"Baby it's okay I love you..." Stephan whispered in my ear as I slowly pushed him off me.

"Stephan no!" I yelled pushing him off.

"Come on I'll make this right."

"Stephan I said no!"

I said getting up and watching him try to grab my arm once again. I sprinted toward the door as quick as I could. I would not do this to myself anymore. I could not force myself anymore. I had to escape.

"No! No more! We're done!"

Pulling the silver handle open I ran for my life and I never turned back. I ran through the street on a cold and snowy winter night, barefooted, alone, and freezing. Mommy was working third shift while daddy was in jail for life. This was not just a life changing for me, but my little sister Witney. Witney was barely four when daddy was "gone" as mommy put it.

I never saw my father nor have I seen Stephan since and I do not plan to. It has been three long hard years and I have somewhat gotten over the trauma of Stephan and always asking when is daddy coming home. Where is daddy. I knew, I knew where he was and why he was there after the age of thirteen when I could finally understand. As Senior in high school, my mom was proud of me. I was eighteen, happy, had a new personality and character. Gone was the shell of a person I once was and I have never been more myself since.

"Emily! Hey Emmy!! Looks there's Josh!!" Tatiana whispered.

Shaking my head unconcerned Mr. Hushten walked to the front of the class clearing his throat,

"This is Stephan Miller and he will be attending this school for the rest of the school year please be nice and considerate."

All the girls in the class whispered from their seat about the fresh meat in school and then my trauma started to kick in.

"I never wanted to see him again!!" I scribbled on the piece of paper to Tatiana.

My panic attacks were kicking in which made my breathing unsteady and eyes blurry.

Once Tatiana managed to receive it she mouthed.

"We'll talk about this later!"

Tatiana was best friend ever since Elementary school and it was easier to talk to her about things. Don't get me wrong now. I love my mom but because she was always so busy trying to provide for me and Witney it was always hard to try and have a conversation with her. Tatiana also knew about the situation when my mom didn't, I felt it would be more issues on her plate and she had enough already.

"Okay Stephan you will sit next to Emily Floricson. The one with the sky blue shirt on and she will be your guide through school today." Mr. Hushton said.

After the brief introduction and regaining the class once again we began with the first class of what would seem like a long day. Stephan took a seat next to me as he began to stare and examine me. The atmosphere around us became tight and stressed it was as if I had become a wounded bird that lost its wings. Placing his hand on my notes I stared him down whispering,

"Get your hand off my notebook and let me take my damn notes!"

Stephan rolled his eyes and ripped a page of paper from my note book and began to take notes. Sighing in relief I began to wonder if it really was Stephan, maybe it was just a trap. Maybe I was just dreaming or hallucinating. I was over this. I was stronger than this! A tap was placed on my arm and I saw a note. Thinking it was from Tati I read it only to find the words.

"Baby I love you please come back to me."

The note made me want to vomit. Stephan had the nerve the audacity to write me this after all he did to me? I took the note crumpled it up I threw it into the garbage and didn't go back into class to even catch a glimpse of that monster. Once the bell rang Tatiana ran to me as fast as she could with my and her stuff in toe. She was the greatest friend anyone could of had. Once she reached me I grabbed my stuff and we sprinted off into our secret hiding spot. Once we got there the questions arose...

"Okay what the heck is he doing here?" Tati asked.

"Okay how the hell am I supposed to know. Damn it I'm seriously fucked up." I said.

"Okay easy! Easy! Girl! Easy on the cuss words you don't even cuss! Seeing him must of really shook you up huh?"

"Hell yeah it did and what the fu.."

"'What the heck did I say about the cussing girl!"

"Okay I'm sorry let me breath and try to recollect my composure... Okay I think I'm ready now."

"Really? Are you sure?"

"Yes," I said, "I'm sure."

"Okay then proceed!" Tati said smiling.

Tati held my hand tightly as support and to ensure that herself that I wouldn't do or say anything stupid.

"Okay I don't know how he found me and let alone why he wants me. He has plenty of bitches! Why thefuu.."

"Please calm down. Relax breath. Easy. Maybe he just wants you to feel trapped because he likes the power he gets from your energy and reaction."

