Disclaimer: Needles, drugs, and mentions of suicide are included in this songfic. Viewer discretion is advised.

I hurt myself today

To see if I still feel

I averted my gaze from where it had laid on my broken skin, red circling the wound, and dribbling down my arm. I couldn't bear to look, yet I wanted to feel, something I hadn't been able to do. I missed that, feeling, but there were just too many downsides to being a ghost, and that was one of them.

I focus on the pain
The only things that's real

I centered my mind with the hurt as it finally spread, letting it flow like the water in a river steadily splashing towards nowhere in particular. Quite similar to me, honestly. And then, I was overcome with a singular emotion, strong enough to make hearts thump dangerously, footsteps to become louder, breathing to become unsteady: fear.

The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting

I stare at the place where the silver object is, smiling to myself despite knowing I shouldn't. Why not? If this was my only release, I would gladly take it.

Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything

No matter what I tried, though, I could still recall it all. Trembling in fear, not knowing who to trust and choosing wrong, feeling like the world demanded I pay for everything; even being me.

The drugs weren't working.

What have I become?
My sweetest friend

I sighed, asking myself the question over and over: what had I become? The drugs couldn't answer, but I guess they know me so well that I think they're a person, not a thing. A person. Just like me? Maybe.

Everyone I know goes away
In the end

I guess it made sense to see the drugs as a person. Everyone I loved was gone. The drugs never left my side through it all. I guess... If I could love them like they've loved me, I would. Not that they feel any more emotions than I do.

And you could have it all
My empire of dirt

And I may have nothing, but I would give it all to them. Though, then again, I already had. And that made me happy... right?

I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I guess I was born to be a failure, to have everyone leave my side, but did it matter? No. I would make the others feel my pain soon anyways. The others that didn't even stick around long enough to see me graduate high school. The others who died when I was too young to even know what death was. The others who killed themselves rather than deal with what I dealt with. I would see them all soon. And when I do...

I am ready.