TW: Panic attack

As Virgil entered the house, he felt his anxiety immediately rise. His hands shook and he grabbed his phone tightly as an anchor. The house was empty. No food smell. No music. No lights.

They don't want to be around me.

No, they care for me.

Then why aren't they here?

Everyone is allowed to have their own lives.

What if something had happened to them?

It's not likely that something happened to all of them, one of them would have texted me.

Logan doesn't like any of you, he probably found a new apartment.

He is a straightforward person. He would have told us if he was looking for a new place.

What if Roman had gotten mugged?

He is strong, and would have gotten help.

What if Patton had gotten into a car accident?

That last thought pushed Virgil over the edge. He could feel his throat closing up. Closing his eyes he tried to go through his breathing exercises. "Calm yourself Virgil, deep breaths." He could hear his own choked voice echoing in his head. Virgil looked at his phone in his shaking hands. The group chat, he could just message all of them.

What if I am just annoying them? What if they hate me and are too kind to say it? His own thoughts were against him.

He took another breath shakily, finally flipping on a light and looking back at his phone. He would text Patton. Even if Patton hated him he would never say it. Patton was too kind. It was just one text, and they were friends right?

'Hey no one is home u ok' He texted and held his phone up to his lips and began to pace. He held his hand in front of his face. He was shaking. He couldn't control it. Had the air always been so thick? Seconds. Minutes. No response. Virgil gagged on his own throat. He couldn't breath. He needed to get rid of this nervous energy.

The front door opened. He felt the crisp air like it was the first breath he had had in awhile. He let out a small squeak.

"Virgil?" Logan asked quietly. "You look-"

"I'm fine." Almost dropping his phone, Virgil stopped pacing. At least one of them was home, he backed up from the entrance to let Logan in. Virgil wasn't alone. The house wasn't empty. The world was still shaking.

Logan watched him carefully. He wanted to offer his help but thoughts from last night surfaced. He wasn't needed. This time Logan didn't offer to help. It had been shown to him time and time again that he was not the person to go to for bouts of emotional stress.

"Very well, are the others not home?" He asked.

"No." Virgil put on a mask of anger, but his voice cracked as he hid his face behind his sleeves.

Logan did not understand what was going on. In the course of two minutes Virgil's expression had changed three times. "I am going to my room." He began to walk off but Virgil grabbed the bottom his shirt. This sudden interaction made Logan stop, confused. Looking back at Virgil he watched as the anxious man let go. His knuckles were white from how tightly he gripped his phone.

"S...sorry. Instinct."

Logan had to do something. "Follow me." He needed to help. He wanted to help. He wasn't sure he was going to be able to help.

"I don't need your help."

"I did not state that you required assistance."

Virgil followed behind Logan, fighting the urge to grab Logan's shirt again. He didn't want to be alone. He was probably bothering Logan but, just having someone near him helped keep the thoughts at bay. As the stony individual sat down at his desk, Virgil sat on the bed.

"Logan, your room is almost as dark as mine is." If he tried to make jokes, he might be able to push it back. Virgil said softly, flopping onto the bed. The tremors in Virgil's hands wouldn't go away. Once again he gripped his phone tighter, his tether to reality.

"Sunlight can be damaging to the integrity of both books and computers, not to mention if I allow the direct sunlight to heat up my room it becomes unbearable to be in."

"That makes sense." This is what he needed, a distraction, words. He had to keep Logan talking. What were things he could see? "You have so many textbooks, wasn't this hard to move in?" His voice wavered, but Logan didn't comment on it. They could just ignore this. Five things, the textbooks, the dark blue walls, the starry ceiling, Logan's computer, Logan.

"The boxes were heavy to carry but I am quite used to having to carry the weight. I had them organized inside of the boxes so it was not a laborious task to reconstruct my old organizational system."

"The only weight I am used to carrying, is the weight of my sins." His fingers ran over the comforter on the bed, then his phone, his sleeves... what else? What else? Virgil reached up and touched his hair, pulling at it gently.

Logan stopped typing and turned to Virgil. "Sins don't have a measurable weight." His eyes watched as Virgil gently pulled his hair. He wanted to ask. He wanted to say something, but he didn't.

"Yeah, I know... it's a joke about how something like that weighs on your mind." He could hear Logan. He could hear the fan on the computer. He could hear his breath, slowly stabilizing.

Logan's frown deepened. "There are so many things that I am not knowledgeable about."

"What are you talking about Logan, you are, like, the smartest person I know?" Two things he could smell. He could smell the books. He could... what else? "L...logan, do you have like a candle I could smell, or y'know, just something with a strong scent."

Logan looked confused but got into his desk drawer and pulled out a tin of mints. "Will this suffice?"

"Yes. Yes, thank you." Virgil took the tin and took in a deep breath. Without asking he popped one into his mouth. He could taste the mint. "T...thanks."

"Of course." Logan took the tin back but hesitated asking his question. "Virgil," His voice fell as he became more serious. "Do you experience panic attacks?"

Embarrassment flushed over his face as Virgil nodded. He still didn't have control.

"I was studying a little bit about emotions. Do you need any assistance?"

"You helped more than you know. Sorry I snapped earlier." He took in a deep breath, looking at his hand again. It still trembled, but he could stop it for just a moment. He was regaining control. "But what do you mean by was?" It wasn't completely over. He needed to continue this conversation.

"It's not a matter of importance. I simply realized it was not my field of expertise to study."

Virgil wasn't sure if it was Logan's words or the sound in his voice, but something grabbed him. Like a rubber band that had been pulled to tight, he snapped back to reality. His mind had this amazing ability to push away his own issues if someone he cared about was suffering. It was a protective instinct he had developed with his brother. His mind was clear. He ignored his shaking hands. Virgil looked at Logan's eyes. He saw it, the same look he had seen on his brother when they were younger. It was the same look he had in the mirror some days. Virgil's lips pursed. He wanted to ask the question but he knew he couldn't. He would never get a straight answer. "Maybe you just need a good teacher. Since you are normally teaching us about cool stuff I can teach you about emotions if you want, or meme culture. It's one thing I'm good at." Both me smiled and laughed. "But in exchange you can teach me about astronomy?" It was obvious, with one look through Logan's room, that he enjoyed that subject, and if Logan was anything like Dee, he needed a distraction as well.

A small smile flittered onto Logan's lips before he shoved it away and nodded. "I do not believe I have the adequate tools to teach you but I would happily discuss it with you and explain what I know about the subject."

"Alright astro-nut, tell me about space." Virgil got an excited look on his face. His breath had evened out; his hands weren't shaking. He was exhausted, but he could hold it together. He could focus on the stars. He could focus on Logan.

"I am already regretting this." Logan sighed, but there was a slight smile in his eyes. He began to tell Virgil everything he knew about space. Virgil smiled into the sleeve of his hoodie as he listened. Logan lit up as he spoke about the stars and the different galaxies. Virgil stayed attentive for a while, but eventually his eyes began to slide close and he found himself falling asleep.