THIRTY-TWO: when he meets the family.

"Lanny, shut the fuck up." It was nearly eight o'clock when my game had ended and apparently Paul had invited his friends as well -who were legal adults so I honestly didn't expect them to even think of showing up- and they'd seen about half the game. Obviously, with Paul in the crowd, I hadn't really noticed them, the only thing I was worried about was the game and him being proud of me. I couldn't stop smiling since I'd gotten off the field in a haze, Ben running into the locker room afterwards (despite the fact that he definitely wasn't allowed to) and congratulated both Andy and I, even taking the time to call Casey's pass 'fucking golden' and even the kids who were blatant homophobes, found it in them to look happy.

Even out of the locker room and back to the car, I was excited, not even noticing when Paul had kissed me in front of his friends. And we'd got in our respective vehicles, deciding to go out and celebrate... Even though I'd be happy with just a shower and then cuddling up to Paul but a victory dinner didn't sound too bad.

Ben had joined in, Andy going home with his parents, and we'd driven to the pizza joint that Paul had basically mouth-fucked me on the stall door and still, I couldn't stop smiling.

Brandon, originally pumped for me (which happened to be so weird), had become annoyed by around nine thirty when we were sitting in a booth and Landon wouldn't stop singing. Apparently his ukulele had been sitting in their car and he just couldn't resist playing it on the ride there as well as in the restaurant... amazing we hadn't been kicked out yet.

Landon had paused his energetic strumming of Happy by Pharell, pouting over at his twin brother who looked like he was ready to throw the tiny guitar, "Why?"

"Why're you singing?"

Lanny smiled brightly, that same façade of brightness I'd come to know him for. Singing, he shoved his brother's arm gently, "Cause I'm happy-"

"I'm not fucking happy anymore, change the song." And that was the end of that when Lanny had looked down in his lap, sadly, like a kid who'd been reprimanded and put his uke in the case by his feet.

It was silent again, all the other conversations around the table halting until Ben had spoken up, taking a bit of his triple cheese pizza and raising it slightly to me, "J Man you seem happy."

And I resisted the urge to bury my head in Paul's neck, awkwardness consuming me when everyone looked over and I bit my lip, "I feel good."

And good was an understatement considering the fact that this was the best I'd felt in weeks.

"That goal was pretty solid, goalie didn't even wanna try and block it," Brandon chuckled, leaning back in his booth and that was honestly what confused me about Brandon. I'd assumed he'd hated me because of my making Paul cry that one time and honestly, I wouldn't blame him but with the smirk on his face and the kind words, I'd been wrong.

Skeptically, I nodded and found myself nervously scratching the back of my neck, a habit I'd picked up from Paul and tightened my hand around his underneath the table. Seeing not many people in the restaurant or near enough to watch, I leaned over to place a small kiss on his exposed neck, right over the hickey that I'd placed there a few days before. His skin was still tinted a deep burgundy and I bit my lip at the shiver he'd given off, Rilee laughing.

"Congrats, Picasso, you got yourself an MVP." She giggled out these words and that was when I looked over and noticed my phone in her hand. I wasn't 110% of her going through my phone but honestly, I had nothing to hide. It was just... weird.

Turning it around, she laughed loudly at the notifications that had been popping up before asking Paul to put in his fingerprint, which he did with a brief nod of mine. Unlocking it, he'd smiled at the picture of us on my homescreen and I felt his grip on my knee after he'd handed Rilee my phone back. His eyes were on me when he responded, small smile on his lips, dimples barely indenting, "Yeah, I got myself a good one."

: : :

It was that following Sunday and after calling my father and insisting that I had something to tell him, we'd made plans to talk that night. I was still hyped over the win and I was excited for Paul to meet my dad but my heart was doing that weird flipping thing and it felt like my entire outfit and face and everything was wrong. Maybe it was just my nerves but I'd had been trying to figure out a style for my hair and nothing was working out. Staring in the mirror, I felt arms winding around my waist before I'd looked at him, his chin rested on my shoulder.