"He's a dick and complete ass if you ask me! You remember he almost forced..." I trailed off because I could not get the words out of my mouth.

"Yes I understand." Tati grabbed my shoulders and said. "He almost raped... I'm so sorry. I know. Just please don't fall for a stupid guy like him again alright! Think about Josh he's crazy about you! Plus he's a complete sweet heart!"

I shook my head and looked around the room I just couldn't. Josh was a nice guy, but dating wasn't in my dictionary because of my past experience. I feared the worst was gomna happen. Him rejecting me because my I'm dirty or impure. All the... horrible... heart wrenching things Stephan made me do. I would not survive another heartbreak. If it was not for Tati saving me from making the worst mistake of my life I would of been gone. My heart was in so much pain and heart break that I didn't want to go through it again.

"We'll... You know..." Tati said, "There's a need for healing. Healing in you and in this place in your heart."

I stood up and nearly hit my head on the ceiling. I had a plan and it was going to be a great one!

"Tati come here I have a plan and I'm going to need your help!" I said in a needy tone.

"What is it?" She began to say.

"We'll I'm going to need a code name for Stephan and Josh. If we're ever in public..."

"Alright! Hmmm? How about Joe and Bill?"

"Great!" I said clapping my hands. "Joe is Stephan and Bill is Josh." I said.

"Alright so what's the plan?" Tati said in a devilish tone.

"The plan is to give Josh a chance. I want to fall madly in love with someone and I want that person to be with someone as sweet and caring as Josh." I said proudly.

"Wait..." Tati said, "So you're really going to give Josh a try? Like Seriously? That's... Emmy..."

"I want you to help me. I want to fall in love again. I won't let Stephan hold me down. He's held me down for almost five years now. I deserve happiness. You'll cheer me on right?" I asked.

"Oh my goodness! Yes! Why wouldn't I cheer on my bestest friend in the whole wide world! Remember sweetheart I've always got your back."

"Thanks Tati you're the bestest friend anyone could of wished for."

All Tati did was nod her head silently and point toward the exit. There was only one way in and one way out. I nodded my head I twisted the vent open just a bit in order to see if anyone was inside the room. Now luckily there was no one so Tatiana and I slipped out without any worries. Closing the vent I waved goodbye to Tati as I headed toward my AP Lit. class. I was beginning to get excited because Josh was going to be in this class along with me.

Once I got into the bright yellow room with the sun beaming through the glass windows. It was always great to walk into this room. Surprisingly there was a seat open by Josh and I took a seat right next to him. Josh's face began to flush a bright red and he began to fidget in his seat. There was an awkward silence between us so in order to  break the ice I started to make him laugh. Josh began easing up on me and I  showed him that I wasn't such an intimidating person to be around. The thing was I began to realize what Tati said was true. Josh was such a sweet and honest guy looking for someone or more like waiting for someone to really invest in. Out conversation flowed from there asking question after question. By the time I could pose another question Stephan walked through the door and the bell rang. Briskly walking to the front of class Mrs. Peterson began taking attendance right away, calling everyone's name in alphabetical order. Until, she stopped by Stephan's name.

"So it seems that we have a new student in my A.P. Literature class." She began walking around the room. "Does that person care to introduce himself to the class?"

Stephan slowly got up and raised his right hand up waving at everyone with a smile that could stop a bus from moving. Everyone fell in love with him instantly, but me. I personally didn't have time for any of that. I knew it was a wolf hiding behind sheep's clothing. I felt a glare begin shoot straight at me as I tried to ignore it and stare out the window. I felt a rush of adrenaline kicking into my system for some unknown reason. Before, I could realize it Stephan walked toward me and said,

"Will you please go out with me?"

Everyone screamed, even Mrs. Peterson, she jumped out of her trance like stance and tumbled toward me in a hurry yelling,

"If I were you I would. Well if I wasn't married I would definitely get me some of that!"

Rolling my eyes and look straight at Josh and he looked at me nervously. I smiled grabbed his shaky hand and said,

"I choose him..."

