"you just have to want it more than anyone else"—katie ledecky

the icy water swallowed me whole as i plunged myself head first into the cerulean blue. it reflected the sapphire sky above me, the shining sun and clouds that dotted the azure sky, so bright yet so dark when it delved into blackness. the deadliness of it, i could not fathom because in the very sky, stars were held......and there- 

darkness fell

i clung to the sea with my whole heart and in turn, it embraced me and the whole of my tattered soul. the tears were running down faster than i'd ever imagined. but the waters, they simply washed it away. and as my tears flowed like a river, the pain faded into a gradual numbness. it freezed as though it was frigid winter in Antarctica, frosty and bitter just like my heart now. it bared and stripped all of me and i just lay there at the depths of the ocean in silence, my eyes closed to block out everything and i floated and floated......away into-

the oblivion

for a moment, i forgot the constant pain, the constant amount of effort which i had to put just to get to where i was today...but then the rushing sensation erupted soon after and it hurt...it burnt....it was everything i couldn't consume anymore. fuzzy scenes just flew in my mind, leaving me reeling from the past...the past in which i tried to move on from

it was always strange...the water had always been a sanctuary to me, a ray of light, a string of hope- and i'd loved it and hated it, once again my love for it was rekindled....it..-it meant so much to me...it was my freedom, my determination, it displayed my hard work, resilience, my desire to reach my dreams, and despite it all, it built a person who emerged stronger from all the trials, hardships and...pain

there, nothing held me back, i could be who i was. it guided me, fueled, molded and shaped the pieces of my scattered self... it taught me, it was my rhythm, my motivation, my spark of joy, my warmth despite the bad days... but it dragged me down and tortured every part of my soul. yet, however merciless it was, it loved me. (despite my broken bones and bruised lips) 

for there is no gain without pain

pain is everywhere

you see nothing comes easy as we've always known. it's a long journey, a whole process to growth, to reaching oneself, to finding oneself, to get to where one wants to be and i want that, i want to move on to start afresh and i'll still be me; a girl, strong- with a fulfilling life ahead of her. that's where i want to be, that's what i want to do and i'll walk there holding my head high....

 efforts come first. 

then you can start to believe in yourself. for now, you just have to pay the price to 

shine

specially for ; tasteslikegolden <3

hey tee!!! i hope you enjoyed this piece and hopefully you get what i mean. i see an ambitious girl who works amazingly hard to get to where she wants to be and i'm so proud of you and definitely i admire your tenacity. your determination, resilience and hard work will pay off with time, so just hang in there and i'll be rooting for you alwaysss (you're an inspiration to me too)~ i love you- don't stress to much, take rests and i know you have it in you. fighting! and push through!! + thank you so much for 'ambrosial'; such a beautiful book and piscines vides was inspiration for this piece- you're amazing ;) hope you remember that >_<