Kabanata 13

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Gusto kong mang-inis pero hindi ko magawa. I am also guilty of whatever is on my mind.

Can't sleep, Royce? Are you so bothered by me that you still need to let out some steam?

Sarap sanang asarin pero ang confident ko naman, eh, iyon din ang iniisip ko. I am not actively horny or whatsoever. I just didn't want to pretend asleep when I can't. At ayaw ko ring mahalata niya na hindi ako nakatulog agad.

I want to snore the moment I hit the sack. I want him to know that I am really asleep so he won't think I am bothered.

Kaya heto at pareho kaming tahimik at medyo awkward habang nag ji-gym. He's lifting while I'm running on the treadmill.

Nililingon ko siya habang tumatakbo rito sa treadmill. Minsan napapansin kong sumusulyap siya sa gitna ng pagli-lift niya. The heck?!

If I don't create a banter now, mauunahan niya ako!

Think, Sky.

Binilisan ko ang pagjo-jogging sa treadmill, frustrated na dahil wala namang naiisip. Kinabahan ako at muntik nang nahulog sa pagtakbo nang nakitang lumapit siya.

"What?!" I said, slightly panicking.

He jerked his head slightly on the other gym equipment.

"Ako naman diyan. Doon ka sa kabila," he said.

"Bakit?" medyo gulantang kong tanong.

"You've been here for thirty minutes. Ayaw mo bang ibang equipment naman?"

And with that I went to the sit up bench. Hindi naman talaga ako sobrang gym rat at hindi gaanong nag li-lift kaya iyon na ang pinatulan ko.

While I was busy doing my sit ups, I saw him setting up the treadmill. Tagaktak na ang pawis niya at kita sa kanyang braso iyon. Naging highlighted ng kaunti ang pagkaka moreno niya dahil sa pagbe-beach mula kahapon. And frankly, I find him hotter than usual!

The heck is wrong with me? Is it the full moon or something?

Mas lalo ko lang pinagbuti ang sit ups ko dahil sa mga naiisip. Maybe I can make 500, huh? Alam kong mahirap minsan hanggang 100 lang ako pero kailangan kong mamatay sa pagod!

It's not helping that I sometimes find him watching me while he's running, kaya napapatingin din ako. The heck is wrong with him? I get nervous everytime I think about it.

Kung mauna na kaya ako sa kuwarto? Paano kung hindi ako makatulog? Maliligo ako ng malamig na tubig at ipipikit ang mga mata, saka siya papasok. Paano kung hindi pa ako tulog?

Teka nga lang, bakit ba takot na takot ako? Just take note, Schuyler, that when you're still awake while you two are in bet, never exchange banters. Lagi kaming nauuwi sa pag-uusap tungkol sa gabing iyon. Baka mamaya ano pang pag-usapan namin!

Umahon ako at sa wakas natauhan.

Sa bigla kong ahon, muntik medyo nagulat siya kaya kamuntik na rin siyang mahulog sa treadmill! Dahil doon, binagalan niya ang takbo ng treadmill at nakasimangot akong tingnan na parang kasalanan ko pang nagulat siya!

Okay, damn it! I can't tease him about it because I'm scared he'll tease me back!

"Mauna na ako sa kuwarto. Inaantok na ako. i'll just shower then sleep."

He sighed and nodded. "Alright. Mauna ka na. Susunod na lang ako. Hindi pa ako inaantok."

Nakatingin siya sa akin, naghihintay ng pang-aasar pero hindi ko nga magawa dahil takot akong gantihan niya!

Dumiretso na ako palabas. Hindi ko alam kung dahil ba sa pag ji-gym namin pero parang ang hirap huminga sa loob ng gym na 'yon!

Nagmadali ako sa pagligo. Iniisip ko na nakakatakot talagang maabutan niya ako na gising pa. I hoped so hard I'm sleepy enough to sleep right now. Sana pala nilangoy ko iyong nakita kong bukana kanina sa scuba diving. Baka malayo iyon at baka napagod sana ako!

Mabuti na lang at wala pa naman siya pagkatapos kaya humiga na ako sa kama.

Malaki ang kama. We can sleep here without touching. Kahit pa gumalaw kami buong gabi.

Bigla kong naisip ang condo niya. Damn it! I know he's already very successful in this field but should I expect a bed as big as this? For someone whose been alone for years, maybe his bed is just enough?

