The Darwin Department

"Death by toaster... like I haven't seen that one before."

Cameron rolled his eyes and tossed his clipboard on the counter and got comfortable on it as he waited by the toaster. His eyes flickered to the clipboard to see the details of this toaster death, "I'm in the right location... Male, 24, happens at 1:36AM," he mumbled.

He kicked his legs and watched the clock carefully. Ten minutes.

"I'm gonna make some toast! Want some?" A guy's voice called.

"Nah man, it's too late for toast!" Called another.

"It's never too late for toast!"

Cameron rolled his eyes as a guy walked in the kitchen. He appeared to be in his mid twenties, and he was talking about toast- hopefully he was the guy. The guy was clearly slightly drunk as he stumbled his way to the bread and failed miserably multiple times as he tried to pull out two slices of bread and popped them in the toaster and waited.

Cameron grabbed his clipboard and pen ready to do his job- when the guy walked back out the room. A groan escaped Cameron's lips and he put the clipboard down once more. A few minutes and the smell of burning toast later the guy returned and Cameron was ready with his clipboard.

"Shit!" He shouted staring at the toaster. He tried to get it to pop up to no avail so he hurriedly ran to a drawer and opened it and cursed once more. He moved to the sink and grabbed a fork out of it. He had enough sense to rinse it- but not enough to dry it. He moved toward the toaster fork in hand and Cameron crossed the ID number he had been given off of his list. Once done he looked up once more to watch the guy jam the dripping wet fork in the toaster.

He was dead before he hit the floor.

Cameron sniffed the air and recoiled as he hopped off the counter and crouched down close to the body as another guy ran in the kitchen. He ignored the second one and waited for a moment before touching the body. When he did a ghostly figure sat up and stared at him bewildered.

Cameron quickly held up a hand to stop him from speaking. "Yes you're dead, get over it."

"What? I was killed by a toaster?"

"God I hate the Darwins."

~~~~

"Cameron hated his death just as much as he had hated his life. Because he wasn't given the opportunity to move on to anywhere after death. Nope, he was given a clipboard and list of names and told to make sure he upheld his duty as a Reaper, by making sure each and every soul was accounted for. It was cool at first until he realized what department he had been placed in the Darwin Department. Aka he was stuck collecting all the souls of those who died doing something completely and utterly stupid- just he had. And no it wasn't as fun as it sounded. The higher ups didn't seem to think the Darwin Department needed appropriate resources, 'any dumb soul is dumb' seemed to be their thought, but it just made Cameron's job a million times harder. How was he supposed to know if he was collecting the right soul if he didn't have a name, age or other facts about the person? For the past two years he had made it work. But now he's restless, annoyed, and completely pissed off. He wants to-"

"Dude, why the fuck are you talking to yourself? And much less in third person?"

"Damnit Leo!" Cameron shouted turning around to face his roommate. "You ruined the shot!"

Leo gave an unapologetic shrug as he moved to open the fridge. "You should really stop talking to yourself. If the higher ups find out, you'll be demoted- and the only thing below Darwins is custodial. And usually those guys are reforming criminals."

Cameron huffed and turned off the camera which had been recording. "I hate you."

"I know man, I know. But do I care? Not at all."

"You're a horrible roommate."

"I lived here first," Leo shrugged shutting the fridge with a slice of cold pizza in hand. "You get out if you want. I'd love my own space."

Cameron only glared at him as Leo took a bite of his pizza and stared back with a blank expression.

"Why were you recording yourself exactly?" He asked finally.

"To vent, to get everything out."

"So it's a digital diary?"

"No."

"Yes it is."

"But it's not!" Cameron protested standing.

Leo cracked a smile and took another bite, "So, how many videos did you take of you rambling on about the precious Dominique."

Cameron felt his face flush, "It's not important," he mumbled grabbing the camera and marching toward his room.

"She's out of your league man," Leo called after him. "And even if she wasn't she's Jack's best friend and he hates you." Cameron rolled his eyes and slammed his door behind him, but Leo kept going. "You don't have a chance unless he forgives you, but considering you killed him with your stupidity I doubt he ever will. If I were him I certainly wouldn't."

"Goodnight you dumbass!" Cameron shouted through the door.

"Night!"

~~~~

"So I'm dead?"

"Yeah."

"I died."

"Yes."

"It's all over?"

"Uhuh."

"My entire life?"

