The flashbacks are too much to bear. I'm sitting alone in an abandoned building, with just my thoughts. It all happened so fast. One minute my parents and I were chatting and the next there were people charging into my house and my parents were corpses. I had run away after the murderers left and found this abandoned building. It has now been three days since my parents died and all I've done is have flashbacks from what happened, and they won't stop. I cry myself to sleep every night. It's so hard to handle the fact that my parents are dead. I wish to just know that everything will be fine, that I'm going to be fine.

I want my parents back.

Why does everything I look at remind me of them. I can't – I just can't. It's too hard. Everything is too hard. The flashbacks get worse every time. The most recent one is so much clearer than the rest.

I hold my Mother and Father's hand as I cry. I had just witnessed the two of them be shot in the heart. Their last words to me were that they loved me and that they will always be with me.

Those words are stuck in my head and all that they do is remind me that I lost the two most important people in my life.

Because of all the flashbacks I have been experiencing I have found multiple ways to try and calm myself. These calming mechanisms are listening to music, creating scenarios in my head, taking deep breaths, and counting down from ten.

For the first coping mechanism, I choose a song to play on my phone and listen to it via headphones. I usually choose sad songs. For the second one, I basically come up with scenarios in my head and they always help me to relax. For the third one, I take deep breaths, in for four seconds and out for four seconds and I continue this process until I am calm. For the fourth and final one, I count down from ten and I continue this until I'm calm. I always use all of them, and so if one fails, I will use the next option. But if none of them work then I use a more concerning method: self-harm. Although this one is a last resort.

But anyway even though I have lost my parents, I am still attending school. I am trying to keep their death a secret, as if I don't keep it a secret and tell someone, I'll end up in foster care which I really don't want.

But because I am grieving, everything is so much harder, and I am so close to having a breakdown. It's so hard to keep my emotions buried down and if I keep burying them down my cup will overflow and there will be major consequences.

I'm trying so hard to keep everything secret and due to that I'm so overwhelmed. I'm hoping that no one has realised that something is wrong with me, but to be honest someone has probably noticed that something is wrong.

I'm currently in class and have been asked by my homeroom teacher Mr Akio to stay behind after class. I immediately freak out internally, but nod in understanding. To pass the time till the end of class my mind is coming up with multiple reasons as to why I've been asked to stay behind and spoiler alert they are all bad thoughts, so basically, I'm overthinking.

soon I hear the bell, which signals the end of class and school, and my nerves worsen. Like I was asked, I stay behind and wait in my seat until my classmates have all filed out. Once they all leave, I pack my things and once I'm done I stand up and take a singular deep breath to calm my nerves, which doesn't help in the slightest.

I slowly walk over to Mr Akio, my feet dragging across the floor, and my mind running 100 miles a second. Once I make it to my homeroom teachers desk, I sit in the chair that he has placed in front of his desk. I then place my bag down.

I look everywhere but him. There is silence for a few moments before he speaks up.

"Akira, do you know why I've asked you to stay behind?" Mr Akio asks with his usual monotone voice. My mind once again starts racing.

'What on earth could I have done. C'mon Akira think. Well I have many ideas as to why I have been asked to stay behind but I don't feel like sharing. So I guess I'll tell him that I don't know. Yeah, let's do that.' I think to myself. I take a deep breath before speaking.

"No sir, I don't know why you have asked me to stay behind." The amount of worry that was laced within my tone, must have told my teacher that I thought I was in trouble.

"Let me make something clear to you." Mr Akio says with a softer tone than before. I finally look up at him. He waits a few seconds before continuing.

"You are not in trouble." Mr Akio says. Hearing those words come out of his mouth my nerves calm slightly and I nod in understanding. He seems to wait a few moments before continuing.

'I guess he is trying to wait for what he has just said to sink in.' I think to myself.

After those few moments he continues.

