"WERE THERE SACRIFICES IN VAIN!?"

"ANSWER US ERWIN!!"

"DO YOU EVEN HAVE A HEART!?"

"ERWIN!"

The mission beyond the walls was a disaster. Eren nearly got himself killed, almost swallowed by the female Titan. And besides that- The Female Titan wiped out of all of Levi's squad- expect me and Eren. The plan about capturing the female Titan was a no go. Let her Titan form get devoured by other variant titans while she escaped with a 3DMD. Lucky for me- I followed Levi before the Titan escaped- finding his dead friends with him. We lost most of our men. To many casualties to call this mission anything. More like failure to me.

As we trudged back to the castle- and cleared up the bodies. I tried to raise everybody's spirit. Everyone gathered in the mess hall for lunch. Everyone depressed and silent. I sighed, looking over at Sasha who seemed to be drooling over meat. I looked down at my ham- knowing meat was rare and that I could only have it once a week- I glanced back up at Sasha.

"Hey, Sasha." I elbowed her arm gently. She jerked her head towards me, smiling, "y-yeah!?"

"You can have my ham if you want." I smiled, giving her my piece- judging by her empty plate- she seemed starving. Hell. She's away a hungry.

"THANK YOU!!!" Sasha jumped up and down, stuffing it into her mouth. She giggled, swallowing the meat whole.

"Jesus Christ Sasha! Slow down!" I laughed, punching her arm gently. She pulled me into a hug.

"TTTTHHHAAANNKKK YYOU!!" She nearly screamed. I slapped my hand over her mouth, narrowing my eyes.

"Sasha! Shush!" I giggled, looking around to see if anybody would yell at us.

"Sorry!"

She jumped back, neatly putting her hands on her lap- she shut her mouth. I giggled, finishing up my food.

***

"Oi! Eren!" I heard Levi yell from the hall way. I peeked out of my room, looking around. I spotted Eren flustered (as always) on the ground- trying desperately to pick up broken pieces of a tea cup.

"What the hell did you do!? Is it really that hard to fucking make me tea!?" Levi crossed his arms, flaring out on Eren.

"S-Sorry! S-Sorry!" Eren stuttered badly.

I sighed, running up to them.

"Levi, what happened?" I asked, even though I already knew why. I just wanted to ask to make sure it didn't sound like i was eaves dropping.

"This brat dropped and broke my favorite tea cup." He snapped, glaring at the poor younger boy on his knees.

I rolled my eyes, sighing again, "Levi. Don't get so mad- okay? These things happen. I'll clean this up and I'll make you some fresh tea, okay?" He blinked, a bit surprised of my offer.

"U-Uh, yeah. Bring it by my office." A light shade of red tinted his cheeks as he walked off.

At least this improves my reputation with Heichou...

I looked down to see Eren smiling.
"[YN]!" He laughed, "you didn't have to do that for me!"

I squatted down next to him, picking up some of the broken glass pieces. "Yeah but I just want to let others be happy for a while- you know?" I looked up at him, kissing his cheek. "Now go get me some towels- I need to clean this shit up."

He blushed madly, struggling to get on his feet again. Once he did, he quickly ran, almost tripping on his feet. I giggled, continuing to pick up the glass.

***

"Oi. Here's your tea." I opened the door, seeing Levi organize his desk. I placed it on his table, beginning to walk out- but he stopped cleaning, standing up.

"You know Jeagers going to have stable duty still." He walked around his desk as I turned around slowly.

"I know. I just want to make people happy again." I confessed, looking down at my feet.

He crossed his arms, leaning against his desk. He shook his head, "people aren't always going to be happy [LN]. Remember that."

I nodded, "I know. I just want happiness to be around for just a little while."

He chuckled, "you know, your the most cheerful cadet I have ever seen. You never seem to be sad." He raised an eyebrow, waiting for my response.

I swallowed hard, knowing that wasn't all sunshine and rainbows. I've been depressed all my life. My father died. I've been bullied as a child. I was raised cruelly by my mother. Some of my friends even died to Titans.

Marco...

"What?" Levi snapped me out of my thoughts, "something happen?"

I shook my head, laughing nervously, "N-No. It's nothing. But. Your right- not everyone can be happy." I spun on my heel to leave but he grabbed my shoulder.

"Hey, you know your one of my new most liked cadets now- right? And that's rare for me to have." He glared at me, sounding nice- but looking so evil and menacing. I nodded quickly. "And that's why I need you to take these papers to Erwin," he gave me a stack full of papers. I groaned, slumping over.

