[Fan cover made by: @LeGirlGamerHere I LOVE IT SO MUCH]

SEVENTEEN: when you get checked.

There are three things I hate and those things were: school showers, being hated, and being woken up before 6 am on a school day.

So that's why as soon as I'd opened my eyes and reached for my ringing phone on Benji's beanbag chair, I'd proceeded to curse out the caller, oblivious and uncaring to the fact that it was a little curly haired angel. I was trying my best not to wake up my friend who laid with his arm resting over his face and his mouth wide open, soft snores being released as he exhaled.

His bed was a Queen, something about how he rolled around a lot in his sleep as he always ended up on the floor if he didn't have enough space. That was why I was perched on one side, Ben rolling his eyes at me when I said I'd sleep on the floor if he minded.

"I want to take you somewhere," Paul's voice had sounded thoughtful through my phone speaker as he laughed at my obvious anger. I pulled my phone away from my ear, squinting at the bright light and getting even more angry at the time. If it were possible I'd strangle Paul through the phone.

Sitting up on the edge of the bed, I furrowed my eyebrows; he meant right then, I was unable to think otherwise, "What?"

Paul sighed, stuttering a bit as he spoke, my eyelids struggling to stay up, "I want to-"

The room was dead silent and I could hear Benji rustling as I tried to keep my voice down, "No, I heard you but Paul, it's" looking back at my phone, I wanted to hit him, "it's... two am. What the fuck?"

I heard his chuckle as he remembered my age, "Sorry, I forgot you still had school."

And fuck if that didn't make me feel inferior.

"Don't you have work?" I found myself asking, trying to get the attention off of me before he realized that he shouldn't be wasting his time with a seventeen year old. He was nineteen- fucking nineteen. And we weren't like the freshman-senior relationships, we weren't like those fourteen year olds dating people my age. No, at least they were still in the same stage of their lives.

We weren't.

Paul was an adult who wasn't in his parents' house, who'd come to terms and accepts himself, and who has a clear view of his passion and what he wants to do with his life.

I had none of that -well, I wasn't living with my parents anymore but I didn't think being homeless fit his standards.

He yawned, my eyes almost drifting closed at the angelic sound. He literally had a yawn like a small kitten and I could imagine how cute he'd looked, me straying from my depressing thoughts, "At noon so I normally go to sleep at around three."

I didn't comment on the fact that no one said noon anymore.

Instead I focused all attention I could muster at two am on a school day on the fact that he was a Youtuber that seemingly never filmed. I knew that if I didn't keep the conversation alive, I'd fall asleep and if I fell asleep, he wouldn't get to ask me why he wanted to ask, "When do you even film?"

Shutting my eyes, I was about to drift off when he spoke, voice like music, "The mornings. We missed out yesterday because Landon and Rilee were way too hungover so..."

"Oh," I muttered and truth me told, I was becoming more and more awake as he spoke, me catching onto every single word. In hindsight it might've been slightly obsessive to like his voice that much but at the time I could only think if that.

"You can go back to sleep if you want..." He'd offered but he sounded a little saddened with my one-worded answers so sitting up, I rubbed my eyes and tried to stay awake.

I was giving up sleep for him, and fuck, I really liked him.

I rolled my eyes, shoving my head in my hands with how transparent his statement was. He didn't want me to go to sleep, like hell he would, "I'm already awake now, what did you want?"

"I want to take you somewhere," he said again, making it quite clear that he meant sometime and not that day at that time.

I groaned, hearing Benji's almost-silent snores in the background, "Where?"

"That's for me to know and you to find out," Paul had teased and normally I'd be up for it but I was literally a split second from hanging up on his perky little voice.

Stop being such an ass, Jules.

"On like a date?" I asked, standing and pacing to keep myself from falling back asleep. My mind was racing at the same speed of my heart as I thought about what Paul had offered.

He wanted to date me.

He wanted to date me.

And if I wasn't as scared as I was, I would've said a simple 'hell yes'.

Because fuck, I liked him and fuck, I was screwed.

The hopefulness in his tone had me not wanting to shut him down but me being me, I overanalyzed and psyched myself out before we'd even made it clear it was a date, "If you want it to be..."

And there was the shortness of breath and there was the feeling of wanting to kiss him until our lips were swollen an his beautiful neck was littered with my marks.

"I wanted you the minute I met you." He clarified when I didn't answer. "What are we going here, Jules."

There was that wanting to put a label on us and that terrified me, "I-I don't..." I trailed off, not able to reject him any further. Just imagining the way his excitement simmered down and how he'd probably looked self-conscious... That ate at me; Paul had made it known that he liked me, a little at least. I could imagine his frown and the adorable way his bottom lip was sucked into his mouth when he was confused.

And I was proven right when he paused before speaking in a softer tone, "Oh."

