Part 1- The Scars Souvenir
Part 2- Tattoo Your Last Bruise
Final Part- This Impossible Year

Bonus point to anyone who recognises the song lyrics

Tony isn't sure why he did if, but he can tell you one thing, he didn't fucking regret it. Okay, there's a lie because he feels like utter shit, as if a bus full of alcohol fan him over repeatedly until he passed out. He hasn't felt this bad in years, not since he was young, dumb and newly in love, trying to get rid of all of the unwanted pain in his chest and unfamiliarity of being in love with the most handsome guy in school.

There's an ache in his head, his stomach and his arms all for different reasons that he kind of regrets. He wasn't all that sure what made him do this, to try and end his life, and maybe it was because he was a dramatic shit like everyone constantly to,d him that he was, or maybe it's because he's hurting over the break down of his marriage or maybe it's everything that has happened in his life piling on top of him.

All he can say is; at least it got him so quiet time.

The isolation Tony forced himself into didn't do him any good, it made things worse. To have the constant little voices in his head nag at him that Steve wanted out of the marriage because
Tony was dragging him down, that it was because Tony couldn't give Steve the family that he wanted to have.

Tony was infertile and if that result didn't kill him inside, the look on Steves face did. They were both tested after long periods of trying 4 years ago, and that was the last straw for Tony and his 'light' alcoholism to spiral out of control. He'd left the house and didn't come back for 2 days after the news, unable to look at Steves saddened expression without feeling guilty that he had caused it.

The work to get Tony sober, was one that was hard and exhausting for everyone involved and everyone that cares enough about Tony's health. Steve has spent countless nights staying up with the man who went through withdraw, his skin crawling with the nee to turn to the bottle, to get rid of the pain in his chest and the voices in his head to be quiet for just a while.

He had never gotten rid of the alcohol, he has always kept it in the house as a comfort, in places that he knew Steve wouldn't think twice about looking. He never thought that he would need to dig out the hidden bottles and force himself to down them as quick as he could. The cutting was never something he intended on doing, he was just hoping he would drink himself into a coma and he just needed something to speed up the process.

"Why did you do it, Tony? Why?"Tony can hear a familiar voice, a voice that had carried so many different emotions throughout the many years of being together, all ranging from happy to the most saddest. He can feel a heavy pressure on his right hand, fingers laced with his own and limo hand being squeezed.

"Because why not?"Is the first thing to slip out of Tony's mouth, his mouth feeling as if many cotton balls have been stuffed into it and his head is all fuzzy. His arms ache in pain, healing scars on his tan skin and bandages covering them so that he can't pick at them as they heal.

"Tony? Baby, you're awake!"Steve can't help the happiness that seeks into his voice, the sound of him fumbling to get out his chair and the clattering sound of the plastic chair hitting the tiled ground making Tony flinch in pain. He doesn't loose his grip on Tony's hand and the man doesn't try to pull away either.

Opening his eyes takes all of Tony's effort, trying his head to not flinch in pain whenever the bright hospital lights shine down on him, but are quickly blocked whenever Steve leans over Tony to make sure he wasn't hearing things. He looks like he's been crying, his eyes puffy and red with the blue of his eyes brighter with tears and tear tracks down his cheeks. He looks like shit if Tony is being honest, but he's Steves shit, if that sounds romantic?

"I'm alive,"He sounds surprised.

"O-of course you're alive,"Steve takes in a sharp intake of breath,"We wouldn't let you die."His voice shakes, fixing his seat before he can sit back down so that he wasn't invading Tony's personal space."Do you remember what you did?"he asks quietly, continuing whenever Tony nods, closing his eyes again."Why did you do it, Tones?"

Steve would have to be blind to not realise how much Tony has been hurting for the past 4 years, but Tony was always one to bottle up his emotions and Steve was always one to be oblivious to how much Tony could be hiding from his eyes. They should've talked, Steves knows that they should've but was too caught up with trying to get Tony's life back on track and work to sit down and talk with his husband.

"I wanted to stop hurting,"Tony mumbles pathetically, rolling his head back so that his nose is pointing to the ceiling. He squeezes his eyes shut, feeling Steve give his hand a squeeze."But I seem to have made the hurting worse."

"Tony, baby, I'm so sorry."Steve chokes, unable to say anything more. He's been waiting for ton to wake up for what has felt like weeks, not leaving his side no matter how many times Thor has threatened to drag him into a shower or Natasha's offer to stay by Tony's side. He's had way too much time to dwell on the cheating.

"Do you still love me?"Tony asks the question that surprises Steve and shakes him to his core. There's a crack in Tony's voice that goes unnoticed as the man lays in the hospital bed, sniffling away any evidence of fresh coming tears. Tony truly looks his age as he lays on the bed, after years of being the energetic man that he is, he looks so...fragile.

"Of course I still love you, I've loved you since the moment you gave me a bloody concussion and I always will."Steve presses reassuring kisses to Tony's hand, closing his eyes to hold back the tears he desperately wants to let slide down his cheeks.

"Even if I'm infertile?"Tony asks, finally opening his eyes to look at Steve, his brown eyes welled up with thick tears.

"Tony..."Steves voice is caught in his voice, looking at Tony and the way his face seems to crumple. The subject of family was something they tried their best to not bring up because it was sensitive for the two of them. The first mention of a family had sparked excitement and joy between Tony and Steve, both men already planning ahead in excitement, and the unfortunate news was something that made both men crash down.

"Is that why you cheated? Because I can't give you what you want and you know there's somebody out there that can?"It's what Tony has been thinking for so long now."Because I forgive you if you did it for that reason, you deserve to be happy."

"Tony, fuck, no don't think like that."Steve swallows the lump in his throat, just wanting to climb into the bed and cuddle the man close to his chest, to have his arms wrapped around Tony and his face burried into his neck as they lay there in each other embrace."I'm my happiest when I'm with you, and these past weeks have been nightmarish for me, to be away from you.

I love you so much Tony, and I know I say that a lot but it's true. I've been in love with you for 14 years and there's nothing in the world that will change that. I was stupid, I am stupid, for cheating on you, my perfect, perfect husband. You try for hard, and I love you for everything you do."Steve pours his heart out, allowing tears to fall down his cheeks."I want a family with you, I do, and we can find a way to make that possible."

"But-"

"I don't care about our problems."Steve cuts in sharply, his lips pressed to Tony's hand as he cries and so does Tony. He has loved Tony for all of these years, through thick and thin and having a family with him is all he wants in life."You will be the best Daddy, and I will be the best papa."

I just ended where I finished (:

~fin~