I don't really thought things would take such a turn. I saw everyone as my family. I didn't affected much in the beginning, all the nagging and comparison. I just shrugged it off whenever they said things like 'you are nonsense.' 'Just be quiet' 'don't act like a child' and on and on. I don't think they even noticed the change in me. I slowly started believing whatever they said. Maybe i am an idiot, maybe i should act like an elder brother, maybe i really have no common sense, maybe i should be more like my brother. Slowly i started to avoid them. I stopped showing them anything afraid that jungkook would do it  better  than me. I believe he would. Instead i started to share it with my friends, specifically one, like i had more than him.
We met in primary school and were together since then. He was the only one who appreciated me and my art, my music anything that i showed and never compared it with anyone. We spent almost whole day together. But it was really annoying when my parents would ask so many questions about him. Like qhat the hell? Till now you never cared but you want to know about him. They literally asked jungkook to keep an eye on me.
As we entered high school, i started doing drugs. Ut was like the only way to calm my mind except music ofcourse. My family never knew about it untill one day jk saw me. That night was really, what do we call it, horrible. It was not that they tried to ask me anything. All they did was as soon as i entered the house appa(seokjin) bursted on me and continued lecturing me for about an hour and then asked me to quit talking with my friends. That was when i lost it and shouted back at them. That was the night when *laughs*  he slapped me for the first time. It was the last day i had any proper conversation with them. Whenever we talked it always led to arguement at the end. So i just avoided any conversation with them. It also became a topic of comparison for them.
But finally i broke when he said that it would have been better if i was never born. Sometimes i wish same too but how do i tell him. I ran away from the house that day to my only friend and maybe the only one who cared for me. I was with him for three to six months, i don't really remember, and we did all the drug dealing and all
He was connected with a gang that i worked for later as well. 
It was until the day i met mr. Jung. He was really kind and never pressured me to tell him anything although i can see that he was too eager to know all of it. Maybe he was just trying to help me but i know he would as well soon get irritated by me and let me go from his house. Yes he took me to his house. There i met hobi and his sister and mother. They were so kind to me. It took me almost half a year to trust them and open up to them. All this time mr. Jung took care of me like his own son. I funally told him everything about me. That didn't change anything in him. I was really grateful for it. Everything was going on smoothly until they all came back. Can't i be happy once. As i saw them mingling with my family i got scared, maybe they would also turn them against me. Maybe they would also hate me like they all did. Thoughts like that started to surface my mind. It scared me so much that i can't explain.
I tried my best to avoid these types of thoughts but i lost to them. It was like my mind was out of my control.

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