you hummed, knocking on the door to mori's office. you heard a gruff call and you entered, handing him the proofread papers. you gave dazai and chuuya warm smile, noticing they seemed to be discussing something important.

"do you need anything else, sir?" you asked.

"no, that will be all, thank you [name]-kun." mori smiled.

"then in that case, can i go on an early lunch break?"

the request made your boss look back up at you, brows slightly arched at the sudden request. "sure."

"you seem to be in a good mood, [name]-chan!" dazai remarked in an amused tone. you grinned at him.

"i've finally figured out what to do for my project!" both dazai and chuuya looked confused but you continued anyway. "by the way, dazai-san, do you have any plans for after work?"

"no, not really. why?"

you beamed at him. "let's grab dinner together!"

dazai gasped, clutching his chest. "my, my, don't tell me you're asking me on a date? my dear [name]-chan i'm honoured!"

chuuya scoffed. "stop being delusional, mackerel."

you quickly scribbled down an address on some scrap paper and handed it to him. "i'll see you there, okay?"

dazai arrived late, not late enough to chastise him but still late. it's not like he went home to change, he was still in his blood-soaked shirt. you pouted as he spewed a half baked apology, taking a seat opposite you. the restaurant you chose was neither too expensive nor too cheap, and it had a wide selection of cuisine. the two of you exchanged pleasantries, discussing office gossip, which was mostly just him complaining about chuuya in his absence.

"so," dazai began with a mouthful of food, "what did you want to see me about?"

"so, so, dazai-san, you know how i'm a psychology student right?" you spoke excitedly, leaning forward in your seat. "and you know how i've been agonising about not having a clue what i'm meant to do for my final project?"

"for some reason i don't like where this is going."

you ignored him. "turns out the perfect thing was right under my nose!" you pointed at dazai with your fork. "let me study you for a few months!"

"absolutely not!" dazai answered and you pouted.

"but dazai-san," you whined, "you're so interesting! you're like ten different traumas and three bad coping mechanisms in a skin suit. not to mention the nature of you work! all in all, interesting."

dazai frowned. "i don't want to be psychoanalysed."

"that's fine!" you assured. "i'm just going to observe you and do some weekly—no biweekly, weekly is too much—catch-ups."

"what's your hypothesis?" you blinked owlishly at him. "if you're going to do a case study, you need a justifiable hypothesis, don't you?"

"how major depressive disorder can positively affect work ethic in criminal organisations."

dazai frowned, setting his cutlery down. "the port mafia will give you a job anyway, you don't need a degree."

"i know but i've already wasted three years studying for one." you took a sip of your drink. "honestly, it's not worth the debt." you began rifling through your bag. "i'll need you to sign some consent forms so i can show the ethics committee. any information you don't want to be included, just let me know. of course i won't put in any personal information like your name, workplace, etcetera."

dazai exhaled through his nose, skimming through the form. "does mori-san know about this?"

you looked up from your food. "please don't tell him."

and so, for the next few months, you shadowed him. his suicidal tendencies didn't seem to affect his work, but his plans seemed more aggressive and reckless than average. he seems to have a higher disregard of life, even compared to his peers, which when asked about he explained that he didn't believe there was any intrinsic value in life—his own or otherwise. this made him more dangerous and was a direct result of his mental illness, you observed.

you stayed up for three days, finishing your dissertation. you called picked up your phone, calling dazai at an ungodly hour. "dazai-san, guess what, guess what!" he was silent on the other end. "i finished the dissertation! do you want to read it before i submit it?"

there was a long silence before he responded. "no, just submit it." his voice was quiet and strained. you frowned.

"is everything okay?"

"there's nothing."

your brows knitted together. "what do you mean? where are you? why do i hear water?"

"you've been up all night, haven't you? you should get some rest, [name]-chan." he hung up on you before you could say anything more and you couldn't reach him after that. you went to bed with a pit in your stomach.

the next day, the port mafia was in disarray. the executives seemed to be out of their depth, and there were more murmurings than usual. it seemed an executive decided to leave. the pit in your stomach grew. "oi, [name]!" chuuya called, startling you. you turned to watch him rush up to you. "do you know where that mackerel is? word is he decided to defect. does that bastard think it's that easy to escape the port mafia, huh?"

you frowned. "he didn't tell me anything."

"really?" chuuya's tone was incredulous. "you've been following him around so i figured maybe...never mind. let me know if you find anything. i'm going to rip that mother fucker to shreds."

as the day continued, you were called to mori'a office. he smiled warmly at you but his eyes were anything but. "take a seat." you did so stiffly. "i take it you've heard about dazai's defection?" you nodded, not daring to speak. "i was hoping you could help me find him. after all, you have spent the last few months analysing him." mori pulled out a thick wad of paper, setting it on the table. "i'd imagine youll get quite a grade for this."

"you knew, huh?" you asked, with a nervous chuckle.

"nothing happens around here without me knowing about it, [name]-kun." he flipped through the pages haphazardly. "you've done well, keeping confidential and identifiable details out of your paper but exposing our crimes like this is no small thing, especially when you intended to do it behind my back." you get you blood run cold as he continued with his nonchalant tone. "i can forgive you."

you fidgeted in the seat. "everything i know about dazai is in that paper, sir."

mori frowned leaning back in his arm chair. "i see. dismissed." you awkwardly stood up, briskly walking out.

it took you a few days to find dazai, and when you did, he was in a state. he lost quite a bit of weight, his eyes were sunken into his skull and his skin was pale. he was living in a lady friend's house, drinking the days away.

when he saw you, he didn't speak as you let yourself in, sitting on the sofa in the cramped living room. "mori-san put a hit on my head for the paper. mind if i stay with you for a bit?" you watched him carefully, fingers tracing the bone poking through his skin. "let's get dinner. for old times sake. i'm feeling like curry!" you turned around, picking up your jacket

"no, not curry." his voice was raspy and strained.

you looked back at him. "okay, no curry. what about ramen?" you squished dazai's face between your palms when he didn't respond. "we're going to dinner! you have no choice!" he was despondent and withdrawn. you sighed heavily. "you don't have to tell me anything, you just need a support system before you actually do something bad."

"your paper's done. you don't have to stick around."

you frowned, shaking his head in your grasp. "well too bad! i'm staying. get your jacket we're going to dinner."

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i need to figure out what the fuck i'm doing for my dissertation ffs