"Why me!?"

"Because your my new favorite cadet- that's why, now go." He pushed me out the door, slamming it behind me. I sighed, making my way down towards Erwin's office.

***

"Comander...?" I knocked gently with my knuckles on his door. After a moment- there was still no response. I pressed my ear against the door, hoping to hear at least something. Nothing.
I sighed, grasping the door knob. I twisted it slowly, hearing a click.

Not even locked!?

I opened it up slowly, seeing nothing but darkness. The only thing illuminating with light was the window behind the curtains. It was faint but I could make out some things. Like the desk, and Erwin, and... Wait what!?

"Commander!?" I ran up to him. His head was resting on the desk, papers were everywhere. A cup was knocked over an some liquid began to flow out of it. He seemed so dark and depressed- I have never seen him like this. My commander, always so emotionless and strong. So brave and focused- now all depressed and in the slumps.

I got down on one knee, cupping my hands on his face, holding his heavy head up. His eyes had bags under them- his hair was tangled and messed up too.

"Erwin!" I shook his face a bit, hopping to snap him out of this. His eyes were dull and lifeless- not a trace of Erwin was left in his now dull blue eyes. They used to be so bright and blue- like the sky.

He suddenly blinked, glaring at me. He smacked me across the face with his huge strong hand. I yelped, falling backwards. The sting spread around my cheek- my cheek warming up. I winced, looking up at Erwin.

He just glared at me, his scary dull eyes bearing holes into me. "Leave me alone." He growled, turning back to his desk.

You know. The old me would leave him alone- I would run out and never want to see him again. I would be too scared of him.
But that's the old me.
I've become more stronger, more brave. Erwin would never lay a hand on me- I know that. No. He did this because he didn't want to be seen weak.

I wiped a fresh tear from my eyes, sniffling- I stood up. I looked over at the curtains. I opened them up, a stream of light flowed into the room- making everything bright and clear. I turned back over to Erwin who just rested his head onto the desk again.

"Erwin," I asked politely, resting my hand on his shoulder. He flinched, slapping my hand away. He shot up, spinning in his chair to face me.

"I said to leave me alone!" He yelled so loudly it seemed the room shook with fright. I flinched, taking a step back.
We stared into each other's eyes for the longest time- reading each other's eyes for something. I scanned for his. His eyes looked like he was lonely, like he gave up with everything he did.

Like how I looked back then...

Something clicked, as if it was the right thing to do at this point of time.

I hugged him.

I clutched him tightly, burying my face into his neck. I slowly sat in his lap, wondering if he would let me. Instead- he pulled me closer, returning the hug with a tight squeeze.

Now this was something Erwin would never do. I have never seen him so hopeless. He would always suck it up and push on. But it seems that this time- he couldn't handle it anymore. Or what if he does this without anybody knowing?

He buried his nose into my hair, clinging onto me like he never wants to let me go.

"E-Erwin."

"Thank you." He mummbled, suddenly holding onto me tighter. "Everyone hates me. They think I'm not even human... They-"

I pulled back, cupping my hands on his face again. He kept his arms wrapped around me, gazing into my eyes.

"Don't listen to them. Who cares what they say. There's a lot more people who think differently about you. I think differently about you- your not a monster. That's Eren for gods sake. Your a caring human being. Your-"

He kissed me.

He kissed me so softly and passionately, I melted into the kiss. My body going weak, my head up in the clouds. This was making my heart warm up at every second.

We pulled back, letting each other taking in a couple breaths. He squeezed my hips gently.

"Thank you." He repeated again. "Your making me sane again." He smiled, cupping his hands on my cheeks. I blushed, pushing him away.

"Yeah yeah- let me up!" I giggled, trying to stand up. He laughed and held me down, grasping my wrists tightly, but gently.

"No! Your staying here with me!" He teased, giving me a small kiss on my cheek. I smiled and gazed into his eyes. They were beginning to brighten up with the bright blue I always see.

He suddenly loosened his grip on my wrists, his head lowered. "Seriously," he began. "Thank you, I don't know what came over me. I'm so sorry," he jerker his head up- making me flinch. He cupped his hand on my cheek, stroking his thumb gently across were he slapped me earlier. "I would never hurt you. I don't know what I would do without you. [YN]." He smiled, but tears began to form his his eyes.

Y-Your...
Crying..?
Of happiness?!

This was my first time seeing Erwin in this state. Smiling with tears in his eyes.