I was quick to retract that rejection, "No, it's not that I don't want to but," I sighed, my voice coming out shaky and I swear my emotions were basically transparent to him at that moment. I was vulnerable and I hated it, "I'm new to this kind of stuff, Paul..." My emotions were fucked and my lips were quivering and- no, no, no, I'm not gonna fucking cry.

Why the fuck was I crying? I didn't know but all I could think about was that time I broke my arm in front of Calum when we were twelve and his voice echoed in my head.

Stop being such a pussy, Jules.

We'd been biking down a hill and I'd tried to avoid crashing into a rock, my tire hitting it and my body flinging off. I'd landed sharply on one side of my body, crying out in pain and Calum was so fucking scared.

He cared about me or at least he used to.

And I ruined that.

Paul's voice brought me out of my reverie as I tried to push memories back into the dark parts of my thoughts. I'd shoved them under all the bad things that Calum had done to me since my coming out and suddenly I found myself wanting to get over him.

"Dating a boy?" Paul had asked, his soft murmur crawling up my skin and vibrating through my body. I wished we were having this conversation with his arms around me and my hands tracing his tattoos.

"Dating in general," I clarified, wiping the brims of my eyes to rid myself of previous distress. I tried to hold back my sniffling, lips pursed to hold back a sob and I guess it worked because Paul couldn't tell how broken I was over the phone.

"One date and if you don't like it, we won't pursue anything."

Yes, "I don't know..."

He groaned, catching me off guard. He was losing his patience with me and I seriously didn't blame him, "Give me a chance."

"Paul, I don't want to get hurt again."

It was quiet.

And then, "I'd never-"

"Not from you. No, God no, not from you," Paul wouldn't hurt me, I trusted that with everything I had in me but of course there was the fact that he could destroy me whether I trusted him or not. He could completely obliterate me, he was so capable that it scared me. I was feeling too much too fast; of course I hadn't told him anything like that, "From people who are too against it or from..."

"Calum."

I was expecting it to hurt hearing that name but I barely felt it. It stung yeah but Calum was fading, "Yeah."

"I told you I'm not letting you get hurt again and I meant it," Paul said sternly as I remembered his voice in the car ride of death. I could imagine his jaw clenching and unwavering stare which had me weak at the knees and I say on Benji's beanbag as quick and silent as possible.

His voice literally sent shivers up my spine.

"You're not gonna always be there."

And I didn't know if I meant at school or just until he got tired of me but he surely didn't care as he quickly, without hesitation assured me that he kept his promises.

"Listen to me? You'll be okay."

"But what if I'm not, Paul? What if my mom hates me for the rest of my life and what if-"

"Never beg for someone's love because the ones who deserve you will never make you feel like you're worth any less than you are. Be yourself and fuck whoever tries to get in your way because goddamnit, you're perfect okay?"

I let out a shaky breath, my eyes burning with tears that I wouldn't let fall because Paul was making me so goddamn emotional at two am and I couldn't handle that.

His voice was so strong as if he had never been as sure as he was in his words at that exact moment and it had me wondering what hardships he'd gone through. He was so passionate and so confident and it had me hanging onto every word he said, believing him even if they weren't true, "You deserve so much better than anyone who leaves you, got it? And yes," he was borderline gasping for air as he spoke, voice sharp as knives and he seemed so done with my pessimistic views. "Hell yes, being yourself isn't easy and trust me, there are going to be people who want to see you change and some days they might change you but I'm here okay? Your dad is here, your sister is here, your friends are here and Julian, those are the people who deserve to be in your life."

His voice was cracked and raspy as he spoke again as if he was bordering on losing it, "you drive me so freaking insane, Jules."

All I could think was: how the fuck did I reject that?

Ben must've felt the same way cause in seconds, I felt a pillow smacking the side of my face. It caught me off guard, a loud frown spilling from his lips and I watched him sit up.

All groggy and shirtless, he sighed heavily. "Just say yes already, Nigga, damn."

I stifled an embarrassing grimace, eyes scrunched together and decided to stop being so fucking annoying.

"Yes."

Ben was laughing, it guttural and full of sleep. Turning over, he threw a "Thank you!"

Paul's voice was certainly gone and what was left of it was laced in confusion after his tangent, "What?"

Smiling, I nodded even if he couldn't see me, the effect of planning a date with someone as amazing as Paul was setting in, "Yes, I'll go out with you."

"On a date?" He asked, hopefully, the grittiness of it making it sound skeptical.

I felt my face burning as were my ears and I had no doubt about the fact that I was most likely red as a tomato but fuck I was happy, "On a date."

Paul chuckled, "Are you blushing?"

Biting my lip, I cleared my throat, eyes wide as I tried to figure out how he noticed, "No."

"Liar."

