XANDER

"So, Xander, have you looked over everything I sent?" Mr O'Hara asked over the Skype camera. His eccentricity came through the poorly lit screen, which seemed impossible. The man was wearing what appeared to be a pink tie, combined with a dark green suit and Xander seriously reconsidered working with him.

"Well, your equipment seems to have gone through thorough testing. Of course, I'd have to see it all in person, but it seems to be fine." Xander spoke, trying to look to the small camera on his laptop.

Xander was, in fact, more than confident in this deal. Over the past week he called everyone he knew and asked around about Mr O'Hara, ultimately finding only good things about the man. Sure, he was eccentric and a bit of a wild card, but he did nothing without a contract.

"Excellent! I'm glad everything checks out, but I still haven't gotten your acceptance. Tell me, is the pay check not enough?" Mr O'Hara asked.

"No, the money is great, it's just... the job is in Europe." Xander said, forgetting about the camera and looking straight into the man's eyes.

The job required of Xander to move to Europe for at least three months. He didn't even want to begin thinking what that would do to his current job, or the one relationship he still hasn't handled.

After that night, Annie went back to her folks and she hasn't spoken a word to Xander for over a week now. That was extremely unusual for her, perhaps she predicted what their next conversation would be like. Meanwhile, the dread within Xander grew and expanded. Now, he had no idea how to face her.

"Well, of course! The Alps are a great skiing destination, Switzerland, Austria, Italy! We will visit all of those countries. Not just the ski destinations, but the cities! It's a once in a lifetime opportunity, you know? Getting a free ride through Europe." Mr O'Hara smiled.

"That sounds amazing, but I have to break the news down to the lady." Xander explained, earning a knowing nod from Mr O'Hara. He didn't need to know that Xander was about to break up with the lady. Still, this trip changed a lot of things.

"Well, we might be able to squeeze another ticket in. We can even teach the lady how to ski, picture it: a couple in love, in the fresh air, surrounded with mountains. It's good marketing." Mr O'Hara nodded energetically, a grin circling his face.

"When do you need my answer?" Xander asked, imagining what the man just described. Him and Annie on the skis on the top of a mountain. She would cry and scream at him for bringing her, she hated the cold and anything snowy.

"You've got one more week. You're going to see it all in person first, of course. But please, make your decision, because if you refuse, I need to find someone else fast." Mr O'Hara straight up ended the call without any goodbyes. Xander sighed and leaned onto the chair.

When did he start caring so much about the consequences of his actions? The best results in his life happened when he didn't overthink, when he didn't hold on to every single word he said and how it might affect others.

Xander heard the front door close. He wondered why Annie hadn't sent a message and then remembered his phone was downstairs in his rucksack. Truthfully, he didn't want to confront her. Then again, he hoped this relationship wouldn't fail, but it did. Massively. Admitting to his mistakes was the only thing he could do.

His mind drifted to that night briefly. All of these games seemed like something he stopped playing in high school. When Annie asked how he met Mia, his mind slipped into a comma for a moment, forgetting to compute. His seventeen-year-old self would have handled that situation with much more ease. Lying was his forte in high school, somehow, he thought those days were behind him. He didn't want to lie. Like a fucking idiot.

Deciding that postponing is only going to make things worse, Xander left his office chair and proceeded downstairs to the living room. In his head, he imagined all the possible outcomes, from Annie being weirdly calm to the plates flying towards him.

Annie's back was turned to him as he entered the living room, he smiled at her baby pink blazer and a matching skirt. She was always so much a Barbie, too much for him, actually.

"Hi," Xander approached, "I expected a message."

Annie turned around. Her face was so pale that Xander was instantly worried. He already made a step forward, ready to voice his concerns when he saw her cold eyes.

And his phone in her hands.

For a moment, everything was completely still. Annie's wide, expressionless eyes stared at Xander, almost daring him to say something. And he didn't want to, not until he heard what she read. Anger began to boil within him, without any logical reason.

"I can expl-"

"You're cheating on me with Mia." Annie cut him off, the coldness seeping off her. This was the first time he saw her this emotionless, this distant. Xander realised he wanted her to be angry, it was better than watching her heartbroken. Mentally, he recalled all the messages that he exchanged with Mia.

While we're at it, maybe we can tell them how badly you wanted to kiss me.

