Chapter 50
That night, I have no nightmares, and wake up in the morning feeling, for the first time in awhile... okay. Like things might be fine.
Almost as soon as I wake up, there's a knock on the door. I locked the door behind Finn last night, so I get out of bed to let him in. When I open the door, Finn stares at me, his eyes as big as the moon.
"What?" I say self-consciously, and tug his oversized shirt I wore to sleep down a little more, though it already almost reaches my knees.
"I- You- Ummm," He says breathlessly, he shakes his head, like he's trying to shake off a spell. "I wanted to take you somewhere today."
"Where?"
"It's a surprise. Just wear a swimsuit under your clothes, okay? That's all I'm going to say about it," He says, smiling so big his excitement is contagious.
I gasp. "We're going swimming? I love swimming!"
Finn laughs as his eyes light up. "I'm glad. As soon as you're dressed and eat breakfast, we'll go."
"Okay!" I squeal and accidentally shut the door in his face. What? It's not like I was going to let him watch me get dressed.
I go into the closet, which is now overflowing with both mine and Finn's clothing. Unsurprisingly, I'm able to find a stack of bathing suits. I wondered if he picked out the clothing or if Kallista did, because all of them are surprisingly tasteful.
I decide on a light blue bikini that has silver flowers embroidered on it. I pull on a pair of blue shorts and a white tank top, and continue digging around in Finn's drawers until I find another hoodie and put that on too, just in case if it's still chilly outside.
Once I'm dressed, I go downstairs to see Finn, Kallista, Dean, Ronin, Astrid, and Will sitting around the table eating breakfast. Finn pulls out a seat next to him. "Come sit. Kallista made pancakes."
I sit next to him, and I reach for the jug of orange juice, but Dean says, "I wouldn't drink that if I were you."
I withdraw my hand. "What did you do to it?" I ask nervously.
Dean scoffs. "Must I be blamed for everything in this house? I didn't do anything to it. Kallista made it with Ro's oranges from scratch. Tastes terrible."
"Like you could do better," Kallista snaps at him. "It's not that bad, Onyx. See?" She takes a sip, and grimaces.
"Um, I think I'm fine with water," I quickly say, and Ronin chuckles as he hands me the water pitcher.
"Good choice," Dean whispers to me loudly enough so Kallista could hear, and she scowls at him. "So Finn told me he's taking you to the lake today. I have to say, I'm sad Finn won't let us come, I don't want to miss out on seeing you in a bikini."
My cheeks flush as I take a bite of a pancake, and Finn kicks Dean under the table. "It was supposed to be a surprise, thank you very much, Dean," He mutters, rolling his eyes.
"Whoops," Dean says with his mouth full.
"You look well today, Onyx," Astrid says, sounding surprised.
My blush deepens. "Um, thanks."
"Your emotions," Kallista says suddenly, leaning forward. "They're nice today. You're happy."
I shift uncomfortably in my chair. "Jesus, Kal. If you're going to snoop on her emotions, at least have the decency to keep them to yourself," Ronin chastises her, but she's undeterred.
"What? I said it's nice," She says defensively.
Finn rolls his eyes and stands up. "Alright, that's enough, we're leaving. You guys are the worst."
I get up and push my chair in, glad that Finn was saving me from Kallista and Dean. "Liar! I know your emotions, and I know that you loooooove us," Kallista teases, waving her fork at him. "And you also loooooove-"
Her voice is cut off when Ronin puts his hand on hers. "Don't," He says quietly, shaking his head.
"What? I was going to say pancakes," She winks, and Dean laughs.
"I really, really hate you all," Finn groans, and grabs my hand before leading us out the door, stopping only to grab a backpack that he slings over his shoulder.
We start walking into the woods, and I feel on edge, waiting for someone to jump out and attack us.
"Sorry about that," Finn says after a while of walking in silence. "I know Kallista is... a lot."
I smile. "It's okay. You guys are like a family. It's... nice."
"Is she right?" Finn asks quietly after a moment. "Are you... happy?"