Everyone screamed with both delight and horror because not only would Stephan still be single, but someone rejected such a super, hot and attractive guy. Josh was lost for words and he didn't know what to say or what to do. Josh was the star quarter back for our high school football team but was not mean and did not date girl left to right. He never dated anyone at all for some unknown reason.  He focused on schooling and football and let alone confidence in girls... He did not have any. So being the person to make the first move I kissed him and then he got the idea. His kiss was shy and slow but it didn't take long for him to finally take control. Everyone just stared as we made out in the middle of class. Personally for what we cared time could just stop and we'd be happy.

"Enough!" Mrs. Peterson yelled. "Class will begin and everyone open your books to page 340 and we will begin the lecture."

Looking at Josh he mouthed the words.

"Later..."

And I nodded my head in agreement. I could feel Stephan's glare shot right into me and I felt that rush of adrenaline once again. There was always that feeling that I got whenever he stared at me, that feeling of cold hard fear. I tried my best to ignore him and continue to liston to the lesson. I tried to keep the anxiety to myself. Once the bell rang Josh hugged me and walked off to his next class on the other side if the building. Leaving just Stephan, Mrs. Peterson and I in the room alone. Stephan walked up to me raising his hand up. I flinched at his action and he turned away grabbing his schedule. He waved and called me to follow him to his next class. Of course me being afraid and the idiot I followed him.

"I know you're just trying to make me jealous Emmy... Stop forcing yourself." Stephan said grabbing my arm,

"why are you do afraid of me baby?"

Slapping his hand off my arm we turned the corner and by the time I knew it my back was against he wall and Stephan was leaning in toward me forcing his lips to clash with mine. "Stephan stop! Stop!"

I screamed, kicked and slapped. Then everyone came running down the hallway to see what was happening; even the teachers. Everyone just stood there and watched me be forced to  submit to him. It was completely and utterly humiliating. Why was no one helping me? Did they not see him? It was not until Josh made it and punched Stephan that everyone came in to try and save me from nearly having a panic attack. Josh was punching Stephan in the face gaving him a can of whoop a** he despectly deserved. It was not until sirens were heard that my eyelids shut.

"What the heck are you guys doing help her!" I could hear Josh yell.

That was when I blanked out from everything and when I woke up my mom and sister were standing there balling their eyes out and Josh was sitting in the chair holding my hand as tightly as he could possibly could.

"Mommy..." I said sleepily, "where am I?"

Pain was all I felt. My body, head, and emotions were everywhere. My throat was hoarse and dry. I could not fathom what happened to me and why. Why Stephan? Why now? What would Josh think of me? Dirty? Impure? Disgusting? Nasty? Unworthy? Here he was pure, good, sweet, and caring. He waited for the right girl. I was far from that. I squeezed his hand lightly tears pooling into my eyes as I watched him sleep beautifully.

My mom leaned in closer and wailed her eyes out telling me how bad of a mother she was for not keeping me safe and for not telling me  about her experience with dad. I already knew though. I knew she knew that but she never told me about it in person. As a young child I could not understand why daddy did that to mommy but now that I was older I knew and that jerk deserved to be in prison. All I could do was cry and hold into her with my left hand, to try to tell her I could understand through the gasps of air that I was taking. My mother was not wrong and that I knew what she was saying and that it was going to be okay, that it was not her fault.

"How long was Josh here?" I whispered, playing with his rough patched up fingers.

My mom smiled happily saying,

"For about a week..."

Shaking my head I said,

"A week? What was I doing all week then?"

My mom patted my head and my sister just stared at me trying to process everything.

"Well..." She trailed off. "You were experiencing an emotional break down and your body was going through shock. Stephan... he... stabbed you. This was my no one did anything. He was threatening that if anyone came by you he'd stab you. Still when Tati tried to talk to hik and distract him he got mad and stabbed you repeated in different places luckily Josh came in before you almost bled to death. The doctors said you'd be fine and you'd wake up but they just didn't know when. I swear Emmy I thought I lost you."

Looking around the room I could tell Josh was actually awake and not sleeping. Patting his head I said,

"Mom I really appreciate you taking off work. I want thank you for being here and telling me about everything."

I swallowed trying to hold my weeping,

"But you really need to rest take little Witney home... I'll be okay I'm a big girl."

