[BLEACH BY BROCKHAMPTON]

FIFTY- TWO: when sometimes you need self-closure.

Paul had been standing on the side in the crowd surrounding for a while, not socializing, barely looking at me but he was sipping something out of a cup and I assumed he would let go with me. I mean, I was drunk and from the few times I'd been at these parties, I knew drunk people weren't that fun unless you yourself were intoxicated. I wasn't sure what it was but as soon as I noticed him, I ended up abandoning Ben on the middle, him barely noticing when his dances turned more sexual with the female he was grinding on and I'm pretty sure I laughed, knowing he'd be telling me some crazy story in the morning.

Ben always ended up getting himself into some mess but I knew he would be responsible with how much he drank and even how much the girl around him drank.

"Paul... Come dance with me." I'd whined, fueled up by liquid courage, I wanted my boyfriend to enjoy himself as well so when I went to offer him the drink I'd acquired at some point, I pouted when he'd taken it and sat it down away from me.

"You need some water, Angel." He spoke clearly, handing me the cup in his hand and thats when I realized he was perfectly sober, he was always perfectly sober. I don't know why that made me feel bad but it did as I clung to him, my body loosely draped over his and it felt like I was floating. The air smelled heavily of weed and my body was swaying with the beat, I hadn't noticed until he clasped my hips firmly.

"Don't want water, just want you."

And he threw his head back at that, pushing me a little off before I climbed him like a tree. He looked so good in the dimly lit room, my eyes catching him in that same outfit from graduation only his jacket was abandoned in my car and his arms looked so toned. Watching them flex as he pushed me away and held me firmly, it made me fall into him even more. "Oh my God."

"What's wrong?" I'd asked, I was almost sure he didn't hear me with my entire bottom lip in my mouth. He was so hot, physically and literally but maybe, that was my body heat rising due to the bodies pressed on and around me.

"You're drunk." I wasn't drunk, my stomach was just a little hot and my face was too but I was fine. I hadn't been on anything, hadn't had anything heavy in my system and although I had one or two drinks, I wasn't drunk. "You told me you wouldn't drink." And he looked hurt at that, I did tell him I wasn't going to drink on the way there but there was just something so freeing about having fun around my peers. I didn't intend on drinking but I wanted to be looser than I was before.

When Paul had left me, I ended up talking to a few people, my past problems with everyone dissipating and I didn't know if it was Andy's speech or intoxication but they didn't seem to have any problems. I even got an apology here and there, even if they didn't really hold much weight to the misery I was in before. My boyfriend was sitting back and watching me have the time of my life and that wasn't fair to him but all I could think about was the fact that it was all over and there was only up from here.

I didn't have time to be scared about the future when I was downing six cups of cheap beer since other guys were great at beer pong.

"'M not drunk." I was falling all over him and the more time that passed, the more I didn't believe myself. I mean, I wasn't, not fully, not to the point where Paul would have to pull me out but I was having trouble with my syllables. He was sitting on the couch that was pushed against the wall and I found myself on his lap, trying to get him to look at me. He hadn't made eye contact with me and I knew there was hostility radiating off of him. Turning towards him, I pouted and I turned into such a needy gay when I was drunk, Calum made sure to point that out heavily when we were 14, safe to say, it embarrassed me into never being this vulnerable again.

But with Paul, I didn't care so much. I knew he didn't see me like that, I knew he wasn't going to make fun of me in the morning and he would be there if I got too drunk... but I wasn't yet.

"Babyyy, I'm not drunk." And I mean, I had a hard time believing that myself, his anger was misplaced though, I didn't mean to upset him and he wouldn't even look at me at that point and his opposite leg wouldn't stop shaking, arms crossed in that pouty Paul way. "Pablo." And I knew that would get him, him rolling his eyes as he moved to wrap his arm around me reluctantly.

He was still upset with me, I could tell, even in my buzzed state and it was making me kind of sad. There was something so distant about his, "Mhm," and I could feel him wanting to pull away from me. There had to be something more than the drinking, there was something on his mind and I just wanted him to stop worrying so much and have a drink with me. I hadn't experienced drunk Paul yet and if he could make me cum in under twenty minutes while sober...

Damn, he looked hot. There was something so attractive about the way his arms flexed in his plain white tee, especially when they were crossed. His tattoos were on display and there was a light sheen of sweat on his skin from the humidity in the room.