He smelled good, more like coffee instead of popcorn that day and when he'd rested his chin on my shoulder, I had to resist relaxing completely. He looked down, kissing my shoulder softly before tightening his arms a little in a squeeze and then loosening. I caught his eyes in the mirror,  "Paul, I can't get my hair right."

He furrowed his eyebrows, reaching for my hands and taking it before placing it on the dresser in front of me and gripping my hands. He shook his head, smiling softly, "Just don't put anything in it."

"I have to or I'll look bad."

He laughed at that, pushing one of his hands up and through my hair, pulling it back. I felt his hands on my arms, twisting me around so I could look at him rather than his reflection,  "You look gorgeous, always."

But I just wanted everything to be perfect so lacing my fingers through his, I sighed and have a small smile, "Can you do it for me?"

"Fine," grabbing a small amount of the gel, he rubbed his onto his hands and ran his fingers gently through my hair, styling it, "just know, you're beautiful."

"Shut up." I could feel my face heating and I caught a glimpse of his dimpled smile. I admired his smile, dimples not that deep and his tongue poking slightly out as he concentrated. His eyes flickered from mine up to his tattooed hand raking through my hair and pulling it to the side.

Paul nibbled gently on his bottom lip, eyes meeting mine again, "you're staring at me."

"I'm sorry." Averting my gaze, I blinked when Paul slipped the tips of his fingers under my chin and pushed my eyes up to meet his again.

"I never said I didn't like it. Your eyes are so damn beautiful, Jules," and I didn't know what to say to that but I didn't have time to figure it out because Paul looked away, muttering out an apology, "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize." He wasn't doing anything wrong except making my breath hitch and my heart warm.

"I don't want to push you too far or anything."

Shrugging, I held back that smile and pushed for kissing his nose chastely and ignoring how emasculated that would probably make me in front of the guys, "I like it."

Paul's cheeks flushed a pink tint, something that I wasn't that familiar with but loved all the same, "It's just, you're really attractive and I feel like I'm gonna make you uncomfortable and..."

Laughing at that, I twined my arms around his waist, pulling him closer to me, "Again, I like it... Don't feel bad about saying stuff."

And he raised an eyebrow, placing the heels of his palms of my shoulders to steady himself. Trying not to get hair product on my shirt, he resisted holding me back and settled for leaning a little closer, stopping himself with his hands, "If that's the case, you look so fucking hot, right now."

I tried not to make it obvious that my face was heating up, due to his words; pushing him, I'd ended up with my head in the crook of his neck, breathing in the coffee that Paul had made himself early that morning. Originally, I'd hated everything about coffee but Paul always found ways to change my mind, "Shut up." There was a laugh in my words as he tugged me back slightly by the back of my hair and I tried not to imagine the hair pulling in a different scenario.

Shit.

Kissing my lips harsher than before, Paul had ended up sucking slightly at my bottom lip before pulling away like the fucking tease he was.

"What's OF..WGKTA?"

I was still trying to catch my breath when he'd gestured down at my t-shirt, raking his hands back through my hair and going light on the product. I scrunched my eyebrows, trying to figure out how he couldn't know about OFWGKTA and stopped his hands, grabbing him by the wrists gently and looking in his eyes, "Tyler the Creator?" I'd asked as if it were a no brainer but the dumbfounded look on his face only increased.

"Huh?" And I lo-liked him. I like him but honestly, how could he not know about Tyler the Creator?

Trying not to think too much about my almost-confession, I sighed and shook my head sadly, "Seriously, Paul?"

"What?" And he twined his wrists so I respectively let him go and he kept raking his hands through my hair, troubled look on his face.

"You're so old, oh my god."

Shaking his head, he rolled his eyes as if finally snapping out of his haze, "I'm only a year older than you."

"Two."

Shrugging, he tilted his head to the side when I finally was able to use our age gap to my advantage. Biting his lip, Paul gave me a look lacking amusement, "You're almost 18."

