MIA

By 5pm, Mia was exceptionally tired. The entire day passed in a guilt-driven haze, combined with moments of nauseating turmoil in her stomach. Even though Lucy repeatedly said it wasn't a big deal, Mia couldn't shake the bad feeling that gripped her soul.

She stared at her own expression in the bathroom mirror, frowning at the poorly concealed dark circles under her eyes. The phone next to her blinked and she glanced at the WhatsApp message. It was her friend Samantha confirming she would go to Mia's father's lake house tomorrow.

At least she would be able to get away for a day and just talk to the girls about her current existential crisis. Her thoughts needed to be put in order, promptly.

Too exhausted to do anything else with her face, Mia put on some mascara. There was no need for her to apply anything else, and she was once again, grateful for her clear skin. She proceeded to put her shoulder-length hair into a ponytail, when she stopped in place.

You're containing yourself constantly. She remembered Xander's words.

Mia cursed under her breath, realising just how right he was. All her life, Mia subconsciously dimmed her own light. Whether law school, her new job or her relationships, she always tried to appear to be less-something. Less smart, less pretty, or less competent. Perhaps it was because she was taught to be humble, or because she doubted herself too much.

Maybe she even thought she didn't deserve to be the best.

Suddenly angry, she let her slightly curly hair loose. She would she do this to herself? Why wasn't she aware how good she really was? A part of her brain knew she was beautiful, but she hid it all. Out of fear? Or low self-esteem?

Mia stomped off to her bedroom, almost ripping her jeans off and throwing her plain, beige shirt away. There were so many things she never wore in her closet, because she didn't want to stand out. She wanted to be average, a part of the crowd. And because of that, she was missing out on a lot of things.

"I didn't need some stranger to tell me this. I could've figured it out myself." She mumbled as she tried to find something else to wear.

Finally, Mia caught sight of the white, lacy dress. The hemline was wide and flowy, and it reached just above the knees, which made it polite enough for a dinner-party. Mia fixed silken bell-sleeves and tied the dress around her waist. The only thing completely revealing was the deep neckline. She added a silver necklace with a small, crystal flower pedant.

Still angry at herself, she applied red lipstick and sprinkled some perfume on her wrists and neck. When she was done, elegance poured off her. Her auburn hair seemed redder combined with the lipstick and the white shirt.

"Goddamn ponytails and plain t-shirts. I'm never wearing anything safe again." Mia turned to grab her purse.

"Why are you cursing at your wardrobe?" Jeff chuckled, leaned at the doorframe.

"Because I'm a woman. Wardrobes are enemy lands where clothes disappear, leaving us with nothing to wear." Mia folded the her jeans and put them in the depths of the closet.

"What was wrong with jeans?" Jeff asked.

"Nothing." Mia sighed, watching Jeff wear a pair. "Do you think I'm containing myself?"

"Why would I think that?" Jeff sat on the bed, covered with dark brown sheets. Mia loved brown colour, it felt safe and comforting.

"I think I'm dimming my light to not stand out." Mia shrugged.

"You're already so beautiful, don't you think standing out would seem cocky?" Jeff's smile was sincere and just enough for doubt to crawl through Mia's mind. Her neckline instantly became too deep and her dress too fancy.

"It's not just beauty I'm talking about. It's everything else. My brain, my competence, my capabilities. I feel like I'm not giving the best of myself, and I think it's because I'm afraid to be special." She spoke her mind, but immediately felt guilty about it. "I know it sounds cocky."

"Baby, I don't think you're afraid to be special. I think you care about others enough to let their lights be seen next to yours." Jeff's words somehow made Mia irritated.

"But isn't there enough space for all of us to shine?" She asked, feeling herself become smaller. Other people's opinions made her cover too often.

"Well, no." Jeff sighed. "Imagine how your friend Samantha would feel if you showed up in this dress in front of her. I mean, come on, she'd be devastated."

"Sam's not ugly!"

"She's not as pretty as you are."

Mia pulled the fabric over her cleavage, trying to hide it from the world. Now she felt like changing back into jeans, where she would be safe and no one could see her shining too brightly.

"Sam would never be so stupidly jealous, we're friends." Mia's voice sounded stiff.

"Come on, Mia, you know it would be rubbing it in. But you're good like that, you think about other people." Jeff took his leather wallet from the wooden nightstand.

"I wasn't talking about looks." Mia murmured.

"Mia, you worry too much. Why are you thinking like that now, what happened?" Jeff asked and Mia quickly gathered herself, straightening the frown on her forehead, removing the pout from her lips.

"Nothing. Should we go?" She asked, realising it's too late to change into jeans anyway. Jeff nodded, his eyes perplexed. In the last moment, she grabbed a blazer, just so she could cover the cocky dress if the situation required.

The car ride to the house was quiet. Mia stared through the window, watching lights exchange before her eyes. Jeff irritated her all day long, his presence was too much for her at the moment and she hated herself because of precisely that. There was no way that one night with a stranger could affect her life this much. No, this was all because she was hungover and tired.

They pulled over in front of the house, Mia pulled out her phone and called her friend.

"Hi, Maryann, we're here."

"Okay, opening the gates. Park next to the red Ford."

"Next to the red Ford." Mia repeated and hung up.

Three cars were currently parked there, which meant they weren't the only people invited. Mia sighed, getting out of the car. She took a good look at the porch, covered with pots of flowers. The lawn was freshly mowed and the smell of cut grass still lingered in the air. It was a two-story house of beige colour. Mia figured there was a backyard, as well, because that's where the voices came from.

"Look at this, baby, one day we're gonna have a house like this." Jeff smiled, staring at the house in slight awe. "What did you say, what does your friend do for a living? Maryann, right?"

"I have no idea. I haven't seen her in years."

"Well, when you have a house like this, you know you've made it in life."

Mia smiled but she highly doubted this was what a life made looked like. As they approached the door, it flung open and a perky blonde awaited, with a wide smile on her face. Her hands were spread, as if awaiting for a hug. Maryann was a head shorter than Mia and probably had twice as energy, considering her unrelenting smile.

Mia hugged her, taking in the smell of chocolate that lingered around her.

"Hi! This must be Jeff, nice to meet you! I'm Maryann." She offered her hand to Jeff and immediately went in for a hug.

"Nice to meet you, too." Jeff caught Mia's eyes and smiled widely. Maryann was always like that, even in high school.

Mia entered the hallway, covered in flowery tapestry and all kinds of decorations, flower pots, pictures and wooden sculptures.

"Come in, the dinner is ready." Maryann said, leading through the house. "We're in the backyard now, but we'll eat inside." Immediately, she rushed forward and disappeared.

"She's just like that." Mia explained to Jeff, interrupted by Maryann's shouting.

"Hun, come, meet my friend from high school." She peaked around the door and invited Mia and Jeff to what seemed to be a living room.

Mia thought this girl's energy might even lift her up a bit, considering none of her friends were that perky. She smiled in her chin and walked to the living room, noticing the huge dining table first and then the brown leather couch.

"Yeah, I'm coming." A man's voice reached Mia's ears, the familiarity made her lift her head at once.

Her eyes collided with Xander's.