When I wake up, I see stars.

But I'm not outside.

I'm in the room that I used to share with my husband.

Grief and pain hit me like a tidal wave, and I instantly regret my decision to choose life.

I have made the wrong choice.

"Onyx," Ronin says in relief, and I pull my eyes away from the stars to see him and Dean staring at me.

They don't even know.

"Finn," I try saying, and immediately break down, pained sobs shaking my body.

Dean sits on the bed and pulls me into his arms, and I cry even harder.

They don't know that their best friend is dead.

It should have been me.

"We know," Ronin says softly. "We know what happened."

His words confuse me so much, my crying momentarily stops. "I- What? How?"

"The Blood Alpha," Dean says, seeming surprised. "He let me look through his memories so we could see what happened. I didn't believe him but..." His voice trails off.

"Where... Where is Kallista?" I ask, hoping that they broke the news to her so I didn't have to. I couldn't even say the words.

Finn is dead.

"She found her mate," Ronin finally answers. "The Beta of Blood Lake. We... I already told her."

Kallista and Axel? In a weird way, I could see it. They were both goofy, strong-willed. They would be happy together.

And I would be alone.

"Astrid and Will?" I ask.

Dean and Ronin look to each other. "They were killed."

I gasp. "No."

I didn't know them particularly well, but I didn't...

Everything went wrong.

"They..." Dean hesitates. "They were going out and killing Blood Lake wolves. Cain's memories confirmed it. Astrid's Gift allowed her to lure Blood Lake wolves out, and Will killed them."

"Why?" I whisper. Why would they do that?

"Astrid was originally from Blood Lake. She was abused by a warrior there, and the Alpha before Cain didn't believe her when she told him. She... She was young when the old Alpha kicked her out. Cain had no idea," Ronin says softly. "She wanted revenge."

She was killing innocent wolves. It made me miss her less.

"Did Finn know?" I ask, not sure if I wanted to know the answer.

Dean and Ronin shake their heads. "None of us did. We didn't know where they were going during the day, didn't ask," Dean answers.

I stare at the trees painted on the walls, the lump in my throat thick.

"I have to bury him," I whisper, dreading seeing his body. Scared to see him again like that. No longer full of life, the kind twinkle in his eyes permanently dead.

Dean rubs my back. "We took care of it. We... we didn't want you to see him like that."

I nod gratefully, tears streaming down my face. "Take me there."

***

I look at my husband's freshly dug grave.

Ronin had placed his most rare flowers over him. I ask them to leave me alone.

I have no tears left. I am completely empty without my other half.

I made the wrong choice.

He had died trying to give me a better life, but there was no life without him.

He abandoned me.

I sit there for awhile, staring at his grave, replaying memories of him over and over in my head.

I love you, always.

Kallista sits next to me and wraps her arm around me, and we sit in silence, though I feel her body shake slightly as she cries over her brother.

"I'm sorry," I choke out. There are no words for how sorry I am, how deep my guilt and regret goes.

"Don't, Nyx," She says softly, wiping her tears. "It's not your fault. Finn wouldn't want you to blame yourself. None of us do."

But it is my fault. My fault for not killing the Blood Luna when Selene asked me to. If I did, we wouldn't be here right now.

"I found my mate," Kallista says suddenly, and I know she's only trying to take my mind off of Finn, even for a brief moment.

But thoughts of him would consume me forever.

I force out a smile. I don't mean it. "I heard. Congratulations. Axel is a nice guy."

Kallista gets a dreamy look on her face. "A total hunk, right? He wants to take me back to Blood Lake with him. Could you imagine? Me, the Beta Female of a pack?" She snorts, like the idea is absurd.

"I can stay," Kallista quickly says when she sees the look on my face. "Stay awhile longer until..."

Until what? is what I want to ask, but don't. No amount of time could go by without me feeling this way.

"No," I tell her. "You should be with your mate. Finn would have forced you to go."

I almost smile at that. Finn had kidnapped me just to be with his mate, he would have wanted his sister to go with hers willingly.

Kallista looks relieved by my answer. I had a feeling that staying here would be too hard for her, a constant reminder of her deceased brother.

"I'll come visit," She promises. "I'll come by all the time to make breakfast."

