Kabanata 20

Stop

I was so tired that night. We ordered food and ate after that shower. He even had failed attempts to put compress on my hickeys. Pati na rin sa kanya, at hindi ko siya tinulungan doon. Mine, I can cover it with myh clothes. His... that's his problem.

I smirked as I watch him glaring at me after he gave up his compress.

"I can choose your outfit tomorrow, if you want? Para matabunan 'yan..." I chuckled as I drank my camomile tea.

Tapos na kaming kumain at habang inaayos niya kanina ang compress, naghugas ako ng pinggan. Kaya ngayon, nandito kami sa counter table, nagtsa-tsaa ako. Siya naman abala sa compress para sa amin.

Kaya kinabukasan iyon nga ang ginawa ko. Tapos na akong mag-ayos para sa alis namin ngayon.

We decided to shop for me. And he also decided to shop for himself because of his hickeys. May turtle neck naman siya pero dahil hindi naman siya gumagamit noon unless pumupunta ng abroad, kaunti lang ang mayroon siya at mahihirapan siyang mamili ng isa para sa trabaho.

He can't go to work with just his usual dress shirt now. I can only imagine my father fixated on Royce's neck while they are on a meeting. He is very conservative when it comes to me. Iyon din yata ang rason kung bakit gaano man ako ka liberated at pakawala nang lumaki ako, nabaon pa rin sa isipan ko ang pangaral niya sa akin.

Mama said that there's nothing wrong with expressing myself and being free. That my body will always be mine and I have the choice on what to do with it. I just need to face the consequences after and be responsible with whatever path I take.

"Okay naman ah?" sambit ko nang nasa mall na kaming dalawa at nakasimangot si Royce.

He's wearing a dark green turtleneck longsleeves. I'm wearing printed white and green short dress with puff sleeves to pair with him. Para hindi na siya gaanong malungkot.

"And I'll have to wear this thing for tomorrow and next week."

Ngumisi ako. "Marami naman tayong binili. And it can be paired with your suit, you know. Hindi kasing formal ng dress shirt mo but it's not bad."

Namili na rin ako ng damit. Kanina pa siya sunod nang sunod habang namimili ako. I then change on the fitting room. Maghihintay siya sa labas kasama ang shopper at titingnan kung okay ba iyon.

He always just nod. His eyes were dark as it bore into me after changing into a very conservative office dress.

"Lagi na lang ganyan? Any other comment? Is it too manang? Ano?" singil ko ng kumento.

Ngumiti ang nag-aabang na shopper at bumaling kay Royce.

"I have no other things to say. It's fine."

"Fine is not good enough, Royce..." nakapamaywang na ako habang tinitingnan siya.

Nagkamot siya ng ulo at tinitigan pa lalo ang damit ko, para bang may milagrong kumentong lalabas doon kung tititigan niya.

"I find you hot so, I think whatever you wear... you're always hot."

Tinabunan noong shopper ang kanyang bibig noong folder na dala niya. Umiling ako at tinawanan na lang ang sinabi ni Royce bago sinarado ang kurtina.

I sighed and looked at myself.

I am slightly foreign-looking because of my father. Kita iyon sa buhok pa lang na wavy at kulay brown. It was lighter when I was a kid. Blonde iyon noon at ngayon, kulay brown na nang tumanda. My eyes are almond shaped like both my mother and father. Nose, more like my mom's, narrow and straight. My lips are thin like my dad's. At kung sa katawan, masasabi kong sa tangkad at hubog, walang effort akong makakapasok sa pagmomodelo.

Namili kami ng isang restaurant at nagpahinga muna. Pagkatapos nitong mga damit na binili namin, niyaya ko rin siyang mamili ng ibang kailanganin sa bahay. I want to add a nice lamp in one of his console table on the first floor. I know a shop of a good designer and I've searched for it on the internet.

Bukod diyan, gusto ko ring bumili pa ng iilang pantulog at kung ano-ano pa. Kaya mukhang buong araw nga kami rito para mamili.

"Sky!" a college friend greeted me.

"Hi!"

Tumayo ako at nakipagbeso na rito. I saw her glance at Royce with a smirk.

"Kumusta ka na? Balita ko kasal ka na! My brother was broken hearted." She chuckled.

