there's an emptiness inside of me,
a hollow pit in my gut forever reminding.
it screams out for compassion and
physical contact but i push people away.
i don't want to be touched.
i don't want to be held anymore

because i'm so scared that i'll finally relax
and finally feel at home in a lover's arms,
but then have to pick everything up
and burn it once more in a trash can,
filled with photographs and their clothes
and my heart.

i will remain repulsed
by sweet words caresses,
and i coldly reject people before they could throw me away like all the others before.

i just want to be loved.
i just want to be taken care of.

but from a distance preferably.

because everyone leaves inevitably