Wednesday was the first day that Ishaana opened her books to begin revision for her exams, now exactly one week away, battling off the cramps that were beginning to ease up two days after her abortion. The nausea had vanished instantly, no trace of it when she had woken up the following morning, and it had been a strange sensation to eat again without the fear that any moment now, she would bring it all up again. She had taken it easy yesterday, but today she was splashing out: Melody had offered to cook, to celebrate Ishaana's ability to eat for enjoyment, not just in the hopes that something would nourish her.

Politics was boring her now, her mind going numb after hours of trawling through her notes and rewriting the ones that mattered. For each of her two exams, she would have to write two essays based on two topics from the module. The lecturers had let it slip that there would be a question for every topic: she only had four to revise, choosing her favourite two from each module. That was done, an A4 sheet of paper for each of the topics she had selected on which she had tried to condense her notes. For good measure, she had even selected a few relevant quotes for each one, highlighting them at the top of the page.

And that was plenty for today. That was more than she had done for her revision at any point last year, when she had scanned through the lecture notes and hoped she would remember it when it mattered. Determined not to let the past couple of weeks have an effect on her exams, she vowed to work harder than before to make up for the rollercoaster of a year, and she still had a full week to prove herself. After that, it would be out of her hands, and she would have the whole summer to enjoy herself before her third and final year.

A summer to relax. That was what she focused on as she packed away her books for the day. She had no plans, no obligations, except to see her sister and spend some time with her. Maybe even take her away somewhere. Priya wasn't due to break up until the end of July, and Ishaana wondered if that would give her enough time to find a little summer work, maybe earn enough money to take her sister somewhere. And Saffiya too, if she wanted, though she probably had plans with her friends.

As she zipped up her pencil case, stuffing it so full with pens that it would barely close, she almost missed the faint knock on the door that couldn't possible have belonged to Melody: she knocked with confidence, loud and firm, but the knock that Ishaana heard was meek and mild, quiet knuckles tapping against the wood so lightly that the sound only just carried through to the other side of the door.

"Come in," she said as she sat, pulling her hot water bottle onto her lap. She had lain on top of it as she had worked in the position she had found to be the most comfortable, warming her stomach as she battled through the last of the side effects. The door creaked open and Pearl ducked her head into the room, a gentle smile on her bare lips.

"Hey," she said, her voice quiet. Pearl was incapable of being loud, struggling to lift her voice enough to carry across the kitchen. "I'm not interrupting, am I?"

"Nope," Ishaana said, shaking her head. "I'm done for today. You ok?"

Pearl nodded and stepped into the room, letting the door ease itself shut behind her. "Yeah," she said. "I just wanted to talk. Nothing serious, or anything. It's just that I haven't really seen you the past couple of days and I miss you, Ishy." Her voice dropped even quieter as she padded over to the bed and sat down beside Ishaana, moving a jumper that she then held on her lap, fiddling with the sleeve. "I'm really sorry that I upset you. I know it was a couple of weeks ago but I've been so busy revising that I've hardly seen you and it absolutely kills me."

"Hey, Pea, it's ok," Ishaana said, smiling at her and putting her arm around her friend's shoulders. Resting her temple against Pearl's, she kissed her cheek and squeezed her shoulder. "I'm not going to stop being your friend just because we have different opinions. And I said stuff I shouldn't have said too. I still love you, and I'm sorry."

Pearl smiled, wrapping both of her arms around Ishaana in a tight hug with her head beneath her chin, and Ishaana smiled. Her anger towards Pearl had been fleeting, a rush of energy that had diverted itself towards the first target, and that just happened to have been Pearl. Harmless Pearl whose words had never been meant as anything but her way of helping. She couldn't bear to swat a fly, let alone say something that she thought would hurt her friend. Not on purpose anyway.

"I love you too," she said. "And I'm glad you're ok, and you're feeling better."

"Much better," Ishaana said. "And even better now. Please don't feel bad, Pea. Tensions were running pretty high that day. I don't blame you."

