Silence was the true boogeyman. He wandered the dark nights, invading my ears with a relentless mission to send my brain into overdrive, forcing it to process the day's events. The result? The all-too-familiar insomnia.

If I closed my eyes, all I saw was a man with sandy blond hair sipping his tea. If I left them open, it was Zane with his mouth on Ella's neck. I'm not sure which one was the more terrifying nightmare.

I sat in the darkness with Kathryn's head on my lap. She refused to leave my side. She told me the last thing I needed was to be alone, but truthfully, I was always alone inside my mind.

Ella never returned to our room that night. It didn't surprise me. She was the master at disappearing when things got hard.

I peered over at Lucy's sleeping body. She knew something was wrong, but I told Kathryn to keep this secret between us. I didn't want my pain to spread to others like an uncontrollable wildfire, wreaking havoc and producing loss. It was bad enough that Kathryn knew. We ended up telling her Ella got sick and went home.

When the sun finally rose, we packed up our things. I was more than ready to leave this place behind me. I opened the door to leave and there stood Zane staring at me with those alluring ice blue eyes. He was the last person I wanted to see.

"Excuse me," I said as I tried to squeeze by him with my bag slung over my shoulder. He should be happy I even acknowledged his existence.

"Ember, wait," he said, grabbing my wrist to stop me.

I looked down at where he had a hold of me. The tingles never stopped as much as I wished they had. His eyes followed mine, and he quickly loosened his grip, letting go of my flesh. My hand dropped back to my side, moving in slow motion, as if time itself had slowed down. I could feel the emptiness in the air, as the wind brushed against my skin, a painful reminder of where his fingers used to be.

With the last remnants of strength, I continued walking. I moved down the hall, distancing myself from my friends, and he trailed behind, rambling nonsense. Though I attempted to ignore him, his words danced like vibrant butterflies around my head, captivating my attention. As I reached the lobby, I realized my futile attempts to escape them were in vain. I resigned myself to swatting the beautiful insects away instead.

"Stop it, Zane," I said as I turned around and walked right up to him, placing my hands on his chest, putting on my mask. 

In case Lucy walked out, she would assume we were together, sharing a moment. And maybe we were, just not in the way I wanted. I stood on my tiptoes and said the next words close to his ear.

"I told you everything about me and I thought I was what you needed, no wanted and within five minutes you destroyed it. Please leave me alone."

And I walked away. I left him standing there, but not alone.

The group of flesh-eating piranhas stared at us with their dead grey eyes. I knew they heard me. I made sure of it. Everything would go back to normal soon.

"Wait for me."

I turned around, only to see Kathryn jog my way. The back of my throat was tight as I squeezed my eyes shut as hard as I could. Maybe she was right. Solitude was not okay for me at this moment in time.

"You did good," Kathryn said.

I gave her a slight smile. Maybe I did, but why did the right thing have to hurt so badly?

"Let's go," she said as she wrapped her arm around me and led me to the bus before the first tears could slip out.

Travis loaded our luggage as we found our seats. I kept my head down as I watched Zane walk to the back of the bus and sit with the other vamps. This was good. Maybe he would finally return to his clan and leave me to return to my solitude. But I spoke too soon.

I felt the phone in my pocket buzz. Multiple times.

Ember, I'm sorry.

Ember, Let's talk.

Ember, please answer me.

Please come sit by me. I need to tell you what happened.

I'm so sorry.

As I read the multiples of text, Kathryn leaned over and grabbed my phone. Her fingers slid across the keys with a graceful rage not leaving me with a chance to protest.

I'm shutting her phone off.

She then hit the power button and shut down my phone. I watched the screen go black, and I wasn't sure if I felt sadness or relief.

"You don't need him," Kathryn said.

"I know," I said. "But that doesn't stop me from wanting him."

She said nothing. How could you argue with the wants of another monster? We were selfish, and I was proving it.

I leaned over only to rest my head on her shoulder. Exhausted, but wide awake. More of the contrasting emotions that should never belong together. But Zane seemed to lead me down a path that circled in confusing ways that I only ended up becoming lost. 

I lost myself.

"When we get off the bus, we are going straight to my car."

I let out a low yawn while nodding my head. I could not agree more.

"I know," I said. "I don't want to be near him."

The bus pulled into the parking lot, and I wasted no time. I looked back once and saw that he had stood up, ready to run, but Nox grabbed his arm. Zane looked down at him as if trying to figure out what was holding him back and saw Nox gently shake his head. How Nox knew it would be a bad idea? I'm not sure.

With Nox holding Zane back this gave me the opportunity I needed, I jumped off the stairs of the bus and ran. There was no need to bother with my bag. If anything, I would retrieve that later. Faster and faster, I ran to Kathryn's car, not stopping until I was in the passenger side seat, shutting the door behind me.

"You are fast, firebird," Travis said, sliding into the seats behind me holding onto my bag.

"It's cold out," I said. "Thanks for getting my stuff."

