Felt nice. Don't get used to it. 

Finn and I continued to walk the gardens for awhile, and I evaded most conversation he tried to make. I didn't feel comfortable with him, not ready to open up, especially when he asked about that night.

When we got to a garden of red roses, my vision turned murky and all I could see was a red haze. The flowers turned into blood, and I saw Greyson's heart ripped from his body. I couldn't help throwing up everything I had eaten for breakfast, all over the roses.

Finn held my hair back immediately as I hunched over, expelling everything from my stomach. Soon, my heaving turned to coughing.

"Sorry," I muttered, and Finn held out a handkerchief for me to wipe with. I had a fleeting thought that he expected it, and was prepared.

"Don't apologize," Finn looked at me with sympathy, his hand reaching for my face, and I flinched. He withdrew his hand.

"Although Ronin may not be as forgiving as I," Finn changed the subject quickly, with an apologetic smile. "He's quite protective over his garden. Dean learned that the hard way. It's how he got the scar on his face."

I fought back a smile. I had assumed Dean got the scar in a dangerous battle, not because he ruined someone's flowers.

"We can go back inside, if you want. Kallista is worried, wants to see you," He says softly.

I cringe. I was in no condition to be talking to other people. I couldn't even look at flowers without projectile vomiting.

"Or not," He quickly says. "I can tell her to screw off for awhile."

Nodding, I exhale in relief. I could only imagine how disappointed Grey would be in me if he saw what I had been reduced to. A shell of a person.

But it didn't matter, because he wasn't here. And I wouldn't ever get to hear his sarcastic, teasing comments ever again.

"Would you like to watch a movie or something?" Finn suggested. "I could clear everyone out of the movie room, and we could watch something."

I nod.

Finn guides us back inside the house, and I continue to be amazed by the size. I couldn't believe he had built it himself. The inside was so homey, flowers on every table, vibrant rugs scattered haphazardly. It was so different from the Blue Moon pack house, which was cold, silver, and everything immaculately placed.

We go to a dimly lit room with a huge television screen, and oversized recliners. There was even a popcorn machine in the corner.

Finn gestured to the recliners. "Sit in whichever one you prefer. I'll leave once I put something on for you."

I nod, and he turns on the screen, and uses a remote. "We have all of the streaming services. Is there something in particular you want to watch?"

I shake my head. Finn sighs. "I know you must feel out of place here, but it's your home, for as long as you want it to be. You don't have to be shy, it's okay to tell me whatever you want, I'll give it to you."

I almost forgot I had a voice. In Blue Moon, it felt like everything was always pushed on me, like I had no decisions of my own to make. Is this what freedom was? Had I so easily forgotten that I'm capable of making my own choices?

"New Girl," I say quietly.

"What?" Finn looks confused.

"That's what I want to watch," I clarify, and Finn looks relieved. Maybe because I talked, maybe because he thought I wouldn't ever say anything again. "It's on Netflix."

He uses the remote to go to the Netflix app, and searches for it. "Do you have a specific episode in mind or should I just play it from the beginning?"

"The beginning," I answer. I had already seen every episode a million times, but it was a small comfort from my old life.

"Grey?" I whisper, stepping into his room.

He is immediately alert, almost jumping out of bed. "Onyx? Are you okay?"

I look down. "I can't sleep."

Grey sighs, looking at his alarm clock. "It's 2 a.m, Nyx."

"Sorry," I apologize, and I'm ready to turn away when he speaks again.

"Wait," He calls out. "I'll meet you in the living room in a few minutes."

I can't help but smile as I go to the living room, making a quick stop in the kitchen for ice cream and two spoons. Plopping down on the couch, I turn on the television and put on my favorite show.

A few minutes later, Grey emerges from his room wearing only a pair of plaid pajama pants. He sits down next to me, putting a thick yellow blanket over my legs. He takes the ice cream from my hands, eating a spoonful for himself.

He groans as he looks at the television. "New Girl again? Don't you ever get sick of this show?"