"True." And he laughed at my shrug, moving forward and placing a kiss on my lips, the sound vibrating through my chest and everything felt so much brighter. With my newfound confidence, I wasn't sure how long it would last but I was getting everything I could out of it. There was a warmth in my chest that felt bitterly familiar... I felt happier.

Of course there was that feeling of not deserving Paul or any of this and my subconscious was telling me how shitty I was but right when my lips smile started to falter, Paul hugged me tighter. It was as if Paul could sense my heart sinking and he lifted me right back up. Pulling away he bit his lip before his eye flickered down to my shirt again, "What is it though?"

"Odd Future Wolf Gang Kill Them All." And Paul laughed at the way my cheeks flushed, in embarrassment, his forehead rested on mine.

My mouth gaped open before I pouted; licking my lips, I attempted to figure out what was so funny, "What?"

But he just kept laughing, kissing my forehead before pulling away and restarting on my hair.

: : :

"I have to tell you something." The clock had been ticking down and with as much confidence as I had, my hand was tight in Paul's to the point where he'd have to wiggle his fingers to indicate that I needed to calm down. I could see the worried glances when we were on the highway later, going towards my "home" and when I'd actually brought up the issue.

My chest had been feeling light that day and really, in that moment, I felt like I could tell him everything.

"What is it?" And the look of complete and utter care made my breath stop as we pulled up to a traffic light and my heart jumped out of my body. I was falling in love with him and I knew it.

"I just..." I couldn't ruin it, I could not ruin it. I had to tell him, "I don't want to become a burden, you know? Like, I know we're dating and all but..." I trailed off, my mouth betraying me as I let a lie slip passed my teeth.

Well, really, it wasn't a lie...

I wanted to tell him I was contemplating bisexuality, I wanted to tell him about Andy and fuck, I tried. But I didn't have to nerve to ruin what we had when I was so on top of the world so I pushed it away and forced a wavering smile.

His eyebrows furrowed, "I get what you mean but you need a place to stay, I'm not letting you sleep on the street, Jules."

"I just don't want you to get sick of me." That was the truth; I'd been so scared of something bad happening and Paul leaving or kicking me out and maybe that was another reason I wasn't 100% honest with him.

"Not possible."

Possible, possible, so possible.

My hands were starting to sweat and I was getting sadder by the minute and I couldn't help but close myself up so pulling my arm away, I shifted closer to the window. Changing the subject, I tried to ignore the hurt on his face, "Whatever happened to Music Monday?"

"You seemed upset, I wasn't going to bug you about it... We filmed it already." And he shrugged but I could still see the frown on his features and the way he tightened his grip a bit on the steering wheel. Looking away, I tried not to be as upset as I was before and it was hitting me hard. It was as if someone turned a switch in my head and honestly, I just wanted Paul to not look as disappointed with the situation as I was inside.

"Thank you." And I wiped my hand on my jeans before sliding my hand back over to take his off from gripping the arm rest and gently slid my fingered through the slots. I was trying my best not to close him out as it only upset him further. He'd mentioned it before and his breath hitched when I'd brought his hand to my lips, placing a small kiss on a tattoo that I hadn't fully hand the chance to stare at yet.

"No problem." He smiled but bit his lip as we neared closer to my house and suddenly I was the one comforting him.

"Are you okay?"

"Just a little nervous." His smile became a little sheepish and I to this day, I think about that moment, not knowing who leaned in but knowing that it was the best kiss of my life.

"It'll be fine."

: : :

After leading Paul into the house, I'd clenched my jaw, memories resurfacing and I swear I could hear my mom in the back of my head. It took everything in me to not leave at that moment, shame coursing through my veins as we entered the living room. I still had the keys, I still had the fucking house keys and I was conflicted on how to feel about that.

This wasn't my home.

But it was where my family resided and I found myself asking him to wait back a bit as I called Jade and my dad downstairs.

"It'll be fine, Jules." He reassured although it was me saying those words to him minutes prior and we were back to the same roles we'd unconsciously given ourselves. Paul always made me feel better and when I heard footsteps coming down the stairs and heavier ones coming in from the kitchen, I gulped.