His question makes me think. Am I happy? "I don't think I'll ever be happy again," I answer honestly. "I think a part of me will always be broken inside. I don't think I could ever go back to the way I was before."
Finn looks pensive. "That doesn't have to be a bad thing, you know. Changing. It's good. Such is life."
"I didn't want anything to change," I admit.
His jaw clenches. "You wanted to stay with Thane?"
My eyes widen. "No, I meant I didn't want anything to change from before. When I lived with Greyson as a rogue. The day Thane found me... I thought it was going to be the happiest day of my life," I say as my throat tightens. "I mean, who doesn't look forward to meeting their mate? Mates... They aren't all they're cracked up to be," I say drily with a small smile.
I can tell that Finn wants to say some nonsense about how we are mates, but thankfully, he doesn't say that. "For what it's worth... I am sorry he killed your friend. I wanted you to come back, hell, I prayed for it. But... I didn't want it to happen. Not the way it did," He says softly.
I swallow thickly. "It's not your fault. I'm... lucky I had you to come to that night. I don't know where else I would have gone."
Finn looks at me sadly, and squeezes my hand. "The night I found you was the scariest night of my life. I... I thought you were dead when I first saw you," His voice cracks, and my heart wrenches. Ronin had thought the same thing. "You were covered in ice and weren't moving. I... I have never felt more terror than I did when I saw you like that."
"It feels like I did die that night," I say softly.
Finn stops walking abruptly, and grabs me by the shoulders. "Don't say that, Onyx. I promise, I will do everything in my power so you feel alive."
I smile slightly. He didn't understand how badly damaged I was now, nothing more than a broken doll.
And that's when I see the lake.
I gasp, and run towards the edge of the water. "It's so clear!" I say excitedly. The large stretch of water was a clear blue, surrounded by the throngs of green trees. "This place... It's beautiful, Finn. Thank you. For taking me here."
I look back at Finn, who sets the backpack down with a wide grin. "I knew you'd love it. We've been coming here for years. We actually chose the location of the house because of its proximity to the lake."
I take off my shoes, and dip a toe into the lake. "Hey, it's not too cold!" I tell him in elation.
Finn laughs. "No, it's always perfect. You should feel it in the summer. Want to go for a swim?"
Nodding, I take off his hoodie, my tank top, and my shorts. I can feel Finn's gaze on me, but I don't dare to look at him. I step into the lake, thankful for the gradual decline so I didn't have to jump in all at once. When the water is up to my shoulders, I turn back to look at Finn.
"Aren't you going to come in?" I ask when I see that he's still fully clothed.
Looking like he's yanked out of a trance, he shakes his head. "Right. Swimming," He mutters, and takes off his shirt.
I look away uncomfortably, but the image will be engraved in my memory of Finn's defined abs. He looks like he was pulled out of ancient Greece.
Finn comes into the lake, and I try not to stare at his body, though I can still see how muscular he is through the clear water. I squeal as something brushes against my foot.
"Oh my God, a fish just touched me!" I say in panic as I look down and see a few tiny fish.
Finn laughs. "I thought you liked nature, Onyx," He teases me and swims near me. "That includes fish, you know."
I shudder. "They're scary," I mumble, and Finn laughs at my distress.
"Aw, I won't let them hurt you, Nyx," He coos, and suddenly, I'm being pulled into his arms, electricity running down my spine at the contact. His eyes widen, and I know he feels it too.
I struggle out of his arms, and he lets me go. "Race you to the other side?" I say, and start swimming to the other side of the lake before he responds.
"Cheater!" I hear him laugh, but he starts swimming after me.
It feels good to swim in the lake, and I can't believe how free I feel in the water. The sun feels a little warmer on my skin, and I'm surprised when I realize that in a way, Kallista was right. There is still some happiness left inside me, behind all of the Darkness.
I feel my foot get yanked, and I'm pulled backwards. "Hey!" I whine as Finn swims past me, and I hear him laugh in between strokes.
