Worry was a meaningless emotion, like waiting for a bridge to collapse when it may never happen. Therefore, you'll never cross the raging river to experience the beauty that awaits on the other side.

I've felt this way time and time again. It courses through my veins the same as my fire, eating away at my soul, consuming every thought. As an immortal, why would I let a human emotion like worry suck away any thrill I breathed in through these fiery lungs of mine? One can only assume I was just made different in this life. An emotional firebird. I chuckled at the thought. If there was such a thing, I would be the first.

Now that Sybil was on board, I thought I could worry less. My rebirth was one step closer. I would no longer have to ride this roller coaster of mortal emotions. I could leave behind these confusing thoughts of love or whatever brain chemical Ella claimed it was. 

But as I thought about leaving this life, I would leave behind the best group of immortals I had ever known. Warmth dripped down my face at the thought. I quickly wiped it away with the tips of my fingers, tired of this lava dripping uncontrollably from the tiny holes in the corner of my eyes.

The sun was setting on another day, and only one thing was going to make me feel better. I needed to fly, to feel alive. To feel free from this human encasement that enclosed the true me. 

The human body was an entrapment for immortals. Something we wore to fit into society. I've read books where humans conform to fit in, changing their personalities, their appearance. Anything they could do to attract others of their kind so they wouldn't be lonely. Maybe we weren't so different after all.

The true me was written on combustible substances hidden within the walls of a dilapidated shack. My friends were the only ones that came close to knowing the true me. They knew some of my most secretive thoughts but the dangerous ones, never. It was best to keep those where I could easily set them on fire.

This was the last time I would see the wildflowers before the wintery weather stole them away. Something urged me to say goodbye and this goodbye would possibly be forever. I walked further down the dirt path closer to the wildflowers but far enough that when I combusted, I would cause them no damage.

Iciness was a killer. The world died in the winter and as the bitter wind kissed my face; I knew I should run. Run far and fast, but the icy kiss only reminded me of an uncontrollable magnetic force that kept pulling me back to a place that could only be expressed as home.

My steps were high as I marched through the tall grass. Each crunchy blade of grass snapped, penetrating my ear drum as they broke with each downward plunge of my foot. The wind had a bitter bite to it as the breeze blasted by. I had to be quick. My body couldn't bear this cold.

After clearing the area, I hung my clothes on a tree branch a little way from the trail and ran with the speed of a predator who had just spotted their prey. My fire inexorably rose to course its way from my feet to my head till the explosion burst through the forest. Reds and oranges melted into the colors of the setting sun. A fiery bird burst from the fireball. The enchanted secret.

The only time I possessed grace and beauty was in phoenix form. Too majestic for the forest, too emotional for a firebird. Though firebirds belonged nowhere, I never belonged with the firebirds. Maybe my next life would be different and fitting in would not be such a struggle.

Invisible ice cycles clung to my wings, cutting my flight short. I wrapped back up in my clothes before the chilly air could damage my skin and made my way toward the wildflowers.

I stood amongst the dying beauties as they took their last breaths. Though their colors were fading, their vibrance still shone as they danced in the wintery air. They refused to give up. Happiness radiated throughout their stiff and brittle bodies. As I stared at them, knowing they would die and come back with no recollection that they had ever brought me this much happiness, something in me changed. Maybe I could be happy with my dying breath, too. Maybe I should not give up.

Sudden warmth overtook me as I felt a heaviness drape over my shoulders.

"You'll freeze out here," Zane said as his cool breath wisped by my face. 

He stepped out in front of me so I could look at him. His silver bangs slid into his eyes as he turned to meet mine. He now stood in a plain white T-shirt that clung to him so tight it looked like his muscles were struggling to breathe. I envied the way the cold didn't bother him. The grass was always greener.

"This is my spot," I told him as I looked past him and only stared at the dying flowers. 

I hated to admit it but, he was right. I was cold, and blisters would form if I wasn't careful. I snuggled deeper into the large black jacket he had draped over me. He seemed amused as I heard a soft chuckle leave his lips. 

That soft laughter was enough to melt me further into his heavy jacket. The sound pleased my ears like the soothing vocals of my favorite lullaby that would drift me off into a peaceful sleep. If I could be so lucky. 

The further I had sunk into his jacket the more intoxicated by the smell I had become. It smelt like him. Lilacs and rain. Spring. The addiction to his smell was like an addiction to a favorite drug, and no matter how many times I went to rehab, I kept crawling back. Was this what Kathryn meant when she described her "love" for Travis?

"You don't seem to mind me saving you from the cold," he said. 

I rolled my eyes. As the sun was now below the horizon, the temperatures dropped and so did my energy to argue with the vamp. Also, I was now drunk on spring, but I would never admit that to him.

