***

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close.

Pablo Neruda

***

The first Tuesday in August is hot.

The hottest on record for San Diego in forty years when Javy Machado prepares to bury Bradley Bradshaw.

But we're not there just yet.

***

It's still July.

Hot in its own right. Heavy, lazy summer days where training is half-hearted at best, and everywhere they go off duty is packed with kids and tourists.

It's also time for personnel reviews.

The bane of Jake's existence.

Of any leader's existence because no one wants to sit down and go back over all their achievements and failures, strengths and weaknesses, every quarter.

Really, he's just here to stand up the squadron, and then he's out. This should be someone else's problem, but when he attempted to shuffle it off on Callie, she threatened to castrate him.

The thing about people is that they're all mad.

Crazy.

Senseless.

Never in his life has Jake heard more shit that he never wanted to know than when he's done personnel reviews.

Vixen used to love making up shit about her sex life to see how much it took to make Jake uncomfortable. It had become a competition between the two of them that had escalated to a pretty impressive level before Cole stepped in and made them stop.

People don't like personnel reviews because everyone is uncomfortable facing their own weaknesses. Even Jake had to force himself to learn for the first few.

There's value in them if you can face them honestly, but it takes work to get there.

They're supposed to happen every quarter in the military, but they don't always, naturally. Things get in the way, it's a lot of additional paperwork, and it pisses people off. Most of the time, they only get completed when someone fucks up and the higher-ups need a paper trail.

Cole is not one of those leaders.

Neither is Jake.

Thankfully, neither is Cyclone, who tells Jake he'll do Jake's personally once Jake has finished the Dagger teams.

Which really means he's going to invite Jake over for a homemade meal and a drink after Jake pretty much destroys his personal relationships with everyone.

Mother fucker.

Javy's sympathetic. Mostly. He takes Jake out for a drink, just the two of them, the Friday before the review weeks start, and they run through the list of pros and cons for everyone while getting progressively drunker.

Most of what they come up with will never actually get brought up because none of it's work-related, and anything alcohol-fueled is automatically disqualified from being brought up in a professional setting.

By the book, personnel reviews happen in a professional setting—someone's office at work during business hours.

Jake can barely get the others to fill out their reports correctly; the idea of getting them to sit still for an hour-long review already sounds like a losing battle.

There's definitely going to be some hard feelings when this is over.

Whatever.

Jake's only going to be here long enough to do one round of reviews, and by the time he sees any of them again, they'll be mad at someone else for another round.

He had a strict policy when he was with the Vigilantes. All reviews were in his office, the second half of the day so everyone could fly in the morning and then leave immediately after, either to celebrate or bandage their wounds.

Jake starts out intending to do that with the Daggers, and almost immediately, the jokes start flying about getting called into the principal's office. He's planning to ignore it until they last through the week and into the next, and he realizes there are some legitimately hurt feelings.

He can only repeat the regs so many times before he loses his own damn mind, so he follows Javy's advice and asks the others where they'd be comfortable.

Natasha, Reuben, Bob, Callie, and Neil choose his office.

Brigham, Billy, Logan, and Mickey choose the Hard Deck.

Javy says he'll just sign whatever Jake writes, and Bradley would prefer somewhere that's not personal to either of them, so they agree to a new restaurant neither of them has ever tried on the promise that the public setting will stop either of them from getting to loud.

Or handsy.

Because surprisingly, it turns out they both like their fights as foreplay.

***

It's not a surprise at all; you twisted fucks, Javy will say at their wedding, we all knew exactly what you two were doing every time!

***

Billy Avalone callsign Fritz.

Impulsive but willing to learn.

He volunteers to go first.

And by volunteers, he means he corners Jake one night when they're already there and a couple of rounds in and asks if they can just knock it out because Billy's not great when it comes to patience or apprehension, and he's leading training next week and would like a stress-free weekend.

And Jake just shrugs because, at this point, he cares more about getting it done than he does about the setting.

So they tuck themselves away in a corner of the deck and listen to the drunk antics of their friends as they run through each block.

Billy finds it endlessly amusing that Jake has basically memorized the form.

Jake thinks he's an idiot for not doing it since it directly affects his career.

Billy's never been that driven though. He loves flying, likes the military enough to tolerate it to keep flying, and wants to spend his free time having fun. He's not ready for responsibility or leadership beyond himself, his backseater, and his plane.

He might never be, and he's fine with that.

He's the antithesis of Hangman he knows, and he can see Jake twitching at his approach to life.

