XANDER

Xander packed his stuff. He's been living with Annie for two years now and what surprised him the most was how little of his stuff was actually there. One suitcase of clothes and one bag full of books, his electric shaver and his laptop.

Once he was completely packed, he dialled Zora. Someone had to break the news down to his parents that he was coming back to live with them. There was no point in searching for apartments now that he was leaving for Europe.

"What did you screw up now?" Zora answered the phone.

"Hi, Z, just calling to let you know I'm coming back home. Today."

"Oof, what happened? Wait, no, you'll tell me over a beer. Mum and dad are home, though." Zora lowered her voice. "They won't be pleased to learn that the chick is flying back to the nest."

"Oh, well, they shouldn't have pushed college then if they wanted to get rid of their children." Xander shrugged.

"True. So, when are you coming?" Zora asked.

"Annie will be here shortly, there's still a conversation we need to have. But I'll probably be home in time for a beer." Xander looked at his watch, it was 5pm.

"'Kay, see you!" Zora chirped.

This time, Annie sent a message, saying she would come before he left the house. The last thing he wanted was to break the three-year relationship without a conversation. He waited downstairs for Annie, hoping no plates would be flying around the room.

Oddly enough, he was perfectly calm, almost like he was so tired that he didn't give a damn what happened anymore. Finally, he knew what he wanted. And that was some peace and quiet.

Annie showed up minutes after, in a plain white t-shirt and jeans, a combination she rarely had on. Her hair fell over her face, covering the reddish and bloated eyes. Xander instantly felt bad.

"Hi." She said softly, closing the terrace glass door behind her.

"I packed all my stuff." Xander murmured.

"So, you're really leaving." Annie nodded and crossed her hands on her chest. Seeing her angry was so much easier than seeing her like this.

"Annie..."

"Shh!" She literally put her finger on her lips and shushed him, Xander couldn't help but smile. "Let me talk first."

"Alright."

Annie sighed and began playing with her hair. Xander could not remember the last time they sat down and had an honest conversation, one that didn't involve arguing.

"What hurts me the most is that you didn't tell me something was wrong. Don't get me wrong, I... felt the difference, in a way, but I honestly thought it was work. I heard you talking to Mr O'Hara the other day and I knew he offered you a job, so I thought you didn't know how to tell me." She sat on the couch.

Xander already felt the need to say something, but it was best to let her speak. But Annie lifted her gaze and begged Xander to speak.

"I didn't tell you that something was wrong because I didn't know what was wrong. Some things... have been bugging me for a while now, but I was neither brave enough to confront them nor a man enough to tell you, so that we could confront them together." The honesty in his words surprised even him and their eyes met with a wave of emotion.

"Tell me now." Annie said, she straightened her back, almost as if preparing herself for what was about to come.

Xander bit his lip, tasting the words he wanted to say on his tongue. There was no way to mend the pain, neither his nor hers, but there was a way to do this decently. And that was what he aimed for.

"Where do you see yourself in a year, Annie?" Xander said and Annie squinted immediately. "I know it's a dumb thing to ask, but if you could have it all your way, what would you want for yourself in just one year?"

Her gaze drifted to the floor and Xander could see the slight frowns forming on her forehead. And then a smile, and a frown again.

"I'd want to be pregnant." She said with a sigh. "Maybe it's stupid, but I always wanted to be a young mum."

For the first time ever, Xander smiled at the sentence. But as soon as she said those words, a shadow passed over her face, like she figured out something very important that shattered the illusion.

"But that's not what you want." Annie nodded, tears forming in the corners of her eyes.

"No." Xander confirmed. "Not for another couple of years."

"And that's just the tip of the iceberg of all the things we don't agree on." Annie's smile was solemn, but free of anger.

"I don't even want to be here in a year." Xander said, the weight on his chest lifting a little bit. It felt good to finally talk to her openly about all of it. "I finally have enough money saved to start my own thing, you know? And it's greatly due to the fact we lived in your parents' house, so don't think I don't appreciate it."

"You were always a bit too free-spirited for me. All my life, I dreamt of renovating this house, starting a family here... and you always wanted to leave." Annie's lips quivered, but she kept the slight smile on.

"Mr O'Hara offered a job in Europe, I'm gonna take it." Xander said. "The money is good, really good. So I think I'm gonna stay there for a while, see what else is offered."

"What's the job?"

"Testing his climbing and skiing equipment. But considering the amount of professional photographers joining us, I think I'm gonna model more than test." Xander chuckled.

"Gosh, I always hated your climbing." The expression of disgust crossed over her face.

Silence followed for a moment. Then, Xander burst out laughing.

"No, no, I didn't mean it like that!" Annie offered an apologetic look, but Xander waved away with his hand through the laughter.

"I know you hate it, it's okay."

"I mean, it's dangerous!" She defended herself. "And it's painful! I mean, come on! Don't you love yourself? And all those bugs, and dirt, and rain, and all other horrible stuff you encounter while climbing." She visibly shivered, making Xander laugh harder.

"I hate shopping, but I still go with you every now and then." He made his point.

"Shopping can't get you killed!"

"I wouldn't bet on that." Xander was temped to check if someone ever died from too much shopping.

"Well, whatever, you were never near death while shopping." Annie crossed her hands on her chest.

