quick A/N - this is a big oneshot. that's all i had to say. i like it.. so. yeah.

-alex's pov- (per the usual what did you expect)

me: hey. i know you won't be able to see this, but i just wanted to say I love you. I never stopped loving you. I will always love you, John Laurens. I know you're long gone, happier than i ever could've made you. I know this looks shady, a random tear stained three am message from your ex boyfriend. I think about you all the time, not just when I'm alone.

I know you don't believe it

But I do.

I miss you more than I miss the stars in the morning- and you've always known my love for the stars.

time stamp : october 9th - 3:12 am.

I roll over in bed, my thumb hovering over the message. The contact in my phone reads the same as it did seven months ago, 'My Love'. I haven't changed it, haven't deleted the number, as he has.

A tear flies down my face, mingling with the others pooling on my neck. I wipe at it annoyingly, sending the message. He blocked me, he can't see it anyway. I scroll up reading all the messages I've sent, mostly everyday.

I sigh, suddenly restless. I leap from the bed, snatching my keys in an odd urge of anger.

Jumping into the front seat, starting the ignition. I don't know where I'm going, only that in going. I drive until I can barely see the road ahead of me, my vision a mess of tears and lack of sleep tugging at the corners. I pull over, punching the wheel and snapping the keys out.

My phone buzzes, but I don't care to look at it.

Eliza : 1 attachment

I roll my eyes at the girl I met last summer. She's been bugging me for ages, wanting to hang out and go places. For the first time since John's been gone, I realize I haven't had any other human contact since him. I'd like to keep it that way.

I open the attachment, its a link. I recognize the title, some dating website. I proceed anyhow.

My hands shake as I click the link, a picture way too familiar coming onto my screen.

It's the picture I took of John in Colorado. His arms reach into the air on the mountain side, the huge black clouds surrounding him. That was one of the worst storms I've ever been in, yet another addition to the list of ones John has fixed.

Speaking of that bastardy natural disease, a small thunderstorm happened last week. Shook my house half to the ground. All I could do was crumble into the bed I once called ours. I cried and I screamed, clawing at my ears until they bled. I cried for John, I screamed in utter pain.

The storm passed, leaving me with a sky full of stars, which all seemed to spell out his name. I shot glares into the sky, daring it to challenge me again.

And then I remembered that night.

"Alexander Hamilton, get outside and look at the fucking stars."

"Oh, you already know I will." I leapt from the couch, joining him on the back porch, "God damn, I love it."

"Not as much as you love me." He smirks, elbowing my arm.

"Right again." I kiss his temple, leaning into his embrace.

"How long will it last?"

"How long will what last?"

"Us."

"Until my heart stops. And then some." I look him right in the eye, pulling his fave closer to mine, "You mean absolutely everything to me."

"Can you promise me something?"

"I'll promise you anything."

He laughs, the moonlight giving us a quiet atmosphere, "I know. I just had to ask."

"Go on."

I flip off the stars, my throat aching in the reminder of it. I whimper helplessly, looking up at one single star.

"Can you promise you'll marry me one day?"

"That was already on my to-do list, my love." I whispered into the empty air, vividly picturing his smile.

I shake my head, looking back down at the website, replying to Eliza.

Me: He's my ex.

She replies fast, surprising me.

Eliza: ik, he wants to talk but he can't bring himself to text u. im doing him a favor. ik u miss him too so..

Me: Oh. Thanks.

And that's when my phone rings. It's the ringtone I haven't heard in over half a year. That's stupid tv show intro he loved so much.

I watch it ring, a sad habit now, until my finger taps the button.

There's silence.

"h-hey lex."

I'm already crying, but I didn't expect to make such a noise. I yelp like an injured dog at the sound of his voice, more small sobs falling from my tired lips.

"i read your messages. and i.. uhm..jeez.."

I blink my eyes fast, trying to think of something to say back to him. Him, my love of my life, my heart, my everything.

"where are you?"

I swallow hard, looking to the street sign to my right, "Clement Street."

I hear him breathe on the other end. It's uneven, and there's only one reason why. He's crying too, trying really hard to disguise it.

Oh my John. I know you more than you know yourself.

"Don't cry my love." My voice is rocky, my tone tired and rough. He'd always loved my voice when I'm tired, so he said.

He let's go of his mask, taking a shaky breath through the phone.

"we've been.." he breathes heavy through his tears, trying to speak, "-broken up for seven months.. and you still call me love. why?"

"I'm not one to break promises, am I?" I squeak out, hoping he'll get the message.

"Oh my god. Alex.. I-"

"Its okay. I know. I miss you, John." I try to sound as calm as possible, but even he knows now I can barely breathe.

"Stay where you are."

And the line cuts.

My heart leaps out of my chest as I sit in my car. Every headlight I see sends me into a craze, looking for the ones I hope I know.

He's ahead of me. Even in the black and blues of night I recognize his car.

I open the door slowly, finding some sort of courage in me to walk up to his car.

I swallow hard, trying to wipe away any evidence of me crying, though it's all pointless.

"Lex, please listen, I know I broke your heart and I-" He starts talking before he's even got his door shut, walking fast towards me.

I stop in front of him, marveling the face I know as his. I physically pin my arm to my side so I don't reach out of him. He keeps talking endlessly, his words slurring.

"-and I just have to say everything now. I left you. I abandoned you when you needed me and I was so so stupid. Alex, its wrong of me to ask you, but I really miss you, and it not fair, I know, but-"

"Stop talking."

"W-what?"

"Shut up. I love you."

He hugs me tight. I don't object, wrapping myself around him for the first time in months. My skin tingles as I realize he's here, in my arms. His voice isn't just in my head or on a video screen, its here.

He's here.

We don't part for a long time. When we finally do, my body runs with chills due to the lack of his warmth.

"Where have you been staying?" I hold the back of his head with my hands, staring into the deep blue eyes of John Laurens.

"Anywhere I can. Which is what I was saying before, I know its-"

"Come home. Just please. Come home." He stops talking, breathing heavy in relief. I took the words out of his mouth, I know.

"If you'll have me..?"

"I'll always have you, even when you won't have me."

"I still love you, Alex."

"I've never stopped loving you."

And another thing I've missed. His lips still feel the same. I don't feel or taste any change in him. Every piece of him still reeks of me, every inch if his skin is still mine.

And so I drive my other half home, where the bed isn't so cold anymore.