I remember her brother. May gusto raw sa akin at medyo mahiyain iyon. Natawa na rin tuloy ako.

"Ah. Oo. This is Royce Solarez."

Royce politely stood and offered his hand. Napahawak muna sa pisngi ang kaklase ko bago tinanggap ang kamay ni Royce.

"Yeah. I know Mr. Solarez."

"Oh? Have we met before?" Royce said playfully.

"No. Pero kilala ka ni Daddy at Kuya. And I also know from the news... about uh... your achievements."

Kumunot ang noo ko dahil ako lang yata ang hindi nakakakilala rito kay Royce.

Royce smiled. Bumitiw sa kamay noong babae. My classmate blushed.

"Anyway, enjoy your date, newly weds!" nahihiyang ngumisi ito bago umalis.

Naupo na ulit kami ni Royce sa upuan. My brow shot up at him and I smirked.

"You were popular to my classmates because of your achievements. But I never heard of you..."

Nagtaas din siya ng kilay. "Do you even have any knowledge about your company, anyway? At hindi ba't lagi ka namang wala sa inyo. I doubt it if you read hotel articles, or even the news."

Tumango ako. Lumapit ang waiter at naglapag na ng order namin.

"Kung sa bagay."

He sipped on his water with his eyes watching me intently.

"And it seems like you have many suitors. Ganoon mo ba kagusto iyong manliligaw mong iyon para baliwalain ang mga katulad noong kapatid noong classmate mo?"

Umirap ako. "I'm kinda sentimental so... matagal na kaming magkaibigan ni Zane. Kahit nagpapalit palit siya ng girlfriend noong highschool at kahit college, hinintay ko siya."

He scowled and looked away. Hinawakan niya na ang mga kubyertos kaya ginawa ko rin. Naghiwa na ako ng steak para makapagsimula na kami sa lunch.

"You wasted your time waiting for him. It seems like he's an idiot, not to mention he's a bad influence."

"Hmm. You maybe right."

Napatingin siya sa akin.

"I mean... sana nagpapalit palit din ako ng boyfriend noon. I only had suitors then. Tuwing may girlfriend siya. At kahit nakakahalikan ko naman, I don't have feelings." I shrugged.

He sneered and continued eating. Kumain na rin ako pero may naglaro sa isipan ko kaya noong may pagkakataon, nagsalita ulit.

"How 'bout you? Fuck buddies? Pero siguro naman nagkagirlfriend ka."

His eyes darkened and he gave me a nod.

"Oh! Nagkagirlfriend ka?" ngumisi ako.

Hindi naman kagulat gulat pero naisip ko tuloy kung paano siya bilang boyfriend? Was he sweet? Hindi siya mukhang sweet, e. Malupit pa nga at parang arogante. I wouldn't like him as my boyfriend.

"Marami for sure? Sinong last girlfriend mo?"

My enthusiasm suddenly hit the rock bottom when I remember Lavender Soledad. Siya kaya, naging girlfriend niya?

"Hindi ako masyadong mahilig mag girlfriend. My priority was my studies. And then after that, my career."

I was chewing my medium rare steak as I analyzed his answer. Tama naman din. Hindi ko kasi talaga siya ma imagine na maging boyfriend. O siguro dahil hindi maganda ang tungo namin sa isa't-isa.

"Kung sa bagay. Hindi ka naman din boyfriend material," sabi ko habang kumakain.

Binaba niya ang tinidor niya. His eyes narrowed at me. I finished chewing my food before I explained my statement.

"Don't get me wrong. Ang ibig kong sabihin, you know... boyfriends are like... sweet, soft... ganoon. You're more like... the fuck body kind of person."

I thought he'd take that as a compliment pero mas lalo lang siyang sumimangot.

"At iyong si Zane mo, boyfriend material 'yon?"

"You find him that way because you met him at a bad circumstance but actually, he's very sweet and kind-"

"Tss. And now where is your sweet and kind boyfriend material?" may insulto sa tinig niya.

I ignored him because my mind is already flying somewhere else. "Mabuting kaibigan din naman talaga siya. At masaya kasama sa party."

"For booze, Sky? Maybe he was also very energetic because of the drugs."