Grinning, I answer, "Nope."

He sighs. "You're lucky I love you."

"Onyx?" I hear Finn's voice say.

"Sorry," I apologize mechanically. "What did you say?"

His voice is hesitant. I wonder if he knew why I kept zoning out. He always had to say my name a few times to snap me back into reality. Lately, my mind constantly just played through old memories with Grey. I wondered, if like New Girl, it was a comfort thing for me.

"I just asked if I could get you something to drink? Maybe something to eat if you're up for it?" He offered, and I could tell he wanted me to say yes.

"Okay," I agree, and he asks what I like to eat. "I'm not picky." He's about to leave when I remember to tell him that I'm vegetarian.

"Of course you are," He said as he exhaled, but it didn't seem like it was in annoyance, but rather like he should have already known that, or maybe that he had already expected it.

Finn leaves, and I stare at the screen, still on the home page for the screen. I hesitate. What am I waiting for? Surely, I can manage to turn on a show for myself. It had been so long since I had independence, I nearly felt handicapped.

I get up and grab the remote, and suddenly, I see someone in the corner of my eye. I jump, startled. I exhale when I realize that it's just Finn, holding a cup and small plate with fruit, crackers, and cheese.

"Sorry," I apologize. "It's just, it was on the home screen and I wanted to turn it on so I just got up to get the remote and-"

"Stop," Finn says quietly. He looks heartbroken as he sets a plate down on a side table next to my seat. "Please, Onyx. You have absolutely nothing to apologize for. You don't have to justify everything you do to me, ever."

I nod, and he takes the remote from my hand, and turns it on for me. He turns around, and starts heading for the door.

"Wait-" I say before I can stop myself. "You can stay for awhile. I mean, if you want. Obviously you don't have to do anything you don't want to but just in case if you felt pressured or had other things to do or-"

He cuts me off with a laugh. "I see you suffer from the same word vomit affliction I do."

I smile slightly at that, remembering how one of the first things I thought about him was- Goddess, this kidnapper sure does talk a lot.

"Do you mind if I sit in the seat next to you?" He asks hesitantly, nervously. I shake my head.

We watch New Girl for awhile, and I eat some of the food and drink the water. I can see Finn sneak looks at me when he thinks I'm not looking. Maybe he's worried I'll throw up and ruin his carpet.

When the first episode is finished, Finn asks, "So when do the angry guy in the flannel shirts and the girl with bangs and weird dresses get together?"

I nearly choke on my water. "You've seen this before!" I accuse him.

He laughs. "It's obvious. They try too hard to make it seem like they hate each other."

"They do hate each other!" I insist. "Well, at first, at least. It's a slow burn romance. Enemies to lovers. It's only like, the best kind of love story!"

He raises his eyebrows, and opens his mouth to say something, but shuts it immediately.

We continue to watch the show, and it still worked like a security blanket on me. I immediately fell back into the comfort of the familiar show. So comfortable, in fact, I dozed off at some point.

I woke up, blinking my eyes as I tried to remember where I was. Right. Finn and New Girl. Only Finn wasn't anywhere around. For some reason, I panicked. Had Thane killed him too?

Stretching my legs, I got up, leaving the television room. Hearing people talking and laughing, I followed the noise.

Finn, Kallista, Dean, and the other wolves I met were sitting at the table, eating a meal. As soon as I walked in, their heads snapped up to look at me. They looked at Finn, like they wanted to make sure it was okay to say something. I'm sure he told them to stay away.

"Onyx," Finn smiles. "I didn't want to wake you up, but you're more than welcome to join us for dinner."

I'm about to decline when Kallista says, "I made pasta. I'll be really hurt if you don't at least try it."

"She's very sensitive," Dean warns, and Kallista throws a dinner roll at him, hitting him in the face. Dean grabs one of his own, winding his arm up, ready to launch it at her.

"Dean, Kallista, please," Finn sighs. "You're not exactly making dinner with us look pleasant."