Pero nagdadala yata siya ng babae. Nasa kama na ako nang naisip iyon. Naisip ko tuloy si Lavender Soledad.

My goodness, Schuyler! This is not the time to think about that! The hell I care whoever that lawyer is.

May bumubulong sa isipan ko na ang galing naman talaga pumili ni Royce, ah? Lawyer pa. He must like intelligent girls and here he is stuck with a bratty princess!

Matalino rin naman ako no! Wala nga lang naabot na title, pagiging Rockwell lang. But that's because I was lucky enough to be born in this family. Damn it! I said this is not the time to think about this!

Pinikit ko ang mga mata ko. At nang narinig ko ang pagpasok ni Royce, nanatiling nakapikit ang mga mata ko.

Mabuti na lang at nadinig naman ang dasal ko. Nakatulog ako bago pa man siya lumabas sa bathroom. That was the first thought that crossed my mind the moment I woke up the next day.

Dahil doon, nagawa ko pang mangiti. Nababanaag ko na ang umaga sa likod ng kurtina kaya panatag na ako. Finally, I got through that hell of a night.

Royce suddenly barged in. All this time I thought he's beside me! Tapos laking gulat ko biglaan siyang pumasok at may dala pang bed table!

Kinusot ko ang mata ko at ngumiti.

"Sarap ng tulog ko."

I could go all out with my banters now but I remember there's another night. Damn it! I need to find a way to make this day productive and tiring.

"I can see that. Breakfast in bed, my wife?" he smirked.

Umahon ako. Nilagay niya ang bed table sa harap ko. I smiled at him with sarcasm.

"Ang aga mong nagising, ah? Can't sleep?"

He smirked more. "Maaga? It's already seven in the morning."

Napawi ang ngiti ko. Talaga?!

"If that's still early for you, then alright. O baka matagal kang nakatulog?"

Siya pa ang nanunuya ngayon, ha! Ang lakas ng loob!

"Natulog ako ng maaga no! Pagod na pagod ako kagabi kaya hindi ko tinapos ang pag gi-gym."

Nagkibit siya ng balikat. "Alright. Good thing today, we have nothing to do but relax."

Umiling agad ako. "I'd like to check out their shops. Sabi mo puwede."

Kumunot ang noo niya. "Akala ko ba ayaw mong magshopping?"

"I changed my mind so I will!"

He sighed and nodded afterwards. Tumingin na siya sa pagkain namin. "But we'll do it after breakfast. I want to relax later before going home tomorrow."

Ngumisi ako at tumango. "Ako rin naman kaya sige."

We spent the whole morning checking out the shops. Kung ano ano na lang ang binili ko, mga remembrance na figurine para sa amin. Tapos naisip ko rin para sa "condo namin" ni Royce.

We also decided to eat at their restaurant, imbes sa villa. Tinanong pa kami kung bakit tatlong araw lang ang honeymoon. Sinagot naman ni Royce na maraming iniwang trabaho pero ang totoo, pang front lang naman ito kaya hindi na kailangan ng ilang linggo.

It was past two when we went home. I was exhausted from all the walking. Madalas ko pa siyang hilahin para mapagod nga ako and it was successful.

Nasa tabi kami ng pool pagkatapos mag swimming. Naka higa ako sa lounge samantalang abala siya sa pagbabasa. Hinihila ako ng antok. Lalo ba dahil hinihele ako ng hangin at magandang tugtog.

Sa huli, umahon ako. Napabaling siya sa akin at masama akong tiningnan.

"What's with you?" he asked because of my sudden move.

Hindi ako puwedeng antukin at matulog! Ire-reserve ko ang tulog ko mamayang gabi! Tingnan mo 'tong mokong na 'to at parang walang problema!

"Ang sakit ng katawan ko, maybe I should request for a spa," I said trying to dodge his question.

Umiling siya at bumaling na naman sa binabasa. "Alright. We'll have our spa later. Before our dinner, I'm gonna use the gym. How about you?"

Medyo lumakas ang loob ko dahil naisipang magpa spa, bukod pa sa antok na ngayon, at pagod pa, siguradong sigurado akong makakatulog ako!

I smiled and leaned on the small table. Nagtaas siya ng kilay, nararamdaman na naman ang mga kababalaghang naiisip ko pero nagpatuloy pa rin siya nagbabasa.