For all that Fritz is loud and outgoing, people don't notice him. It's weird, but he's long since learned it's better that way. He gets all the good gossip first.

Like someone caught Hangman and Rooster in the locker room after hours the first week they were training for the mission. It took days for anyone else to figure it out.

Like back in the Academy when he found out Bradley and Natasha were a thing. He maybe should have warned Jake or Javy about that one, but it's not Billy's responsibility to make them act like adults.

Or when he found out his mom was cheating on his dad and vice versa before either of them figured it out.

Like when he heard the rumors about Javy going to Simpson after Mav's rebel-run and suggesting the Admiral send Mav instead of Jake.

Yeah.....

He's still not sure what to do about that one, but he's pretty sure he needs to do something.

It got forgotten in the wake of the actual mission and everything that happened after, but now that they're back and relatively settled, he's heard a few of the ground crew mention it. Billy tells them to shut up about it when he catches it, but it's not going to be long before one of the others hears, and then this nice peace they found for themselves will implode.

He's not sure if he can bring it up to Jake.

Does he know?

He and Javy are weirdly close. Attached at the hip in the way Billy's never been with anyone.

Lately, they're starting to grow a third appendage named Bradley Bradshaw, and Billy desperately doesn't want to be the one that ruins that.

It's entirely possible they all know, and they just haven't bothered to tell everyone.

Billy might never have been that close to someone, hell he might never ever be because the intensity seems kind of terrifying, but he does not want to be the one who ruins it for them.

He'd rather bite his tongue until it bleeds.

But he can't control everyone else, and the second he really tries to tell people to stop talking about it, they'll talk about it even louder, and this weird happiness the squadron's had the past few months will go up in smoke.

This is the best assignment Billy's ever had, and he will take having to watch Jake and Bradley pretend, and convince only themselves, that they aren't checking one another out at work and flirting over the comms, over anything else.

Last week during a dogfighting match, things got so heated over the comms that Maverick had been bright red, and Cyclone had refused to speak to any of them for the rest of the day.

***

"Good morning Aviators. This is God."

"Asshole."

"God of Idiots, maybe."

"Shut the fuck up, Seresin."

"God, my ass."

"For fucks sake."

"Awe, guys, I can feel the love."

"Professionalism over the comms, please."

"You guys remember this is being recorded, right?"

"Please, no one listens to those, Pops."

"Unless there's an accident."

"If you just jinxed us, you're scrubbing toilets for a year."

"Abuse of power!"

"Unlawful order, sir!"

"Somebody call JAG."

Tone.

"You fucking fucker!"

"Should have been paying attention."

"It's on now."

"Best of luck with that."

"Rooster whose side are you on today?"

"What do you mean? I'm always on your side!"

"Liar."

"You literally toned me three times yesterday."

"Okay, but that was for training purposes."

"We're training today!"

"He's a plant!"

"Get him!"

"I'm on your side today, guys!"

Tone.

"Mother fucker."

"Hangman...."

"Should have been paying attention, Payback."

"Rooster might not be on his side today, but he's definitely using him as a distraction."

"I told you!"

"Everyone against Hangman?"

"Everyone against Hangman."

"Everyone against Hangman."

"Everyone against Hangman."

"Everyone against Hangman."

"Everyone against Hangman."

"Everyone against Hangman."

"Everyone against Hangman."

"Everyone against Hangman."

"Coyote, how could you?"

"Survival, brother."

Tone.

"Bastard."

"That's what you get for being a traitor."

"This is just training, right guys?"

Tone.

"Not cool. I was trying to help you, Hangman."

"It's God today."

"Not even if I was dying and you were the only one who could save me."

"Ouch."

"Someone's in a mood today."

"Alright, fine. I guess you can help them out today, Chicken Little."

"I knew it!"

"You're a fucking liar, Bradshaw, and you're buying a round tonight!"

"Jake, what have I told you about calling me that?"

"That you liked it 'cause it's so accurate and all."

"There's nothing small about me, Jake."

"Well, in comparison...."

"You screamed pretty loud, sweetheart."

"Oh god."

"Please stop."

"Not as loud as you, darlin'."

"Run, Jake."

"Ohhhhh."

"Somebody's in trouble."

Tone.

"Who's in trouble, Harvard?"

"Goddamnit!"

"Coyote, where are you going?"

"Back to base."

"We've still got an hour on the range, man. Want to do some practice runs?"

"No way. I know what's coming."

