. "No way! You'd beat me to a pulp!"

"That's what I thought," Will laughed. "What are you doing out here? Shouldn't you be with Jonny?"

"He wanted to be alone," I explained. "He went to take a nap, so I saw it as an opportunity to escape for awhile."

"Escape, eh?" Will teased. "Is he that annoying?"

I blushed. "Of course not! I just didn't know what else to do. Besides, I needed awhile to think, ya know?"

Will nodded. "I understand. It's like he's there, but he's not."

I sighed. "Will, if I tell you something, do you swear on your life never to tell anyone?"

His eyes widened. "I promise, but are you sure that you want to say it in public?"

"Er... well..." I looked around us, to make sure that no one was around. I nodded, and leaned in to whisper in his ear. "I'm hopelessly in love with Jonny. I want him to love me back, but I know that his old self never will. Him being in this state... maybe I'll have a chance."

Will folded his arms. "So you're going to take advantage of him by lying to him to get him to love you?" He asked me.

"Well I..."

"Chris. You can't lie to him. We need him back to the Jonny that he was before. Lying to him won't help at all."

I sighed. "I'm not lying to him that much. I just want him to know that it's ok to love me."

"By saying what? Hmm?"

I bit my lip. "I told him that him and Chloe were going through a rough time."

Will sighed. "Chris, you need to tell him the truth."

"No!" I shouted. "I've held it in for as long as I could, Will! I realized this week that I would be lost without Jonny in my life. I need to tell him the truth, and now, I actually have a chance for him to love me back!"

"You're also taking him away from his family. Chloe, Jonah, and Violet, all being ripped away from him."

"He doesn't remember them anyway."

"No, but they remember," Will said, and I knew he was right. By keeping him to myself, I was taking him away from people that also loved him.

I sighed. "I know," I said.

He gave me a sad smile. "Just do what you think is right, ok?" He gave me a pat on the back before starting to walk away. "I'm sorry, but I've got to go. Marianne will be pissed if I'm late again."

I chuckled. "Better run, then! Don't want to disappoint the wife!"

He laughed. "No kidding! See you later, Chris!"

I waved back at him and continued my run, thinking about what Will had said. I knew that he was right. I couldn't keep his kids from him, or steal him away from his wife just because I was in love with him. I couldn't be selfish, because that meant that someone else would be upset. I started to pick up my speed, until I was practically sprinting back to my flat.

I unlocked the front door, panting, and called out to him. "Jonny!" I opened the door to his bedroom, out of breath. "I need to tell you something."

His eyes widened. "I need to tell you something, too." Then, suddenly, he was kissing me. His soft lips were pressed against mine, something that I thought could only happen in my dreams. He was kissing me.

Shocked at first, I froze, then, realizing how much I had wanted it, I grabbed his face and kissed back. I had never felt more relief or more bliss than I did as when the love of my life kissed me for the very first time.

He looked terrified when he pulled away. "I'm so sorry, Chris. I just didn't know if you liked me back and I know that everything is really strange for you right now, but I thought about how incredible you are and realized that surely I'd feel the same way about you when I get my memory back. I mean, things might be complicated with Chloe right now but I'm sure I like you in some way, even if it is just a little crush, because-"

I cut him off by kissing his lips again, his beautiful face pressed against mine, our lips moving in rhythm with the other's. He was more confident the second time, kissing me harder and more passionately than before.

"Jonny, you have no idea how long I've waited to do that," I told him, panting.

He chuckled. "I'm sorry that your first kiss with me was like this. I'm sorry I didn't remember you. I can't believe I'd forget someone as incredible as you."

I smiled. "The fact that I was able to kiss you at all speaks volumes."

We sat on the bed together, and I held his hand. "What did you want to tell me?" He asked, and I cleared my throat.

"Nothing important. I don't even remember what it was," I lied. I won't tell him, I decided. He's made his choice. He picked me.

"So... what does that make us then?" Jonny asked. "We can't be boyfriends... I mean, I'm still married!"