Motioning for my family to sit down after all the hugs and respective 'hellos,' I grimaced at the missing person who'd always find her way to the love seat, blond hair straight and sleek and friendly smile on her face. I closed my eyes.

"J, you okay?" I'd heard Jade ask in the same tone that she'd told me she missed me and I couldn't take it anymore.

"I have a boyfriend," I let out, eyes opening and staring straight at my dad, fists clenching with the effort. It was different than coming out to me, it felt like I was verifying everything and I stayed in my nerves. I wasn't really sure why I'd assumed they were all against me at the moment.

He smiled, wider than the whole Pacific Ocean, and his eyes got brighter. If I wasn't mistaken, it was pride shining in his eyes. "Who?"

And it was as if they didn't see Paul until I'd looked behind me, seeing him sheepishly leaning against the doorframe and he smiled. Waving, he bit his lip and Jade let out a squeal. "Hi."

"I knew it."

My dad had risen from his seat, walking closer as if dissecting Paul and when they were close enough, he'd lifted a hand to shake.

"Jason."

He smiled, taking my dad's hand without a hitch, "Paul."

"Paul?" There was confusion on his face, it hidden behind a laugh and he was shaking Paul's hand. "Like just... Paul?"

The man in question laughed where anyone else would've felt kind of uncomfortable. My dad was always direct and honestly, seeing how well Paul handled being put on the spot was kind of attractive. "Yeah, Paul. Paul Jones."

Okay, very attractive.

And he was still grinning, with warm eyes and he just looked so fucking good today. Oh, and he smelled amazing, did I mention that he smelled amazing?

Blushing, I curled my fingers tighter around his, shifting slightly and he'd flicked his eyes over to meet mine for a second.
Every time he looked at me like that, all amused and confident, it took my breath away.

My dad was still deliberating on how exactly my new boyfriend was named something so -albeit- generic. "You don't look like a Paul." And I couldn't help but laugh cause yeah, me and Jason Douglas differed in many ways but sometimes, sometimes I remembered that I was an extension of him.

Paul must've felt the same, holding back a smirk and Jade was popping in. "Yeah, I was thinking like an Adam or a Robbie or..." she was scrolling through her phone, curled up on the couch and shrugged, "something not so white."

"Jade."

At that, she dropped her phone, looking up and she met three pairs of eyes. "Not that there's a problem with being white, we're white!" Her hands were held up in front of her and she was struggling not to laugh. "I can't be racist against my own people, Dad!"

I tried not to groan out at that but religion and race were two things you definitely didn't talk about when you were meeting the family.

"Stop talking."

My dad must've felt so, so uncomfortable because he was actually blushing now. "I'm sorry." He smiled, this time full of embarrassment and he looked so stiff all of a sudden in his button down shirt and slacks. "Um, well, Paul, it's nice to meet you."

As if sensing the shift, Paul was offering a laugh, it warm and infectious and God, I could listen to that all day.

"It's completely okay, I-uh- I get that a lot."

Jason nodded, offering a seat.

"So..." Turning around he looked at me before asking his question, walking to sit back on the main couch as Paul and I took the loveseat. I tried to keep a distance, be respectful and Paul was still holding my hand.

I loved that about being an us, that must've been my favorite thing, that every time we were near each other, it was like we just had to touch. It could've been just watching a movie but his arm would be around me or standing in line at the grocery store, his hand would graze my lower back.

Paul was always gentle and loving and it made me so fucking giddy. I would've been so then, would've felt so safe if I wasn't sitting directly across the room from the cross mounted on the wall.

And then I was slipping my hand out of his, wiping the sweat that was starting to surface on my palms, on the seat. Paul's brows furrowed in silent questioning but he didn't move to touch me any further.

My heart lurched at the thought of my mother, "How long have you guys known each other?"

I shrugged and Paul took the initiative to talk, sensing I didn't want to, "Not long but it feels like I've known him my whole life."

"Not long?" My dad inquired, eyebrows furrowing at Paul's sappy response and his smile faltered.