"Thanks," she murmured.

"I was just about to come downstairs, actually. Might put a film on before supper." She checked the time on her phone: ten past six. Perfect. "Mel said she wants to eat at eightish, right?"

"Mmhmm."

"Want to watch a film?"

"I wish," Pearl said with a sigh, "but I have an exam tomorrow so I want to go over everything tonight. But I'll be down at eight. I'll be sick of working by then. Maybe we could put something on when we eat?"

Ishaana smiled. "Absolutely," she said, and when she stood, she hugged Pearl again. "Good luck, Pea."

"Thanks, Ishy. See you later," she said as she left. Ishaana wasn't far behind her, changing into even more comfortable clothes to head downstairs. She switched out her leggings for a pair of woolly pyjama bottoms, pulling on a thin cotton t-shirt beneath her thick dressing down that she tied in a bow before skidding into her slippers. That had become her go-to look whenever she was at home, changing as soon as she got back from a day at university when she wanted nothing more than to be comfortable and cosy in her own house.

Melody was downstairs, singing along to a playlist of songs from musicals as she chopped an onion on a green chopping board. To one side was a bowl of ingredients she had already cut up while on the other side was a line of vegetables waiting to fall victim to her knife. She was quick with the blade, expertly slicing the onion fast enough that there was no time for the juice to make her cry.

"Hey!" she called out over the music when she heard Ishaana come through the door, and she wiped her hand on a tea towel before reaching out for her phone to turn down the volume. "How's it going?"

"Pretty good," Ishaana said, holding her hot water bottle by the neck. She headed to the sink to unscrew the cap and tip the cooled water down the drain, and Melody passed her the kettle before she had to ask. Filling it up, she put it on to boil and opened the drawer that simultaneously housed all sorts of kitchen utensils as well as an array of plasters and painkillers. Popping two paracetamol out of the blister pack, she swallowed them down with a swig of water.

"Work? Or your cramps?"

"Work's going well," she said with a nod, feeling fairly settled about the exams that she couldn't wait to get out of the way, to be free of work for the next three months. "I could do without the cramps, but it's better than the vomiting, and the internet assures me that I'll be all clear by the end of the weekend."

"And hyper fertile," Melody added with a warning glance, pointing the knife at Ishaana before circling it in the air around her crotch. "Keep her on a short lead, ok? We don't want a repeat of this week anytime soon."

Ishaana let out a chuckle and patted her stomach, filling her hot water bottle when the kettle boiled and clicked off. "Trust me, I don't want to be anywhere near a penis for a while. My libido has taken a nosedive, don't worry. I keep reading all these warnings saying do not have sex after an abortion and I'm like, why would I want to?" She chuckled and shook her head, undoing her dressing gown to retie it around her hot water bottle, holding it against her stomach.

"Good," Melody said, and she grinned. "I'm so glad you're ok, Ishy." Scooping the diced onion into the mixing bowl, she set to work on a yellow bell pepper, chopping off the top and scooping out each seed before she slices it into long, thin segments. "I'm gonna do a coconut prawn curry, if that's ok?"

"God, that sounds perfect," Ishaana said with an appreciative groan. "Can I do anything?"

"You can sit down," Melody said. "You're supposed to relax."

"For, like, a day," she said, and she rolled her eyes. "I've hardly moved for two weeks, Mel. I've done enough relaxing for everyone."

"Really, Ishy, you don't need to do anything. I'm just getting this all ready so I can put it on later. It's a super simple meal. You can enjoy it when it's cooked, and you can tell me how delicious it is and how I'm the most amazing chef and the best person in the world."

"I can tell you that anyway," Ishaana said, and she sidled over to Melody, slinging her arm around her shoulders. "You're an amazing chef, Mel, and you're my best friend, and I don't know what I'd do without you." She sighed, her shoulders sinking. "I really don't. And I know soppiness doesn't suit me and I know you you're terrible at taking compliments even when you ask for them, but I can't express how incredible you've been through all this. Through everything."