I gulp, suppressing memories of the food fights Greyson and I used to have. The day Thane took me, we were throwing Doritos at each other. He even crumbled one on my head.

Don't start something you can't finish, babe, he had said.

"Onyx?" Finn said softly, like he always did when he was trying to pull me out of my subconscious. So much for suppressing my memories.

The wolves at the table looked at me with pity, even the scary looking girl with dark hair. I wondered if Finn had warned them about my... condition. I fought the bile rising in my throat as I swallowed nervously.

"Pasta sounds good," I say quietly, my volume barely louder than a whisper.

Finn immediately jumps out of his seat, and moves a chair next to him, which I take a seat in. I look down at my hands as he fixes me a small plate.

There's an awkward silence as I take a bite of the pasta, but everything still tastes like soot in my mouth.

"Do you like it?" Kallista asks hopefully.

"Kal, give her a moment to breathe, would you?" The twin without the scar, Ronin softly reprimands her.

"Yeah, plus, it's not like she's going to tell you your cooking sucks when she barely knows you," Dean adds.

Kallista glares at him. "My cooking does not suck, thank you very much."

Dean shrugs. "Guess you'll never know if she thinks that or not."

"It's good," I interject quietly. "Thank you."

Kallista smiles. "Told you, dickhead," Finn gives her a pointed look and she amends her statement. "Sorry, Dean. They're so easily confused. No one would blame you if you ever mixed up the two, Onyx."

The corner of my mouth curls up into a half-smile. "I'll keep that in mind."

Finn visibly relaxes, though I hadn't noticed before that he was tense. Perhaps he always assumed I was constantly on the verge of a mental breakdown. Which, in his defense, I had been since we first met.

The wolves continue whatever conversation they were having before, some kind of argument about whether they should paint the walls or not. I learned a lot about them from the argument.

Kallista and Dean were the major players, always on opposite sides, and I wasn't sure if it was because they genuinely had conflicting beliefs, or if they just wanted to disagree with whatever the other person said. Finn would step in when it got too heated, dissolving the tension. Ronin didn't say much of anything at all, but would laugh when Kallista would make a personal dig at his twin. Astrid and Will, the mates, seemed to be having their own separate conversations completely through their minds, based on their glossy eyes that were constantly focused on each other.

The way they looked at each other sent pangs through my heart. I always thought that's what it would be like when I found my mate, constantly focused on each other, looking at the other person like they're all you see.

Instead, my mate killed my best friend.

Tore his heart out of his body without hesitation, tossing it to the side like it meant nothing.

You fight the Darkness instead of using it.

The glass cup I was holding slipped out of my hand, shattering as it collided with the table, sending glass and water flying.

It seemed like I took most of the glass, shards embedded in my forearm. Blood trickled out of the wounds, and I gagged.

You fight the Darkness instead of using it.

Finn swore under his breath, picking me up with inhuman speed and carrying me into the kitchen, putting me down in front of a trash can, which I threw up into, until visions of a dead Greyson stopped assaulting my mind.

Finn held my hair back, rubbing circles on my back like he had done the night I returned. When I finished, I looked at the wolves sitting at the table. I expected them to be disgusted, but they just looked at me in pity.

"I'm so sorry," I whisper tearfully, and quickly leave the room, blood still pouring out of my arm.

"Onyx, wait," Finn calls after me, but I don't stop, ashamed of my weakness.

"Told you your food sucks," I hear Dean whisper.

More chapters on my Patreon, link in bio. 

Also, about the Patreon: 

Please do not comment asking Patrons to spoil the book. It's quite rude, honestly, because you know that part of the reason my Patreon has chapters posted in advance is so that people will be encouraged to join it. While I understand that some of you may want to support but can't for a myriad of reasons (too young, broke, etc.), and have absolutely NO issue with readers who can't/ don't want to join, please respect the integrity of my work. I understand that the books have cliff hangers/ many mysteries to be uncovered, but if you cannot access the chapters on Patreon, then please be patient for the Wattpad chapters, which mind you, are FREE.

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