I knew I looked a mess but I was so comfortable with him, I didn't care much, my body pressed against his as I leaned my side into his chest. It wasn't planned when I had started kissing along his shoulder, my body was just moving without my consent but there was a shiver and he had reacted so slowly.

"Jules, stop." He didn't sound angry anymore and I wasn't quite sure if he was serious, sober me would've let go instantly. But his voice wasn't assertive and he was rubbing his hand across the lower exposed skin of my back and there was a raspiness in his voice, there were mixed signals and my lips had ended up on his neck.

Only then did he take action, hands gently going to push me away a little and I gave him some room, "Julian." he sighed, shifting so I could sit beside him, in between the arm of the chair and his body, me cuddling into his side in a clingy manner.

My hair was sticking to my forehead and I was hot in all the wrong places... and the right places. I wanted my boyfriend to stop looking so sullen though. "Why're you acting so sad? You're acting like me, I don't like me." Furrowing my brows, I leaned my head on his shoulder, playing with the hem of his tee shirt and his arm was back around me relaxing me a bit. There was a hand tracing comforting motions on my back and he'd tensed a bit when the words left my mouth. By then, I wasn't aware of everything I was saying and the way he went to kiss my forehead afterwards made me way too calm for the conversation.

"What're you talking about?" I wasn't paying much attention to what he was saying but I was sure he smelled like citrus and that smell made me think of my new car and the air fresheners and I was sure he was so far yet I could feel the warmth of his chest underneath my skin and through the fabric of our clothes. There was something so stiff about the way he moved and I just wanted everything to be so easy.

I was hot, why was I hot?

"You're m-mad at me." Trying to stop the stutter in my voice, I sat up a little and I didn't know what we were talking about anymore, not when he looked at me with those sad brown eyes. My body was vibrating with the bass of the song that was playing and I wanted him to tell me what was wrong so I pushed it, I pushed it until he became even more annoyed with me and me as a drunk was way more emotional than me sober... and I was a mess sober.

"Why won't you just t-tell meee? W-why are you mad?" Trying not to get too annoyed at the way he rolled his eyes, I hit his chest, not much force behind it and at that point, I was straddling his hips, knees pressed into the couch and the skin of my knee was so noticeable when pushed into the cushion. "Paul! Why are you mad at me?" There was this look on his face that said he wasn't going to answer that but I didn't care much for it. I was so hot and there was something wrong about the way my shirt was sticking to my skin, I wasn't drunk enough to take my shirt off despite how much I wanted to.

I also wanted Paul to talk to me.

"Angel, I'm not mad." He was though, there was this look in his eyes and my lips were tucked into my mouth, I ended up pushing my hands into his sides, trying to pull him off the couch. Slightly I felt like I was falling and Paul had caught me before I could push too far back.

"Did you forget to move your legs?" He looked angry at that, rolling his eyes, "Julian, you're drunk as hell." His voice was harsh and I tried not to cry, why was I crying?

"I'm not drunk, why, wh-why doyou... keep telling me I'm drunk?" There was something so difficult about getting that one sentence out and I was starting to feel a bit spacey. Those three shots of tequila were hitting me fast and the beer pong was dragging me down with it. "c'mon, dance with me. Pablo, come on."

He tried to force a smile. "Go dance with Ben, okay?" I didn't wanna dance with Ben though, Ben was too hype, he wasn't someone you danced with... he was someone you watched while they danced. There wasn't anything fun about watching my friend grind on some girl and kiss on her neck before backing away when the song changed to a more upbeat one. "I'm gonna be right here."

"I love you." I loved him so much, wait, I really loved him so much... I just loved him and I loved holding him, he was so soft. But his arms were hard enough for me to feel secure and his chest was so warm under my face, his chin on my head and I could feel our breathing syncing as he sighed.

: : :

I wasn't sure what time I had told Paul that I'd be back but my stomach was tied in knots and I felt like everything I had eaten that night would end up all over me. Running to the bathroom, I didn't pay mind to the fact that I didn't hear my boyfriend's response and, at that moment, all I could think about was getting in front of a toilet and soon. Pushing past couples, my head was cloudy and I felt myself start to regurgitate the alcohol I'd consumed. My feet continuously crossed as I ran, my eyes too blurry I was lucky I didn't crash into the doors I was opening.