"You big doof!" I sniffled, feeling a bit too emotional at this point, "your going to make me cry!" I whined, pulling him in for another hug. He accepted my request and squeezed me tightly, rubbing my back slowly in a comforting way.

He chuckled quietly, but his whole body seemed to be shaking. I sniffled, wiping my nose with the back of my sleeve.

He was crying.

I could hear his quivering breaths, his body shaking as he tried to contain his feelings. He held me tightly as I rested my head in between his shoulder and neck. I breathed in deeply, his strong, warm scent bringing me comfort.

"Hey, calm down," I whispered, "I'm the one that's supposed to be crying- you know." I joked, pulling back to see his face. His cheeks had streaks of tears going down to his chin. His eyes were watery and probably blurry. His eyes were still bright.

He sniffled, looking away, "sorry. I'm just a big cry baby." He mumbled, ashamed and embarrassed. I shook my head, wiping his cheek with my thumb.

"Oh shut up. You probably held that in front a while, huh?" I blurted out.

He nodded slowly, "without you, [YN]." He whispered, "I probably would be dead by now."

I froze, staring at him.

"What?"

"I would have let myself get devoured by Titans." He mumbled. He took a death breath, looking up at me. "But you made me stay, [YN]."

I kept staring at him, my eyes wide and mouth slightly parted open.

"Your courage to keep going, how you always seem to put smiles on everybody's faces, your determination to think that everything is going to be okay- you even made Levi smile. How you always believed in me, [YN]. Ever since I rescued you, you always looked up to me, believed in me- relied on me. But now, I'm crying before you- thanking you... You always made me keep going [YN].... I... I love you, [YN]." He finally finished, his head down and gripping my hips tightly.

I breathed in deeply, taking it all in.

He trusts me.
He believes in me....
He loves me...

Now it was my turn to break down. I began to sob, gripping his shoulders and crying onto him. He said nothing, but simply rubbed my back, breathing in deeply on my neck. I probably looked like a big mess, sobbing loudly onto him. Clinging onto him like a baby, my eyes watery and puffy. I was a wreck.

After a terribly long moment of sobbing, I finally stopped, taking in shaky breaths. I pulled back, covering up my face with my hands.

"[YN]..." Erwin whispered, grasping my wrist.

"No! Stop!" I yelled, pulling my hand back, I kept my face covered, "don't want you seeing me like this!" I sniffled, still a bit shaky.

"[YN], please," he gripped my wrists again, jerking them down. "I want to see your beautiful face." He begged. I sniffled, staring at him. My teeth grit together with my eyes watery and puffy, my hair a bit tangled and my face red. I bit my lip, looking away.

He pulled me in for one last hug, "do you love me. [YN]?" He asked slowly. I nodded, gripping his shoulders again.

"Yes, I love you so much Erwin." I mumbled. He chuckled, pulling back.

"That's good," he smiled, stroking my cheek again, "now. Let's wash our faces and go eat some dinner. Hmm?"

I nodded slowly, giving him a weak smile. "Okay."

He grinned, "that's the spirit!" He kissed me softly, pressing on the bottom of my back to get closer to him. I jumped but closed my eyes, cherishing this small moment. He pulled back, suddenly standing up while simultaneously grabbing my legs and wrapping his arms around my back- carrying me bridal style.

"Come on!" He yelled, "I'll get you the best seats!" He declared. I laughed at his foolish behavior. I've never seen Erwin so foolish and careless.

Now that we told each other our feelings, I'm probably going to see more of Erwin's different sides.

I wrapped my arm around his neck, giving him a kiss on the cheek. "Alright! On wards!" I yelled, pointing out the door.

"As you wish!" He yelled, sprinting out the door.

"Oi! You fuckers! Watch it!" Erwin jerked sideways to avoid running into Levi.

"Sorry," Erwin mumbled, his cheeks tinted red.

Levi crossed his arms, raising an eyebrow, "oh? And what's this?"

I now understood why Erwin changed suddenly. Levi was going to find out.

"I-It. U-Uh." I stuttered badly, looking around.

"Shut Up. I don't want to hear you make up a dumb ass lie- I won't tell anybody." Levi grumbled, spinning on his heel. He walked away.

Erwin sighed with relief, "anyways!" Erwin looked down at me, "shall we?"

I giggled, "we shall!"

And just like that, Erwin and I began to make our way to the mess hall- not giving a fuck about anything.

––––––––––
Sorry for such late updates! ;-;
Forgive me but I have terrible writers block!!
words [ 2653 ]