Prompt: given by anon, from wecomrades fabulous BoB prompt list. Number 11, Joe Toye + "Come on, sing us a song!" + cold shower 

Summary: "They were right, of course. While singing had been a staple of her attempt at keeping training light in America, the Samaria had squashed that. Better to be silent than to dig a deeper grave."

[ 11 ]

MEMORIES AND MELODIES

warnings for mentions of past sexual assault

April 1944 

Aldbourne, England

There was something freeing, standing under a shower head with cold water cascading down on her skin. Alice kept her eyes closed, willing away memories and future fears alike. It'd been months since the Samaria. The months hadn't been easy, but she improved every day. Or, Alice liked to think she did.

The bathroom she used in Millie's house had become a refuge. She locked the door, stripped, and let the water cleanse her. After long sessions of training it was like paradise. George teased her about it sometimes, laughing that she would turn into a prune if she couldn't keep out of the water.

They didn't understand it. Alice knew that. They couldn't grasp how cleaning herself physically became like trying to clean herself emotionally. Atonement of sins, perhaps? Alice sighed. She turned the water off.

Drying off didn't take long. Soon she'd pulled on dry fatigues and sat on her bed. With practiced ease, she ran a brush through her hair. It caught frequently on the tangles. Training hadn't been kind to her hair, that was for certain. Then again, neither had crawling around the Alps.

She closed her eyes. Deep breath in, deep breath out. Today had been worse than normal, with the memories. Alice hadn't told anyone who'd been there, but she'd started remembering what happened on the Samaria, not just the trauma it had made her remember from Paris. Nix would want to know, probably. Harry, too. George, maybe.

Her jaw clenched. They couldn't understand. They'd never be able to grasp why she'd jump at an unexpected touch, or flinch at a shout. So she didn't tell them.

"'Evening boys." Millie's voice echoed from the front door down the stairs. "Alice is showerin'. She'll be out in a minute I'm sure. Come on in."

Boys. Which ones? As soon as she heard Joe respond, she guessed Bill at least was there, George too probably. Maybe Tab. Yeah, there was Tab's little quip back about always hiding in a bathroom.

She bristled a bit. Opening her eyes, she stared at the mirror across from her. The bruise and cut on her cheek had long since vanished, but sometimes Alice could see it anyways. Fingers had dug into her face twice. Once in Paris. Once at sea.

Alice jumped, cursing when a knock sounded at the door. Her heart raced. Shit. But when she heard Millie tell her who was waiting downstairs, she responded with as calm a voice as she could that she'd be down soon. It didn't take her long.

She almost smiled that the four she'd predicted sat in Millie's living room. Madeleine had brought them tea, and Bill was busy telling her about the training they'd been doing. Even as her feet hit the ground floor, Percy blew past her and nearly knocked into George.

"Jesus, Alice, you're gonna get washed away," George teased her.

She sighed, smiling. "It's not my fault I value my cleanliness. You four are just heathens."

Talbert scoffed. "Please."

The only available spot not touching anyone was the piano bench. Maddie had disappeared back probably to find her sister, leaving her alone with them and Percy. The boy had made his way to Talbert, who picked up the three-year-old and let him stand dramatically on his legs.

"Wow, Percy, you're getting heavy," Talbert said. Then he laughed. "Are you getting more rations than you should?"

"No! I'm three an' a half."

Alice couldn't help but chuckle at his explanation. Then she shook her head. "Why are you four here? Dragging me out to a bar tonight. It's Friday, isn't it?"

"We were sick an' tired of listening to Evans get on our asses," Bill told her. "Figured we'd crash Millie's place instead."

"You came here for entertainment?" Alice asked. She chuckled. "Sorry, boys. We're pretty quiet here. George, aren't you in this company to entertain it?"

"I don't know," Tab objected. "Percy's pretty funny. Ain't that right?"

With a grin, the boy nodded. "Yeah!" He bounced up and down, still standing on Talbert's knees. "Alice is funny. She sings."

"Now there's an idea," Joe said. "We haven't heard you sing in a while."

Alice felt her smile drop. They were right, of course. While singing had been a staple of her attempt at keeping training light in America, the Samaria had squashed that. Better to be silent than to dig a deeper grave. Sobel didn't like it. Sink probably didn't know.

"Ah, come on Sweetheart. One song," Bill begged.

"I don't know. I don't have sheet music-"

Joe just scoffed. "Come on. You never had it in America, either. And you're sitting on a fucking piano."

George and Talbert both added their encouragement. Alice tried her very best not to let them see her hesitance. As she went to excuse herself to get tea as an excuse to help her voice, though, Percy clambered down from Talbert and ran over.

"Sing Alice! Sing! Sing!" He bounced in place, his small hands on her own knees. Percy's brown eyes looked up at her so eagerly that she found it hard to look away. "Sing! Sing the rainbow song!"

Pitching in one more time, Joe prompted her. "Come on, sing us a song!"

She finally tore her eyes away from Percy and looked over at Joe. She sighed. "Fine. One song, and then we go somewhere else so we can let Percy get to bed."

"I don't wanna go sleep," he said.

Alice just smiled at him. "Alright Perce. You wanted the rainbow song, right?"

She spun on the wooden piano bench and lifted the cover off the keys. He scrambled up beside her. With a deep breath, Alice placed her hands on the black and white keys and nodded. She played a chord. Her heart lifted. And so she played another. Before long, the room disappeared and it became her and the melody. Over the Rainbow filled every inch of her being and the world around her.

Silence followed. Her hands hovered on the last chord, eyes fixed on her fingers. How could such beauty come from herself? Memories of her little sister's dancing flooded in, and she couldn't speak. Alice almost couldn't breathe.

A hand touched her arm. She gasped, and flinched back. The memories faded, replaced instead by Joe Toye looking at her in concern, his hand pulled back like she'd burned him. Alice forced herself to smile, recover the bliss. "How was that?" she asked, turning to look at all of them.

Clearly they'd all seen the way she'd flinched because it took a couple of beats before they started applauding rather dramatically. She met George's gaze for a moment. She remembered George had had the same look of uneasy disquiet when she'd flinched away from him the first time. So she smiled at him, hoping to encourage him.

"Alice is good!" Percy scooted himself off the piano bench and ran between the four men. "She plays so good!"

"Thank you, Percy," Alice said, laughing. Then she sighed a bit. "I'm going for a smoke. Then we can go somewhere else," she reminded them. "Percy has things to do."

George, Talbert, and Bill all laughed as Percy immediately began to deny it again. But they stood, gathered themselves, and started towards the door. Alice watched them go, smile dropping. Only when Joe had moved into her field of vision did she break her focus. Alice smiled again.

"You alright?" he asked her.

She nodded. With a deep breath, Alice forced the smile to stay up. "I'm fine. Just tired." She suspected he didn't believe it one bit. But he had the decency not to push further, and he'd left soon enough. "Millie!" she called. "I'll be back later. I've got a key!"

"Stay safe, love!"

But Alice barely heard her. The melody of Over the Rainbow still echoed through her mind, and she tried to latch onto it. Like a little life raft. She wanted to believe that dreams could come true. Her dream was that the war would end.