The bathroom wasn't that easy to find when all the doors were closed and the hallway was so dim and muggy due to the smoke emanating from the first room I tried, the second a coat closet, the third and fourth doors locked and the last room I tried, I wasn't sure what it was but it was dark. It was dark but I was able to open the door without getting smacked in the face by smoke and thankfully, I had been able to push back the vomiting. I was stable enough to start tracing the walls for a switch but there was something itching the back of my throat and when I'd gotten the light on, I was thankful to find that it was a bathroom.

Thankful until I'd noticed I wasn't the only one in there and I guess, I was too focused on not throwing up that I didn't notice the noises.

There were two bodies, one wrapped around the other, the smaller one was being held up and they were standing in the bathtub, the curtain open enough for me to see that it was more than just kissing.

There was a hand down the pants of the one holding the smaller boy up. They were boys, that much I could tell even through my blurry vision and looking away quickly, I stopped, my throat closing as they ripped apart. There wasn't any hiding the fresh marks on the taller one's neck, the swollen lips, the shirt on the ground... they were hooking up and on a normal basis, it would be kind of hot but at that moment, I felt sick to my stomach. I couldn't recognize the smaller one at all, his skin tan and his hair sandy brown waves, the shirt he was pulling on was recognizable, so recognizable that I was sure I'd bought it myself.

This situation was so eerily familiar and all I felt was embarrassment.

Confused, I watched the taller one's face morph into something like fright and I was being pushed out of the way quickly. My heart was breaking again.

And I didn't know how to react when I heard the voice I had never expected to hear in this situation. "Shit. Aaron-"

He'd softly cussed, rustling ensuing before I felt the smaller body brush past me in a haste and the door slammed behind him. My arm was numb where he touched and I almost fell into the sink at both the force and the fact that I could've passed out at any moment. The boy left in front of me stayed solid, stayed grounded to his spot and at that moment, I felt the contents of my stomach come back up and I was doubling over, vomiting all over his clean Nike 97s.

That boy was in my shirt, his shirt and he was covered in marks and his lips were swollen and the one in front of me was just standing there, not speaking, it was all too much. I was gagging, holding my stomach as it all came up and I tried not to cry. My eyes were burning and my throat was and I felt so sticky and hot and disgusting that when I looked up, I could barely see the blond, my body was screaming.

"Angel, you okay in there?" My eyes connecting with the one in front of me, I met baby blues. I wasn't okay and I wasn't going to be okay.

: : :

At some point during my mental breakdown over my ex-best friend mouth-fucking some kid... after explicitly and very violently telling me that he was not in fact gay, my first instinct was to run.

Now, I had always been a coward when it came to facing life's hardships. I left the house when I came out, I left the house when my mother caught me making out with a guy, I panicked when Calum had tried to talk to me before and I definitely was a second away from panicking now. I'd never been very good at dealing with things.

Fight or flight and despite how much I had grown, it was my natural instinct to choose the latter. Only I was disorientated.

And very drunk.

I was absolutely so positively drunk that the minute I'd started running, I was stumbling out oft he bathroom, falling into the arms of some kid with dark hair and warm-brown skin and in my blurry state, I couldn't recognize facial features. I just knew I was crying and I was falling over and this guy held me up, his shirt smelling like fabric softener. I didn't know where I was going or how I was going to get there, I couldn't find my boyfriend and I could feel my heart breaking all over again.

And I didn't love him, Calum that is, I didn't have any romantic feelings for him at all but it hurt, everything hurt.

"Hey," the guy holding me had spoken, concern in his soft voice and I wasn't sure what it was about him but he was really comforting and extremely warm and instantly, my face burrowed into his chest, chasing that faint smell. Next to him was another guy that didn't really speak, his hair was a lanky guy who kind of looked like Machine Gun Kelly, his hair a dark blue. My eyes were watery and my mouth tasted like vomit and alcohol so deciphering anything could wait.

Also, my chest literally felt like it was ripping in half.

"You good?"

Shaking my head, I could feel more bile rising in my throat and I didn't have it in me to prevent it, I needed Paul near me. I needed my boyfriend and I needed to cry and I really needed to find a secure place to throw up and some water. I also kind of felt like I would pass out at any moment.