"Look lady, how many times do I have to say you're dead. Cause you are. Never to return to the mortal world. You're dead and you died after drinking candle wax cause you thought it was a shot. The stuff went down the wrong way toward your lungs. Because of that, you're dead. Understand?"

"No. How could I be so stupid?"

"I've been asking myself that since we started talking."

The young woman stared at him her mouth moving unsure of what to say. Cameron nodded and stood and held out a hand to her, hesitantly she accepted it and when she did Cameron felt the familiar feeling of being transported back to the office. She looked around confused as he led the way to his cubicle and sat behind his cluttered desk and turned on his laptop and prepared to fill in the woman's empty file.

"Where am I?" She questioned looking around and rubbing her arms nervously.

"Clearly you aren't the smartest, but I think you can figure out that one for yourself," Cameron responded. "So you're name is Kelly Brenning correct?"

"Yeah..."

"Okay, I need your birth date, place of birth, mother's maiden name, where you lived most recently, and-"

"Are you breaking into my bank account or something?"

Cameron sighed, "It's gonna be a long day."

"So what happens next?" She asked him as she began to hug herself.

"I need to make sure the information I have on you is correct so you can move on."

"Move on? To where?"

Cameron shrugged, "How should I know? I just keep to my day job. But whatever, send me a postcard when you get there."

"You really don't know?"

"Nope."

"Don't you wonder?"

"Wondering is above my pay grade."

"What?"

Cameron frowned, "I'm sure a teenager on minimum wage earns more than me. God I hate the Darwins."

~~~~

"You look ready to shoot yourself."

"If only that was an option," Cameron sighed putting his head down on the table.

"Well you could. It would certainly hurt, but it wouldn't accomplish anything."

Cameron dragged his gaze up to stare at his blonde coworker. "What do you want Dani?"

She shrugged and adjusted her ever present lab coat, "Nothing really, I'm bored and hating everything. You are also here, bored, and hating everything. So I figured I'd come over here."

Cameron rolled his eyes and plopped his head on the table once more. "Leave me alone. Let me wallow in my own frustration until my shift ends."

Cameron heard as she crossed the room, then he heard as cabinets opened and closed, and coffee was poured. "When are you out of here?"

"I got here around 1," Cameron replied with a yawn. "My last collection is at 2."

"Ouch that's a long shift. I just got here and I'm out at 11 since someone screwed up and didn't give me anymore collections for the afternoon. Not that I'm complaining."

"I hate you. Get out."

"Guess I will, but then you'll never figure out the latest gossip about Domonique..."

Cameron bit his tongue and forced himself not to look at her.

"I'm leaving..." Dani called and Cameron could hear footsteps headed for the breakroom door.

"Fine!" He shouted sitting up straight. "Tell me!"

Dani turned to face him with a smirk as she twisted her blonde hair around her finger- something she always did when ready to gossip. "So rumor has it- and by rumor I mean I have three different sources all telling the same story- that Natural Causes is throwing a huge party next week, and others divisions are invited-"

"That's not a rumor," Cameron cut in. "There is a flyer on the fridge!" He told her pointing at it.

Dani huffed, "Yes, but does that rumor say that Dominique is skipping it to honor her AD at her favorite bar? And that Jack isn't gonna be with her because he is on probation for that glue prank and is being swamped with work? Hmm?"

"So what are you saying?" Cameron questioned.

Dani groaned, "You really went to an Ivy League? I'm saying you go make Domonique feel better about her AD since her best friend is gonna be working, and her other friends will be partying!"

"Oh... you think it will work?"

"No. I just wasted my time explaining this to you for my own benefit."

Cameron's eyes widened, "You are a wonderful human being."

Dani gave him a big smile and took a sip of her coffee, "I know."

~~~~

"Why do you look so happy?" Leo asked Cameron when he walked in the door.

"Am I not allowed to look happy?" Cameron replied with a smile.

Leo looked back to the TV, "No."

Cameron shrugged and plopped himself on the end of couch not occupied by his roommate and put his hands behind his head. "Shouldn't you be at work? Or at the gym making your freakishly large biceps even larger?"

Leo raised his arms and flexed purely to annoy him and smirked when he saw Cameron roll his eyes in response. "I'm doing the night shift today. And I went to the gym earlier today. So once again, why do you look so happy?"

"I have a plan to get close to Dominique."

Leo gave a smirk, "Should I go get your video diary so you only have to explain once?"

Cameron gave him a glare then grabbed a pillow off the couch and tossed it at Leo. Leo let the pillow hit him, but ignored it waiting for Cameron to explain.

