part 01; 🌙gold. exquisite. masterpiece🌙

YOU ARE MY G💎M
-forever in the center of my heart-

remember ;

you are ; gold✨
you are; exquisite💖
you are a; masterpiece🎨

part 02; 🌙 gorgeous. ethereal. moonlight (i wish) 🌙

/ WELCOME TO /

the losing g a me , the losing gem , the loss of me (g)

—

her eyes drilled daggers and deadly holes into the gray concrete wall in front of her. in a matter of time, in mere seconds, the world came crashing and colliding down on her at its fullest force, thrusting the whole of its substantial weight on her. the lethal rain beat down mercilessly on her weakened heart. 

her ears rang, rang with the expletives being spouted over and over like a unceasing cycle, over and over and over, again that the sound of it was amplified by the pin drop silence. they rang in her ears like sharp knives being thrown over, they repeatedly stabbed and clawed at her heart and mind and left irradicable marks there. venomous blood was oozing out of it, and she bled and bled but no one knew. 

all that could be heard was the hammering of her heart against her chest, taking breaths was simply straining and utterly torturous, it was getting harder to breathe with each passing second. her heartbeat accelerated at lightning speed like a raging time bomb, threatening to burst at any moment. she was at the edge of the cliff, her legs dangling, grasping onto nothing and any moment now, she'd fall over. 

her pulse beat at an incredulous speed - faster, faster and faster, and just spiraling out of control. perhaps she just lost it. her eyes blurred and bled. all she could do was to hold onto the last of herself, to clench her fists, to grit her now-throbbing teeth and to calm her shaky heart. the pain was crippling her and was so intense it could cause knees to buckle before one could even call out. 

she had to prevent her inner self from lashing out at everything in sight when all she wanted to do was to destroy everything in sight- especially them. how such madness existed what completely beyond her. 

was she even sane at all up to this point?

she was BEYOND DRIVEN into INSANITY

INSANITY like no other

with words that struck blows to her chest, words that slapped and scarred- they grew, hurt and burst till the fire and pain erupted and filled her hollow chest, and filled the whole of her body. filled ALL OF HER. she was ripped apart by laser and snake-like fingers, gnawing at her heart. tearing out piece after piece, sucking and draining out all the blood.

the pain, it consumed all of her and much more. 

[because of you, i became a monster]

a living monster to haunt you in your wildest dreams

because you ruined me

because

you 

RUINED 

ALL 

OF

ME

now i'm nothing but ash, trash and dust. all in ruins

just a stained canvas, a dead heart without a single heartbeat and a soul that ceased to exist

YOU RUINED ME AND NOW THERE'S NO THING LEFT OF ME

NO MORE

continue hurting me, 

and i promise you, 

YOU'VE ALREADY KILLED ME 

SO THERE'S NOTHING LEFT 

FOR YOU TO BURN

let me imprint this forever in your memory; a message loud and clear

congratulations, you ruined me

but

why is it never ENOUGH? 

WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY

WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY

WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY

WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY

WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY

* screaming * get out of my sight

* hurling * get out of my life

—don't mess with me

you crossed the boundaries, boundaries that are nothing to you because you never knew them. it is more than ENOUGH. would you just let me go? i beg you, i'd get down on my knees if i had to. just get.your.filthy.hands.off.me i don't want to be tied to you. 

LET ME GO

i absolutely want nothing to do with you. 

NOTHING AT ALL

NEVER EVER

THIS IS MY LIFE

AND I'M JUST DYING EVERY SINGLE DAY OF... MY LIFE

a life i should f(lie)/fly

but it's all a lie

DO YOU EVEN K(NO)W?

DO YOU EVEN CARE?

DO YOU EVEN—

YOU NEVE(R) KNEW

that i've now died more than a thousand, million, trillion, infinity times

and until when

just until when

will you

LET ME GO?

—LET MEG g(O)—

because

iGot Enough Monsters

to kill me

without you

too

—

Get                               Etched                      Memory

                          this                               into  your                     

now;

  I'll 

let 

* mys elf * go

because then, i no longer am

gem

I'm gone

a 'g' & 'e' without an 'm'

yes indeed,

i'm w/o 'm'

without 

ME

—

m = [meg = gem] = me

m...eg ...an —'m '/ i'm also missing eg 'an'

and so, the story ends

[ i'm not 'me' ]

///

—outro—

"there was once a girl who'd faced pain like no other. her life was a mess and so was she. but she found strength in the little things and she remained strong" - this girl, without a doubt is all of y o u. whatever you go through in this life, despite the mess your life may be / even yourself, find strength in the little things because i know you all are strong. you have inner beauty and growth in you. sometimes, only when you lose yourself, then you can find your new self, a better version of who you are and so, be the best version of yourself ♥

—

part 03; 🌙 grateful. ending. message 🌙

—author's note;

sorry i just grew a little crazy at the end - you may not get what i meant in the above poem but i think you'll... but anyways ;) this chapter is dedicated to you and me (gem(s)) making it even more special and meaningful <3

well, this is the last chapter and tbh, this book made me reach out to different individuals and actually helped me to think what were they like...what do i know about them...can i find parts of them in relation to the books they've written or the things they say about themselves? it made me ponder and think a lot deeper, ...like how do i tie my poems to the things i already know about them vs what they say about themselves...etc

i just keep trying to find that connection and then writing to suit that context. connection is they key to anything, especially to a story. what would a story be if you couldn't connect to it? so with connection, everything becomes a whole lot more meaningful and real.

through shared experiences and through each other's words, we tell stories, we learn, we grow, we feel, we act. these precious words we've read will significantly impact each of our lives through forming a connection.

no doubt this journey has been an especially meaningful one for me, one dedicated to close friends and also for myself to gain a better understanding of each individual and so thank you for giving me the chance to get to know you better :)

i sincerely hope each poem ties nicely with you, what we've talked about in our own time, your beliefs and your own books. & now, i'd say that we've come to an end of both part 1 and 2 of 'oneiroi' so thank you to those who've stayed with me from start till the end, i love you all </ 3

<thank you for reading 'ONEIROI'>

[forever my gems]
seo_knight  - my no.1 sweetest lil sis
SkylerChase29 - my entire sky, my sun, my world
indigoabluvion - my dearest friend, the gold in my heart, my whole being
caramelgiggles - my brightest, loveliest, sweetest sunflower
loraeve - my relatable and comfort companion (forever)
Harmony-indark  - my fav squabbler (i cherish you forever)
me_mysa - my cutest, sweetest, kindest, most precious fluff bear
Dove-Ina  - my so-lovely supporter and a really precious angel
fleetinglune - my dear friend and fav author/ranter  
_marrnight - top astropoet, best buddy, my moon & stars
ethereal_quill - the sweetest soul to exist (like clouds and cotton candy)
SweetWaterTaffy - my top chef and fav author
junxluna - dear friend, fav author
c-sunflower01 - my lovelie, lily and lovely supporter
tasteslikegolden - no.1 doctor,  science expert,  just you
 -delomania , theolympianarchive , sharmee_m , Lost_Writer2006 , ShifnaKm5