There was a gap between me and my guardians. They didn't hang out with me as often as they did and if I asked they told me they're busy. I was hurt, I would love to train with them, to learn from them but they kept refusing. I looked up to them and I wish I could show them what I taught myself. I had envisioned how and when I would show them. All I could do know was study them from the airshaft. Be on the sideline.

I was teaching myself everything I could possible teach myself. The only thing I missed was someone I could spare against. I was still fighting a crayon drawn smiley on the wall. I panted say I pointed the stick at the smiley. "You're dead again," I sulked and sat down, drinking some water. "Maybe I should name you. Ollie... Ollie the smiley," I muttered and looked at the wall again. "I don't them, right?" I tapped with the stick in the wall.

The other day, I watched Sideswipe do a backflip against the wall. He gracefully jumped over his brother and tackled him. That move fascinated me. Sideswipe is so fast, thinks fast and has amazing reflexes. I believe he's faster than his brother. Sunstreaker is more an aggressive fighter and Sideswipe uses his processors to make a deadly plan.

The next morning, I was sitting alone on the stairs, watching the Autobots and the twins. They were talking to Sophie. She showed up here more often. I nearly forgot about her. I just felt jealous. She looks so good, the perfect weight, her skin isn't pale and she just looks perfect. I don't have anything like she has, only the same long dark blonde hair. I am not a jealous person, but I was now.

With my fingers, I tapped on my notebook in my lap. I brushed some hair from my face. I suddenly started to wonder if they maybe didn't like a femme who can fight too. Do think mechs should fight and not girls. There are some femmes at the base but I am the only girl wandering around here. Maybe that's the case.

I perked my head up as the twins took off with Sophie. I got up and walked down the stairs, following them to see what they were up too. I crawled into the airshaft and laid down, watching them. "Where's Amethyst?"
"We don't know, actually. We haven't seen her for a couple of days," Sideswipe replied. Sophie clutched into his neck. I felt something I had never felt before, anger and jealousy. Sunstreaker got behind her, grasping her hips. I once dreamed about them doing that to me.

I shook off the odd feeling I had and watched them flirt with each other. After twenty minutes, I had enough and left and caught up with Prowl. He was finally done with his meeting and taught me everything about Cybertronian language and history which really interested me. I secretly know that Prowl actually likes this but doesn't want to admit it. I am probably the first human to show interest in Cybertron and their language.

That evening, I sat alone. I looked around and was about to take my first bite but Ironhide showed up. "Sit with us," he said and pointed at the table. I got up and followed him, sitting down. From the corner of my eyes, I saw the twins sitting with Sophie. "Are you that hungry or forcing yourself to eat that much?" Ratchet asked to break the silence. I looked down at my plate for a moment. "I need to gain weight," I replied. "So you're forcing yourself... that's wrong," he stated.

"Give me your plate..."

He reached out for it has I held it up. He took some of my food before handing it back to me. "That's a normal portion for you," he said. "Eating more food isn't always a good thing," he said. I knew that, lately I suffered from very painful cramps.

I listened to Prowl talking to Optimus about the Decepticons. "Barricade has been seen just miles away from Washington DC," Prowl said. "Barricade?" I shot up and felt a wave of anxiety wash over me. "Yeah, what's the matter?" Prowl asked. "You think he's looking for me?" I asked. "Why would he be after you?"

"Because I escaped him. A while ago, just a few years back, he captured me along with a few others but they never survived the experiments. I don't know what he did, I was unconscious most of the time. I made a deal with Ravage and he helped me escape. "Why haven't you never told us?" Optimus asked. "I told Sideswipe and Sunstreaker. I didn't think too much about and I thought it would be okay, you know. I survived it so... I didn't want to get reminded of what I have been through there."

The twins had turned their attention towards us as they heard their name. Sideswipe came over and stood behind me. "We were only talking about Barricade, Sideswipe," Ironhide said. Sideswipe rested his hands on my shoulders. "Why aren't you sitting with her like you always did?" Jazz asked nonchalantly. I already knew this was going to be an awkward conversation and didn't feel comfortable. "Sophie came over today and we didn't want to make her uncomfortable," Sideswipe replied.

I couldn't help but huff. Sideswipe squeezed my shoulders too rough and I flinched. "That's all," Sideswipe said. "Great, then go back to her and don't touch me!" I snapped. Sideswipe let go of me and caught my eyes before he walked off. "What happened between you and him?" Optimus asked. I shrugged and started eating again.

That night, I was practicing my sword skills again and once again, I collapsed on the ground. I got up and sighed. I rubbed my arm and sat down for a moment. I buried my face in my hands before I wiped a tear off my face. I guess I have to spy on the twins more often.