My feet carried me to the middle of the field where I kneeled down and carefully plucked a flower from its grassy home. Zane kept his eyes on me, taking slow steps as he joined me amongst the faded purples and yellows of the green and brown field.

"I'm like this flower," I said, twirling the dying beauty between my fingers. "Always providing others with happiness, always dying and coming back, never to remember who I really am or why I am even here."

"You're right. You are like wildflowers," Zane said. I whipped my head in his direction. He would be like the other vamps, ready to destroy me in my most vulnerable moment. But then he continued... 

"Beautiful, wild, and free."

"And you are like a shower, warm and comforting, but with the flick of a switch, cold and uninviting."

I stood up, still holding on to the wildflower. Once again, uncontrollable magnetic forces had me ready to run into his arms. But I turned and walked away, refusing to acknowledge them. Zane grabbed hold of my wrist, making me drop my flower. I watched as she fell onto the others. When the next spring came, she would not return.

Zane held me in place. I stared at his hand around my wrist. The familiar and now comforting sensations shot up my arm. Honestly, I welcomed those prickly tingles, those forbidden sparks for the rest of this life.

"Do you really want everyone to know how I feel about you?" he asked.

"And how do you feel?" 

Emerald met blue. Zane peered down and disconnected our gaze as soon as it began. He stayed quiet. The silence was deafening. I waited for an answer that I knew would never come. I yanked my wrist from his grip and took a step out of the field.

"No matter what, you won't leave my head," Zane shouted. 

My feet froze. Not from the cold, but from the raw, unfiltered words that flowed from his lips. It was the same. Rather this was love or not, it was the same for him as it was for me. But I couldn't give in, not just yet.

"How can I accept this when you stayed silent while your friends ripped into me?"

"It would have been worse if I spoke up," he said. "You know what they expect out of me. Who they expect me with."

"But what do you want?" I asked. "Nothing would happen if you protected me! None of them would challenge you!"

Tiny hairs rose on the back of my neck. I did not have to look at him to see the hint of a smile that rose on his lips. It was all in his voice as he said the next few words.

"You want my protection now?"

My inner turmoil ran loose, as I was not prepared for this question. As my anger rose, the words flowed out of my mouth like steam from a boiling kettle. 

The frozen grass crunched as my feet turned automatically, making me stare at him. In my mind, a silent debate argued over the pros and cons of my answer.

"Oh, screw it," I mumbled. 

I only had a few months left, if that. I wanted to be selfish, to only think of myself. Only fire. It was now or never. The lids of my eyes shut, letting the darkness surround me. My hands clasped together to stop the shakiness. The words cascaded from my mouth like a broken faucet, creating a mess of syllables without an actual destination.

"I want you to love me, if only a little." 

I said it and there was no going back. 

"If only for a minute. I want you to see me like a fire in the night and miss me like you're homesick. Thats what I want."

I turned, facing away from him without ever opening my eyes. My chest heaved with newly released freedom. Zane didn't need to answer, and I didn't need to stay here. I was ready to run.

As I took my first steps toward my escape, powerful arms wrapped around me, pulling me back into a solid chest. Electrical sensations descended down my face when he pressed his cheek against mine making me shiver underneath his gentle yet intense touch. 

"I'm home when I'm with you," Zane said, letting his icy mint breath carry the words that extinguished the fiery rage around my heart. 

My green eyes gradually opened. White flakes of different shapes and sizes leisurely fell upon us. They clung to the trees, the grass, the wildflowers. The first snowfall. And I stood completely still watching the wildflowers die in the arms of a vampire.

"Let's get you back before you freeze," he said. 

Ironically, I felt colder when the vampire released me. Zane held a black umbrella above our heads covering us from the falling snow.

We walked along the dirt path. The moon barely poked through the thickets of the leaves, leaving us in complete darkness. I snapped my finger, providing a tiny flame. With my other hand, I captured the flame, letting it engulf my fist. A makeshift torch.

"My light in the dark," Zane whispered. 

I'm not sure if I was supposed to hear the quiet comment. But I was glad I did.

All too soon, we reached the doorstep of the shack.

"Go inside and warm up," Zane said. 

For the first time, I wanted to protest with the undead about leaving him. I did not want our night to end. He was right though, I needed to warm up and he could not stay.

"Okay." I slipped off his jacket, but he laid his hand on me.

"Keep it."

"But everyone will know."

"And?" I got my answer. I shrugged his jacket back onto my shoulders. 

"See you tomorrow, Ember."

His car was a distant sound echoing down the road as I locked the door behind me. I hurried and made a fire. It was a welcome warmth as I plopped myself in front of it.

Worry. The meaningless human emotion that will suck all fire out of the few months I had left in this life. I refused to worry. I had what I wanted. HOME. Home in the arms of my enemy, and I accepted I was running at high speeds directly toward my destruction.