Backing up from the guy, his arms hoisting me up awkwardly, I tried my hardest not to get it on him as I slid back into the wall of the hallway and then I was sitting down retching off to the side. The smell was crawling up my nose and obliterating his scent and I let everything I had out until I was just dry heaving and crying. When that had passed, I ended up pulling my knees to my chest and sticking my head in between my arms, trying to hold off that drowsy feeling I had.

My throat hurt and my chest hurt and my head and my entire body, I felt like sleeping for an eternity and this was somehow worse than a low day. Thankfully, I didn't see the kid but I was almost completely sure he was standing there uncomfortable and uncertain of how to handle this situation. I just needed to lay down except I wasn't sure how to communicate that to a complete stranger that had just watched me throw up all over myself.

I was mortified.

"Julian?" Keeping my position, I opened my eyes, them still being unfocused and blurry but despite how awful I felt, my boyfriend's voice still registered. "I'm here, baby, drink this." He was rushing, that much I could tell and I knew he had this uncomfortable little grimace on his face. Dodging the vomit, he tried not to show how grossed out he was but I could tell he was as he handed me the water bottle he was carrying. Taking it from him, I tried to take a sip with my shaky hands and he brushed some hair off my forehead, the sweat collecting in beads underneath.

I was trying not to panic at the fact that my body kept trying to throw up and my chest was constricting consistently when the guy who was holding me seconds prior had spoken. "Who are you?" He seemed weary, not moving an inch and I let Paul sink down beside me, pulling me away from the vomit sitting beside me and I fell into his chest again. My boyfriend didn't even notice the fact that what was on my shirt was getting on his nice white tee, he held me as I let myself cry, he always let me cry and rubbed my back through it all.

"Oh yeah, sorry, I'm Paul, his boyfriend," he spoke and I knew he was looking up at them with that soft Paul smile, even while I was buried into his shirt, down the hall from the closed door that Calum was still in. I tried not to think about it, tried not to think of him and Aaron and the fact that he was gay and it was just me and he ruined my entire life with lies and denial and I was crying again.

"Wait. Paul?" The other guy sucked in a breath and there was a light shining on us, pulling my head out of Paul's side, I kept my arms wrapped around him but I watched the scene play out through my unfocused eyes, my head was throbbing. "Jack! Jacky, thats Paul Jones." Hitting the other guy, who I assumed was Jack, he was jumping up and down in excitement, "From LightofDay?"

"Oh my god, please don't post that." Paul's voice wavered and i sunk further into him. That was weird, hearing any uncertainty in his voice when people recognized him. But he was wrapped up in me and no one had ever recognized him during an intimate moment between us. I hadn't seen this side of him, the nervous side when it came to his sexuality. I mean, he hadn't directly told anyone we were together before but that clearly wasn't a problem when he just introduced himself as my boyfriend...

Our first date did come to mind when he froze at the mere mention of being gay but he made it clear that he was proud to be gay and proud to be with me so...

I tried not to pay mind to it.

"I-I didn't take a picture, it was on flashlight, I promise. I've been outed, I wouldn't."

I also tried not to pay mind to the fact that he exhaled so easily after that, as if he were scared of something.

"I'm Jack, thats Jan." The first one smiled, his eyes kind and he had a soft kind of laugh, leaning over to connect eyes with Paul, "sorry about that. I just- he's wasted." and he gestured towards me, I wasn't sure what that was supposed to mean but Paul obviously did and I busied myself playing with my fingers and trying not to think too hard. I was zoning in and out but I was sure that their conversation consisted of me and the state that I was in, all I could think about was the fact that there was another guy- another guy who made the guy that I came out for realize that he's gay.

And I don't know why that bothered me so much.

I didn't care about him being with someone, I didn't care at all but it hurt a little thinking about the fact that he hurt me so much and turned around and did the exact thing that he hurt me for.

"Could you actually hold the door?" My body was being hoisted up and I could feel Paul moving before I could even register that he expected me to as well. "You guys live somewhere around here? I can give you a ride, I know I'm taking a little out of your night." He had an arm under my arms and around my ribcage as he allowed me to lean on him for support. It sounded like we were going through a tunnel and my feet were kind of asleep but I could still move them, was that weird? I know it was a weird feeling.

"No, we're actually from North Carolina."

We were heaving towards the front area when my legs gave out, my throat raw and I didn't even feel like talking, grabbing onto Paul's arm for support and my eyes were unfocused. There were so many bodies around and on top of us, I could barely breathe and I could've sworn I was too heavy for Paul to even pick me up, let alone carry me on his back but he must've been stronger than he looked because even though Paul lifted weights and he was in shape, he was a solid two sizes smaller than me.