I sighed. "Do you want to still be married?" I asked him, not trying to influence his decision, but also secretly hoping that he'd say yes.

"I'd rather be married to you," he said. "Although, I do wish that I knew what I thought about Chloe. Right now, I don't think of her so fondly."

I smiled, and rubbed his hand with my thumb. "Maybe you should talk to her about that," I told him.

He nodded. "I'm just afraid of what the other me will think, I guess."

"Why? You said yourself that you thought that you liked me."

"Yeah, but I don't know the logistics of my relationship with her. Maybe he... I mean I... want to stay with her? I don't know."

I sighed. "Yeah but... I don't know. I would talk to her." I leaned into him and rested my head on his shoulder.

He wrapped his arms around me and kissed my head. "I will, I promise."

I smiled at him. I couldn't believe that this was actually happening. "I love you," I whispered. Had that really come out of my mouth?

He chuckled and ran his fingers through my hair. "I wish I knew what love felt like," he replied. "Because if I did, I'm sure that I would be able to confidentially say that I love you, too."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~Jonny's POV~

When Chris left, I thought a lot about him. His deep, sweet voice, his curly blonde hair, the sparks that danced in his blue eyes every time he smiled... he was perfect. He treated me as an equal. Everyone else treated me as a lesser.

It was then that I came up with the idea to kiss him. I didn't know his stance on gays or anything like that, but I knew that I would be much happier with him than I would with Chloe. I wanted to kiss him, just once, just to see what his lips tasted like, what they felt like against my own.

When he came back, he sounded so concerned, calling my name, I immediately stood up. "I need to tell you something," he said.

I didn't want him to ruin the moment that I was creating. "I need to tell you something, too."

I don't know how I worked up the nerve to kiss him, but I did, and though he hesitated, he still kissed me back, and I couldn't believe it. Still, I wondered, was he kissing me or the old me?

I couldn't help but apologize when I saw his face. He looked so shocked when I pulled away that I thought he was mad at me.

But no, he loved me. He actually loved me. He wanted to be in a relationship with me.

He fell asleep on bed after awhile, and I left the room to make a call to Chloe.

I picked up my mobile and realized that I had no idea what my pass code was. I tried my thumbprint, and thankfully, it let me in. I went through my contacts, wondering who all the people were. Guy, Will, Phil, Dave, Graham, Jimmy, Mark... who were those people? I scrolled until I found Chloe, whose contact name was "Lil' Chloe Bear".

Disgusting, I thought. I changed the contact name to "Chloe :(" and called her.

"Jonny?" She answered.

"Hello, Chloe. Is it alright if I talk to you?"

I could tell from the way her voice lowered pitch that she was disappointed. "Of course, Jonny. You can talk to me about anything."

I sighed, already feeling horrible. "I think we should consider a divorce."

She hesitated. "What?"

"Look, I don't think that I'm going to get my memory back anytime soon," I explained. "And right now, I don't want to spend my life with you. I'd rather spend it with Chris."

"But... that's just because you don't have any memories of our relationship!" She argued. "If you had your memory, you would see that you love me, not Chris!"

I sat on Chris' couch, still feeling horribly guilty. "Chloe, I understand, but I really want to date Chris. The way I feel about him makes me think that even if I had my memories, I would still love Chris. The things he's told me in his memories..."

"But Jonny," she sobbed. "I love you! Your children love you! What about them?"

I sighed. I hated hearing her cry. I didn't particularly like her, but I certainly didn't want her to cry. "We'll find a way to take care of the children. I'll make sure of that," I assured her. "Please don't cry. Maybe when, or if, I get my memory back, I'll realize that this is all a horrible mistake and I'll beg for you back. But right now, this is what I want. I don't want to wait and pretend like there's something between us when there's not, especially when the old me may not even return."