"A month." I'd filled in and instantly, Dad's smile dropped.

: : :

Since Paul had excused himself to the bathroom, we'd been sitting silently, my father just processing. I could see the alertness on Jade's face as she kept looking up from my old phone, an iPhone 5, and chewing on her bottom lip. It's been around five minutes since I'd dropped the bomb that I'd only known Paul for a short amount on time, five long minutes in which my dad stared me down like Benji would stare down a person he hated in the hallways.

I could see the way he tried to force a smile again, attempting to be optimistic about the situation and I really wish Paul would come back from escaping the awkward air, "So... How'd he ask?"

"I actually asked him."I'd supplied and Jade giggled; she seriously fucking giggled. Jade was now someone who giggled, how long have I been gone?

"That's my boy!"

"Dude really?" My little sister was seemingly surprised that I had enough balls to ask someone out and honestly, I hadn't blamed her.

Paul was really something special and I found myself thinking about the way his hair looked that day and the face that his dimples seemed to be deeper, his eyes matching. Something about him felt right and something about the world seemed brighter when he looked at me, "Yeah... I really like him."

Dad tilted his head, most likely at the goofy grin on my face, "Like as in..."

"Like as in he's amazing and I really wish he was here right now. He cares about me and he has these hugs and he's an artist." I'd always heard about those stories where when you're talking about someone you're fond of, you run out of adjectives to describe them and suddenly the English language just feels unfinished. It felt like he was a synonym for heaven which was ironic because my mother had once told me I'd never be allowed in there.

But even if I wasn't, he was my own personal heaven. You know, if that made sense...

"Artist?" My dad asked and I could basically see his skepticism building with each statement. According to school and my parents as well, art wasn't a viable career. Inspiration wasn't liable at all times so they'd always steered me away from creative arts... Not like I'd ever had an in sternest in them anyways.

"Artist, accepted into one of the best art colleges in the country." I spoke proudly because that's what I was, I was proud of him. I was so proud of Paul, it was ridiculous.

"That's amazing." And it was.

"I know."

There was a small smile on his face but his brows were still knitted together and as if he were about to deliver bad news, he started positive. "He seems nice." I know. Still, he emphasized it, "Really."

"He is. Like, to everyone, all the time, it's kind of weird." I'd never been around someone that well liked.

No one that actually met him ever had a bad thing to say about him, he was just a genuinely good person and maybe that was why it was so easy to fall for him.

My dad still seemed worried and then he asked the one question I wasn't sure I wanted to hear, "What about you?"

There it was: that dreadful question about the future that I hadn't so much as planned. Sure, I'd looked at colleges here and there but I had no interest in acknowledging that the future was nearing and I'd insisted on running from it. Of course I didn't let my attorney of a father know that,  "Scouts were coming to the game. UC Santa Barbra was looking at me."

"California... That's pretty far," it was, "are you sure you're okay with that?"

We hadn't talked about that, we hadn't talked about that at all and that kind of scared me. Sure, I had him now and he wouldn't be that far from Michigan but what about college? What about after I graduated and if I got accepted? "He told me to follow my dreams."

"I meant you." He chuckled, it rough and I tried not to take offense to it. "His opinion on it isn't really the one I care about."

"Well, if I'm scouted for UCSB, that would great for me."

It was then when Jade tried to join in, stopping the beginnings of an argument. "Julian-"

Still, I insisted on evading the question, "We'll cross that bridge when we get to it."

"And his parents are okay with you staying there?" Dad continued to inject and I regretted even coming to talk to him about this.

"He, um, doesn't live with his parents."

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Paul entering the room and I wasn't even partially relaxed until he'd sunk into the cushion beside me and gripped my knee as if telling me to calm down. It was then I realized I was shaking my leg repeatedly, Paul was always really good at knowing when to stop me.

"Wait, how old is he?" He asked me as if Paul wasn't sitting right there and I inwardly cringed at his abrasive nature.

"Dad..."

