Best Pick Up Line

Boy: I love that book you're reading

---

Five words you NEVER say to a fangirl:

You know he's not real?

---

Me: *reading when suddenly an unexpected death occurs*

Me: Excuse me favorite character, but did I give you permission to die so randomly?

Me: Oh... You didn't need it?

Me: The author wanted me to feel this pain?

Me: well this is just...

Me: *sobs in the corner*

---

When I get a new book:

-Feel the cover

-Admire it on the bookshelf

-Smell it

-Stare at the amazing cover

-Read it

---

Fangirl 1: ASDFGHJKL

Fangirl 2: I know, I understand.

---

School: Late

Doctor's appointment: Late

Dentist's appointment: Late

Party: Late

Book Release: 8 hours early

---

Normal people's problems:

*world hunger* *poverty* *money* *jobs* *economy*

My problem:

*if my favorite character survives the next chapter*

---

*passes by bookstore*

*checks wallet*

*walks away*

---

Those moments in a book when you have to stop and re-read the sentence because you can't believe what you just read

---

When you've read a book before it was popular and then all of a sudden everyone is reading it because of the movie. Like, no.

---

That need to slap people who haven't read the book but fangirls about it anyway

---

Hiding a book you want in a bookstore so that no one will buy it until you come back

---

*casting lists are out*

Stalker mode: ON

---

Person: Hey

Me: do you read?

Person: no-

Me: *walks away*

---

If I don't reply i'm either:

1. Reading a book

2. Talking about it

---

When you meet someone from your fandom and it's like you found your long lost sibling

---

Me: *walks inside a bookstore*

*grabs all the books I want*

*puts them in my basket*

*walks to cashier*

*pays for them all*

*wakes up from dream*

---

Friend: what do you look for in a boyfriend?

Me: He should-

Friend: that exists

Me:

#ForeverAlone

---

If you haven't stayed up until the early hours in the morning reading with your eyes itching and burning with tiredness and your vision blurred as you fight to stay awake to finish the book, you haven't lived at all.

---

Me: why is this book over?

Me: why couldn't it be longer?

Me: what am I supposed to read now?

*glances at pile of unread books*

Me: don't look at me like that

---

What if fangirls ruled the world:

-All schools would be called Hogwarts

- All the summer camps/school would be called Camp Half-blood

-wars wouldn't even be proper wars they'd just be arguments about which ship is best

- tumblr would become the main source of happiness

-approx 67% of the male babies would be named: Percy, Harry, Peeta, Gale, Jace, Tobias, ect.

-every table would be made out of mahogany

-The U.S would be named Panem

---
Friend: I miss my boyfriend

Me: so do I

Friend: he calls me princess

Me: he calls me fan

Me: sometimes fans like plural

Me: so he'll be like "I love my fans!" And I'm like I love you too

Friend:

---

Planning what to wear to the premier... In a dark movie theatre.

---

Me: I GOT A BOYFRIEND

Friend: OMG it's about time. Where is he?!

Me: in here *strokes book*

Friend: of course

---

I have come to the realization that if a boy ever used

"I ship us"

As a pickup line...

I would TOTALLY go out with him.

---

Fanboy: *grins*

Fanboy: hi

Me:

Me: okay, who paid you?

---

Me: oh a new character?

Me: he's so funny!

Me: he's so cute! Omg

Me: he's adorable!

Me: he is so perfect.

Me: I just can't

Me: ASDFGHJKL

Me: I just love him so much

Me: he's my soul ma-

Me: and he's dead

---

My dad: (yelling at the tv)

Me: you're yelling like the players are actually gonna listen to you.

Dad: you're in love with a man that doesn't even know you exist.

Me:

Me: don't talk to me

---

Mom: do you need any new books?

Me: *looks at mountain of unread books*

Me: yup.

---

Me: mom can I have money for a book?

Mom: fine, have $20

Me: that's not enough

Mom: no book is over $20. That's ridiculous

Me: well you have to pay to the therapy too.

---

Me: I love them so much

Friend: but they're fictional characters

Me: ...

Me: I'm sorry, I don't understand what your point is

---

I'M NOT ASKING FOR:

"And they lived happily ever after!"

I'M JUST ASKING FOR:

"And they lived!"

---

*finished book*

Fangirls: what did I used to do before this?

---

Me: WTH why is everyone going to sleep it's only-

Me: oh

---

"Your otp are fictional" they said

"They aren't real" they said

"Where did you get that rifle" they said

---

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because it wanted to go to the bookstore of course.

---

EVERYDAY I'M

FANGIRLING

---

Me: *drops book*

Person: what happened

Me: It's... It's happening again

Person: what?

Me: *twitches*

Me: THE FEELS

Person: *slowly backs up*

Me: *twitching on the ground uncontrollably*

Person: *runs away*

---

Why are books not waterproof?

I want to read in the shower

And to protect my books from my tears

IT'S 2013 WHY ARE BOOKS NOT WATER PROOF?!

IT'S 2014 WHY ARE BOOKS NOT WATERPROOF OBAMA FIX THIS

OBAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

---

When I enter a book store:

Me: what is that amazing smell?

*inhales* *exhales*

---

*squints suspiciously*

I like you, new character...

*squints more suspiciously*

You're going to die, aren't you

---

I hope my future children appreciate the fact that they'll most likely be named after fictional characters

---

Teacher: has anyone read this book?

Entire class: *looks at me*

---

Me: omg this new book is so pretty

I hope it never gets damaged

I will protect this with my life

NO ONE can touch this

*reads emotional part of book*

*violently throws book at wall*

-------------------------------

TYSM all of you! I'm almost at 1k reads :D

Now I'm adding one Divergent joke at the end of each chapter. They'll be called DJ (Divergent Joke)

DJ: HAPPY 201Tobias!!!

Anyways, QOTC:

What book are you curently reading? I'm reading Allegiant AND IM SO CLOSE TO FINISHING!!

*cries*

Happy new years and may the odds be ever in your favor!!

Bye!