I swim after him, but he beats me to the other side. "You're one to talk about cheating," I grumble before ducking under the water and smooth my hair back as I resurface.
Water glistens in Finn's hair, small drops falling down his face. In the sunlight, his eyes are a beautiful light green, like a lime. "Your eyes," I mumble, and can't help myself from reaching out and cupping his face, running my thumb under his eye along his cheekbone. "I thought they were green."
He looks at me strangely. "They are green, Onyx."
I shake my head slightly. "No, I thought they were emerald green. Like grass." Like Thane's eyes, is what I don't say, but he seems to know anyways.
"I'm not him, Onyx," He says gently, but his voice is firm. His skin feels like sparks against mine.
"If Greyson had gotten away," I say slowly. I have to know before I do this. "Would you have taken him in? Protected him? Given him a home?"
He looks at me in confusion. "Of course I would have. How could you even ask me that, Onyx?"
I smash my lips against his.
Once his shock wore off, he kissed me back with intensity. His hands moved to my legs, and he lifted them up, wrapping me around his waist, which was still under water. His large hands rested on my back, pushing my torso so close to his I could feel the outline of his abs.
My hands move to his hair, and I slip my tongue in his mouth. He groans slightly, his chest rumbling, and as I kiss him, it feels like he's breathing the life back into me.
By the time I pull away, I'm gasping for air, and so is he. "Listen, Onyx-" He starts to say, but I don't want to talk about it.
"Race you back to the other side?" I say, and throw myself in the other direction and start swimming.
Oh my God, what have I done. I just kissed my kidnapper. Or, former kidnapper, since I guess technically I came back to him. Was this Stockholm Syndrome? If it was, was it really that terrible? The kiss was good. No, more than good. It was perfect, like everything is with Finn.
But I have a mate. Or had, I guess. I couldn't just be throwing myself at random guys who kidnap me, no matter how godly their bodies are. And his tongue...
No, no, no. This is crazy. It had only been two weeks since I left Thane. And now here I was, making out with a guy I really don't know all that well.
But you could, my subconscious contradicts me. It's not wrong, Finn had told me everything I wanted to know, and didn't hide himself away like Thane. It boils down to me not deserving to be happy with anyone else. It's my fault Greyson died, to be anything but miserable after his death would be wrong on every level.
So, by the time I reach the other side of the lake, I decide to not let things go any further with Finn. It would be too easy to fall in love with him- to be happy, and I don't deserve it. Finn doesn't deserve this.
Of course, Finn beats me to the other side. "Slowpoke," He teases me, and pulls me in to him. God, his skin feels good. Too good.
"Finn, listen, I-" I begin to say, but he silences me with his lips, and immediately, my resolve to stay away from him falls apart.
This kiss is even more intense than the last, as if he knows what I was planning on saying. "Don't think, Onyx," He whispers against my mouth in between kisses.
He didn't have to tell me twice. I shove thoughts of Thane out of my brain, and focus solely on how good he feels against me. I moan slightly, and Finn growls, his grip on my waist tightening.
We kiss until my skin begins to prune up from the water. He groans when I pull away, which makes me laugh. "We should take a break. My skin looks like my Grams'," I giggle, and try pulling away from him, but his hands are like iron on me.
"I'm finding it exceptionally difficult to let you go," He whispers, his lips on my neck, and I shudder.
"It's pretty simple, actually," I say breathlessly. "You just have to remove your hands, and the rest comes easily."
Finn chuckles, but acquiesces and releases his grip. We get out of the lake and sit on the grass until we're dry. I'm grateful he doesn't try to talk about the kiss, because I don't know what I would say.
We pull back on our clothes, and before we leave, I stare at the lake. "I like it here," I say to him quietly, and his arm wraps around me.
"We can come back whenever you want," He promises, and his face- it's so... happy.
I smile. "Every day?"
He laughs. "Every day, if it's what will make you smile like that."
"Well, isn't this sweet?" The voice that haunts my nightmares sneers.
Thane.
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