"I have called you here because I've noticed that you haven't been your usual self and so I wanted to ask if you were doing okay and if something was worrying you?" Mr Akio asks with the same softness in his voice but laced within his voice is now also a bit of worry that is quite deeply hidden in his voice that would make it difficult to notice at first glance. I am now extremely worried but I breath internally to try and calm myself down. My mind is racing and my inner thoughts are coming and going faster than the speed of light as my mind races a mile a minute.

'Sh*t, he noticed my behaviour, what am I going to do. Um, um. Think Akira Think! C'mon don't be stupid and think of something you damn idiot. Akira think of something.' My brain continues to overthink and there are multiple thoughts where I am degrading myself but other than my mind running a marathon I reply to my teacher's question.

"Oh, I'm fine, Mr Akio. Thank you for asking though. But to answer your questions I'm just a little tired is all and well there is absolutely nothing worrying me. I really appreciate your concern." I say while trying to hide the worry laced within my voice. I notice that Mr Akio gives me a questioning look and looks me up and down a few times but he soon replies to what I said.

"Are you sure?" Mr Akio asks. I look at him and I become even more worried than before, but I mask it so that he doesn't see that I am worried.

'I can see that you are worried Akira. I can also see that you are trying to mask it but you didn't mask your body language. But even though you are very clearly worried I won't say anything as I don't want to further worry you, but I will most likely be talking with you in the near future, I can just feel it.' Mr Akio thinks to himself, showing no sign of him knowing that I am worried by keeping his facial expression neutral and his body language unreadable.

"Alright then, if there is nothing bothering you and you are 100% sure that you are okay, then you may leave, as I have nothing else to ask you." Mr Akio says with his normal monotone voice. I proceed to nod and stand up. Picking up my things, I say goodbye to my homeroom teacher and leave. As I leave, I don't notice Mr Akio behind me.

'Phew, I got out of that easily. I am so glad that he bought that I wasn't worried even though I really was worried.' I think to myself as I continue to walk away from the classroom.

"I really need to be more careful." I whisper to myself not realising that Mr Akio had heard me. I continue to walk off as if the last thing that I had said hadn't been heard by my homeroom teacher.

'Just what are you hiding Akira.' Mr Akio thinks to himself as he walks off and heads to his car to head home after a long day at work.

It has been a few weeks since my talk with Mr Akio and I have been having an even harder time with dealing with my parents death, which has also resulted in school being a lot harder as well. Because of everything becoming harder I have taken up self-harming. I have been cutting every night. I have tried using my other methods of coping but none of them have been working, so therefore cutting was the only option. I have also been having lots of depressing thoughts and am so tempted to throw myself of a god damn roof. Yeah. I'm that sick of all this that I am so tempted to kill myself. Because I want to end this fuc**ng nightmare of a life and so I have decided to kill myself tonight. I have come up with a plan. The plan is that I will get through the school day and once it is finished I will head up to the school's rooftop and jump myself off of the roof. But the one problem with my plan is that I have no time to write the suic*** note, which means I will need to write it either during class or during snack or lunch.

Well, I have good news and bad news. The good news is that I was able to write the suic*** note. But the bad news is that school was so god damn bloody boring. Anyway, I was able to write the suic*** note during one of the classes today. The reason I was able to write the note was because during one of the classes we had a free study session. But even though school was boring it doesn't matter as I won't be in this sick world for much longer. But I am also excited for after school as I am finally going to be reunited with my parents after way, way, waaaay too long.

So, because school has just ended I do my normal routine of packing my things and heading out of the classroom. But the one difference between this day and any other day is that this is the last time I will be packing my things after school and my last time leaving the classroom. It is quite sad to see the be leaving the classroom for the last time but I have to do this. It is important that I do this. I want to be put out of my misery and be reunited with my parents in the afterlife. So, with that being said I head straight for the roof.