"I think Dean would rather you not," I say drily. But making fun of them is not half as funny as it was without Finn's slight chuckles and eye rolls.

Kallista laughs slightly. "Fine, no cooking. But I will come visit. All of the time."

I nod, and Kallista hugs me tightly before getting up. She pauses before leaving.

"Onyx," She says hesitantly. "I already lost my brother, my family. I don't want to lose you too. Promise you'll be here when I come and visit."

I swallow thickly. She could feel my emotions, feel my desire to be done with living already.

"I promise," I say, and I'm not sure if I mean it.

She squeezes my hand tightly before leaving.

The sun begins to set, and I wonder if Finn is watching it from wherever he is. He wouldn't miss a sunset.

A few minutes later, I hear someone walking towards me. I look up, and see the Blood Luna. I look away just as quickly.

"Thank you," She says, her voice softer than I've ever heard it. "For saving Cain."

"I don't want your gratitude," I say, feeling completely numb. Nothing would bring Finn back.

Ares sighs. "I know."

Part of me knows that the reason that I saved Cain was so that he could be happy with his mate, get the pups they so desperately wanted.

Cain.

Not as bad of a guy as I thought.

"Drakon," I say suddenly, reminded of how desperately Cain wanted me to remember the name. "What does that name mean?"

Ares doesn't seem surprised that I'm asking, and I wonder if Cain told her that he told me to say it. Her demeanor gets nervous.

"It's what we're going to name our first girl," She says, her eyes glazing over, imagining a future that I would never get.

"Why did he tell me that name?" I ask, curious about why it would even matter if I told her.

Ares gets a panicked look in her eye before it goes away, and I wondered if I imagined it. She shrugs. "I would have known you were an ally to Cain if you said the name. We were the only ones who knew it."

That still doesn't explain why Cain was so desperate to make sure Ares didn't kill me, but I accept her explanation anyways, because I don't have it in me to argue with the person who has taken so much from me.

She looks down at the grave, and I wonder if she knows that she's the reason he's down there. If she hadn't been terrorizing rogues, Finn wouldn't have felt the need to do everything in his power to make his home safe.

"I will kill you if you ever harm another rogue," I threaten darkly. "I will drain the life from you and your entire pack. Even Cain."

I would stay alive purely to make sure that she doesn't.

Ares doesn't look outraged by this. I expect her to argue, but she just looks sad. Sad, and very, very tired. She looks so much older than she is in that moment, I almost forget that she's younger than me.

"I won't," She says, and for some reason, I believe her. Something in her eyes tells me that she means it.

She takes a step back, and I think she's about to leave when she quietly says, "If... If you ever need somewhere to go... You'll have a home at Blood Lake."

I dip my head slightly, but we both know I never will take her up on that. My home is here, in the house Finn built and died trying to protect.

She leaves, but still my thoughts on my home remain.

Perhaps this was always my purpose.

Staying here to protect rogues, protect those who lost too much too early. I certainly have enough magic to conceal it, to defend it.

And Ares unintentionally planted a seed somewhere in my heart, a seed of purpose. Reminding me of all the rogues that were still out there, needing a home, a family.

Finn would have wanted me to continue his legacy, not let it fall apart after his death.

"Hi, Onyx," A voice says quietly.

I look up and see Luke.

"Luke," I breathe, the first time I can breathe since Finn died.

He sits next to me, and we look at the grave. He doesn't say anything. We both know what it feels like to lose our other half too soon.

"When are you leaving?" I ask him. The Gamma of Blood Lake could not stay here much longer.

Luke shakes his head slightly. "I... I don't want to leave, if it's alright with you," He says softly, his eyes troubled.

I frown. "You want to stay here? As a rogue?"

Luke nods. "I should have been a rogue the day my pack was destroyed."

I understand him, better than anyone else. Packs are like a toxic poison, power and dominance taking precedence over peace and prosperity.

"What do we do now?" I ask, looking at my deceased husband's final resting place. There is no hate or anger in my heart. There is pain, yes, and there always will be, but there is still that seed of hope, of wanting to make the world a better place that begs to be watered and nurtured.

"The only thing we can do," He says softly.

Luke holds his hand out and grows bright poppies over Finn's grave.

"We grow."

The End

I should probably clarify: There's 66 chapters of each book + an epilogue.