"She's going to be alone on her AD at her favorite bar so I just need to be there and comfort her."

"So I've gotta ask," Leo started to which Cameron groaned. "Have you stalked her to figure out her favorite bar?"

"No. I have never and I won't stalk her," Cameron replied.

"Then how are you gonna figure out which bar is her favorite? There's a lot in this city."

Cameron opened and closed his mouth trying to ignore Leo's amused look. Finally he grabbed his phone and called Dani.

~~~~

"Her AD is tonight as we still don't know which is her favorite bar!" Cameron complained dropping his head down on the table.

"Don't worry we'll figure it out," Dani's voice told him, as he felt a hand pat his shoulder comfortingly.

"How? Both you and Leo have been helping me and we aren't any closer!"

"We still have all day, and I have a few friends in Natural Causes I will talk to today."

Cameron lifted his head up and gave her a smile, "You're the best Dan."

She gave him a smile, "I know."

Cameron rolled his eyes and sat up straight, before it dawned on him and he frowned at her.

"What?"

"What are you doing here?"

Her eyes widened behind her glasses, "I uh- I came to cheer you up! Today's the big day after all!"

"But I never answered the door, and Leo isn't up yet."

Her face reddened slightly and then she pointed behind Cameron to where Leo entered, he gave both a nod and plucked an apple out the bowl of fruit. "Of course he's up! He let me in," Dani continued with an awkward laugh. "What are you talking about Cam?"

"She came in last night when you were wallowing in yourself pity and we hooked up," Leo told Cameron bluntly before taking a bite of his apple. "It happens a good amount actually. You're a pretty heavy sleeper by the way."

Cameron rubbed his temples trying to erase any and all mental images as he looked back to Dani who was already walking away, "I'll see you at work!" She called in a high pitched voice before he heard the door close a few moments later.

~~~~

Dani's friends had only a bit of information, they Dominique would rotate between five different bars across the city. Also meaning Cameron had to check each one.

Oh and he didn't have a car so he was continuously taking taxis and using up his money. He was so glad he didn't have to pay rent here.

The first bar had been a bust, the second the same. But when he walked into the third? He couldn't stop his mouth from dropping open at the sight of long wavy dark hair which he knew too well from the back.

He took a step forward as she looked up at the TV and he was able to see her beautiful caramel skin and dark eyes. She was wearing makeup and a dress which could make any guy love her even more.

As he made it this far Cameron gave a hard swallow and then moved to occupy the only space at the bar, the one on her left.

"Hey Cameron!" She smiled too happily when he sat down. "Have you come to celebrate with me?" She slurred.

Cameron was about to open his mouth when the drunk girl shouted, "Steven! Get my friend here a drink! And me one too!"

"My name is Stephan," the bartender replied getting glasses. "And I think you've had enough."

"Nonsense! I can't let him drink alone!"

Stephan rolled his eyes as Domonique turned her attention back to Cameron with a smile, "Thank you! No one else is here to celebrate my Anniversary of Death! They all rather party with work friends than me." She paused with a frown, "Why aren't you at the party?"

Cameron coughed awkwardly, "Well uh, I'm a Darwin I doubt we'd really fit in there. So I figured I'd come have a drink. And I bumped into a pretty girl like you so why not talk?"

"Well you picked the right place, Steve is great!" She declared.

Stephan put the glasses in front of them with more force than necessary, "It's Stephan."

"Even Jackie couldn't come," Dominique pouted. "Because of that prank he pulled he's had twice as much work as a punishment."

"Well it's better for me that he's not here," Cameron mumbled.

"Well duh! He hates you!"

Cameron nodded and took a sip of his drink wondering how to get off this topic.

"I mean I hate you too!" Dominique declared before taking another swig.

Cameron's heart sunk, "Y-you do."

She nodded proudly, "It is my duty as a best friend! But..." she gave Riley a smirk. "Since you're so adorable and you're the only one here you've gone up in my book. But don't tell Jack that."

"A-adorable?"

"Yes! Your face is so red. It's so cute!"

Cameron fumbled for a response when a new voice cut in,

"Dom! I am so sorry! But I finished everything and now I am here to-"

Cameron could've died right then had he still been alive. As before him stood none other than Jack. He looked the same as always with his short black hair, freckles, and glasses. He looked just as adorable as ever in his T-shirt and jeans, but at that moment Cameron was looking for anyway to escape his ex's gaze, but Jack's eyes were fixated on him.