Once I have made it to the door to the roof, I open it. As I open it I am met with a rush of cold air. I walk through the door and slowly walk to the middle of the rooftop. I am mesmerised with how beautiful the roof looks. But I immediately go back to focusing on why I came here. I carefully place my backpack down on the very weirdly clean concrete and I then proceed to take out the suic*** note that I had written in that bloody class that I can't for the life of me remember the name of. I gently place the note down on the ground and with one hand I hold it down so it doesn't fly away. With my other hand I carefully take off my black sneakers. I then gently place my sneakers neatly atop of the note.

'Well, I hope whoever is assigned to my death likes the way I have placed everything. I think it looks nice. It is all neat and tidy. Very well placed together.' I think to myself smiling internally and proud of myself for how I had set out my things.

I then internally shake my head and turn my attention back to what I am doing. I slowly walk towards the ledge of the roof, my feet feel as though they are as light as a feather as I walk. It is like I'm being guided by my guardian angel towards my death and that I have no control over my body. Time flies by before I realise that I have reached the ledge. I realise that my body had stopped being guided and I was just standing there at the edge of the roof. I look over the edge of the roof and smile as I take in everything below me. The view of everything down below me is absolutely beautiful. I smile once again. I then look up at the sky.

'I'm coming Mum and Dad.' I think to myself. I then once again look down below me and just as I do I take one final deep breath and lean forward allowing myself to fall off the rooftop. I close my eyes and smile brightly knowing that I am finally going to see my parents again.

'Well, this is it then. I can't wait to see you both.' I think to myself.

Suddenly my wrist gets grabbed and my eyes shoot open. I look up to see who had just grabbed my wrist and am completely and utterly shocked to find that the person who had stopped me from dying was Mr Akio. He stares down at me, and he then proceeds to start pulling me up. I immediately try to wriggle my way out of his grip but I fail miserably. Because that isn't working, I resort to yelling.

"LET ME GO!" I yell at him feeling a huge amount of anger surge through my body as I yell at him.

He ignores my protests and continues to pull me up. I try to wriggle harder, but his grip tightens.

He eventually pulls me up and as soon as he does, he sits himself down and pulls me onto his lap. In one fell swoop he wraps my arms and legs around him. He then wraps one arm around me and using his other hand he places my head against his chest and keeps his hand on the back of my head.

"What on earth were you thinking!!!!" He says with horror laced within his tone. His grip on me tightens once again and because of how tightly he is holding me I realise that he is scared.

'Why is he scared? Does he care about me? No, I doubt that no one other than my parents cared about me. So that why is he scared? Is he worried that I'm going to try and kill myself again? Yeah, that must be it. But I don't understand why he would care if I died. I thought he'd be happy with that. But I'm not really sure.' I think to myself as I hear his heart beating quite fast.

'Hm, why is his heartrate up?' I think to myself confused as to why my homeroom teacher's heartrate is up.

"Why on earth would you do that!! Do you know how many people would have been heartbroken to find out that you killed yourself. Did you even think about how I'd feel about this or how your parents would feel about this?" He says shock evident in his voice. What he says causes me to break. I breakdown and my built-up emotions come up overflowing my eyes with tears. I start to apologise profusely. He just lets me cry and he gently coos me. He starts to gently stroke my hair and we sit there for a while, and I soon fall into unconsciousness.

I awake a while later to find myself in a room that I do not recognise. I had forgotten everything that had happened the night before. But the first thing that I notice about the new room that I am in, is that I am on a comfy bed. I slowly look around the room and as I do I take in the layout of the room and everything that is in the room. There isn't that much furniture in the room but the little amount of furniture that is present in the room is a desk, a couple sets of chestier drawers, the comfy bed that I am laying in, a couple of bedside tables that are placed on either side of the bed, a chair that has been placed beside my bed and a lamp that has been placed on the bedside table that is on the left side of the bed. It is hard to make out the colours of the furniture that are in the room due to the fact that it is dark in the room. I then realise that there is someone sitting in the chair beside the bed that I am in. I squint trying to figure out who it is but as soon as I do my eyes widen in surprise at the person in the chair being Mr Akio.