"You're underage, Julian, is this even legal? I'm not raising a felon." And there he was with all his lawyer talk.

"It's legal, he's nineteen and we're not doing anything like that." Paul nodded as if to emphasize my statement and I attempted to keep eye contact with my father for the longest I could. Breaking it, he shoved his head in his hands and sighed loud enough for Paul to bite his lip, anxiously.

"Promise me that you're not sexually active."

And it was awkward again, Jade's face contorting in disgust and Paul's hand gently removed itself from my knee,  "Dad..."

"I mean, I know it's probably not the truth but please just lie to me." He sounded really scared and Jesus, I thought I'd managed to avoid the sex talk by then but here we were talking about it. I didn't really want to respond to that, my stomach in knots, so Paul interjected again.

"Sir, I promise we haven't..."

I tried to save him from the glare my dad decided to throw his way, "I'm not... sexually active," just those words together made me uncomfortable.

It felt like health class all over again. Like watching Calum confidently boast to the guys in the back of class about the girl he'd finger-banged at a party that we definitely didn't go to.

My eyes were squeezed shut and embarrassment seeped out of my pores. Paul was awkwardly letting go of my knee now. I twined our fingers together, hoping he'd take that as comfort, "and I'm telling the truth."

"Does he have a job?" He'd ignored the response, eyes flickering from me to Paul who'd ended up scratching the back of his neck, uncomfortably, "Do you have a job?"

"Yes, sir."

"What do you do?"

"He works at Barnes and Noble, in the cafe."

He looked skeptical again and I realized that now, he was just shooting questions at us, "And... He owns a place, how the hell does he pay for that?" I knew that question was coming, always about the finances because my dad had no filter and he didn't really care whether or not he was intruding on someone's personal business.

"Actually he shares the apartment with three other people."

"Plus you?"

"Four other people."

At that, Paul interjected, "it's in a nice neighborhood and m-my friends own it." But my dad didn't care. "Their parents actually own half of the apartment building we live in."

"So he's an artist who crashes at his friends place and is dating a seventeen year old? No one else sees a problem here." The way he said it made it seem worse than t really was and that was what discouraged me the most. Was I moving too fast?

I scoffed, "two years, dad?"

"Not even two, his birthday is next week." Jade had spoken up for what felt like the first time in forever and my heart rate slowed, it was starting to sound reasonable. I mean, I had reasons to be living with Paul still.

Didn't I?

"What do his friends do?"

And Jade continued to talk, squealing again. It was like she was waiting for this question and now that she was in her element, years of locking herself in a room with her laptop and ice-cream, was finally becoming useful. "They all run a YouTube channel and are widely known. I've heard you get paid a lot for that."

"No drugs?" He'd continued, eyes latching onto Paul and if I didn't know him so well, I'd say he was completely confident. But I didn't miss the way he bit his lip and his hand started squeezing my knee as if he wanted to know I was still there.

"Nope."

"Not in a gang or anything?"

"I'm actually a pacifist."

Dad rolled his eyes at that and I could hear Paul's breath hitch. "Where do you sleep?"

"Dad..."

"Do you sleep together?"

"Dad!" He was getting too awkward and I could feel Paul squeezing my knee again.

"These are questions every parent is supposed to ask."

I coughed, looking at Paul to tell him to let me answer this one and then attempted my best 'I'm not guilty' face, "No, we don't. I sleep on the couch."

"Lying ass."

Paul's phone vibrated in his pocket, ending my state off with my father and I averted my gaze to Paul checking his phone. I wasn't sure who it was exactly but I trusted him enough so when he leaned over and kissed my cheek, gently, I was fine with his excusing himself and tried not to let my insecurities get the best of me, "I've gotta take this; I'll be outside, baby."

"Is it important?" Please don't leave me in here alone.

But he looked kind of nervous, biting his lip. "Sorry." Leaning forward, he placed another small kiss on my cheek and then he was holding my hand, pulling it to his lips to place a kiss there as well. My heart was racing.

How did he always make me feel so goddamn mushy? "I'll be right back okay?" I nodded.