"I know honey. I'm just. Your right. Thank Josh when he wakes up for me. He honestly is a gentlemen. He's never left your side since you've been here. Homework, studying, everything he's done it while you were in a comma. We were lucky you started to respond that we got to move you to a different room, if you didn't you'd still be hooked up to all these machines... and... okay enough of this. I'm glad your fully awake baby."

Then Witney walked closer to my bed and tugged into Josh's shirt holding and whispered in his ear something that only the two of them could understand. Then her face quickly lit up and she waved to me with a big smile and grabbed mother bringing her out if the room. Trying to keep my eyes open and my mind awake from trying to shut down on me I grabbed Josh's pale blue shirt saying,

"What are you doing here?"

Josh got up and rubbed his slim pale fingers through his caramel colored hair smiling with that one thousand dollar smile saying,

"I wanted to be here... I'm serious about you Emmy... I have been ever since you wore that big toothless smile and little blue dress with your hair tied into two pigtails in K4."

That seriously made my heart skip a beat. I felt my heart racing and as he leaned in closer I could feel his breath on my face. You could smell his mint toothpaste and his soap bar. This guy was in love with me since the beginning and why didn't I realize this. He coukd of saved me from heartbreak and craziness.

"But I wouldn't have it any other way love."

He said as he leaned in closer and closer towards me.

"Did I say tha last part out loud?"

He chuckled and whispered,

"Yes you did. But it's okay I don't love you any less. May I?"

I nodded and he kissed me. I never felt anything this before. It was as if he was the one, the one I was meant to be with since the beginning of time.

"Ahhh..." We heard at the door open.

Turning our heads I could feel the tension invade the room. I did not even need to guess who is was it was Stephan. Looking at him grasping Josh's hand he looked at me and he could tell I was afraid. Squeezing my hand just once released some tension that I had and the fright turned into strength. I knew right then and there that my feelings for Stephan did not hold a candle to what my feelings to Josh's really were. I was insecure and lost and Stephan gave me a sense of self worth, it was hopeless from the start. I turned to Josh and said,

"Josh... I can't talk to Stephan alone... Could you please stay with me to talk to him?"

"Emmy you don't need to talk to him. He nearly killed you!"

I could tell from the look of his face he was not happy but I needed to know. I needed to know why. I could see Josh calling hospital security and I squeezed his hand and smiled to thank him.

"Well Sweetheart that wasn't so hard was it? That's how you control the dicm. Now if you're a good girl come back to who you really belong to okay?" Stephan said politely with a smile.

I looked at him in strength instead of fear. I was no longer afraid of him. I no longer cared that he abused me, tried to rape me, and cheated on me countless of times.

"No I'm not I told you already I'm not getting back with you I love Josh and I'm not letting him go, but why? Why did you do it?."

He stepped closer and touched bed saying,

"You only respond to me and no one else! Do you got that! You deserved it you had the audacity to kiss another man other than me. You pushed me way too far in your little make me jealous game. Just wait until you're out I'll give you the pleasure of a lifetime you deserved years ago you little slut!"

"No! Don't you dare call me a slut! You forced me! Made me do things against me will! Almost raped me. Made me impure, nasty, vile! I will never go back with you. EVER!"

I yelled slapping my hand on the bed.

Josh pushed Stephan away because he was getting too close to me saying,

"get away from her she already said she doesn't want you!"

Stephan turned around angry his time and saying,

"You don't know half the things she did for me and you want someone that's already dirty? Why don't you go for one of those clean ladies? Why go for this dirty bitch?"

Josh's face turned red and he punched Stephan straightin the nose. I screamed and a loud bang was heard.

Soon a flood of cops came in dragging Stpehan away from my presence and the scene.

"If I can't have you then no one else will!"
Stephan screamed through the corridors.

Soon a feeling of relief came over me. I had finally found a state peace and happiness.

"Josh... please..."

"No, no, no! Emmy please! Em! Stay with me breath! Nurse! Doctor! Someone anyone! This is a fucking hospital for fucking God's sake!

"Josh please..."

"No Emmy you aren't leaving me. I love you."

"Josh please..."

"No Em... they're here they'll help you."

"It's okay. I'm okay. I love you too."

I fell asleep then. Peacefully and finally forever.