the meeting dragged on, and at some point, you had stopped listening. you were more interested in how the late morning sun shone through the blast-poof windows of the office and refracted off the screen of the laptop, sending dozens of tiny rainbows across the otherwise painfully bare room. if you were the boss, you would have plants hanging all over the room, with persian rugs to add some colour, and maybe a nice sofa with colourful cushions—you'd definitely make it more homely—

"[name]-kun, are you listening?" mori spoke, cutting through you mental redesign of his office.

"yeah yeah sure. you want us to work with the detective agency to find who's been killing people on our turf and hijacking our trade routes, i got you man," you answered dismissively as you stood up. you walked up to the laptop, changing the angle of the lid to change the light refractions, giggling mischeviously as you shone it directly in chuuya's eyes, causing speckles of rainbows to erupt in his cerulean eyes.

"oi, stop messing about!" he yelled. "and show the boss some
more respect!"

"but he's just waffling," you whined, sitting on the carpeted floor. "what poor bastard is going to work with the agency, anyway?"

"well, had you been listening, you're the one who's been assigned," mori spoke, a serene smile on his face.

you grimaced. you had never worked with the armed detective agency before, after all, most of your work with the port mafia was based on securing allies, both overseas and domestic, to increase manpower and profit. "what? no, ew." from the stories you've heard, they seemed like a hassle and both groups seemed to have a longstanding history.

"your position makes you the most diplomatic; you're the best fit for this job. also it's a direct order, you can't say no." mori leaned back in his high-backed chair.

"yeah, i know," you conceded with a sigh, "but i'm still going to complain about it."

and so, you found yourself in front of the door of the armed detective agency, taking a deep breath, a smile plastered on your face. you opened the door and immediately stood in awe of the scene in front of you.

you saw the two siblings sitting uncomfortably close, touching each other intimately, the young farmer talking to a sheep, the weretiger trying (and failing) to hold back the blonde detective from killing the bandaged one, the bespectacled man and a young girl in a kimono were buried in a mountain of sweets, and the nurse was sharpening her cleaver.

you looked at the sign on the door, back to the chaos in front of you and let out a heavy sigh. you walked through the hectic office space, commanding silence as you walked passed each member, taking a seat on the sofa. "is your dad home?" you asked, ignoring the hostile glares from the detectives.

"are you the port mafia agent?" kunikida asked. you simply smiled.

"nice to meet you, i'm [name]!" you hummed nonchalantly. kunikida sat opposite you, eyeing suspiciously.

"he's away on business, you'll be talking to me in the meantime." you nodded, putting your hand out for him to shake but he refused. "before that, we need to lay down some conditions before we agree to work with you. one: while we're allies, you can't kill anyone. two: you can't pick fights with the armed detective agency while we work together. three: we stay out of each other's way out side of work."

"yeah that's fair." you shrugged and after a few more moments of suspicion, kunikida shook your hand. "pleasure to work with you, kunikida-san!"

after a couple of weeks working together with kunikida, who was no doubt put to work with you purely to keep a close eye on your moves, the two of you had undoubtedly become close.  you had some inside jokes together, mostly you and dazai at kunikida's expense, and at some point you have become so accustomed to kunikida's schedule that you had habitually began making his mid-afternoon coffee before he even asked for it.

"have you read kunikida's checklist for his ideal woman?" dazai asked at one point as you and kunikida added the finishing touches to your respected reports to your bosses.

"hm? no i haven't. sounds like an interesting read," you spoke, not looking up from the papers. you glanced up at the blonde detective, noticing his face had changed into a deep shade of red.

"oh i highly recommend it!" dazai teased.

you stopped, smirking at kunikida's stiff yet flustered expression. "well now i want to read it."

"this isn't relevant to—"

"here's his notebook!" dazai threw the book at you and you caught it.

"oi, dazai—" kunikida tried to grab it off you and you quickly moved out of his way.

"flip to page thirty seven!"

you did so, eyes quickly scanning through the pages. "oh wow, even her three sizes are in here," you commented. "this is very in depth! i'm impressed, kunikida-san!"

"how many do you check off?" dazai asked and you exhaled.

"oh, maybe 10, at most?" you answered.

"you hit more than that," kunikida mumbled under his breath. you glanced up at him, noticing his bashful look and heavy blush.

you chuckled softly. "you're so cute, kunikida-san."

"i'm not cute, i'm idealistic."

"you're deluded, kunikida-san," you corrected, leaning forward so your face was about an inch or so from his. "i'm the port mafia, remember? there's no way i match more than 5 of your ideals, much less anymore than that."

his expression of shock and disappointment broke your heart. "look, i'm just saying, don't build me up to more than what i am only to break your own heart."

"how low do you think of me? i'm an idealist, not an idiot."

"aren't they synonymous?" you asked, tilting your head innocently. he frowned and you chuckled softly, pressing a sweet kiss on the corner of his lips. you stood on your tiptoes, whispering in his ear, "its fine, i like my men a little stupid." you whistled, touching his arm. "and built as hell." you turned back to the laptop on the desk, finishing you report as you sent it off to your boss. "do you still want to stay out of each others way outside of work or would you mind going on a date out of hours?" after a long while of silence, you turned to look at kunikida, noticing him still frozen in place.

"i think you broke him, [name]-san," dazai spoke with an amused grin.

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i am feral for this man your honour