"Letting out steam, Royce?"

"What? Because I'll go to the gym? Shut up, Schuyler."

"Nakadalawang araw ka nang pabalik balik sa gym, ah? Hindi ba kaya ng swimming lang?" I laughed.

"How about you, you went to the gym last night. Were you scared you can't sleep if you won't?"

"Huh? I just want nice pictures today. Kaya nagpaganda ng katawan kahapon."

"You haven't taken a single picture the whole day, Sky."

Nakangiti ako pero matindi na ang tikom ng ngipin ko sa biglaang iritasyon sa kanya.

"Ngayon pa lang, Royce. Hinihintay kong mag sun set at blue hour para maganda ang kuha."

He snorted. "I'll be your photographer then?"

"Akala ko ba mag gi-gym ka?"

"After your photoshoot, of course."

"Okay deal then."

That was why after swimming again on the ocean and taking nice underwater pictures, bumalik na ako sa kuwarto at naghanda para sa photoshoot namin. I am so happy that that day turned out so packed. Even without the massage, I'd doze off to sleep the moment I reach the bed.

We had a photoshoot. He was very patient and his shots were the best. Maliligo na ako sa bathroom nang nag gym siya. Nakangisi ako at tinutukso siya habang nagbibihis ng pang gym samantalang umiiling siya sa akin.

After the shower, I went to the gazebo. Siya naman yata ang nagshower at doon na ako sa gazebo naghintay sa kanya at nagmuni muni.

How funny that we're in this honeymoon while we both try not to touch each other. Naisip ko bigla si Mama at Papa. They know that this is arranged marriage, right? And they want me to divorce Royce after all my scandal fades.

I wonder if they also had it in their mind that we might... do it while in this pseudorelationship?

Umirap ako at naisip na sa pagiging liberated ko, at sa dami kong eskandalo, I think my parents already concluded that I wasn't modest. Not that I expect them to think about my sexual activities, that is. That's cringey.

Kumain na kami ni Royce. Our topic was about the whole resort. Sinabi niya na may mga gusto siyang i-apply sa resorts naman sa Pilipinas. I also shared my thoughts about it so overall, it was a healthy conversation.

Nagpa spa na kami kaya pagkatapos noon, tulog na kaagad ako sa kama. Hindi ko alam sa kanya pero ako, masarapn nang nananaginip.

Why am I so bothered? It's not like I'm gonna rape him if i cant sleep. Anong problema ko kung hindi makatulog kaagad?

Iyon ang unang inisip ko pagkagising. Kasi iniisip ko na naman ang pag-uwi namin at ang paglipat ko sa condo niya! I shouldn't be scared if I can't sleep. I can't anticipate the nights everyday just because of my dark thoughts. At isa pa, ano ang pinaka ikinakatakot ko? Na hindi ko makayanan at kausapin ko siya hanggang sa mag-away kami? Edi maganda! Makakatulog na ako pagkatapos naming mag-away.

I didn't know that our flight back is going to be in a larger and more expensive plane. It also has no stop kaya tuloy tuloy na ang biyahe.

"Bakit tayo nag connecting papunta roon?" I asked.

"There was no plane like this available that day so..."

I nodded.

Nasa first class kami ng plane na iyon at sa center isle. Apparently, the window seats were for solo travelers. I've been in this same plane but I was always on the window seat, even with my parents. Ngayon lang ako nandito sa center aisle at doon ko lang din nalaman ang kaibang amenities doon.

I listened to the automated explanation in front of me. It's different for the center aisle. It is especially for couples. When you dine, the partition can be removed to give way to a table to feel a date kind of vibe.

Hindi pa naman kami kakain at hindi pa nag ti-take off pero tinanggal na ng flight attendant ang partition. I was about to protest but I was so amazed by the furniture. It looked like a transformer. At si Royce naman, mukha ring ayaw mangyari iyon pero nasagot niya na kasi nang tinanong kung mag-asawa ba kami.

Too late.

We were given champagne at the flight before and after the take off. Royce was busy with his phone now, looking at my pictures. Iyon kasi ang ginamit niya kahapon sa pagkuha ng pictures ko dahil nag low bat ako kalaunan sa photoshoot.

"Pretty, right?"