"Uh, yeah, unless you count dying of boredom." Xander insisted. A pause followed, during which smiles disappeared from their faces. Three and a half years, Xander thought, so many memories. "What did your mum say?"

"That she always knew you were a scumbag." Annie smiled widely.

"Your parents hate me, don't they?" Xander couldn't help but laugh.

"Yeah." She offered a first sympathetic smile today. "But don't take it personally, Xander, they hate everyone." It was Xander's turn to offer a sympathetic smile then.

"What else?"

"Oh, you know, that God only knows when I'll find another man, that my biological clock is ticking and after all of that..." Annie took a deep breath. "That maybe I should forgive you."

"No offense, Annie, but your mother is a bitch."

"Hey!"

"What? It's true!"

"Ah, you're right." When she looked at him then, her eyes were teary again. "But maybe she's also right."

"Hey, no, she's not." Xander felt the urge to comfort her, but questioned whether it was the right move. "She's not right, Annie. You've so much to offer and you shouldn't settle before you find someone who would appreciate you for everything that you are. And under no circumstances should you forgive what I did to you. You deserved better and I am a scumbag, that you're mother's right about."

"But I'm so, so flawed." One tear escaped from her eye.

"So am I. We all are."

She took another deep breath, her gaze darted from the floor to Xander's eyes, like she was battling with her thoughts.

"I'm sorry for telling Jeff about what happened. I shouldn't have. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad he knows, but I'm sorry I was the one who told him." Annie said, somewhat surprising Xander.

"At least the cat's out of the bag now." Xander smiled humourlessly. But the elephant was still in the room and it was finally time to address it.

"All you did was kiss her, right?" Annie asked quietly, her question followed by Xander's violent nod. It was a small comfort, but at least he did nothing more than that.

"You have no idea how sorry I am, Annie." He knew his words meant nothing compared to the deed, but he wanted to express them anyway.

"Mia sent me a message."

"Really?"

"Yeah, she apologized like a hundred times and sent a bunch of crying emojis. She said she never wanted to hurt me. Strangely enough, I believed her." Annie smiled weakly.

"You're not mad at her?" Xander asked for the sake of asking. He didn't know how to continue this conversation.

"I'm madder at you. She's the one that has to endure Jeff, after all. It's not a big surprise she wanted something on the side."

Xander tried not to laugh, but it was stronger than him.

"I thought you liked Jeff!"

"Ugh, come on. He has a bigger stick up his butt than me. He's in corporate banking, for God's sake!" Annie rolled her eyes.

"I never learnt what he did for a living." Xander realised.

Silence fell over them again. Xander knew the time to leave would eventually come, but he wanted to stay longer. Habits work in mysterious ways, making one miss even the worst of relationships. And Xander already missed Annie and if he didn't leave soon, he would lull back into the familiarity, hence forgetting all the reasons they were wrong for each other.

"Can I..." She began. "Can I just ask why Mia? Is it... is it her? Or was it just anyone and the circumstances?"

"I would happily tell if you if I knew which answer would hurt less." He said after a while.

"Just the truth, please." Annie's voice turned quiet again and her eyes sparkled with new tears.

"I've been trying to answer that question since the moment I met her. For so long, I was convinced I wasn't the one to cheat, that I would never do anything like that and... I still think I wouldn't if it weren't for Mia. But it doesn't mean that's the reason why we're breaking up. Maybe that hurts more, but it's the truth." Xander's heart quickened its pace once those words left his mouth. So many unresolved questions swarmed through his head.

Pain flashed across Annie's face and her throat bobbed as she swallowed, but she showed no signs of anger. She was handling it all with grace, something Xander wasn't expecting of her.

"So, what happens now?" She asked, and it took a moment for Xander to realise she talked about him and Mia.

"Nothing happens, Annie. I'm going to Europe, I hope the fresh air will clear my head and my heart." Xander went through his hair with his hand. Now he really needed a drink.

"What about your current job?" Annie asked.

"I called in sick two weeks ago, when I went camping, and was more productive than ever. So, I managed to convince Rob that working from home does wonder for me." Xander was proud of himself for pulling that off.

"So, you're just gonna go to Europe without telling him? Hoping he won't fire you?" Annie's eyes widened and Xander nodded.

"That's a part of the risk." He chuckled when Annie visibly shivered.

"You're lucky we're breaking up, because otherwise I'd kill you now for risking your future like that." She said those words through a smile, but as soon as they left her mouth, an expression of sadness crossed her face. Xander felt it to, a lump in his throat.

"Are you gonna miss me at all, Xander?" Annie asked. To this, Xander jumped off his seat and sat next to her. It didn't matter they were breaking up; he needed her close.

"I already miss you." He said, putting his arm around her. The smell of her hair reached his nostrils and he felt the tears forming in the corners of his eyes. Three and a half years, gone just like that.

"I thought we would grow old together." She sniffled into his shirt. Xander held her tightly, knowing his own emotional rollercoaster awaited soon.

"Me, too, Annie." His words were true, for a moment there, he actually thought he found someone he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

They stayed there for a while, reminiscing about all the beautiful moments they shared. Until eventually, it was time to stop pretending everything was okay. Xander thought he would feel freer when he left, but he only felt like a part of him was missing. Like he had left something in Annie's house that he could never really get back.