Cameron stared at Jack unsure what to say or do, the latter meanwhile seemed just as lost.

"Awww!" Dominique shouted suddenly throwing her arms around both of them. "My friends are here to celebrate my Anni! I love you guys!"

Cameron cleared his throat ready to make an excuse and bolt when the sound of breaking glass reached his ears. He turned toward the sound to see Leo glaring at Dani who was hopelessly trying to wipe beer off herself.

"Shit! We've been spotted!" Dani said quickly her eyes darting around.

Leo gave her an unimpressed look, "I wonder who's fault that is?"

"What are you guys doing here?" Cameron demanded.

"You guys came to party too!" Domonique gasped letting go of Cameron and Jack and stumbling over to give them a hug.

"No we didn't," Leo told her moving out of her reach. "We had a bet going over how bad Cam would crash and burn. We didn't expect Jack to show up so I guess neither of us win."

"Damnit I wanted that cash," Dani frowned patting Dominique's back.

Cameron glared at his coworker and roommate before his eyes were drawn back to Jack. His green eyes glared at Cameron behind his thick dark blue glasses as he crossed his arms. "Get out."

"You can't make me leave the bar. It's open to all," Cameron told him. "And come on, it's been two years!"

"So? Two years passing isn't an excuse to the fact that you got me killed at twenty-two."

"I wasn't trying to get us killed! And you didn't have to come with me," Cameron pointed out.

"It was my birthday and you said you had a surprise to show me! Of course I went with!" Jack shouted back.

"Guys, guys," Dominique interjected moving between the two. "Forget the past and have some drinks!" She smiled widely and turned to the bartender, "Yo Stevey! A full round over here!"

"For the last fucking time bitch, my name is Stephan!"

Dominique only waved him off dismissively causing the man to glare at her as he grabbed more glasses.

"He's gonna spit in our drinks," Leo frowned.

Jack opened his mouth most likely to shout again when shouts and screams sounded from outside drawing Cameron's attention. Without much thought he hurried outside to see a crowd of people circling a car and something on the ground.

"He came out of nowhere!" Someone shouted.

"He was tumbling and falling all over himself."

"Isn't someone gonna help?"

"He's beyond help."

"The idiot just stepped out in front of the car."

"Why is he muttering to himself?"

"He's bleeding!"

It was the last statement which shook
Cameron. He hurried forward and pushed other out of the way, but froze when he saw the man sprawled out on the pavement. One of his legs was bent in a way which wasn't exactly natural, as was his arm, but what shocked Cameron was the amount of blood the man and the ground were covered in. Now Cameron wasn't squeamish, the past two years of collecting souls of persons who blew off their own faces off with firecrackers had made him immune, but seeing a Reaper covered in blood was entirely different. Reapers were no longer human, they were a form of spirit. Spirits which didn't need to breathe, which seldom needed to sleep, eat, or drink. Most usually did those things out of habit of living that way before their death, but they could go without it. Reapers weren't alive after all, and once you die once you couldn't die again. Injuries caused pain, but nothing more. Bodies would automatically heal themselves and that would be it, because Reapers don't bleed.

Cameron was jolted back to his senses as he was shoved aside and Dani rushed by and threw herself down on the ground next to the man and placed her fingers on his neck before beginning to pump down on his chest before blowing air in his mouth. Cameron watched silently, and was vaguely the chatter around him had ceased as all watched Dani work. Dani continued this for about a minute before a frustrated sound escaped her lips and she sat back away from the body her eyes wide staring at her blood covered hands.

"That's not what's supposed to happen," Jack said quietly. Cameron glanced at him, but his eyes were glued on the dead Reaper. "Reaper are given a month's notice, we a throw a party and tell them we'll see them on the other side, then they vanish and someone new takes their spot. We don't- Reaper's don't..." He faltered and trailed off and Cameron looked back to the body unsure of what to do, say, or even think.

Time passed, Cameron wasn't quite sure how long, but around him no one had moved and people spoke quietly to one another demanding answers that didn't exist. Reapers didn't die, yet here they were witnesses to a death.

Lights drew Cameron's attention. The man's body was blinking bright light. In response everyone stepped back, but Dani didn't move. Cameron cursed and hurried forward and grabbed her by the arm and dragged her up and away from the body which began to blink faster, and faster, the light getting brighter and brighter to the point where Cameron had to shut his eyes. When the light died down he opened his eyes to see the body was gone and only golden particles in the air remained.