"It's my pleasure," Melody said, smiling as she set to work on a long, sweet red pepper.

"You always say that. But it can't be true," Ishaana said. "It's not easy for you. I make your life a hell of a lot harder but you're always here to give me a place to stay or a hand to hold or to help me book a doctor's appointment. You're so important, and I hate that I don't have the words to express how much you mean to me, Mel."

"Hey," Melody said, abandoning the pepper for a moment. "Ishy, that's what best friends do. They help each other even when it hurts. I know that if I was going through what you've gone through, you'd be right there for me. You always are. You don't need to prove yourself to me. I know how incredible you are, and I love you so fucking much, even when you're all gross and sicky." She hugged herself, her frown not matching the words she said. "You might not even realise it, but you're always here for me."

Ishaana didn't have a response. No matter what Melody said, she felt like she needed to prove herself. Not just to her; to everyone. She wanted to show Priya that she could be a good sister, to show Saffiya that she could be a cousin, to show her friends that she was worth sticking around for. But when she was the one with all the problems, she wasn't sure why they bothered.

"You know something I've realised?" Melody tilted her head to one side, and Ishaana mirrored her.

"What?"

"Every time we're watching the news," she began, "and they mention Afghanistan, or the army, or Hellmand Province, every single time, you hold my hand."

"I do?"

Melody grinned, her eyes glistening. "You do. And that just shows a fraction of what an incredible friend you are. You know that it freaks me out, every fucking time, and you know how sick it makes me to know that Mirai's out there, and you let me know that you're here. And you don't even realise it. You mean the fucking world to me, Ishy."

Ishaana felt as though she could cry, fighting the urge with a smile that broke out across her lips as she tucked Melody into her embrace, hugging her so tightly that she choked out a cough.

"Ok, try not to kill me though," Melody said with a laugh. "That's not how to show someone you love them."

"I fucking love you, Mel," Ishaana murmured, pulling away and cradling the hot water bottle agaisnt her stomach. The warmth seeped into her skin, soothing her pain with the help of the tablets she had taken. "Thank you for existing. The world would be a shitty place without you." Then, with a laugh, she straightened her back. "Jesus, I think that's enough emotions to last me a lifetime. I'm so done with being hormonal."

Melody laughed, a beautiful twinkle of a sound, and finished cutting up the pepper. But before she could say anything, there was a knock on the front door. She raised her eyebrows at Ishaana, who stood clueless as to who was on the other side, and she winked.

"Maybe that's lover boy. Maybe he just couldn't wait to see you," she said, a teasing glint in her eyes. Maybe he wants to whisk you away somewhere."

Ishaana looked down at herself, at her comfortable pyjamas, and she laughed. "Then he'll have to come back another day," she joked, if only to entertain Melody's fantasies. "I'm ready for food and a film and a night in with my best friends, if that's not too much to ask."

"Never," Melody said. "Go on, go and get it. I'm not expecting anyone. There's, like, a ninety percent chance it's Bishop. And a ten percent chance that Ossie's come home early to surprise Pearl. But he has exams next week, so I'm gonna bet it's Bishop."

With a chuckle, Ishaana headed over to the door with an easy smile on her lips as she opened it, but her expression turned to stone when she came face to face with Casey. It was a shock to see him standing in front of her when she hadn't seen him since the night they'd had a threesome. In the time since then, six weeks ago, they had spoken only twice. Once when he had video called her, and once when he had finally rung her back. Neither of those calls had been particularly satisfying, and she regarded him with a blank face.

"Ah," she said, her voice flat. "The prodigal son returns." Her hand curled round the door, staring him down. His eyes were dark, his jaw clenched.

"Aren't you gonna invite me in?" he asked, his voice tight. "Bet if I was Bishop I'd have a fucking cup of tea in my hand by now." He was seething, his nails biting his palms, but Ishaana stood fast.