"Mr Akio, where am I?" I ask him. He looks towards me, and I patiently wait for him to answer my question.

"You are at my house." He replies with his normal monotone voice except if you listen closely you can hear a hint of tiredness in his voice.

'He must be really tired. Maybe he didn't sleep.' I think to myself feeling bad that he didn't get much sleep or any sleep at all.

"Why am I here?" I ask him while giving him a confused look. He just stares at me for a few moments before replying to my question.

"You will be staying with us." He says with that same tone of voice as before. I look at him with that same confused look on my face that I had before.

"Us? What do you mean by that." I ask him really tiredly, my brain not even registering the fact that he may be living with someone.

"What I mean by 'us' is that you will be staying with my husband and I." He says to me and I then proceed to stare at him in shock, my brain completely forgetting that people can live with other people.

"You're gay?!" I ask him with shock very evident in my tone. He just stares at me.

"Yes I am." He says with annoyance in his tone. I then realise that he may think that I have a problem with him being gay.

"Sorry, I feel like you think that I have a problem with it. Which to be completely clear I don't. I'm just shocked as I had no idea that you were gay." I tell him hoping that it reassures him but when I say 'I don't' I emphasise it to sound more clear that I am serious about it. I then notice that his facial expression changes and he looks happier than before.

"Good, I thought that you were homophobic, but I am glad that your not." He says and I smile at him.

"I would love to meet him." I say really interested in meeting Mr Akio's husband.

"Alright, I'll introduce you to him. You can come in now." He says and after he does the door to the room opens and a man walks into the room, closing the door behind him. The man has piercingly blue eyes and long blonde hair that reaches his lower back. He looks to be taller than Mr Akio. Which I soon find out that he is.

"Akira, this is my husband Hizashi, and Hizashi this is Akira." He says and I then proceed to look at Hizashi.

"H-hi, Mr Hizashi. It's n-nice to meet you." I say kinda nervous. But my nervousness disappears after he smiles at me.

"Hello Akira, It's nice to meet you too. Shouta has told me so much about you. And it is really nice to put a face to the name." He says with a cheerful tone of voice.

'Wow, he is so different from Mr Akio.' I think to myself shocked that Mr Akio would marry someone like Mr Hizashi.

"Also Akira you can call us Shouta and Hizashi when we aren't in school." Mr Akio says and Hizashi nods in agreement.

"Okay Mr Ak- I mean Shouta." I say correcting myself mid-sentence.

"Akira, I wanted to chat about what happened last night if that is alright with you, but if it isn't than we can chat about it when you're ready." Shouta says. I then remember what happened last night and my facial expression changes to one of sadness and my smile fades.

"Um, is it alright if we chat about it another time, I really don't want to chat about it right now." I say with a sad tone of voice. I am worried that he'll say no and that we have to talk about it. I know that he said that we don't have to but I feel like he may take that back and say that we have to talk about it.

"Of course. We can absolutely talk about it another time. Would you instead like to get to know each other?" He asks and I give him a shocked look but it quickly fades and I nod.

"Alright than, we will get to know more about each other." He says. So that is exactly what we do. We talk about ourselves and my sadness disappears.

It has been a fewmonths since I have tried to kill myself and I am in a much better place now.It took me a few weeks to finally open up to them but when I did I not onlyfelt so much better but I found out that they already knew and were waiting forthe adoption papers to go through before telling me. I have been attendingtherapy and it has been helping me so much. I am slowly starting to move onfrom my parents' death and I haven't tried to self-harm or kill myself, since.But other than that I got adopted instead of being sent to foster care which Iwas really relieved about. I have never felt happier than I do with them. Itwas after a few weeks after being adopted by them that I called them Dad andPapa. The looks on their faces when I called them that made my day no scratchthat it made my life. I loved seeing how happy they were and am really happywith my life as I have the most loving parents in the world and due to this, Icould never be happier.