She sniffled. "I understand," she said softly. "Here, let's make a deal. I'll give you six months. If you don't get your memory back and you decide that this is how you want to live your life, then go for it. We'll file for divorce. If you do get your memory back and you still decide that you want to get a divorce, then we'll file for divorce. If you get your memory back and you decide that this is all a mistake, you come home right away, ok?"

I nodded. "Sounds fair," I agreed.

She sniffled again. "Ok. I hope everything works out, Jonny. I'm sorry that I wasn't good enough for you."

"Don't think like that, Chloe. You and I have just grown apart. I don't doubt that I loved you, I just don't anymore."

"...Do you think that you'd still think like this if you hadn't been in the accident?" She asked.

"Yes. Maybe not yet, but eventually, I would have realized that we've grown apart. There's nothing more to say."

She sighed. "Ok. Well, I'll let you get back to whatever it is you're up to," she said.

"Ok, Chloe. Thanks for the talk."

"Any time."

"Well... see you, I guess."

"Yeah, see you."

When I hung up, I was surprised to see Chris standing in the hallway, waiting for me. "Was that Chloe?" He asked me.

I nodded. "Yeah, I... asked for a divorce."

His eyes widened. "Already? What'd she say?"

I sighed. "It was harder than I thought it'd be. She said she'd give me six months to make a final decision, memory or not."

"Does that mean we can date?" He asked.

I smiled and nodded. "I hope I did the right thing."

He wrapped me in a hug and kissed my cheek. "If this is what your heart wants, then you did the right thing."

I groaned. "But I don't know what it wants!" I snapped. He let go of me. "Everything is so confusing right now! I don't have memories to base my decisions on, and I feel as if everyone around me knows something that I don't. It's not fair!" Out of anger, I kicked the coffee table, making it skid across the wooden floor and Chris flinch.

"I have an idea, Jonny," he said, standing a few feet away from me now. "Maybe you should write down your feelings in a notebook. Keep track of everything that happens in one day inside that notebook. Then, if you get your memory back, you can reread it and understand everything that you were thinking."

I sighed. "I actually like that idea a lot. I'm sorry for getting angry. Sometimes I'll feel so... bitter and need to let it out," I explained.

He walked back over to me and wrapped me in a hug. "I understand, J. Everything must be so hard for you right now. I don't mind occasional bursts of anger. I love you, remember?"

I leaned into his embrace and smiled. With him, I felt so calm. A sense of peace overcame me and I felt my breathing slow down considerably. "I'll never leave you," I promised.

He chuckled. "I hope you won't, but I'll understand if you do. Now, why don't you go write that journal entry?"

I nodded. "I'll be back later," I told him, kissing his lips and walking back into my room. I looked through the drawers, seeing if I could find a blank notebook. Thankfully, with Chris being a songwriter, I found an entire drawer full of notebooks.

I grabbed a purple one and a pencil, and smiled as I sat down to write.

Entry One

So... I don't really know how to write a journal entry. Chris suggested this to me. He's always so full of ideas, I sometimes wonder how he ever gets anything done.

Chris is quite the character. He was the first one I saw when I woke up at the hospital. He was the first one I felt, too. He always gives off this aura of peace, which is strange, considering that he can be so wild.

Oh! I should probably explain what happened. You've probably heard this a million times by now, but apparently I... you(?) were in a car accident. Then you lost your memory, and I was born. You've been gone for a few days now, and things have already changed dramatically. I asked Chloe to get a divorce. Now, before you panic hear me out! I think you should marry Chris.

I know that you like him. Maybe you hid those feelings deep inside you somewhere. Maybe you put them away to focus on Chloe and your kids. I don't know, but I know your feelings are there. Chris loves you. Did you know that? He told me that he loves me, but I know that he means you, Jonny. Old Jonny, I mean.

Truthfully, I don't know that I want my memory to come back. I want to be with Chris. You do, too. I know you do. But you're so reserved that I doubt that you'd admit it.

It's getting late. I want to cuddle with Chris before I go to sleep. I'll write tomorrow.

Thanks for reading, I guess.

-Jonny