"Ooohhh, so close, Pheonix, so close."

"I'm going to gut you, Hangman."

"Just give it up, Jake. There's four of us and one of you."

"Come over here and make me, Bradley."

"You'd like that, wouldn't you, baby?"

"Uh...."

"Oh god."

"Want me to come over there and remind you who you belong to?"

"Cupcake, I think you're forgetting who was on their knees last night."

"I might have been on my knees, gorgeous, but you were the one praying."

"Eww."

"I think I'm gonna puke."

"Open comms."

"Prayings not begging, though, is it, Bradley."

"Jesus Christ."

"Pretty sure you promised me the moon and stars when I had my mouth on your-"

"Oh my god!"

"I hate you both so much."

"These are open comms, guys. Come on. Cyclone's probably having an aneurysm."

"I am."

"This probably counts as sexual harassment."

"SHARP!"

"Poor babies, are you learning something?"

"I've twice the age of everyone here-"

"At least, Pops."

"Shut the fuck up, Hangman, and I'm still not old enough to hear this shit."

"He's right. Not appropriate on the comms, Jake."

"Oh, really, Bradley. So if I said, if you catch me, I'll do that thing with my tongue-"

"Holy shit!"

"Jesus, Bradley, slow down!"

"... I kinda want to know now."

"The fuck you do. I was traumatized!"

"What the hell, Coyote? I bought you a bottle of vodka. Expensive vodka! To never bring that up again!"

"Bradshaw, there is not enough expensive vodka in the world to wash away the image of your pasty white boy ass-"

"OPEN COMMS!"

"Well, now I have to know."

"I will fly this plane into the ground if anyone tries to explain that."

"Right behind you, Halo."

"Same."

"I have never considered retirement more than I am right now."

"I'll be sure to pass that on to Admiral Kazansky, Captain Mitchell."

"Snitch."

***

Best assignment ever.

Billy's mouth will remain shut until the end of time.

***

Brigham Lennox, callsign Harvard.

Promising, but not ready for leadership just yet.

Brigham likes Jake and Bradley. He might be the only one that thinks they fit, but he's also pretty sure he's right. Jake's still intense, and Bradley's still emotional, but they're both more settled? No, calmer? No, something he can't think of the right word for, but it's there.

In the way Bradley sprawls when he sits now, relaxed in a way Brigham's never seen before.

In the way Jake grins from the podium, barbs that don't land as sharply when he's teaching.

It's there in the way he saw Jake, Bradley, Javy, and Natasha out for dinner one-night last week. Something he hasn't seen since the flight school.

It's there when he catches Jake and Bradley walking out to their planes, so close, their fingers tangled but not quite holding hands.

It's there when Ren calls him and tells him what Lily Grace and Maverick got up to while she was in town and how much happier Jake is when he calls, and how much more relaxed Javy is.

He's pretty sure Javy still isn't fully on board, but he seems to have taken a page out of Natasha's book and shut his mouth for the time being. Which is nice because Brigham doesn't feel bad asking their advice about what to get Ren for her birthday in a couple of months.

And if it's too soon to introduce her to his parents.

Jake doesn't think so, but Javy and Bradley helpfully pointed out that just because she's close to the Seresins doesn't put her on their timeline, and Jake's zero-to-sixty relationship philosophy only works for his ilk.

Brigham decides to wait until Christmas because she's already agreed to come to Boston, excited for an East Coast White Christmas.

***

Ren fits in well with Natasha and Callie. Worlds apart in terms of what they actually do for work, but in identical situations when it comes to being women in male-dominated fields and breaking glass ceilings.

Not that any of them think or talk about it like that.

They're there to do the job because they love it, not because they want to lead the feminist movement.

Nat and Callie command million-dollar aircraft and rain hell on the enemy from miles above.

Ren can control a thousand-pound wild animal with nothing more than a gesture or a word, and when it won't listen, she's strong enough to drag it around with one hand.

She joins them at the gym one day and demonstrates her ability to bench press Payback's body weight, which pretty much endures her to every guy there except the assholes.

She's a lot better at reading people and animals because people are animals, she points out, and they spend a fun night at a bar with Ren teaching them what to look for as far as signs of threats or danger or who's interested in who and who's faking.

Like Javy, she's absolutely loyal to Jake, telling them how her family stumbled upon the Seresin ranch five generations ago when they were trying to figure out where to go when the white world didn't want them, and neither did the reservation.