I glared at Royce pero tama naman siya. It's a miracle that I didn't do drugs with his influence. Pero hindi niya rin naman sinasabi sa akin. I was offered by Zane's friend but I declined. Kaya nagulat na lang ako sa huling eskandalo ng grupo namin.

"Besides that, all of us are fun at parties."

"Hindi 'no, may mga taong KJ," agap ko.

Nanatiling dilim ang tingin ni Royce sa akin.

"Ano bang gusto mo? O ginagawa mo kapag nagpaparty ka? Sayaw?"

"Yeah."

"We danced that night, remember?"

Here we go again about that night. "Oo. And drink till I'm drunk. It's so fun."

"What's fun with being drunk?"

Nanliit ang mga mata ko kay Royce.

"I mean... we can do that sometimes. Hindi lagi. We have responsibilities now. Sa trabaho. Hindi puwedeng gabi gabi kang mag party."

"Wala naman akong sinabi. Pero tama ka naman. I just miss it sometimes."

He smirked. "Puwede naman nating gawin, Sky. Let's party next week. I'll let you drink..."

"Alright! Sure!" sabi ko.

He nodded confidently. Napaisip naman ulit ako.

"Pero pagka divorce natin? Siguro ang boyfriend na hahanapin ko... iyong hindi na masyadong ma-party."

Royce was sipping on his soda while I said that. He cleared his throat after kaya naibagsak ko ang mga mata ko sa kanya.

"Kasi na-realize ko, mas maganda sa akin iyong opposite na boyfriend. I'm the party girl, he should be a bit... you know..." hindi ako makahanap ng salita.

Hindi naman makatingin si Royce sa akin. Nakataas ang isang kilay niya habang hinihiwa ang steak. Naparami ang sinabi ko.

Mahaba ang naging araw namin dahil sa mga binili. Sa labas na rin kami nag dinner kasi inabutan na ng gabi ang pamimili. When we went home, I was so exhausted. Dumiretso na ako sa kuwarto at natulog.

Tanghali ang dating nina Mama at Papa. Umaga pa lang, abala na kami ni Royce. He cooked breakfast while I arranged the things we bought.

May tagalinis din na bumisita. Nag-ayos din muna ako para sa pagdating nila.

Royce had our lunch delivered and then they arrived. Nagtanghalian kami agad. May dalang cake si Mama na naging dagdag sa pagkain namin doon.

"How are you here, hija?"

"Doing fine, Mama."

She smiled but she looked worried. Kanina bago kami dumiretso sa dining area, nakatayo si Papa sa sala habang tinitingala ang sunod na palapag. I then overheard him talking to Royce.

"Nasa iisang kuwarto ba kayo?"

"Hindi pa po. Pasensiya na-"

"No, that's okay," Papa said in a relieved tone. "Mas mabuting ganyan. Pasensiya ka na sa dating utos ko. I changed my mind. It's already too much that you married her. I can't ask you to stay with her. Anyway, wala naman kayong kasambahay."

So my father asked Royce to put me on his bedroom. Ngayon, nagbago ang isipan ni Papa. Kaya pala gusto ni Royce na sa kuwarto niya ako.

"Hindi ba kayo nahihirapan? Breakfast, Royce? Before going to work?"

Royce is wearing a black turtle neck now. I smirked when a bit of my mark showed. Tinuro ko ang leeg ko. Binaba nga lang agad ang kamay kasi nakita ni Papa. Nakatingin si Royce at nakuha niya iyon. Pasimple niyang inayos ang turtle neck.

"Sinong nagluluto? Dapat nagpapa deliver kayo galing sa baba."

"Ako po ang nagluluto. Sanay naman po ako," si Royce.

"Ako ang naghuhugas ng pinggan, Ma."

Royce cleared his throat. Mama's eyes widened and she looked at my father. Tumango naman si Papa.

"Mabuti 'yan. So you will learn, Sky."

"It's okay, Mama. Hindi naman po mabigat na trabaho."

Nag-usap si Royce at si Papa sa counter samantalang tinulungan ako ni Mama na magligpit. Ilang beses niyang gustong akuin lahat ng trabaho ko kaya natatawa ako.

"Sky..." she said worriedly after I washed my hands with handsoap.

Ngumisi ako sa kanya. "Aren't you happy that I know some chores?"

Unti-unti rin siyang ngumisi at umiling. "Naninibago lang ako."

