XANDER

There were many things Xander wanted to do in his life. He wanted to start his own firm, he wanted to climb the Himalayas, he wanted to buy an island so that everyone would leave him alone. But for all of those things, there was a right and wrong timing.

And for Mia and him, this was the wrong timing.

She came into the bar and Fred immediately came to take her umbrella. It was pouring outside, but the bar blocked the sounds, creating a peaceful atmosphere. Mia's hair was partially wet, but the delighted gleam on her face didn't falter. She sat in the booth, the smell of her perfume and the smell of the rain colliding.

"We kept drinking beer here, but their true masterpiece is coffee." Xander gestured towards his cup.

"Fred, I'm hearing your coffee is magic." Mia turned to the bartender and he put his finger on his mouth to shush her. Xander looked over her tight white shit and the red blazer she had over it, drops of rain still visible over the sleeves.

"Did you go to work today?" Xander asked suspiciously.

"Actually, yes. I talked to my father and decided I might like feeling superior, so I'm staying for a while. But the moment Mathilda starts bitching, I'm quitting." Mia shrugged her shoulders.

"So, she didn't fire you after all."

"She sent an apology. It was very satisfying to read." Mia smiled deviously and Xander decided he liked this side of her. Fred brought the coffee, the wonderful smell filling the air around them.

"How's Jeff?" Xander asked, surprised how easily those words rolled off his tongue. There was no awkwardness between them anymore, they went through enough together.

"We broke up." Mia nodded.

"And how do you feel?"

"Oh, you know, the weight's off my chest, but it left a hole there." Mia smiled lightly. Xander saw glimpses of sadness coming through.

"I assume he didn't take it well." Xander said, not really knowing how to react to the entire thing.

"He dismissed me entirely. I came to pick up my stuff the other day and he wasn't even in the apartment. It's just crazy how everything can collapse in one day, you know? We were together for two years and now we'll just pretend to be strangers." Mia sighed.

"I'm sorry. You know, for having to go through it." Xander said, knowing it was a small consolation.

"I just wish he would have talked to me for real. But he chose to be angry. And I understand him, but that's not the way I wanted to part." Mia stirred her coffee. "You and Annie at least got a calm goodbye."

"Annie and I weren't... right for each other. We were completely different people that met for a few moments in this life. She realised it and accepted it, I guess." Xander didn't want to guess how Annie was feeling, but he wanted to believe she understood why they broke up.

"Jeff wasn't healthy for me. That's the difference, I guess. And now he's mad." Mia murmured.

"He's gonna be mad for a while. Maybe he's never going to admit that he did something wrong in your relationship. But you're not gonna care after a while." Xander smiled.

"You're right. But I care now." Mia's gaze met Xander's and he knew they were about to talk about the elephant in the room. He wasn't avoiding it entirely, but he wanted to believe everything was simple for a just a few moments.

"I know you care about him, Mia. And I know you're gonna miss him for a while."

"And I can't begin anything real with you while I'm missing my ex boyfriend." Mia smiled lightly. Xander knew this was the case, he prepared for this.

"I know. That's why I'm leaving for Europe." Xander smiled. "And I'm gonna hope you don't meet the love of your life while I'm gone."

A sting of pain spread through his chest at the thought of seeing her with someone new, someone better than Jeff and better than himself. Mia swallowed, little, sparkly tears forming in the corners of her eyes.

"But if you fall wildly in love with some European girl, promise you won't shoo her off because of me." Mia said, a mischievous smile appearing on her lips. For that sentence alone, Xander knew he would not fall wildly in love with anyone other than her. At least not for a while.

"And if you do meet the love of your life, I promise not to ruin that relationship." Xander said, feeling just a touch of sadness crawl up his spine. In all truth, he selfishly didn't want her to find anyone, he wanted her to wait for their chance. But he knew that was something he could not ask of her.

"I think I'm gonna focus on some other things in life." Her smile was solemn, but honest. "I regret not finding you when I was single. A part of me believes this could really be something."

"Well, life works in mysterious ways. I'm sure we've learnt something from this experience no matter the outcome." Xander said.

"That we're not as good as we believe we are? That we're capable of hurting others for our own selfish satisfaction?" Mia suggested.

"That we should have listened to our hearts sooner? That some truths are obvious to everyone except for us?" Xander countered, not wanting to end on the negative note.

"That sometimes, you find what you've been missing in unpredictable places." Mia smiled, looking at the bar that brought them together.

"I feel like we should light up a joint right now." Xander chuckled.

"And I'm gonna say no to that. We already slept together, I gotta leave something for the next unpredictable twist of fate." Mia said, taking the last sip of her coffee.

"Does that mean you're gonna call me once I return from Europe?" Xander asked. A part of him wanted to look forward to that. He wanted to leave this chapter open.

"No," Mia looked at him, her eyes sparkling playfully, "I'm gonna let you wonder all your life what could've been."

It would be easy to tell her to stay, Xander thought, it would be easy to stay. To let this unfold however it may, but it would inevitably come to a halt, once they both realised they wanted to be alone before ending up in a new relationship. How much resentment, frustration and hatred could be born out of his mistake.

"I don't love you." Xander said suddenly.

"That's what every woman wants to hear." Mia laughed out loud. The laughter scrambled Xander's thoughts and he almost forgot what he wanted to say.

"But I could love you." He explained. "But if I ever love you, I wanna love you right, without the baggage of our past coming back to haunt us. And I think both of us have some searching to do, some figuring out. And that's something we should do first."

Mia's eyes sparkled with tears again, adding depth to the conversation. Making Xander realise how real this truly was.

"Why is breaking up with you harder than breaking up with Jeff was?" Mia smiled, but her lips quivered. "Gosh, I said I wasn't gonna cry."

"Maybe because we're not saying goodbye to something that failed, but to something that didn't even get to happen." Xander said, but it wasn't any comfort at all.

"Right, not taking a risk hurts more than taking a risk." Mia nodded. Xander almost changed his mind and he knew he would if she stayed there a little while longer. They would get lost in each other again, forgetting everything that stood in their way.

"The rain stopped." Xander looked out of the window. "A part of me wishes for another storm, just so I can stay here a little longer." He repeated the words he said when they first met, when he so foolishly let her know how much he wanted her.

"I should get going, I have to meet Christa, she's taking me shopping." Mia grunted. "I hate shopping."

"That's good to know." Xander felt that similarity like a stab through the heart. But Mia already got up and took her purse.

"I'd let you kiss me, but I'll leave that for the second date." She smiled.

"Yeah, I don't want to leave the impression of a floozy." Xander said, making her laugh while she walked to the door. The last glimpse of her red blazer didn't feel final. It felt like saying goodbye until tomorrow. She waved through the glass and just like that, she was gone.

Xander was left with mixed feelings, not entirely grasping the change that happened over the last month. Gambling a chance like that left a bitter taste in his mouth, but it also made him feel more mature. Fred came by and scooped Mia's empty cup.

"You know, Xander, there's a hundred percent chance that something will fail if you never give it a shot." He smiled.

"This is taking a chance, Fred. I'm giving her space because if she ever returns, I'll know she returned because of me." Xander said, still staring at the spot where Mia sat moments ago.

"Your money's on the table." Fred shrugged and walked away, leaving Xander alone with his thoughts.

His money was on the table, because that was how life worked, after all. It offered chances and people chose which ones they wanted to take. They gambled with everything they had, evaluating moments while they passed by. Wondering which moment was crucial, which one would impact their life like nothing ever did.

And sometimes, one of those tiny moments came and silently but surely, changed everything.