Half-breeds weren't welcome anywhere then, she murmurs, and now they both want to claim her to show their diversity and growth.

Fuck 'em all.

Nat and Callie agree.

And then Jolene comes on the jukebox, and they follow true Seresin tradition and get into bar fight, and Jake gets called out to come pick them up.

True to form, he's only really angry that it wasn't a complete sweep. A couple of the guys are still standing at the end.

Ren argues that it's only because the police got there so fast.

***

Callie Bassett, callsign Halo.

Aggressive in the air, promote ahead of peers.

Callie loves being Jake's 2IC. He knows enough that she can make mistakes and learn without causing too much trouble but not enough that she's not valuable in her position.

She doesn't love it enough to take over the personnel reviews, though.

Despite Jake's begging.

Instead, she takes a seat in his office after lunch one day and brings her own notes, and Jake practically has hearts in his eyes at the sight of them.

He's so much happier lately, though she can still see the loss and grief sometimes if she catches his eyes at the right angle in the right light.

Callie doesn't have one sibling to lose, let alone five, and she wonders how Jake will age with all that weight.

Oh...

Right...

He won't have to.

Jake's thirty-first birthday is coming. Peter is turning thirty-four soon.

Halo's never counted days as much as she is now.

No one else has brought it up. The entire squadron seems to be practicing the speak no evil see no evil maxim.

At least in public.

She has no idea if anyone's talking about it when they're alone or in pairs, and it's just a whole group avoidance thing.

Or a Jake or Bradley's in-the-room thing.

Callie doesn't have any questions, or she'd ask them outright.

Seresins die by forty.

They die fighting.

They die bloody.

None of them escape it, and sometimes, it gets those who love them too.

Sometimes.

Not always.

She wonders where that line is?

If Bradley and Jake never make it official, will Bradley be safe?

Jordan's Tara wasn't.

Celia and Jake never married, but she took his name and had his children, but now she's marrying Javy?

Also, what about Javy? They're blood brothers, but Javy's not worried about dying by forty.

What kind of bullshit is this?

She wants to say this whole thing is a terrible joke, but she can't get the image of the Seresin family graveyard out of her mind.

Callie remembers Julia Fallon from the academy. Nat's roommate was the Princess on campus, Nat was the Queen, and Callie was the court jester.

She's always been more rough and ready than refined, and she fits in better with the immature boys than the mature girls.

Still, she doesn't turn down the invitation when Nat reaches out and says Julia's in town to visit.

A girl's night is always fun, and it's not really a girl's night when there are just two of you.

By the end of the night, she's decided she likes Ren much better.

Natasha agrees.

It's strange but not how people change as they grow. Sometimes it makes sense. Sometimes, they veer off in such wild directions that you sit back and wonder if you ever really knew them at all.

***

Julia's been visiting a lot more than Natasha expected.

More than she thought she'd be able to, really, given that she's also an active duty aviator with her own responsibilities and training.

The third weekend she comes out in two months, she joins Natasha and Callie for a tipsy brunch, and Nat finally asks what's going on.

The loneliness is getting to her, Julia admits.

And her family.

Callie's not read in, so they spend an hour getting her up to speed on the Fallon family's wish for a military wedding and the demise of the almost relationship.

She's right there with them until Julia says the almost relationship that fizzled before it started was with Bradley Bradshaw.

Judging from the stunned look on Nat's face, she didn't know either.

There's an awkward silence around the table before Julia laughs and waves it away, saying she knows he's seeing someone new and there are no hard feelings.

Rooster was more of a rebound than anything else, and as much as she could have handled him as a husband, easily kept under control and in line, she'd prefer someone with a bit more fire.

She doesn't want to be bored in her marriage, love aside, Callie just barely restrains herself from asking if Julia's actually met Rooster, but he sure as shit isn't easily controlled or kept in line from what she's seen.

Jake would definitely argue otherwise since their entire attraction to one another seems to be built on their love of arguing with each other.

Julia seems to have a pretty set idea of who Bradley is, and Nat figures it's because they mostly communicated over text and went long periods of time without seeing one another face to face.

Whatever.

As long as it's over now.

She might still have reservations about Bradley and Jake, but she'd have a hell of a lot more about Julia and Bradley.

At least Jake likes Bradley's personality, she's seen Julia mold her previous boyfriends into what she wanted instead of just looking for that to begin with.

The more they drink, the more morose Julia gets.

And Callie and Natasha, to be fair. They're both single and lonely too.

Loneliness seems to get most humans in the end.

***