"Alam ko naman kung paano maglinis. Hindi lang talaga kailangan sa bahay kaya hindi n'yo nakikita."

She nodded and smiled at me. I smiled back and looked at my hand.

"It seems like... you're getting better."

I turned the faucet off. Nilingon ko si Mama sa gulat sa sinabi niya.

"Ang ibig kong sabihin, medyo magaan ka ngayon. Ayaw ko sa nangyaring ito, Sky. Alam mo 'yon. Pero nang nakita kita kanina pagdating namin, at ngayon... parang..." hindi niya naituloy.

Nag-iwas ako ng tingin. Evil thoughts attacked my head. Iniisip kong dahil sa milagro naming ginagawa ni Royce. But kidding aside, the truth is... because of the punishment, I realized that life is serious.

I don't justify my father's ways. Hindi ko pa rin iyon gusto. Hindi ko halos mapatawad. Hindi ko gagayahin. At nasisiguro kong may ibang paraan pa para tumuwid ang isipan ko. Pero dahil doon, naisip ko na seryoso pala talaga. Marriage is a big and serious step. To have it right now because of all the things I've done wrong, woke my senses up.

It was a bad means, to get to the good result. I still don't agree with this but...

"I hope this goes on. At... kumusta ang trabaho?"

Hanggang gabi sina Mama sa bahay. Si Papa at Royce, mukhang nagmemeeting na. Kung hindi pa humikab si Mama ay hindi yata aalis si Papa.

We cleaned up after that night. At tumawag pa ulit si Mama kaya dumiretso na ako sa kuwarto para makapag-usap pa kami.

Pababa na ako sa hagdanan. Tapos na kaming nag breakfast ni Royce nang natanaw ko siyang naka turtleneck ulit kasama ang suit niya. He glared at me but there was a mysterious smile hiding on his lips.

"Ayusin mo. Kita, e..." sabi ko at patuyang inayos ang turtleneck niya.

Titig siya sa akin, kunot ang noo, at halos ngumuso at mag-alburoto. Nariyan pa rin ang mga iyon. It seems like, they are not going away soon. Mas lumaki pa nga at medyo kumalat. Siguro dahil sa pa compress niya.

"Lagi na lang nakikita. Parang gusto mo yatang ipakita sa mga empleyado mo?" Nagtaas ako ng kilay at ngumisi.

He tilted his head in return of my teasing. "Kung hindi ko lang ka-meeting ang Papa mo, Sky, wala naman akong pakialam kung makita ito ng mga empleyado."

I was taken abacked at that. "Akala ko ba you want to maintain your integrity?"

His head tilted again. His lips parted as if he wanted to say something but he couldn't. He then pursed it.

"So horny, Royce? Nalimutan mo na ang pa-integrity mo?"

"Well, maybe you should stop teasing me. You're the one whose making me horny..." he said breathily.

"Kasalanan ko pa? At parang ang rupok mo naman, do you get so horny with the teasing?"

He swallowed hard and shook his head. His eyes darkened with the tint of desire. He lowered it and looked at my body.

"I have an important meeting, Sky. Let's just go," labas sa ilong niyang sinabi.

Nagkibit ako nang balikat. "Aalis na naman talaga tayo, Royce. Anong problema?"

Nagmartsa na siya palabas ng condo. Sumunod naman ako at nakangising naglalakad. Tinitingnan ko siya, miserableng nagmamartsa patungong elevator.

"Stop it!" aniya.

"Ano?!" gulat kong tanong dahil wala naman akong ginagawa.

Nagkatinginan kami nang pumasok sa elevator. Nakatingin siya sa repleksyon ko. Pinipigilan kong ngumiti dahil mukhang nahihirapan na siya. Pumikit siya ng mariin at dumilat lang noong nasa parking na kami.

"Stop it!" ulit niya.

"What the hell? What am I doing?!"

We went inside his car. He kissed me thoroughly, ruining my lipstick! I kissed him back. He groaned at that and cursed loudly.

"I have a meeting, Schuyler!"

"Anong problema mo?! Ikaw ang unang nanghalik, ah?!" natatawa kong baling sa kanya. "Nakakainis ka! Ikaw na nga ang sumira sa lipstick ko, tapos magagalit ka sa akin na wala naman akong ginagawa?!"