"Maybe."

I couldn't deny the blush that made its home on my face and probably the rest of my body as he chuckled at me, "You're so goddamn cute."

: : :

The blushing was reasonable.

It was completely reasonable when Benji had made it clear at lunch -after I spent all of first through forth period at the hospital with my dad getting the cast off my arm- that he'd heard the entire night prior's conversation. He'd been teasing me all day after punching me in the chest when the alarm went off at six in the morning, saying I was too loud and my voice kept him up.

And even through class, he wasn't even paying attention to Mrs. Radcliffe's fat ass, no he was mocking me as we worked on assignments.

So obviously he would bring it up at lunch and obviously I wouldn't be able to control my embarrassment as all eyes turned to me.

And when I'd tried to get the attention off of me, Benji laughed, clapping his hand down on my shoulder with a "Bro, you are so in."

I shook my head because what he meant by in was mostly sexual and it wasn't like that's, "Paul's not that kid of guy. He wants a relationship."

"You do too," Will challenged which had me scratching at the back of my neck.

"I-"

"Stop trying to talk yourself out of it, you and Paul are pretty fucking cute together, alright?" Jade had spoken through the pizza in her mouth. My sister was sitting with us for the day, Caspar not protesting although he seemed a little uncomfortable.

She'd explained to me that they were trying to be friends... That was bull from the way he stiffened whenever any guy went near her, stood up for her (with me) if someone had a smart comment, and the way that she glared at Will when she spoke to him.

"Plus, his mouth is like— really big." Will's voice was absentminded and she pointed her fork at me, almost accusing. "You like men with big mouths, Jules."

"I do not."

She laughed. Then Caspar was speaking up, egging her on. "Calum looks like he could fit a tractor trailer in his mouth sideways."

"Beep, beep, beep—"

And as much as I kind of hated that, it was really funny. I was stifling a laugh, then rolling my eyes when I couldn't hold it for too long.

"Dude, he could fit a whole watermelon in there."

"Fuck off."

Shrugging, Will raises her hands in surrender. "I'm just saying, maybe you got the right idea."

Andy's brows were furrowed. "What doesn't his mouth being big have to do with— I did not think you had that in you."

She was offended. "My best friend is my brother." Thumb jutting out to point over her shoulder at Benjamin Morris. "This is my best friend."

Ben looked appalled that his innocent little sister would've said anything liked but honestly hanging around with this group could make a nun swear, "Will!"

"Don't act like you don't think so as well," she narrowed her eyes, looking around at each and everyone of us.

"Chill..."

She rolled her eyes at me, shoving a Dorito in her mouth, "Oh, we all saw that huge ass hickey at the pizza joint so don't tell me he's not good in the sucking department."

Rolling my eyes back at her, I groaned, "I'm done with this conversation."

"Alright, I'm sorry," she wasn't sorry at all, "you guys are really cute together, I think we all agree on that and if you like him, go for it."

"Seriously, bro, you got this," Ben assured, punching my shoulder with complete faith.

Caspar nodded, "agreed," he'd said, biting into his nasty school cheeseburger. He didn't speak much but he was getting more comfortable with me around, I could tell.

Looking over at the one person who hadn't said anything, I furrowed my eyebrows, "Andy?"

It was as if I needed validation from my friends.

I was turning into such a girl.

"Oh, um, yeah, you got this," he murmured half-heartedly, "Paul seems great."

"You weren't there man, they were so close, I thought Paul was sucking his dick," Ben exclaimed catching attention from the people that sat at the other end of our table.

But no one cared.

"Wanky."

"He was not," I narrowed my eyes at Will, getting an unimpressed look from Ben.

"His head was in your lap."

This was stupid. Paul and I didn't do things like that and even if we did, it definitely wouldn't be in public, "But that doesn't mean he was sucking my-"

That must've made Andy uncomfortable because with that he was up, standing and disposing of his trash. And when he'd made it back, he'd grabbed his bag, "I uh, gotta go."

"You okay Andy?" I'd asked, clearly confused as to why he had to leave so early.

Did he not like Paul?

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just-" busying himself with zipping his bag, he refused to look up at me, "I kinda forgot Coach wanted my help with something."

He was hiding something, I could tell and hell I wanted to know what it was, "I'll go too, I mean, I'm Captain too."

"No, I-I got it," he brushed me off, leaving with a quick, "I'll see you at practice."

Caspar furrowed his brows at Andy's retreating back, looking at all of us, "that was suspicious as fuck."

And we all agreed.

A/N:

I GET REALLY NERVOUS WHEN PEOPLE TALK ABOUT MY WATTPAD AT SCHOOL LIKE UM... PLEASE NO.

But like MY BIRTHDAY IS IN FOUR DAYS SO YAY

Updated: Sun, August 16.