"Maybe because Bishop actually answers when I call him," she said, holding his steely gaze, "and he doesn't turn up looking like he wants to kill me." When she moved an inch, Casey stepped into the house before she asked him in, and she scowled at his back. "What d'you want, Casey? Because you made it pretty clear the other day that this is over, and that's fine by me. Why're you here?"

He stormed into the sitting room before he turned around to face Ishaana. Over his shoulder, Melody had stopped cooking to watch with a beady eye, holding her phone at an angle. Ishaana knew what that meant, and her eyes didn't linger for long enough to give it away. It was only now that Casey was inside that he let loose, not seeming to care that Melody was right there, not so much as a cursory glance towards her.

"You had no fucking right to fuck everything up," he yelled at Ishaana. She raised her eyebrows at his sudden change of volume as he paced around the room. "Everything's gone to shit, and it's all your fucking fault. This, this was supposed to be just sex. It was just fucking. Where the fuck do you think you get off ruining everything when you don't even give a shit?"

Ishaana sighed, which seemed to only irritate him more. She folded her arms, her hip jutting out. "I don't know what you're talking about," she said, her voice low and measured. "A hello would have been nice, by the way. Perhaps a how are you, you know, considering I had an abortion two days ago. It'd be nice if you acknowledged that."

"You never should have got pregnant in the first place," he snapped, running his hands through his hair, and Ishaana had to pause for a moment to gather herself, refusing to stoop to his level.

"Well, I'm not anymore," she said. "You haven't answered my question. Why're you here?"

"Because you've ruined everything!" he cried out. "We were going to go to Australia. And then we were gonna go back to the states. But you stuck your nose in where it doesn't belong and now everything's fucked up. Bishop quit the band. You probably know that already. He probably told you first, didn't he?"

She hadn't known that. She had hoped it, but she hadn't known, and she fought the smile from creeping onto her lips when that would only fuel Casey's rage. As much as she wanted to see him in anguish, she didn't want things to get dangerous. Not with Melody there too.

"I didn't know," she said, "but I'm not surprised."

"We were going to be big," he said, his teeth clenched, "and now we're nothing. All because of you."

"No," she said, "it's because of you. It's not my fault that you're a selfish prick who doesn't care about anyone but himself. You fell out with Bishop in America because he's actually a decent human being and you stopped talking to me: you're childish, Casey. As far as I'm concerned, it was just sex. With you, anyway."

His expression darkened even more, standing just a foot away from Ishaana. "Have you guys fucked?" he asked, his voice tight. She held his stare.

"Yes," she said. "You know we have. You were there."

He narrowed his eyes even more. "Have you fucked since then?"

"Why d'you care?" She shrugged one shoulder, playing him like a cat taunting a mouse. It was too tempting to resist, unable to fight off the urge to mess with him. "You said it yourself: no strings attached. I don't care who you fuck. You don't care who I fuck."

"I care when you fuck me over," he hissed. "Bishop's my friend, not yours. You came between us and I don't know what the fuck you said but he's always fucking defending you like you guys are best fucking friends. You need to stop it, Ishy. You need to back the fuck down and stay where you belong."

She bit back her anger, reigning herself in to stop herself from flying off the handle. Gripping her elbows, she shifted her weight onto her other hip and focused on staying calm. "Where do I belong, huh?"

"Right here," he said. "Nowhere near me, and nowhere near Bishop, and nowhere near my band."

"I thought you said Bishop quit," she said drily. "Can't be much of a band if you're the only one, can it?"

Casey scoffed, throwing back his head with a short laugh before he turned his bitter eyes back to Ishaana, his stare as hard as steel cutting through her skin. "He'll come back when he realises you're just a manipulative piece of shit. Did you think I'd want something more when you told me you were pregnant? Did you think I'd just drop everything to come and be with you or something?"

"No," she said. "I wouldn't have kept it, even if you'd wanted it. I just thought it would be the right thing to do, to let you know. I'd certainly want to know if I got someone pregnant. Then again, I actually have a shred of humanity. Clearly, you don't. Else you'd realise that everything you're saying to me is what you should really be saying to yourself. This is your fault, Casey. Nobody else's. It's not mine, and it's not Bishops, nor is it anyone else's who you think you can lay the blame on." She stood her ground, squaring her shoulders even when he inched closer.

