"So it appears that hiding in someone's driveway with binoculars is grounds for an investigation," I whispered to Jacks.

"Wow, you think?"

I wasn't sure how to respond to that.

"Yes?"

She sighed and rolled her eyes. The Officer, who I shall refer to as 'Sir' because I was unaware that officers of the law had actual names, was standing in front of us, rolling his eyes.

"Okay. I'm not sure what stunt you two were trying to pull, but yes, hiding in someone's driveway with binoculars is indeed grounds for an investigation. An informal investigation, as neither of you have a criminal record, but an investigation nonetheless."

"I PLEAD THE FIFTH."

"Eddie, you're an imbecile."

"I take it that's a bad thing?" I questioned in response. She sighed.

Needless to say, Sir let us go pretty quickly. Jacqueline thanked him, and I was just confused, and mildly insulted.

"What do you mean, you 'don't need anything else'? Am I that non special to you? I require a lawyer, my good Sir, this is absolutely unaccep-"

"Eddie, I say this as nicely as possible. Shut. Up."

Sir just sighed.

"I agree with your friend over there."

"Well," I huffed, "excUSE ME. I just thought it may be important to know that my plan was not to be stalkerish, but more of aa psychopathic type."

"Dad? I got your phone call?"

And then, the fabulous blonde head popped out from behind the door.

"Did you need someth-oh, hey." He blushed a little bit. I waved sheepishly.

We stood in silence for a moment. Jacqueline coughed. I looked from Jacks, to Ryan, to Sir, then back to Ryan.

"Dad? Why do you have them?"

"I thought you might be interested in knowing he was attempting to stalk you." Sir said smugly.

"No, he wasn't. I told him I'd be out in a minute." Ryan winked at me, "We were going out for coffee."

"We were?" I asked.

"You were?" Sir asked at the same time. I smiled as widely as I could. I hoped he bought it.

"They were." Jacqueline chimed in.

"We were." Ryan smiled at his father.

"Hey, Ryan?" I asked.

"Yeah?"

"Your hand looks heavy, can I hold it for you?"

"Always." He winked. Sir looked astonished, and just kind of shut up. Meanwhile, Jacqueline began walking out, with Ryan and I following, hand in hand.

~~~~~

"I can't believe you found where I live!" Ryan was laughing out loud.

"I mean, Jacqueline is an A-list level stalker."

"Once you have a name and number, the rest is easy." She blushed.

He continued to laugh, "Now let me get this straight. So you, Eddie, thought I was hot, and decided stalking would be best? Calling me would've worked just as well."

"Well, you know, I'm just talented like that."

"Of course you are." Jacqueline said, giggling.

"Don't worry, your charming nature had me first. You're pretty adorable." He pat my head. I hissed.

Oh my God, I literally hissed. Presenting: I am the lamest human being Ryan has ever come into contact with.

I straightened myself up.

"Um."

"See? You're adorable."

"Why, thank you, my love, but I must warn you, I already like someone." I winked. He laughed.

"Would that someone, by any chance, be me?"

"Maybeee," I probably sounded drunk. I looked around. Heck. Everyone was more attractive, more happy looking, better than me. I was getting stressed, the fact of all these people was finally getting to me.

"You're cute." Ryan leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. I gasped, and on instinct, slapped him in the face.

"Eddie, may I ask this as nicely as possible?" Jacqueline finally intervened, "what the hell?"

"NOTHING." I proceeded to run out, and accidentally wiped a mug off of the table while I was at it. I might be trash at life, but that doesn't mean I can't do great things. It's called garbage can, not garbage cannot.

I ran to my car. I got in, locked the doors, and started hyperventilating. I had to go, there were people everywhere. Ryan, oh my God, I slapped him. I got out of the lot as quickly as I could without breaking the law, and went to my safe space.

Home. Finally, a place where I can live alone in peace. I can't stand that many people, they intimidate me. I get... stressed, anxious even, around them.

Wait, maybe that's why it's called social anxiety?

Oh my Lord, I'm dumb.

I sat on my bed, pulled a blanket up, and began hyperventilating. Everything was going well until the worst possible situation began. My mind was racing with all of the different bad scenarios- death, robbery, door-to-door salespeople, everything bad. It was horrible, it was awful, it was like another plague, this time targeted directly at me.

Someone knocked on my door.

I couldn't bear it, so I began whimpering.

"Why me, why me?" I cried aloud. "I can't do this!"

"Eddie?"

"Jacqueline?" I was confused now.

"Eddie, where are you?"

"Hiding?"

"Wow, helpful." She sounded fake.

"Was that sarcasm?"

"Me? Sarcastic? Never."

"Okay, good."

Jacqueline sighed, and entered the room with a small smile. She plopped onto the bed next to me, and ruffled my hair. She studied my face for a moment.

"You have nice eyes, but behind them lies idiocy."

"Why, thank you."

She smiled, "I took Ryan home."

Oh yeah, that was a thing.

"How is his face? I hope I didn't injure his beauty too much."

"Not that bad, he'll be okay. He found it funny, I'm pretty sure. Why did you leave, anyway?"

"I was intimidated. There were so many cool people and I can't measure up and I can't people and oh God I can't breathe either and..." I trailed off, hyperventilating again.

"Eddie, you are so much cooler than half of those people. You know why? Because you're real."

"But they're all-"

"So what? You're still cool."

"Yeah, I'm cool when you're with me alone. But it's hard for a lightbulb to be the best one in a room full of bright people."

"That's an interesting take on it."

"Well of course it is," I sniffled, "I thought of it." Jacqueline giggled. She clasped my hand, and smiled.

"I think it's time for you to get some sleep."

"You sound like the mother I never had." I smiled.

She kissed me on the forehead, and covered me with a comforter.

"I love you, weirdo. And Eddie?"

"Yeah?"

"Be ready by five."