His voice wasn't even strained as he continued to speak, leading us out of the house. "Woah, thats far, why are in Michigan?" He'd asked, them helping him through the door and I only hugged tighter onto him, counting his steps to keep myself calm. I still felt nauseous and I was thankful that they were here so I didn't have to talk about it yet, I wasn't ready to break down, I mean, I was already a mess.

"We're spending the summer in Flint to help out with the water crisis, our friends go to school around here."

"Oh cool, I was actually down there doing some rec work a few months ago." He spoke and I remembered about that weekend, he'd went with his friends and I was stressing about a test I had failed, I stayed home and worked on my retest and he'd ended up FaceTiming me whilst in a meeting with some representatives and activists, it was so cool to watch him in action. "We should meet up one day."

"I forgot you do humanitarian work! You guys are so cool, I loved your four part series! The one on consent." And I hadn't watched that, maybe I should have, I always binge-watched their social experiments and their vlogs that I didn't pay mind to their sit down series', I wondered why he flinched at the mention, hiking me further up his back and I found myself rubbing small circles on his shoulder as I hugged his body to mine.

"Wait, the one we watched? Yo! Y'all some fucking legends." He spoke, looking at his phone as if side tracked and he smiled at Paul, "Jan, the Uber's on its way."

Exchanging numbers, they left, my boyfriend setting me down carefully to take a few pictures with Jan. And when they were gone, I was back to leaning on Paul, trying my best not to stumble. "I'll see you guys."

And we were in silence. Silence until, "can you walk the rest of the way or do you need me to carry you?" he seemed worried but I was fine, he didn't need to take care of me all the time and I knew I wasn't exactly small. Deciding to walk, I let Paul trail me a little, making sure I stayed straight enough on the walk to the car.

"H-he..." I wasn't sure why I told him so quickly especially when I wanted to let it go, I was embarrassed by the whole thing so why was I so inclined to let my boyfriend in on the fact that I was so unwanted that someone was willing to lie about their sexuality and out me just to keep me away? I had his attention when I'd stammered and I knew I had to finish. "he's g-gay, Paul. He's gay."

Confused, he looked behind us, trying to figure out who I was talking about and I was ready to pass out, his arm catching me when I nearly fell into the street. It felt like we'd been walking forever but we were just hitting the corner, we'd parked two blocks away. "Jack?" He sounded concerned, holding onto my waist and guiding me, I just wanted him to hold me already, leaning my weight on him but not too much.

Even drunk, I was self-conscious about how much more I weighed than Paul.

"Nooo, Calum." His name felt so foreign on my tongue, I hadn't said it in so long and I never wanted to say it again, "Maybe Jack too, I dunno, C-Calum's gay, Paul. H-hes gay."

And he snorted, by then we'd made it to the car and he leaned me on the passenger side-door, my skin was flushed. I tried not to cry but I'd cried a solid three times that night so what was a fourth? "I could have told you that." Busying himself, he dug through his pockets, holding my body up with one arm and went to get the keys he'd confiscated from me earlier that night.

"He was with s-someone." And that almost sent me to my knees again, my stomach churning at the memory of their skin pressed together, that boy's legs wrapped around Calum, the swolleness of his full lips and I know I looked a mess. I knew I looked a mess when Calum saw me, a wreck even and I felt it even now. Despite how comfortable I was with Paul, I didn't want him to see me like this.

So I tried to move out the way, tried to cover myself and open the car door, get away from him.

"Baby, stay focused, okay?" I was crying then, so hard I could feel it in my chest as I almost screamed, it felt like my body was on fire. I always new that I didn't mean as much to him as he did to me but seeing them together, it only solidified it. He was using me, I knew he was but thinking about it now, how much of seven years was one-sided, how much I cared about him but he didn't give a fuck about me. How close that was to how I treated myself, I didn't give a damn about myself all I cared about was him all those years and when he was gone, I had started to loathe being alone because being inside my own body was like being trapped in a jail cell and hating your cellmate.

All the love I'd built for Julian Douglas seemed so pointless at that moment because I'd convinced myself that I it was so real but everything I ever thought was real was a lie. Everything he ever showed me was a lie, all the nights he cried to me, all the times he'd showed me that we were so close.