When he was gone, that's when dad started grilling me again, "You've only known each other for a few weeks," a month and four days. "and you're living together, Julian that's insane."

"I really like him, Dad."

But it was more than like, I knew that... But less than love because I couldn't love Paul already. I definitely didn't love Paul after a month and four days; that would be crazy.

But the way my father was going about it was bugging me, he didn't even give Paul a chance. "He's a good guy, Dad." I didn't know that people as good as Paul existed so now, I could see why this perfect human being coming into my life at that point might've seemed suspicious.

I was just so angry, and everything was bottled up so my dad taking out what he was feeling on Paul was upsetting me. Maybe it was because it felt like he didn't think I deserved this kind of happiness, maybe it was because I didn't.

"A good guy?" He'd laughed at that, "you've known him for a month, you don't know what kind of guy he is."

But he wasn't done, "he could have another boyfriend for all you know." And that was stupid, how would he have had another boyfriend?

I knew what kind of person Paul was, he didn't have a bad bone in his body, the guy was amazing. "I would know if he had another boyfriend."

"You're not always with him."

Now he was being irrational and I could tell his argument was fading. "I live with him."

And he exploded. Almost as if he were holding it in all this time, my dad had raised his voice and suddenly, I felt like a kid again. "That's the problem! You've been dating for days and you're living with him." He laughed at that, rolling his eyes towards the end and I was seeing so much of myself in him. My dad was stubborn, made a great lawyer out of that characteristic. But this wasn't a court case and my love life wasn't up for debate. "Who's to say he's a good person? Everything he's shown you so far?" I could tell from that next statement, my dad was worried.

But he'd only seen Paul twice. "You don't know him." He didn't, I knew how sweet he was, I knew. "You don't get to act like you know what's best for me either-"

"I'm your father, Julian."

I could feel my heart rate quickening and all I could think of was my mom. All I could think of was the fact that I told her I was gay and I started all of this. I always screwed everything up. So I blamed my dad and I said things that I didn't mean, just trying to make sense of that pain in my chest. "I got kicked out of this house and you didn't look for me." And it wasn't a lie but I knew he was checking up, he'd been in contact with the school making sure I went, in contact with my coach. "What if Paul wasn't a good guy? What if? You're saying all of this as if you did something anyways!"

And then he dropped that bomb, "I want you to move back in."

I couldn't breathe, everything went silent, I didn't understand why he felt the need to put me back in that situation and I could feel the color draining from my face. Every ounce of happiness I'd felt that day was automatically ripped from underneath me and I convinced myself that I just failed at comprehending what he was telling me, "What?"

Still, he spoke as if it were nothing, "Your mother isn't here anymore and I think it would be best for you to move back in... At least until graduation."

I can't. I can't, I can't, I can't. "I can't."

"Why not?"

Because I'll feel even worse than I feel already? Because Paul's making me feel better? Because your wife's name is still on the fucking house and she can legally still live here? "I just can't, Dad. The divorce isn't even finalized yet and I've been doing better. I can't move back in."

"You don't even call anymore, Julian." I didn't and I knew that. I felt even worse about the sound of defeat in my dad's voice, knowing his kid didn't feel safe in a house that was supposed to be their home, "I understand that you're going through a lot but that doesn't mean you should be living with this guy."

"This guy cares about me. He really cares about me and he treats me right," he couldn't say as if this were a bad thing. I wasn't letting him convince me that Paul and I weren't what we were, "I really like him, why can't you be happy for me?

"I am."

"Doesn't seem like it." By then, Jade had fell silent, everything had turned left and I just wanted to get the hell out of there before I lost control of my emotions. I was getting so fucking weak.

"What you're doing right now is stupid and you know it."

"I think dating Paul is actually the smartest thing I've ever done." All I was thinking was how much I was a coward for running again but I couldn't stop picking up my phone and heading outside, "I'll call you later, Dad."

My heart was still speeding and my eyes were burning with tears, I wanted to leave. I needed to leave.