"It's no problem and for what it's worth she told me."

With a nod, I answered him. I had a hunch that she would tell at least one person. I figured it would be Travis. Eventually, everyone would probably know. I wished it was only me who had found him though, that would have been better.

The ride was silent all the way back to the dump. From behind the glass window, the world seemed to revolve around me. Despite its fragility, even the gentlest tap could shatter it. Yet, it remained a protective barrier separating me from the tumultuous chaos beyond. And I needed protection, even if it was only a mirage.

We ventured into my shack, and Travis put down my bag.

"This place isn't half bad."

"And it's all hers," Kathryn said.

"You just want a place of your own," Travis said.

"Don't you," Kathryn said. "You live in a den with ten other wolves."

"Nah," he said. "I wouldn't know what to do without them."

Wolves ran in packs. It was rare to see a wolf by themselves. There was a part of me that was envious knowing he would never know the feelings of loneliness. 

Kathryn reluctantly handed me back my phone. Her grip was tight not wanting to let the little box of technology go, but she knew she had to as I took it from her hand.

"If I were you, I would not turn it on for the rest of the night."

"You're right," I said as I agreed with her.

She was right. The best thing to do was wait till morning or maybe later. But like a growing child who has to learn everything the hard way her words were only meaningless sounds as my choice was already made.

I watched as their car slip away into the night and I turned on the phone. On the bus for hours, my mind had an internal conflict about it until curiosity finally won. I needed to know if he was still texting me.

As I switched my phone back on, I heard a distinct buzz that alerted me I had received a text message. I found it surprising that it was the only one I had received.

Please meet me at our spot in an hour.

That was sent thirty minutes ago. I had to hurry. Zane needed closure, and I was going to give it to him. It was the only way he would go back to his clan. Back to Cynthia. This was the right thing to do.

Fine.

Earthy brown tones surrounded me as I made my way through the tall grass to get to the lifeless wildflowers. The air was stale as it whipped through the long locks of my hair. The walk was only twenty minutes, so why did it feel like an hour?

He was standing in the middle of the dead field with his back facing me when I finally reached him.

"Since when did this become our spot?"

I watched him slowly turn to face me.

"You came."

"You would never stop bugging me if I didn't."

"That's true."

He smiled while letting out a soft chuckle, and I faltered. I felt the corner of my lips curl up. He knew what he was doing. I shook my head, hoping to shake away the feelings. I needed to be stronger than this.

"What do you want, Zane?"

"Our relationship back."

"Our relationship is as dead as this field surrounding us."

"But the field grows back in time."

I reached down and plucked a dead piece of grass out of the ground by its roots.

"Not if you rip it from the very foundation where it grew."

I threw the piece of grass back to the ground. The universe showed us signs. We weren't supposed to be together.

"Can I just explain myself?"

"Even if you explained yourself what good is it going to do? You had your fangs in my best friend... or used to be. I don't know."

"She tricked me."

"Sure, like Ella would trick you."

"She did Ember. I don't know why, but she did."

"I don't want to hear it."

I turned on my heels to walk away when the next words he said stopped me.

"She was already bleeding."

Zane could not resist immortal blood, just like a normal vampire could not resist human or animal blood. I could not help but turn back and face him.

"Even if she was, that's still not an excuse on why you embraced her like that?"

"Feeding is an intimate thing. That's what I was always told," he said. "I have only ever fed on blood bags. My instincts must have taken control."

"So, she was your first, even better."

An audible sigh escaped from his lips as he ran his hands through his hair, gently tugging at the ends. His eyes closed as his hands traced over his face, repeating the motion several times. After a few minutes, he lifted his gaze to meet mine, his eyes filled with a plea.

"I'm sorry. How can I fix this?"

"You can't."

I took my first step away from him, thinking that was the end.

"Don't just walk away from me, please."

This was proving to be more challenging than I initially expected. Despite the discomfort it caused me, I took a deep breath and confronted him, only to realize that he was trailing behind me. Allowing the fire to surge through my veins, I imagined his hands on Ella, his lips that should have been on me, pressed against someone else's flesh. With determination, I approached him, closing the distance between us to just a few meters.

"You lit the fire, Zane," I said. "Did you not expect me to rise from its ashes?"

"I love you."

I couldn't falter. Never falter.

I stared at him right in eyes. I never blinked. Never moved. I put on the mask of the firebird and let the words fall from my mouth without so much as a hint of emotion. Not one quiver in my voice.

"A heart can't break if it never fell in love."

And I turned and walked away, distancing myself from the field of death. It was a sight I did not wish to witness any longer. Deep inside, I knew that even a monster could only endure a certain amount of pain before succumbing to its demise.

There was no crunching of the grass. His voice did not call out for me. As I made my way back to the dwelling, the only sounds I heard were the light sniffles from my nose as the tears ran down.

I unlocked the door, and I thought one time would not hurt. But that was a mistake. Before I entered the shack, I turned around but only found darkness. I had lost my true home.