Every single time he said he cared about me, it was fake. And I fell in love with the idea of Calum loving me, I did that even when I was convinced that he hated me, I still somehow thought he cared and even with him beating me up, I started to dislike him but... I didn't hate him.

I could never hate him.

My arms were laced around my chest, I couldn't forget the way he held me.

Drunken cuddling and drunken kisses with his hands everywhere at some shitty high school party that he denied ever happened and I was so in love with him, I assumed he hadn't remembered but I did.

He remembered and I did too. He flipped the book over and I pretended like I didn't notice.

Everything except how I felt about Paul.

And I was in his arms crying over another guy again, and he didn't feel threatened, he was just there and he knew that I loved him enough that we were secure in this relationship, even when I fell apart.

And boy, was I falling apart.

"Let it out, baby."

: : :

Paul had stayed with me that night, and the next night, and the night after that, until all I could eat sleep and breathe was Paul. And I hated to admit that I felt so much better when he had to leave after a few days. I needed time alone and I was now understanding why he needed space. When I was dealing with things, normally I wanted him around but this inner turmoil was a bit too personal, and he understood. I loved him because he understood me so well.

I needed time with my friends, they were unbiased in this situation, and he got it.

Or at least, most of my friends were unbiased. Benji, however... "Are you saying you still love him? Nigga, are you dumb?" That was a slap in the face and I really expected it. He wasn't done, "You bout to leave Paul for him or something?"

"Hell no," I rolled my eyes just at the thought of that, "I wouldn't leave him for anyone." I just wanted to stop feeling like this, I wanted closure, I'd convinced myself. I needed closure for this chapter in my life to be over. I needed to start over but first I wanted to tie up loose ends because I knew who Julian Douglas was now.

Or at least, I knew where he was at this moment and time would only shape him more but for me to move on, I needed to realize where I was at now and for that to happen, I needed to stop running. I'd spent the last seven months of my life running from everything and surpressing everything I needed to feel until it was blowing up in my face. I hated the way I dealt with my life and I knew I needed closure to fix that. For once, I needed to be in control of myself and I needed to stop letting life run all over me. I didn't expect Ben to understand that.

Sitting on his floor, I was surrounded by my biggest inspirations and Andy was laying upside down on his bed, Caspar lounging in a bean bag chair, Willa braiding my hair that had gotten long enough for her to successfully cornrow it, even if it hurt. These people were so brave, I didn't have a reason to run anymore, I couldn't justify it. "I need this, Ben."

"He's not even worth it, J."

"But I am." And I refused to not let myself feel everything. "Your existence and the way you talk about everything, you living is an act of rebellion. Will is a fucking legend, Caspar's going to rehab, Andy came out, I have no excuse to keep feeling like this. I'm not gonna be a fucking coward about it." Maybe my boyfriend's optimism was rubbing off on me but I was sick and tired of not letting myself move on.

Ben grimaced, "You're not being a coward, Jules. You are the strongest guy I know."

"You've been through more in your senior year and tons of people in their entire lives." Andy spoke up, "When I wrote that speech, all I could think about was the fact that I haven't been through what you have and what Ben has and what Will has and what Cas has but we've all been through some pretty tough shit."

I couldn't help but laugh, knowing that even though we had disconnected, we all had our own shit and we were all still friends. Meeting these people had to be the best part.

"And you're tough as hell. I just don't want you to put too much emphasis on talking to him, none of us do," Will spoke up on behalf of the group. Stopping her braiding, she sighed, "we don't wanna see you like that again." I didn't want to see me like that again either and that only pushed me further into what I knew I had to do. I didn't want Paul to have to hold me through another panic over Calum and I knew that confronting this problem would help that but more importantly, it would help me.

I wanted to be able to love myself whole-heartedly before I left for college, this summer was that.

"But if you need to have some kind of closure," Caspar understood, "if that'll help him guys, why not?"

And thats how I ended up standing outside of Calum's house at two o'clock the next afternoon, my heart locked in my ribcage, protected and ready for however this would play out. The door between us was going to close and I wasn't going to let him control me like this anymore, maybe I had to be the one to shut it.

A/N:

Julian getting closure from Calum, Julian closing these doors but a whole lot still needs to be tied up. How do you guys feel about a sequel?

UPDATED: APRIL 3, 2018.