"Hey," Paul had called out, ending his phone all right as I walked out. He was smiling and I struggled to mirror it, "hey, what's wrong?" Still I kept walking, trying to get down the porch steps before he could stop me but he'd caught up, holding my wrist and pulling me, gently, to face him, "What's wrong?"

My eyes stung, "I wanna leave."

"Oh-okay." But he looked like he wanted to cry and my dad's insinuation that he had another boyfriend was lingering in the back of my head.

"Who was that?"

Paul smile was wavering as if it had never been genuine in the first place and it was silent for a second. Shoving his phone in his pocket, he pressed our palms together. "It was my-my grandma."

He was nodding as if to reassure himself of something and he sniffled a little.

"Your grandma?" Your grandma makes you nervous?

He offered a confused smile at that. "Yes, my grandma." Tugging me closer, he pecked my lips lightly, maybe it was to calm me down cause I could feel myself relaxing.

Paul was caressing the back of my waist, his hand warming the skin there and he went to kiss my nose lightly, brushing tousled hair from my forehead.

He hugged me to him and I wasn't sure if it was more for me or him but still, I settled in the sentiment, breathing out all the anger in my bones.

"I'm sorry." My eyes were screwed shut and I realized how much my dad had gotten in my head, how accusatory I'd become based on nothing.  "I'm sorry."

"It's fine." His hands were on my face now, pulling me to look at him, then warming the skin and he was looking into my eyes worriedly. His lips were parted, a little 'o' in the center and he looked so... pretty.

And concerned. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah."

"Baby." I didn't realize how bad I was shaking. "Relax a bit, okay?"

"Sorry, I'm just a little..." Biting my lip, I looked behind me at the car that sat parked in my driveway and I really just wanted to drive away, "Can we go?"

His hands were twined in mine again and it felt like he was kissing me more than usual now. He leant forward to kiss my lips again so softly and maybe it was to relax me further cause I was slightly gliding to the car behind him now, biting back a small smile.

"Yeah," there was a certain ease in his steps as he pulled me towards the car, the cold air nipping at me and I was happy I'd worn a fitted sweater, warmth encasing me. Still that warmth was nothing like Paul's hands. "You didn't tell me your birthday was next week."

I'd shrugged, falling back in the seat when he'd finally joined me and started up the car, "I guess I forgot."

"You forgot your own birthday?" He chuckled, pulling out and away from the house and I forced myself not to focus on the pang in my chest and more of his hand in mine. I seems to be holding his hand a lot lately, needing that strength.

"It's been a bit hectic lately."

Still, he continued to try and take my mind off of what had me so down. I didn't intend to tell him what my dad said in full detail and just opted for answering as quick as possible to all his questions.

"When is it?"

"The 28th." I didn't feel like celebrating, normally the thought of my birthday excited me beyond belief but what was really the point anymore?

"Prepare to be wooed."

Still there was that thought in the back of my head and my dad's voice kept running through my head, "Did we rush into this?"

"What do you mean?"

I didn't want to be stupid, I didn't want to let my dad down and maybe he was right. Maybe I'd been wrong all along and I never even knew what love was because if it was looking at them and feeling like everything was right then I'd be in love with Paul. I certainly couldn't be in love with Paul. "We haven't really known each other that long..."

"A month is enough for me to know how much I like you." He seemed adamant and my stomach tied itself in so many knots, it was kind of hard to breathe. He took my breath away.

"I don't know, Paul."

Still, he smiled over at me and my heart skipped a beat. He wasn't taking no for an answer, "I've never liked someone this quick, ya know? Took me a year to like Nic enough yet we've known each other for a month and I feel like I can tell you anything."

"We've only been dating for a week." 8 days to be precise. But shit, it felt like forever.

"If you feel like we're moving too fast..."

I didn't like the hurt on his face. "I really like you, Paul, I just- I don't know. Maybe my dad's right..."

"Right about what?"

"Maybe I should move back in." And there it was.

A/N:

I LOVE how invested you guys are in these characters.

Updated: Sun, March 20th.