"Are you fucking kidding me? Why would I ruin my own band? Why would I throw away everything I've worked for? I wouldn't. Especially not for you."

"You already did," she said. "You're acting like this is all down to me, but that's just how it is in your head. You've got me in your head, even when you think you haven't. I haven't done a fucking thing, Casey. You're inventing whatever problem it is you think I've become. I don't blame Bishop for quitting the band: he deserves better than you. You use him like I bet you use everybody, because he's a nice guy and you're not. And there's the problem." She took a deep breath, watching him as she spoke. "You're just not a nice guy. You're self-entitled. You think the world revolves around you just because you're the protagonist in your story, but d'you know what?"

He stared at her, but he said nothing in the second for which she paused.

"I'm the protagonist in mine. And Bishop's the protagonist in his. We're all the main character, Casey, but you can't go around acting like you're the lead role in everybody's story because you're not." She spoke slowly, measuring out each word before she spoke it in a cool, collected tone. "You're the antagonist. You're a side character. You're just some shitty extra with a bit part and no-one will even notice when you leave. So fuck off."

That was the last straw for Casey, his rage building up, and Ishaana could have sworn she felt the air move in the fraction of the second it took for him to lean back and raise his hand. Time stopped for a moment, her breath seized in her lungs as his eyes bore into her and she waited for the impact that she knew would be inescapable.

But it never came. Melody darted across the room on quick feet, yanking Casey's arm before he could make contact with Ishaana, and she dragged him away, forcing his hand up behind his back. He wrestled against her, writhing like a fish out of water.

"You fucking stay out of this!" he yelled, his face red. "This is none of your fucking business, you fucking cunt!"

Melody twisted him away from Ishaana, the darkest rage in her eyes as she jerked her knee into his groin, sending him recoiling against the wall. His defences down, she grabbed his arms and pushed him against the wall, her elbow stabbing into his back. "This is my house," she hissed, "so it's my fucking business. I have every right to call the police."

"And say what?" he spat. She laughed.

"Nothing," she said. "Why bother talking when I could just show them the video?" She smiled at him, his cheek pressed against the wall. Although she was short and slight, she seemed to have no problem pinning him in place, leaning close as she talked. "If that video gets out, you're ruined. And it's all your own doing. You came into our house and you threatened us, and you intimidated us, and for what? What good can possibly come out of this?"

"Fuck you," he spat. Melody didn't move. Ishaana stepped back, her hand curling around the phone that her friend had dropped. Her heart was pounding so hard that she thought she might pass out, rubbing the heel over her palm as she watched Melody, utterly speechless.

"You're going to leave," Melody said, "and you're never going to come back. You're not going to call; you're not going to come over. You're not even going to think about Ishy. If I so much as hear from you, that video will be all over the internet. It will do way more damage than your deluded mind thinks Ishy ever did. You're a good for nothing piece of shit, and I don't ever want to see you again. Capiche?"

Casey said nothing. She dug her elbow harder into his back.

"Do you fucking understand?"

"I'm going," he said, his voice hard. "I'm going, ok?"

"Damn straight you are. And you'd better watch your back. You never know when this might bite you in the arse." She released him, unpinning his body from the wall, and he left without another word, slamming the door behind him so hard that the house felt as though it was shaking. Ishaana was shaking, her hand clapped over her chest as she struggled for breath.

"Jesus Christ," she said, her voice quivering. "How the fuck did you do that?"

Melody brushed herself down and shrugged. "I used to do martial arts," she said. "You knew that, didn't you?"

Ishaana laughed, a terrified laugh when she didn't know what else to do. "I didn't," she said. "Oh my God. Mel. I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry. Oh my God, that was awful." She covered her face with her hands, her shoulders quivering, and Melody wrapped her arms around her.

