I cried after I got home, getting on my knees and praying to be replenished after a night of dirt, encountering something that I was taught was so cynical. I feel so disgusting. Like I belong on the side of the road, waiting for a guy to come pick me up.

I didn't say anything during dinner the following night. It was the most quiet I've ever been. Mom was wondering what's happened to my rants of the evening, Dad was confused as to why I didn't share what I learnt, my final grade on that essay, etcetera, but there was none of that. I felt like I lost 20 IQ points.

"What's going on in her head?" Mom asks Dad with a whisper.

Dad shrugs, continuing to poke his fork into a meatloaf.

I wish I could share exactly what was going on in my head. Right now, it's-did Anthony rape me? Of course I wanted it, badly, but what if I said no? Would he have continued to coax me into doing it, like he kisses me without warning all the time? More importantly, am I still a virgin? All he did was finger me, I guess. Why didn't Flea turn the video off? I guess he must've thought I was okay with it, after all I was fairly quiet. All he had to do was turn. It. Off. He knew I was a Christian, so why-

"Wren, are you okay?" Dad asks. "You're very pale."

"Are you sick?" Mom chimes in.

I look at them. I nod slowly.

"Better go lie down," I finally said, leaving my plate on the table.

I have a migraine, but I manage to fish out a poem that portrays how I feel:

The way his eyes

Sweetly connect with mine

Makes his whole appearance

Appear simply divine

I love the way

My name rolls off his tongue

His swift movements

Stealing a kiss

Or leaning in for a hug

The most simplistic things

Utmost what cause me to fall in love

I like admiring the simple beauties

Like his bare chest or cheek stubble

Protruding veins

Soft long hair

He wears that same cologne

You could smell it from a mile away

And knowing it's him

His signature scent

Cuddling him reminds me of being at home

Having him hold me so

I know that I'm not alone

Oh gosh. I have a crush on Anthony.

-

The poem i wrote is an excerpt from a poetry book i wrote, you can feel free to check it out :)

P.S, i have short upcoming chapters, therefore i think it's not fair to only update small ones aha, so if I'm updating a lot dats why <3