Xander gulped down the sudden heartache, his anger shattering.

"That's not what's going on..." Xander approached Annie, but she stepped back. Her lips began to quiver and her cheeks reddened.

"With Mia?!" She shouted, tears appearing in her eyes so quickly Xander barely processed the change.

"No, Annie-"

"Do, not, lie!" Her hands shook as she handed his phone back and began to throw stuff in her bag aimlessly, even a remote found its way in. As Xander opened and closed his mouth like a fish, his brain deducted the single, truest fact.

A part of him wanted to get caught.

"I'm sorry." He managed to say, not even bothering to explain himself. But all the fond memories flooded his brain as he said those words, admitting the deed. Suddenly, he was overwhelmed. "I'm sorry."

"What happened?!" Annie shouted again, her voice too loud. Usually, she hated when someone screamed, she cared so much about what the neighbours thought of her. Now, they didn't exist. True emotion of this woman emerged, reminding Xander why he loved her in the first place.

"I kissed her." Xander whispered. There was no way an act like this could ever be justified, or explained. Without any reason, he hurt this woman, ultimately causing damage for his selfish gains. Because something wasn't enough for him and he wasn't a man enough to admit it.

"What?" Annie's voice broke down into millions of pieces, shattering Xander's heart with it.

"I kissed her." He repeated, witnessing the waterfall of tears streaming down Annie's face. The anger ceased and sadness kicked in. "I'm sorry." Xander's voice faltered.

"Why?!" She shouted. Almost as if she couldn't handle standing in place, she began walking around, flipping pillows around her.

"I don't know, I don't know!" Xander raised his voice, not knowing how to express all the thoughts and feelings that overwhelmed him.

"Don't tell me that! Don't you dare tell me that! I want to know why and you are going to tell me! What is it, Xander? Do you love her?" The words left her mouth in a dissonance.

"No!" Xander shouted immediately, desperate to put the stop to the forming of that thought. "Of course not! But I..." He rubbed his eyes.

"What?! Tell me!"

What was the reason? What to tell her? That he wasn't in love with her anymore, that he found something else, that he wanted something else? And what good would that do except break her heart further. Swallowing his fear, Xander decided she deserved the truth. Whatever good that would bring her.

"I don't want to be with you anymore." He uttered, predicting the silence that followed, accompanied by a buzzing sound in his ears and the look of desperation on Annie's face.

Three and a half years of hard work, compromise, moving in together, cooking together and sleeping together all broke apart in one single moment.

"I have to go." Annie muttered.

"Wait, no! Please, can we talk? Please." Xander reacted immediately, storming across the room to grab her hand.

"Leave me alone, Xander!" Annie retracted the hand. "If I want to talk, I'll talk to you on my own terms."

"Maryann!" Xander shouted after her. "We need to talk about this. You know we do. We can't put this on hold. We have problems and we need to find a solution for them." Now, he was rambling but he needed to explain himself.

Although, he knew there was no excuse or explanation. Talking to her about their issues would only seem like he was putting the blame on her. And it wasn't her fault.

"You did not deserve this." He said firmly, realising she actually gave him a moment. "You did not deserve this and I'm a piece of shit for doing this to you. I know I am, and I'm so, so fucking sorry. Nothing I say or do could ever fix this and I know it. But please, please talk to me." Xander begged. The least he could do was explain his feelings. Which might only cause her pain, another voice in his head reminded him.

"But you did it anyway. And whatever problems we had, I wasn't aware of them. Which means you needed to come to me first and not some woman you just met!" Annie wiped her tears.

"Do you want me to let you go?" He asked and for a moment, she stared at him, her mouth agape.

"I don't want to talk to you again if it means you will leave me." She finally said, surprising Xander. Annie grabbed her bag and headed for the door.

"Annie..."

"No!" She shouted, shutting the door behind her.

Xander was left alone in the house. He sat on the couch, feeling the knot in his heart untangle. Selfishly, he was glad. Because this meant everything would finally begin changing. But a terrible realisation sank in, nonetheless.

It was easy to pretend that what he did was justified just because he clearly had feelings for Mia. They got lost in what they felt and didn't stop to see the bigger picture. Every heart would break in this story, ultimately leaving nothing but dust. Whatever he felt for Mia, it had no future. And now everything he spent years building was destroyed.