"It's ok. We can go to the police, if you want, Ishy. I mean it. I have the whole thing on video. That was unacceptable. Oh my God. He's a fucking shitbag." She rubbed Ishaana's back and pulled away, squeezing her arm. "Are you ok? Ish?"

"I'm fine, I'm fine," she said, "just a bit shaken. Jesus." She took a deep breath, her lungs hitching on the air, and let it out slowly, catching on the lump in her throat. "I'm so sorry. I've fucked up. God, I fucked up, Mel."

"You didn't," she murmured. "He's fucked up. But you know that, and clearly Bishop knows that, and we have enough evidence to make sure everybody knows that." Her voice softened again, switching back to the Melody that Ishaana knew: the soft, comforting Melody. Not the badass who knew martial arts. "Hey, Ishy, it's ok. You're ok, and he's not going to be coming back here. Any time you want, we can go to the police. I doubt he'll come back, but if you want to be sure."

Ishaana shook her head, too conflicted to even think about that right now. Her head was a mess, thoughts jumbling over themselves like somersaulting gymnasts crashing into each other on the mat. "No," she said. "No, I don't think so." She hugged herself, shrinking into her dressing gown. "Fuck. Sorry. My head's exploding right now."

"Sit down," Melody said, always able to remain calm in the midst of a storm. "He's gone. And Bishop's left the band. Casey's on his own now, like he should be. He's not going to come back, because he has the most enormous ego. He doesn't want that video getting out."

"I don't want it getting out," Ishaana said, shaking her head. "Christ, Mel, how are you so calm? He could've hurt you. He was going to hurt me."

"I could've hurt him a lot worse," she said, and she smiled. "That's what I'm here for, Ishy. We can add that to the list of things I'll do for you: I'll make your appointments and give you a place to stay, and stop fucked-up singers from attacking you. All in a day's work." She laughed, and Ishaana tried to smile, but it was hard.

A thump from upstairs was followed by several more, until Pearl appeared in the doorway, holding onto the door frame as she stared at the two of them with the most enormous eyes, her eyebrows shooting up her forehead. Her cheeks were pale, her stare wild, and her mouth hung open.

"What the fuck was all that?"

"It was a good riddance," Ishaana said, and she stood to pour herself a glass of water, if only to give her hands something to do, and to cool her burning throat. She clutched the glass, the cold water a relief against her palm, and she took several deep breaths to calm her throbbing heart.

"What?" Pearl asked, her eyebrows pulling together.

"It was Casey," she said. "He was here, he yelled, and now he's gone. For good." She refilled the glass, finishing it in a few long, thirsty gulps. Filling her lungs, she let out a shaky sigh and dragged herself back to the sofa, weakened by the fear that coursed through her now that the adrenaline had worn off. He had had a burning in his eyes, a flame of hatred that she had never seen up close before, and it had penetrated to her core. Only now did she feel its full force, looking through her retrospectoscope at the situation that would linger on her mind for too long.

"Oh, God," Pearl said, covering her mouth. "Ishy, are you ok?"

"I'm fine," she said, and she smiled up at her friend, though her lips were unconvincing, pulled tight into a smile that even she didn't believe. "I'll be fine."

Melody moved across the sofa to pull her into a hug, holding her tight and swaying her for a moment as though she was a child. "You know the best thing right now?"

"What?" Ishaana looked up. She could think of a lot of better things right now, one of them being an alternative universe in which she had never met Casey, one where she had never gone to the concert, to the bar, to his room. But she had. That was stitched into the fabric of history.

"A film with your friends, and some food. The perfect recipe for distraction. Yeah?"

Ishaana nodded, flopping back against the sofa, and she covered her face with her arm. "Next time the doorbell rings, don't open it," she said with a tired laugh, and Melody chuckled.

"What if it's Bishop?" she asked, and Ishaana paused for a moment.

"Then let him in."

+ - + - +

well, that just happened. hope you liked the chapter! day one of nano is officially done, with a wordcount of just over 10,000. not too bad a start! also i think this is my first chapter without a scene divider wow. enjoy!