He looked at me, annoyed. Hindi sumagot at nagpatuloy sa pagswipe sa mga pictures.

I leaned closer. "Lagi akong nauunang matulog, Royce. Ikaw ba, nakakatulog kaagad?"

I purposely pointed at his eyes.

"Shut up, Schuyler. Why don't you just sleep if you want."

I won't! At baka gising ako mamayang gabi! Here I( go again with those thoughts!

"Hindi na kailangan. Kumpleto naman ang tulog ko. Ikaw? Nakatulog ka ba agad kagabi? Hindi ka pa nakakahiga sa tabi ko, nakakatulog na ako. Malay ko kung pumasok ka na pala sa bathroom at doon na nagpalipas ng sama ng loob-"

"What do you mean by that?" he sounded annoyed.

Ngumisi ako. I feel pleasure everytime I make him mad. Madrama kong tinutop ang labi ko.

"Opps."

His lips twisted. Nagtaas siya ng kilay, annoyance evident on his eyes. "Maybe you tire yourself so much or relax on the spa because you're scared you can't sleep? Is that your problem, Sky? Kaya bukambibig mo?"

Natawa ako dahil medyo tinamaan. Ang mokong na 'to, napaahon ako. I saw how his eyes kinda drifted on my chest. Got you, Royce!

"Anong sinisilip mo ngayon, kung ganoon!" dahil naka loose sleeveles shirt lang ako at kita ang side boob ko.

He laughed a bit. "You really think I didn't notice how hard you're trying hard to sleep early at night-"

"And you didn't? May pa gym ka pang nalalaman-"

"Inaamin mo nga, kung ganoon? That you did your best to sleep early?" He laughed insultingly at me. "Come on, you don't have to! It's not like I'm gonna rape you if I was horny, Schuyler. Kaya kong magpigil king ayaw mo!"

The hell?!

"Are you fucking scared because you can't?! You can't help it if you're the one who's horny?"

"Oh my goodness! At ako na ngayon ang gagapangin ka, ganoon?!"

His jaw moved repeatedly and he tried to avoid me. I laughed to annoy him kaya lang bumaba ang mata ko sa kandungan niya. My eyes widened. He's wearing a faded jeans but still.

"What's that?!" sabay dakma ko sa nakita.

I immediately confirmed it! Uminit ang pisngi ko at pati na rin ang leeg. Mabilis at marahas niyang tinanggal ang kamay ko sa galit niya.

"What the hell?"

"You've got a hard on, Royce..." madrama na bigo kong sinabi sa kanya, iritado na rin.

Nilingon niya ako, ngayon itim na itim na ang mga mata. Bigla akong kinabahan dahil naramdaman kong may panama siya ngayon.

"How about you? Maybe you're horny, too? Why would you fucking put your hand on mine, Sky."

Tinawanan ko iyon.

"Aw. So you want to check, Royce?" I said remembering our wedding day conversation.

I saw how he conceded. Ayaw niya! Hindi niya gagawin kaya mas lalong lumakas ang loob ko. I was also wearing faded jeans. To prove a point, I opened the button and even opened the zipper.

"Here, Royce. Check it out?" I giggled.

Halatang hindi niya gagawin. Nagkatinginan kaming dalawa. Habang galit na galit siya, nakangisi naman ako para mang-inis.

I was about to close the zipper when his hand flew on my jeans! Magpoprotesta sana ako pero ayaw kong magpatalo gayong ako ang nagsimula ng away na ito!

"Go ahead!" I encouraged him even when I'm slightly chickening out.

Damn it! Without ado, he inserted his damn hand on mine. At dahil medyo fit ang pants ko, mas madiin iyon sa panty ko! Hindi ko naman inasahan na ganoon ang mararamdaman ko.

"See?!" I said when I was so sure that I wasn't damn wet!

Damn it! His head tilted, his eyes were like that of a storm. Ilang sandali akong natahimik habang ang daliri niya naroon, naghahanap. I was about to repeat my words but...

"Hmm. I'm not sure, let me see," aniya at walang kahirap hirap na hinawi ang telang nasa gitna ko at ng daliri niya.

"Royce!" sabi ko sabay hawak a braso niya.

And when his finger dipped a bit on my fold, I almost shivered visibly. My lips parted and I closed my eyes. My hand is holding his forearm more tightly, as if holding on for my dear sanity.